Ch 147: Why is there so much mud on the ground?

“Now, raise your weapons! It’s time to show who’s superior here!”

“OOOHHH!!!!”

The speech may have lasted several minutes, but in return, the morale of the members has gone up several notches compared to when they arrived. It is estimated that they will give their all in this war regardless of whether or not they belong to this guild.

With loud shouts from the audience, Fabio steps down from the podium and climbs onto his horse.

A simple gesture from him is enough for the cavalry to follow him, with him at the front.

Behind them, the army continued marching on foot, composed mostly of the extra personnel they hired.

I am in the last group, but unlike all those walking behind the horses, I am far behind them in the far west.

As for why this is happening… there is no important reason, just survival instinct.

We currently find ourselves marching from the rear army in the direction of the river that divides the two kingdoms, specifically to the northwest. According to Fabio’ words, our destination is a place where there have already been previous battles between guilds. In other words, the terrain is already adapted for such purposes.

This place can be divided into three sections: the free terrain, an area with obstacles, and the deep forest.

The free terrain is just as the name implies: it is a large flat land without any trees or obstacles to prevent large-scale warfare. Whereas the deep forest is a place where the separation between trees is sparse, you literally can’t walk a few feet without hitting a tree.

The area with obstacles allows battles between small groups, but large-scale warfare is impossible due to the large number of rocks and trees that remain in place.

Now this battle has something very peculiar about it, and that is that assassinations are not allowed.

Why?

Fabio gave his reasons as the guild master, but I can’t agree with his words.

As a personal opinion, I will say that both guilds decided this because they are in the medium category and, as such, do not have enough power like that of a high category guild to afford to lose important members.

The big guilds may have countless members, but the medium guilds only have a few. That’s why the Golden Lion guild had to hire extra staff since, compared to the Red Flag guild, they have very few members.

I was thinking about this when suddenly a commotion happened.

“Bluagh! What’s that smell!” Someone shouted.

“Now that you mention it… Bluagh! Who shat?!” Another one held back the urge to vomit.

“Does that smell bad? Uff, it’s a good thing I have cold and stuffy nostrils.”

At great speed, a putrid smell is wafting around. This smell is coming from the center of the formation, so those at the ends can only look on with curiosity, not knowing what is going on.

‘- My Holy God Solus! This stupid horse won’t stop farting!’ A member of the Golden Lion Guild broke out in a cold sweat.

*Pfff* *Pfff* *Pfff* *Pfff*

‘- Huh? My horse isn’t the only one?’ Realizing that other horses had also started to release the injustice up his backside, he felt more relaxed.

After looking carefully, I notice that the horses are behaving strangely. 

‘Why is it, I wonder? Are they still hungry? Hmm, I want to remove some Valerian roots from my inventory to give to them, but I fear I will draw too much attention to myself. I’m someone who is humble and likes to go unnoticed. Drawing attention to myself is not my thing.’

“Hey, behave yourself, Pegasus! Remember your training!” Fabio whispered to his horse. The latter looked at him with wide-open eyes and then nodded.

‘Mm? Why does Fabio’s horse seem to be holding back? It’s not good to hold back, you know. If you want more Valerian roots, you just have to move your foot!’

While all the horses acted strangely, Fabio’s horse seemed to make an incredible effort, contracting the muscles in his body to hold back better. But everything has a limit. At some point, the horse looked up to the sky, and then…

*PFFFFFFFFFFF*

It farted so hard that it uprooted the trees.

Fabio: “!!!!”

Seeing this opportunity, I couldn’t pass it up.

“As expected from the Guild Master! Even his horse is outstanding!!!!”

With my shout, everyone looked in Fabio’s direction. The latter, seeing how everyone looked at him, was filled with shame and humiliation. It wasn’t long before he used his privilege as guild master and shouted, looking for the criminal.

“Who said that?!!! Show your face!”

Of course, I didn’t show my face. After all, I am someone who is humble and likes to go unnoticed.

Since Fabio’s shout, no one else dared to curse about the smell in the vicinity. There were even some cheeky ones who said it smelled like flowers or that it was the best smell they had ever smelled in their whole life. All to score points with the guild master.

Still, one should not despise human adaptability. After a few minutes of sniffing that damned fart smell, people began to lose their sense of smell. That’s one of the great advantages of the human brain, which is capable of diverting attention to such an extent as to lose sight of something really important.

Not knowing that, thanks to their adaptability… they reacted too late to the second wave.

“Has it rained? Why is there so much mud on the ground?”

“Right. Also, if you look closely, it’s not too deep,” nodded the man next to me.

‘Rain? Mud? What are these guys talking about? The ground is completely firm. No matter how much I crush, I don’t feel any trace of mud. Maybe the ground is different in the center of the formation, but as far as my position is concerned, there is absolutely nothing similar.’

But such phrases quickly became common, making me think that there is mud in the vicinity.

‘- Wait, wait, wait… No No No!’ 

A reckless adventurer decided to touch the mud with his hands to evaluate its consistency. He was born in the countryside. So, according to the properties of the mud, he will be able to distinguish its origin!

Human adaptability is something to be feared. At one moment, the brain will decide to block certain senses of the body to ensure survival, but at the next moment, it can arbitrarily decide to reactivate them. It can even enhance them when something draws too much of their attention!

‘- This thing… This thing isn’t mud! It’s…!!!!’

“It’s horse poop!!!” Shouted the adventurer.

“!!!”

The adventurer’s words were so striking that… everyone’s sense of smell returned with a 200% improvement!

“Shit! I just stepped in shit!!!”

“Hey! Stop! Don’t push! Noooo!!!!” He stepped in poop anyway.

“Bluaaagh!” One man could no longer contain his urge and immediately vomited.

“And I used it to camouflage myself with the surroundings!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Because of the formation, there was no one escaping this mess except for those at the ends. This is because, even though someone might want to stop to avoid stepping in poop, those in the back won’t know what’s going on in front and will end up pushing him anyway.

And this cycle was repeated over and over again, until someone close to the cavalry couldn’t stand the injustice and made the truth known…

“The Golden Lion Guild’s horses are shitting like crazy! They seem to be using a forbidden technique!!!!”

“!!!”

With such a shout that spread everywhere, as if by magic, everyone turned their attention to the cavalry at the front of the army.

There the horses were running with their heads looking up to the sky with an expression that reflected a state of peace of mind, as if they had reached illumination. But on their backside, it was the opposite. It was as if an evil god was trying to resurrect himself. Just by looking at them, you were blinded.

“What the fuck is wrong with the horses?!”

“I’ve never seen so much poop together…”

“Some people say that stepping in poop is good luck…”

“Shut up!”

They all interrupted him in unison.

‘- God… I must be dreaming.’ Fabio couldn’t believe the sight in front of him. He just wanted to wake up in his bed and have it all be a dream.

The scene was chaotic. There were more than a few who slipped and bathed their bodies in shit. Everyone was pushing each other to escape the scene of the crime. Even the most loyal guild men were willing to step on the bodies of the fallen as long as they didn’t step in poop.

Of course, no one would let themselves be stepped on without putting up a fight. So, in order not to be the only ones suffering, they threw the others to the ground. In the end, they seemed to be fighting in mud, but in a horse poop version.

I was about to raise my arms and shout, ‘Look at the landscape, comrades!’

But then I remembered my character, and it passed.

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep