Chapter 8: Thoughts and Delusions

Ilaria had spent — wasted her time doing absolutely nothing in her chamber. She used to be on tenterhooks about her marriage life, but now, she recalled all the time she was jittery and apprehensive was in vain for what she expected or predicted to happen was only a product of her intense imagination.

Ever since she stepped into her new beginning as a wife, she had expected her life to be hectic, yet what came to slap her in the face was pretty normal, although her freedom was held on tight. Other than navigating the complex politics of her court life in a new land, most of the time, she was confined and watched over.

She understood the need to be kept under close guard; understood their reason for keeping her under constant supervision. Now that she was far away from her sister’s sight, they would make sure her safety became their foremost priority. And it seems her father-in-law was keen to keep the promise as well.

It made her miss the time she used to travel the world as free as the birds. Anyhow, she abides by her own rules to appear unbothered by her own feelings and remain composed.

A princess should know how to hold her crown, especially now that she did not only represent a member of the White Dragon clan but also the princess consort and — expectantly — the future Queen of the Kingdom of Noctharis. It was an honourable title, one that held an immense position that she never imagined she would one day foreknow to behold.

All the time, she believed it was only her sister who would have it rough. Ilaria may have acted casually and childishly with her close ones, especially Melyn in here, but she was also conscious that there are two royal families revolved around her identity now.

Her name would ring a bell; Her presence alone was enough for people to seek something to ramble about, and her manner of speech in front of the nobles would warrant criticism if she was not careful, thus maintaining her image became her sacred commitment that she should never open for taint.

In the palace, her obligations to entertain guests as well as bonding with her new family were ineludible, though she only felt a sense of dread every time they sat at the same table together. The smile on her face may have not faltered, but the tension between Melvin and the King was so thick she swore it could slice through the air. It only get worse when the first prince came out of his shadow.

And it happened.

Every. Single. Time.

She could not comprehend why they would want to have the once-in-a-while dinner together at all. They were better off not seeing each other if the only thing they did was aiming at each other’s necks. Despite that, she appreciated the way they still welcomed her in their own, benevolent pleasantry.

Their relationship was a stark contrast to the loving bond she has with her own family that she could not help but feel uncomfortable. Ilaria would choose to stay in her chamber if given the option, yet it was not her decision to make. She did not even dare to ask out of worry that it would give off a bad impression.

Now that her husband is here, she could not visualize the awkwardness and pressure that would hang in the air. Melyn has crammed her in on the relationship between the brothers; on how they used to be; how they fell apart and what become of them now. There were still empty spaces to be filled, but it was enough to give her the idea that they were not on good terms.

At the sudden thought of him, the troubles of her new family and the lack of absolute freedom in her life dissipated. While she does give it some thought, the image that came to her mind as she stared at the mural on the ceiling right now was how she would need to approach her husband later in the day, or maybe tomorrow, or maybe the day after.

Right, about that…

Creeping up on him would be foolish. Ordering for his presence would be too bold. Shamelessly seeking his attention would be embarrassing. Is there a way to see him without it being unnatural? Ilaria ran her hands across her face as she sighed loudly, frustrated.

She has come clear to Melyn about her intention: To win her husband’s affection. It was only whimsy at some point in her life. A simple trick to keep herself together. A delusion to ensure that she would be a good princess and wife until she eventually fulfilled her duty.

She did not know how she decided to actually pursue it. Maybe because she was in love. Maybe because she was helpless for his little attention. Initially, is there even a chance for her to crack his heart open and snatch the empty seat? It could be that he already has a lover.

After all, this, if anything, was undoubtedly a loveless matrimony. One that was not bound by devotion or tenderness that exists between lovers. Once upon a time, she had a fair share of history with him that was nothing more but a mere respect and cordial propensity in regards to both kingdoms’ correlation.

Her late father and his have known each other for a long time.  Eight years ago, Ilaria was already smitten the moment she laid her eyes on him. After getting to know him a bit more, she found out he was a man with a remarkable amount of respect towards his father despite how aloof and deadpanned he may appeared.

He was, in some way, kind. Well, not exactly. His manner of speech in casual talks was odd to the point that it gave her the impression of a rude and arrogant man. But now, she has come to understand that it was just him being in his nature. For the whole week she stayed at the Noctharis palace, they constantly encountered one another.

She was only a girl wanting to discover the sentiment of being in love then, therefore, she did not lose the opportunity to see him again and again despite his continuous rejection and excuses of being too busy. She would follow him around like flies, running her mouth endlessly.

Hi, I’m Ilaria, you can call me Aria!

How are you doing? The weather today is nice, isn’t it?

You’re tall! How tall are you?

I’ve visited a lot of places before coming here, did you know that the frozen lake in San Keior is actually not frozen? 

I heard Noctharis is famous for coffee beans. So, coffee or tea?

Do you read a lot? What’s your favourite book?

Is there life after death?

Perfect hair or perfect teeth?

How many languages can you speak? I speak five.

Can I see you again tomorrow?

He was silent the whole time. Of course.

Back in the day, it was his father, King Kieran Gawen who proposed that Levan should offer his acquaintance towards the princess during their visit. If it were not for his father, Ilaria bet her own life that he would have dismissed himself once the greeting was done. He was surprisingly compliant, especially to his father.

A good child, indeed, but not entirely a good man with another. Now that the memories of their first meeting flooded her mind, Ilaria felt embarrassed at her behaviour. How uncomfortable he must have been with her way of ’getting to know’ him.

He must have thought she was an annoying fangirl who could not read the atmosphere! Was that why he was the way he was? Did he come to dislike her before and still hold the hostility now?

Ilaria shook her head. No, it could not be! Judging from his personality, it was safe to say that he could not afford to care instead. How could someone be so standoffish and detached? Did he even know how to laugh? Ilaria almost doubted he had ever smiled in his entire life.

Melvin was a certified dork when he was not around his family. The King, though possessed a frosty exterior like her husband, was every bit a gentleman. The first prince…she was not quite sure since he is rarely in the palace. And she heard the late Queen was lovely and loved to sing.

And there was her husband, who looked like he was emotionally unavailable every damned time.

Now, now…

If she deserved a happy ending. If coincidence was meant to be her blessing. As his legal wife, could she be the one to crack that stone-cold, handsome face of his? The heat surged on her face as she caught her lower lips to prevent herself from smiling. Ilaria cupped her cheeks in disbelief.

What a delusional thought she just had! She jolted and quickly sat up on the bed. In the middle of the comfy mattress, her hair tangled all over her face as she frantically snapped herself out of her fantasy. It was a good thing no one was there to witness her deluding in her thoughts.

Ilaria cautiously observed her surroundings to double-check for any living presence. Seeing that she was completely alone, she let out a breath of relief and opened her arms wide before falling back on the bed again.

She had dismissed Melyn after the lady had helplessly tried to distract her from thinking of her husband earlier in the day. It did not work, of course, but Ilaria appreciated the effort. She already lent her gratitude by pretending to be drawn away. Right now, she only needed to think of a way to approach her aloof husband.

It will be a month from now before a big festival will be held within the kingdom. Before that, she had nothing much to do other than being a good and obedient princess who preferred to stay locked up in the palace rather than run around killing time.

She did desire to traverse the castle walls and dawdle herself in the beauty of nature and the sea of people, but when she was reminded of the dozen of The Hydra Knights who had escorted her out a few months back, she scraped the idea completely. Her father-in-law felt responsible for her safety — that, she understood. What she did not understand was the fact that he felt the need to order that many knights to accompany her.

As she remained looking up at the ceiling, Ilaria sunk into a deep and complex thought of a way to strike up a conversation with the crown prince. She was only pulled out of her intense thinking when a knock resounded on the door.

“Yes?” She drawled a bit, eyes dropped tiredly. Her gaze locked on the ceiling as her body went numb on the bed.

“Princess, His Highness the crown prince has requested your presence at—”

Thump.

Ilaria jolted up from the bed for the second time. Her eyes went wide as her head rang in alarm upon hearing the mention of her husband. The maid behind the door did not even manage to finish her sentence when she exclaimed in bewilderment, “He did?!”

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