Chapter 89 – Not what siblings do (4)

Translator: SKAIS Editor: Dict Groiler

At that moment, all I could think about was being dwarfed by a younger boy who happened to be a little taller than I was.

I could already feel his breath hit my skin.

“We really shouldn’t be doing this, okay? Not like this.” I insisted.

Then I caught a whiff of his scent.

That’s strange. He didn’t smell one bit like the damp cell he lived in. He smelled something a little cooler, fresher…

More elegant…

He smelled like lilies.

Is this one of the main benefits of being a main character? Mentally, I shook my silly thoughts away. Plot armors rarely exist in real life.

“Like this…” he murmured.

I shuddered at the thought of it. He jerked up his face.

I couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing now?

And then I felt something soft graze my neck, brushing up against my collarbone in the process…

A hot breath hit my skin.

Oh.

It was his lips. It was unmistakable. He just kissed me.

“Are you telling me we can’t do this?” he asked me again, I couldn’t help but feel more flustered.

“Wa-wait, wait!” I protested weakly. I could imagine himself rolling his eyes at me as he looked up at me, his face still hovering insanely close to my neck. Once again, I find myself drawn to his lashes, looking up at me like an innocent, naive boy.

Unconsciously, I wetted my lips in my nervousness.

“Why can’t you do it with me too? Don’t you want it?” he kept asking, “Can’t you think of any reason to do it with me? At all?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and grabbed a hold of his hand. His free hand moved behind me, keeping me in place as he held me still on the small of my back.

In this moment, I felt like I was the child instead, so naive of the ways of this world. It was like I was being reproached, as if everything I knew was wrong.

“That thing you did,” I began, “When you kissed my neck, where did you learn that from?”

“Ah, Merida described it to me before,” he explained, “ told me not to do it.”

I couldn’t help but feel my sweat drop in exasperation.

“Then why do it at all?”

Thinking about this, maybe Ricdorian was but a small child when he had Merida take care of him. As a young child, it would have been so natural for him to want to snuggle in, nuzzle his face closer than what was proper. Affection to, and from, children were always more lenient in what was proper and what wasn’t.

The problem was, now he’s older, it should have been already clear that this isn’t something he must do so casually. Hmm, if that was true, then it seems I have misunderstood Merida-ssi after all. That person has taught him well.

I cleared my throat.

“Well, you were told correctly, so, don’t do it again.” I attempted to scold him. He seemed to be mulling over his thoughts well, frowning in confusion.

I waited until he spoke up once more. I hope there won’t be any more incidents like this later on. That would be too troublesome to correct.

“Then,” he began, “You’ll come back to me again? Visit me again?” he asked, looking like the little boy he was supposed to be. I nodded at him, hoping to ease his worry, and my guilt while I’m at it.

“Of course,” I affirmed, “How about Monday?”

I then heard him whisper something, something only he could hear. It sounded an awful lot like Namdongsaeng, but I couldn’t be sure. For some reason, that world only made him clam up fractionally.

I could feel the tension in his body due to our proximity.

I should have asked him if he really wanted to be seen as someone’s brother. But I couldn’t seem to get the words out…

All because he’d been too bold in front of me. Despite his shivering and obvious nervousness, he still pushed on and grabbed onto me like a lifeline.

Everything about him, his body, voice…

Even the tip of his fingers…

He was never one to be someone considered as a younger brother. Not even the type as that cute-next-door-neighbor-who-is-like-a-brother type.

“This feeling,” he began to mumble again, “Even now… don’t you feel it too?”

“Still going on about that, huh? Even when you’re shaking like a leaf.” I pointed out. When I did, I saw him flinch and tremble some more. His face flushed a deeper red, as he averted his head, turning to the side. It wasn’t like I thought it was wrong, but even I could see the way his ears turned red.

“But I, I’d like to do this,” he continued, “I want to do this.” he seemed confused. Determined, but still confused. So innocent, even as he asked me of this.

He couldn’t even look at me anymore.

Suddenly I felt him rest his head on my shoulders, a shaky breath emanating from him.

“Hey, I notice,” he whispered, “Why won’t you look at me today?”

I felt my entire frame freeze up when he asked me. It was like he knew, the guilt I was hiding within me. It made me feel quite vulnerable.

But how could I look at him? How can I bear to look at him in such proximity? When there is but a hair’s breadth between us.

“Tell me, what can I do to get you to look at me.”

He kept pleading, but I found it too much to even think to look at him. This moment, at this instant, I just couldn’t bear to do it. Not at this distance.

“I knew it.” he hissed to himself, “You don’t want to be here. You don’t actually want to see me, don’t you?”

I could hear the tremble in his voice, the tears threatening to fall the more he insisted. I couldn’t bear to see him. But that isn’t why. But I can’t tell him…

I can’t tell him how I didn’t want to see him if he was just going to send me to an early grave. When did he become so comfortable to the point he’d let himself be so vulnerable in front of me?

I let out a shaky breath.

“That’s not true.” was all I could offer him right now.

“Then-”

“Shh,” I hushed him, “Let it go for now. Okay?”

Ricdorian hesitated, I can tell, even as he began to back away from me. The warmth I felt from him went away as well, spreading a chill through my body.

I’d heard before that an animal’s body temperature normally ran higher than a human’s. Was this it? Was Ricdorian’s body naturally hotter than mine? I couldn’t tell.

I rarely saw him shiver in this cell whenever I came by the visit, even when it’s supposed to be a cold underground. Except maybe that time he was ill due to the beatings he got from his father.

But even when he began pulling away, there was something in me that wished he wouldn’t. When I looked at him, and stared at his eyes, it was like he was beckoning me to hold on to him…

To not let him go, as he won’t let go of me either.

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