Chapter 77- Theras Perspective

“I’m sorry aunt Vivi. I’ll try harder.” Thera said, hanging onto the inside of sleeves for a cloak far too big for her. Usually, she was unhappy to have been given something so large just so she would be able to grow into it, but at the present she was grateful, it helped hide the tears that had begun forming in her eyes.

“Don’t be sorry, just do better. We need all the warriors we can get, you need to improve.” Her aunt Vividus, the great life spirit, spoke down to her with a voice filled with disappointment. “The fact you haven’t gained a single level in the years since I’ve seen you just goes to show you haven’t tried hard enough.”

She wanted to argue, hours out of every day she was out there, trying her hardest to use her earth magic, but that wouldn’t matter to her aunt, only results did. Instead, she stayed silent and took it until she was told to try again.

She did as she’d been instructed a thousand times. She felt the mana within her and moved it to her will. That alone felt difficult. Her mana felt too thick to be moved, it was like fighting against an ocean of sludge, and when she tried to explain it to any of the teachers her mom had gotten her none of them understood, they all thought it was in her head or that she was making it up as an excuse for her failings.

She hated all of them for it. For not even trying to understand what she was fighting against just to try and make her magic work, but she could never say it. Even if she hated them she needed help if she was ever going to succeed.

Once she finally got her magic moving she went on to the next step, forcing it out of her to act on the world around her, and here, as always, she failed. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she pushed, she couldn’t make it leave her body, and nobody could tell her how she was failing. Well that wasn’t entirely true. Every single teacher she’d been with had some sort of idea or theory where she was going wrong, but the ones with ideas never suggested anything that worked, and she downright despised the ones that would say they had theories. Any that had a theory was likely to view her as a failed experiment that needed to be studied so that future ones could be a success. Just like-

“Are you even trying?” Vividus asked in exasperation. “You’re barely moving your mana, and it’s not like there’s anything holding it back, gods know your charm doesn’t have any issues leaking out.”

She didn’t need to hear that again, Vivdus was right, only gods could know how long she had spent praying to Anailia or any other that might be listening to reverse her situation. Let her charm be locked within her, trapped forever, and the earth magic to come out unending. Her life would be infinitely better. Unfortunately the gods or fate or whatever decided these things felt horribly unkind.

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Thera jumped with a start and looked around. She was sure she just heard someone, but it was just her and her aunt in the training yard.

“Did you hear that?” She asked Vividus.

“What child?” She said, looking annoyed. Well as annoyed as a void of white could look. Deciphering some of the great spirits’ emotions was never easy, but Thera felt she had more than enough practice with their negative ones to get it right.

Of course, she couldn’t say what she had actually just heard. Her mother wouldn’t like her using that kind of language, and she certainly knew who it was being addressed to. Telling the person in question wouldn’t do her any favours, so instead she muttered that she must have misheard.

Her aunt said something about making things up and avoiding training, and she got back to practice before things could get too bad. After another hour of it her mother came out to get her.

“How did that all go?” Pelenia asked with a forced smile, caring for Vividus only slightly more than her daughter did.

“Terrible. It’s shocking that Abrus’s child could have such a poor understanding of her element. For the life of me, I wouldn’t believe such a thing could be possible if I wasn’t forced to witness it.”

The voice again. She looked around but she was still the only one who noticed it.

“Nobody is forcing you to see anything.” The queen said, letting the smile fall from her face. “You wanted to see if you could try from an angle that others missed, but it seems like she’s just going over the same things as always.”

“Hmmph. She needs more practice if she can’t do it. Honestly, her other lessons are a distraction from getting her to actually accomplish this. At the very least she should come back after and continue.”

“Viv, she’s six. I know you don’t have any idea about raising children but it will be late after that, she’ll need to sleep.”

“Pff, you mortals. How do you all get away with wasting a third of the day like that every day? It isn’t even a sure thing she truly needs it. Let her go a week without so we can see how strong her heritage really is.”

“Absolutely not.” She picked Thera up and started walking away. “You can practice with her more tomorrow if she’s up to it, for now she has dance lessons.”

Her dance lessons went as well as they ever did. She was training in dances that could be done alone for the same reason no other students were around. She couldn’t be trusted to get too close to any of them. Her instructor already had to be replaced once after an incident where her cloak came loose, exposing them to her charm and refusing to be near her when they returned to their right mind.

The new one was good at their job at least and had been professional enough, though still kept a safe distance when giving their lessons, but despite all that it was still one of Thera’s favourite parts of the day. Dancing was something she was actually good at unlike her magics, and she was already at level 1 even without putting in the same amount of effort she had for her magic.

If there was one thing she didn’t know how to deal with though, it was the mysterious voice showing up again, only this time instead of scolding the people around them, they were doing something only her parents, as well as auntie Sonya and uncle Falk ever seemed to do. It was cheering her on.

On and on it went, occasionally cutting in and out, but the entire time encouraging. She tried her best to ignore it but could feel a blush forming under her cloak. She wasn’t used to that much positive attention, even if it was just a voice in her head, but it made her happy.

Quiet enough that her instructor wouldn’t say anything, she muttered and hoped the voice would hear. “I’ll dance more tomorrow if you’ll watch.”

It cut out again, as it seemed to every time it tried to ask her something. At this point she’d grown used to it. She’d heard before that other kids would make imaginary friends, maybe she had? Something about the whole thing seemed a bit different from what she had expected, but she didn’t question it much. It was nice, it left her feeling less lonely.

After her lesson she was tired out and her mom went to bring her up to her room, as she always did at the end of her day, though tonight she seemed different.

“Do you enjoy dancing Thera?” Her mom asked, already full well knowing the answer.

“Mhm, it’s lots of fun!”

“That’s great,” Pelenia said with a smile. “So there’s something I want you to think about, okay? You know pretty soon it will be time for you to think about selecting your job, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I can’t wait!” It would vary by nation and race, but for succubi it was typical for them to select their first job around age seven after having a chance to gain A few skills and begin to figure out what sort of direction they want to go in life. While there was no harm in starting earlier since the jobs could be changed if need be, many people felt that not completing them would be a waste as they would lose the bonuses that would come with it if the job wasn’t properly finished. Not to mention the fact that deciding what skills and attributes to work on enhancing was still a pretty big choice, one they didn’t want children making without at least having an understanding of what that choice meant.

For Thera though it meant being able to become an apprentice mage, and finally being able to get bonuses to her earth magic. Unfortunately, her charm would receive bonuses too, but she never actively tried to raise its level so it shouldn’t be any problem for her as long as she kept on doing what she was doing.

Pelenia though had other ideas. “I know you have your heart set on becoming an apprentice mage for your first one, but what would you think of being a beginner dancer instead? Your skill level should allow it and then you could have a lot of fun all the time.”

She felt herself freeze. Why would she do that? Her mom knew she wanted to be an apprentice mage since she’d learned about it. She’d even begged her to let her take the job early numerous times, though it never worked out for her, why would she give up her dream?

Still, she wasn’t great at arguing against whatever her mother wanted. “But why? I’ve worked so hard on my magic this entire time.”

“I know hun, but you aren’t happy with it, are you? If you become a dancer then you’ll be able to perform for audiences and have them cheer you on. Besides look at how well you’ve been doing with your dancing, getting the job would help you do even better.”

She didn’t like it. She’d worked so hard all this time to become a mage, she didn’t want to throw it away, but she couldn’t deny what her mom said. It didn’t make her happy. How could it? Failure after failure for years was eating at her, and her magic showed no sign of improving. The thought of other people cheering her on did sound nice, especially after seeing what that was like today. Maybe she would be able to make some friends finally if people liked her dancing enough. Maybe other kids would want to play with her, or she could get the chance to practice with other people for a change. She had always wanted to do her people’s traditional dance, but it wasn’t something that could be done alone.

The voice was right. Even if she didn’t enjoy her constant failures, she wanted to succeed. She was sure that one day when she did it would all be worth it, but who knew how long it would take that day to come.

Her mom could see her hesitating and leaned down to give her a kiss on her head.

“You don’t need to choose immediately hun, there’s still a while until you need to decide, just promise me you’ll think about it, okay?”

She gave a small nod. “I promise mom.”

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