Chapter 57 Volume II – Chapter 23: The End of the Lie

I lowered the car window, let the wind blow in my face, and closed my eyes.

When I had specifically called the Joez Group to come with clean clothes, they only needed ten minutes to pick me up. Now we were heading in the direction I had told them.

“Aren’t you going to be in trouble for losing them?”

They didn’t react at all when I told them they had lost three people. So I can’t help being a bit scared.

They won’t lure me to the side of the road and kill me, will they?

“Their deaths are due to their own powerlessness. They did nothing but their duty, we took our money and did what we had to do.”

I was a little more relieved when the man said this in a very straightforward way, without stuttering, but this time something else began to eat at me.

Unlike me, the concept of death is commonplace for them, so much so that they didn’t hesitate to set fire to the entire bunker of the dead in order not to leave a trace.

Can I get used to the mentality of the people here?

I hope so…

“I see…”

I let out a deep sigh, leaned back, and looked out the window as I headed toward Wiathen City in this car that was too modern for my old world, but average for this one.

I had eliminated all evidence that I had ever been there, and the professor should be awake right now, so from the outside, it was pretty good.

From the inside… I don’t even know what state I’m in.

Doubt, stress, and all the bad thoughts like these slowly crept into my mind. The moment I realized this, I focused the mana in my body on the passive skill called ‘Absolute Mind’.

In this world, passive skills are not just ‘passive’. They can also be given extra effects by charging them with mana. Things like reducing their effects or, as I’m doing now, increasing the effectiveness of the skill…

I know I shouldn’t think bad thoughts, so I have to use the skill, but at the same time, part of my problem is this very skill.

Trying to solve my problems with the very thing that gives me these problems… When I thought about that, I couldn’t help sighing.

I continued to look out as my mind was quickly cleared with the help of my mana-fueled skill. After a while, I was calm again, in a way that would be disturbing to others…

“Do I have to pay compensation for the death of employees?”

“You invited them on a potentially ‘dangerous’ mission for money and they accepted. They are fully responsible, so no.”

I turned my eyes to the rearview mirror and looked at his sunglasses.

I couldn’t see a bit of his eyes hiding behind the dark-tinted glasses, but I was sure they were just like mine, and he was as calm as I was. Even though three talented members of their group had died, he was unaffected.

“When do you estimate we’ll arrive?”

“Ten minutes.”

I leaned back and closed my eyes.

There was no turning back now, I knew that, but I was still conscious of the decision I had made before that. No more running away or hiding behind someone else.

We drove slowly into the city, we drove calmly through the traffic and after ten minutes we stopped in front of an apartment building, just like J4 had said.

When I looked out of the window at the apartment building, I felt a little joy blossoming inside me. Compared to the old one, there was a building that had improved level after level before me.

“Wait inside the car. Have J5 and J6 keep their distance.”

“Understood.”

After the monotonous answer I received, I got out of the car. First I took a breath of fresh air, and then I looked at the building in front of me again.

It was a simpler apartment building than the one in my old world, but it looked as modern and luxurious as it was simple. Despite its size, there were only three flats on each floor and all the insulation such as heating and sound was perfect. On top of that, it was perfectly located for things like schools, markets, and hospitals.

I took slow steps toward the apartment building and after entering the door code, I went up to the third floor. When I arrived in front of apartment number seven, I realized that I was still hesitant.

No… I had already made up my mind.

~knock ~knock ~knock

I was nervous, but my nervousness was slowly extinguished by my skill. A few seconds later, the door was opened by a sixteen-year-old girl with gray eyes just like mine.

“Ah! You’re here!”

Clara stepped aside with a big smile on her face and welcomed me in.

She had cut the ends of her hair. She was wearing a plain white sweater and a brown skirt that reached a few inches below her knees, and her face was much brighter than before.

“Why are you so late? I thought you’d be back fast when the academy gave you a break.”

Her excitement was reflected in her voice. She was happy to see me as if she had waited her whole life for this.

“Something came up, I apologize.”

I walked in with a forced smile. As I hung my coat on the rack and walked down the hallway to the living room, I couldn’t help but admire it.

I didn’t think that the interiors of apartments could change much even if the worlds were different, but I was wrong, this place not only gives me a very comfortable feeling of comfort the moment I step inside, but it also gives me that modern feeling down to my bones.

The hall was just like a corridor. It was much more spacious, simply furnished, and comfortable than before.

“You didn’t pack any clothes? Are you leaving fast?”

Clara dropped herself on the sofa without wiping the smile off her face. Her gray eyes were locked on me, waiting for an answer.

Taking a deep breath, I faced her and smiled again.

“Clara… How do you think I’ve been doing for the last month? How much have I changed, how different am I from before?”

The smile on her face deteriorated a little. Because even though I was smiling, there was a seriousness in the air.

“I mean… you’ve changed.”

She looked a little thoughtful, her eyes shifted slightly upward.

“If I think back, you have changed a lot, but definitely not for the worse. You said you regretted it, I can feel that you regretted it. I know that you tried to fix things and you succeeded. So much so that sometimes I envy you, how you managed to change so much, but I’m happy because you’re my brother… you’re with me.”

She sighed deeply, her eyes focused on the carpet on the floor this time.

“After my parents died, and on top of that when I was completely alone and you were already ignoring me, I became depressed.”

She opens up to me and I listen with my eyes fixed on the floor, just like her…

I’m pathetic… so fucking pathetic…

“I went to a psychologist, he prescribed me six different pills. Antidepressants, severe headaches, anxiety, and lots of them…”

Every word she said made me hate Aiden and myself more and more, but I kept listening.

“I lived on these pills for seven years and then you changed and you know what? I’m only on two headache pills now, so you’re fine, you’re better than you’ve ever been. You helped me, you helped yourself and you have a purpose for the future, even if I don’t know what it is.”

She turned to face me. I could see it out of the corner of my eye, even though my eyes were still fixed on the floor.

Still, I couldn’t find the courage to look at her, to make eye contact.

“So you shouldn’t think about ‘how am I doing, am I right or wrong, have I managed to change, is the path I am walking suitable for me?’ As your sister, whatever you choose, I will be there for you.”

I forced myself to look up.

Her smile was so bright, her expression so peaceful.

“I’m sorry…”

That’s what finally came out of my mouth.

I didn’t sound sad or sincere at all. I was calm, and even though I was suppressing my stupid skill, especially with mana, it was limiting even that.

Clara raised her eyebrows and looked at me, surprised.

“I’m sorry Clara… I’m really sorry… I apologize…”

Her raised eyebrows furrowed and she made a meaningless face.

“It’s ove-”

“I’m not the ‘brother’ you think I am.”

When she was interrupted, her expression turned back to confusion, then to anger. She was going to say something but I interrupted her again before she had a chance to speak.

“Listen to me Clara, I’m going to open up to you just like you opened up to me. Then you can get angry with me, yell at me, reject me, but just listen to me.”

Her anger faded as quickly as it had come, and this time there was hesitation in her eyes. Her whole body trembled slightly.

“O- okay?”

“I… am not the Aiden you know.”

I didn’t look at her, I couldn’t, I wouldn’t face her.

I opened my watch and logged into the bank app, laying the purchase history in front of her without shifting my gaze an inch.

On the screen was information about something that had been taken a long time ago: cyanide.

“Wh- what is this…?”

“I’m not Aiden, Clara, I’m someone who was put in your brother’s body.”

I took a deep breath.

Once I had started, now I just had to keep going.

“Until a month and a half ago, I was a different person. My name was Ethan, I was a child born as a result of a mistake made by a young couple and abandoned by them. So I grew up in an orphanage.”

I don’t want to pity myself.

No… That’s exactly what I’m trying to do, I’m trying to manipulate her not to reject me, to pity me.

How much more despicable can I be?

“I was lonely, yet I somehow supported myself because I was smart. I made many mistakes, and many times I succeeded. Yet I was not happy, I was an empty shell. I had no soul inside me…”

I clenched my fist involuntarily, those were not good days for me.

“And then, when I was twenty-one, I simply died, a heart attack or something.”

The atmosphere in the room continued to grow heavy. Clara still hadn’t said a word.

“I was in a dark void for I don’t know how long. None of my senses were working, I couldn’t even feel my own body. I could only think in that pitch blackness, but then, just when I thought I was going crazy, I woke up.”

I thought about the first day I came into this world, and I remembered my astonishment that day. How had I convinced myself that I had changed when I was only running away from myself and the other people around me?

I was a coward, maybe even more than that…

“I was a different person when I woke up. I wasn’t Ethan anymore, I was in this body, I was Aiden Tenebra, and there were empty cyanide canisters on the bedside table.”

I took a deep breath and leaned back, this time with my eyes fixed on the ceiling. I still wasn’t looking at Clara.

“At first I didn’t think about it deeply. I thought that the more I knew you, the more I made new friends with this body, and the more I was able to relieve the misery inside me, the more I felt liberated and on the right path. Then I realized that I hadn’t changed a bit. I was still me, Aiden Tenebra was just a shell I hid behind. I was deceiving those around me for my own happiness, especially you, who longed for your brother. I was using you, starved for love, care, and happiness, to satisfy my own misery.”

It was no longer difficult to speak, the words came out of my mouth on their own.

“I am not the brother you think you have changed, Clara. You must know that anything can happen in this world, if you compare Aiden before and me now, you can easily understand the difference between us. You’re a smart girl, you know I wouldn’t lie to you and you know I have no reason to.”

I lowered my eyes from the ceiling, Clara’s face obscured by her hair. She was facing down, I couldn’t see her expression but…

Maybe it’s better this way. I… might not be able to take it.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for deceiving you, for giving you false hope, for using you as a cure for my own despair, for going to your dead parents’ grave and crying pretending to be Aiden, for everything.”

After that, I just stayed silent and waited.

A deathly silence fell over the room. The atmosphere was depressing and Clara was shaking.

Seconds passed, then minutes…

“Get out…”

I smiled, no matter how forced it was, and stood up. I felt something soaring inside me, something that made my whole body tremble, but because of my skill, even that feeling faded in just a few seconds.

Before I turned around and left the room, I looked back at Clara, and the moment I saw the tears falling down her face, I felt a pain like a dagger had been driven into my heart.

“I… I believed… in you…”

No matter how much of an asshole old Aiden was, he was Clara’s own brother. And I was nothing more than an asshole in his place. It was understandable that he wouldn’t accept me, I expected it, because Clara had spent seven years groveling after Aiden, no matter how bad he was.

She loved him, not me.

“Get out… Go… Get out!”

My eyes shook but I couldn’t cry. I wanted to hug her but I couldn’t. I wished I could turn back time and not say those things but it was the right thing, it was what I had to do.

“I’m sorry Clara, I won’t even stand in front of you unless you want me to.”

I took slow steps out of the living room, took my coat off the rack, put it on, and reached for the handle to pull the door open.

Just as I was about to pull it open, I heard a few sobs and froze in place for a few seconds.

I want to cry too.

I want to feel pain too.

I want to feel disappointed too, but…

I raised my hands and looked at my palms.

I wasn’t even shaking, there was nothing but this strange emptiness I felt in my heart. No matter what I thought, in a few seconds, all that was inside me was a big, black void. My passive skill prevented even that because it could stress me out.

I pulled the door slowly, but I didn’t go out of the apartment. I let myself down and leaned against the door. I took off my coat and let the cold seep into my skin. I wasn’t cold, though.

Wieras could not feel the cold. Even when they traveled in the middle of the poles, they were at best cool. As a hybrid, I had the same body as them.

I leaned my head against the door and looked up at the ceiling.

I… I did the right thing. I couldn’t keep deceiving her, I couldn’t change if I did, and I would only continue to use her as a tool for myself.

As my skill was clearing my mind again, I thought about what Clara had told me a few minutes ago.

She was probably going to have much greater depressive problems now, maybe six pills wouldn’t even be enough…

And the reason for this was me.

I closed my eyes and focused on the darkness inside me. As I looked at it, I felt as if I was being drawn into that darkness, as if I was becoming one with it, that my mind and soul were taking shape according to it.

<<——————————

???: %5,2 –> %5,8

——————————>>

A system notification dropped in front of me.

Something I didn’t know what it was had changed in a way I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t give a damn about it. I was thinking about something else, something I couldn’t accept, even though I was sure what the answer was.

I… did the right thing, right…?

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep