Unfortunately, I will be worthless in any sort of experimentation in regards to exploring, what you call, the ‘soul-realm’. I have never been there. I can help in that I am aware souls do not fizzle out into nothingness but rather leave to some other place. Nevertheless, I have never been to this place, I am a deity that can manipulate the soul as it exists on Arda, but I have no capability in guiding it once it is out of my reach.

– Letter from Goddess Neneria, of Death, to Goddess Elassa, of Magic and Goddess Anassa, of Sorcery, in response to being asked for assistance in studying the soul.

For a single moment, Arascus stopped to think about what he was doing. For a single moment, Arascus looked at the stack of papers that had just been printed off, at the local plan of Central Requisitions, at the several plans on what to do with Kavaa’s Orders in the UNN, at the reports coming in from Doschian laboratories regarding the chemical makeup of the waters the dwarves had flooded the World Core with and at the foundations of the Lunar Exploration Project. Several proposals had been forwarded by various teams throughout the Empire for a rocket which could escape the atmosphere and still have enough fuel to travel to the moon.

But it was for only a single moment. Arascus could manage it. What was the conclusion to take from it? To give up? To lie down and rot? To say it was too hard? No. It was not even a case of managing. Arascus knew he could do it and there was no reason to frame anything through the lens of being a burden. He could, so he should, so he would. It was as simple as that.

Arascus smiled to himself as he looked at the proposition given by a team of engineers from both Rancais and Allia. It was a drawing of a rocket, there was a fuel tank, there were numbers, he understood the general principal. But he knew that he was woefully inept at this subject. Air resistance, almost everyone knew about. The numbers on the paper though? Arascus may as well have been looking at a different language. Maybe Kassandora would be able to intuit the pattern within it. There was no Divine of Space Travel and the deity in charge of rockets and propulsion was just some hedonist that came about with fireworks rather than this.

Arascus checked his silver watch, Kavaa should be arriving soon. Kassie and Nene would be late since they were coming from the Underground. Elassa was already waiting outside, passing the time by chipping away on a statue of some dog with her magic. Arascus tapped the printer with a large finger and looked around for the team of assistants that always chased after him. They were in a huge villa in the south of Rilia, this was the place closest to the nearest Hole which served as a connection to the underground kingdoms and it would be first exit Kassie and Nene had to the surface.

“Take this to the conference room once it finishes.” Arascus said to one of the two men that silently waited by the door. “If Kavaa shows up, inform the Goddess I’m in my office.” The two men saluted as Arascus walked past them through the villa. It was the summer home of some rich local aristocrat who thought he was getting a good deal by hosting Divines. Arascus supposed he was, the man would no doubt be paid back in social prestige, and Elassa was fashioning him a statue. Arascus stepped out of the corridor and saw the Goddess of Magic waving her hands about. Her two dozen rings she had on her finger were all shining blue as she was expanding her dog statue to also include a cat sitting besides the cat. Stone and rubble was rising out of the ground and flakes were falling off to bring about the statue.

Arascus went to the room he had declared his office. It was much like any other office at home rather than at work. Wooden floors, wooden furniture, a fridge to the right, a door to the kitchen on the left. Silence. A huge window so large that Arascus could probably step through it himself. He just stood in front of that window and looked out onto the farmlands and the low stone walls. The rolling hills of southern Rilia covered in low, yellow-green grass. Small trees that could have been giant bushes tried to decorate the landscape.

His thoughts did not stray to the lone trees scattered across the hills. His thoughts strayed to Baalka. If this plan worked… Arascus’ lips curled upwards. He had thought about this moment before and what it would feel like. He had thought about how useful it would be to have Baalka back, how much she could do. He had assumed that he should be making plans for her. But now that he was so close… What could he even say? Arascus just wanted to see his daughter again and hold her in his arms. That was all.

He did not have to wait long. A few minutes into his ruminations, there was a knock on the wooden door. Rapid drumming one moment that suddenly stopped and the person from outside opened the door. Kavaa, it had to be. Kassie wouldn’t knock in the first place. Nene was coming with Kassie, Elassa had a totally different style of knocking. Arascus watched the Goddess of Health enter. She stormed in with heavy steps and let the door fall shut. And she did not look happy whatsoever. Grey hair and grey eyes and black uniform made the woman look like some sort of monochrome painting. “You’re here early.”

“I am.” Kavaa said quickly. Something was off. Arascus did not need to look twice to know, he could hear it in Kavaa’s quippish tone. She always spoke quickly and directly, but today her words were fast. And Arascus had seen it before, in Irinika and in Neneria and in Malam and Kassandora. Arascus looked the Goddess of Health up and down. Cold. Cold and haggard. Cold and haggard and grey.

A fool would ask her how she was doing. It was obvious she was doing terrible. “Do you want a drink?” Arascus asked and Kavaa sighed heavily.

“What do you have?” She asked.

“I’ve got gin.” Arascus said and the woman stared unamused at him. Annoyance? Humiliation? Did she feel like he was treating her as a child?

“I want beer.” Kavaa said, some sort of sick satisfaction in her tone that she was going against him. But then did she know him? Did she really think Arascus did not bring his own brewery everywhere he went. Arascus went to the fridge. The mood must be bad if she wanted just beer. Arascus brought out a bottle.

“It’s human-sized but I have a full crate.” He brought out another two and twisted the bottle cap off.

“I can open it myself.” Kavaa said.

Don’t engage, just rephrase and make her realise she was being difficult on purpose. “You’re a Divine, you can eat the glass.” Arascus said.

Kavaa stared at the bottle, tipped her head back and drank the whole thing in one go. For a human, it would have been desperate, for a Divine, that was standard. These bottles weren’t especially large. “That was fucking disgusting.” Kavaa said.

Without bothering to ask this time, Arascus just brought out a bottle of an expensive and strong herby gin from Oxbridge Reserve. He had suspected Kavaa would need a drink after being sent off to create a Holy Order although he had not expected her to return in this state. The mistake would be to ask what happened. What happened was less important than her state right now. Frankly, if the woman was in bad a mood to the point where she wasn’t even bothering to hide it, then he wasn’t about to trust her with the life of his daughter. He turned around to make it easier for her to answer and poured them both a drink. “How was it?”

Speaking into his back, Kavaa answered immediately. Arascus had thought it would be easier for her. He purposefully chose the largest glasses and poured slowly to give her time. “It was fucking terrible. I just went to do my job and I got children who know nothing about coming in to try and run diplomacy or analyse me or whatever the fuck they were wanting to do. Etala was waiting for me by the time I stepped off the plane and then she demanded to know why the fuck I wasn’t fucking happy with healing. Who the fuck is happy with healing? I was there to fucking heal her people and not to fucking have a fucking smile with it! Was I?!”

“And Ciria?” Arascus tipped the bottle of Oxbridge Reserve even lower to stem the flow until it was a thin stream.

“Don’t even get me started on that bitch.” Kavaa said. Arascus made a show of looking at the clock hanging off the wall.

“There’s a few hours before Kassie and Nene get here.” He turned around and passed a glass to Kavaa and held his own out. “Cheers.” Glass clinked against glass. Both Divines took a drink. It was good and smooth and terribly overpriced. If Aliana had not sent this bottle as a gift, then Arascus would have never bothered with it. Since it was free though, it was one of the best gins he had ever tasted.

Kavaa took another sip and stared into the glass. She swirled it around for a moment. She sniffed it. Her grey eyes went to Arascus, then back down to the drink. “It’s good.” She said quietly and took another sip. And another, obviously savouring the taste. Arascus chuckled without bother to hide the fact he was amused with her reaction. And Kavaa snapped back, her tone cold once again as if she was a surgeon about to start an operation. “What?”

“Cute reaction.” Arascus replied jovially and swirled his own drink towards her. Kavaa stared at him, frozen for a moment. He half prepared himself for a verbal beating and for the woman to shut down or blush but frankly, he had raised too many Divines to care at this point.

“No comment.” Kavaa said.

“Well cheers to no comment then.” Arascus raised his glass and took another drink. Kavaa stared into her drink and then at Arascus and then into her glass. He shifted the topic because it was downright ridiculous for a Divine to need to be told that they have permission to drink and enjoy themselves. And besides, the best way to make sure one would not enjoy themselves was to try and force enjoyment on them. The Goddess of Health, a Goddess who devoted her entire life to others, who had spontaneously incarnated into this role and never been asked about whether she would like to yet who still carried the role. Kavaa was a difficult woman, but it was difficult in the same way that a cliff was difficult to climb. Hard it may be, but the problem was obvious. And to fix the problem was the same as to try and chip away at the cliff with a toothbrush. Kavaa did not operate for herself, she operated for others. “I have to ask this for my own sake Kavaa, because I’m entrusting the life of my daughter to you, I have to know. Are you up for it?”

“I’m always up for healing.” Kavaa said and took another slow sip of her gin.

“I know you are.” Arascus said. He framed it in a way the woman should understand. “But it’s in the same way that Kassie is always ready for another war. I know you can do it, there’s no doubt in that.” Arascus spoke slowly, what a fine line to tread. “But we know Kassie runs off the rails and she does it because of things in here.” Arascus tapped the side of his head. “I look at you and I see you running off like she does.”

Kavaa blushed at the comparison with Kassandora and then shook her head. “I’m fine. I don’t run off.”

“Kassandora said the same thing to me long ago, and we both know her entire existence is just one long escalation.”

“But I’m not Kassandora?” Kavaa asked like a student testing their answer. “I’m not going to panic or shut down if you’re worried about that. I’ve never done that before. I don’t think that can happen to me.” She did not think so, Arascus knew it would not happen.

Sighs were wonderful things. A single sigh conveyed a person was being difficult, a situation was terrible, it conveyed exasperation and tiredness and a thousand different things that would take a million words to explain. Arascus made a long and slow theatrical sigh. And then he just said it how it was. “I’m saying this because I’m worried about Baalka and about you.” Kavaa’s eyes widened at that. Those grey irises looked in awestruck shame at the words she just heard. “And I can talk of Baalka all I want of course, but it is you too. I assume Kassandora wouldn’t have told you but this is the implicit contract you made upon joining the Empire. You work for us, I look out for you. What happened in the UNN?”

Kavaa stared at Arascus for a few moments and he saw that even this glacial pace was too fast. He was planning a response by the time Kavaa shook her head. “I just heal Arascus. I appreciate the help, honestly, I do appreciate it but I just heal people. That’s my job.”

As disappointing as her reply was, Arascus was not going to let a little disappointment stop him. He had done this job for far too long to give up just because of one misstep. “I know Kavaa.” Should he press her more? Some people needed a little bit of pressure. And some? Arascus took another drink of the gin. If she treated everything as a matter to be healed then he decided to see how far that would go. “I am disappointed.”

Nothing clicked, but Arascus saw the woman’s eyes sharpen immediately for a moment as she analysed him, and then her posture collapsed. She almost spilled her drink when her shoulders fell loose. “Why?” She asked.

“I know you’re smart enough to know why.” Arascus said and pinned her with his gaze. And then, just before she had the chance to flee, Arascus did the fleeing for her. He turned around and left her standing there as he finished his glass of gin and turned to pour himself another. Was it cruel? Yes. He was sure it was. Now wasn’t the best time for it either, with their plan to heal Baalka soon… But Baalka was asleep and Kavaa was awake. Baalka was there and Kavaa was here. Baalka could wait, Kavaa should not. He heard a sniffle and stared into the bottle of gin as he slowly poured himself another cup.

How long that silence went on for, interrupted by the rustling of clothes and Kavaa’s sniffling, Arascus lost track of time. It felt like eternity but he was sure it could have not been more than a minute. He moved and Kavaa whimpered from behind him. “Don’t…” She said, but Arascus still did. He set his glass down on the table and turned around.

Kavaa was stood there, her cheeks flushed with redness, streams falling down her eyes, she shook her head and pushed glass of gin away, spilling its content and dropping it onto the ground. The glass bounced against the wood although Arascus did not care. Before Kavaa could escape, he crossed the distance and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her close to him. Kavaa gave one attempt at a push away, and then just stood there as Arascus embraced.

The silence went on for longer this time. There was a crash from outside and furious wind howled. Elassa must have smashed something. Kavaa just breathed into Arascus’ chest, sometimes, he wished he was shorter so that people could rest their head on his shoulder rather than being forced into the wall that was torso. “I don’t know.” Kavaa said, she eventually pushed away and Arascus let her go. “I don’t know. It’s…” She looked up at Arascus and shook her head. “I don’t want to go back there. Please. I don’t want to talk to them again.”

Arascus took a deep breath as he looked down at this grey little kitten of a Goddess before him. It had been a mistake. Her development had been misjudged. She was spending so much time with Kassandora that Arascus assumed she would have picked up some hardiness from his daughter. Had Kassie just made her softer? And this request was bad too. Now that a Clerical Order was there, Kavaa would have to make trips every now and then, to replenish numbers if nothing else. “I’ll go with you next time.” Arascus said and Kavaa closed her eyes.

“No.” She stammered out. “No. No. I’ll go alone. You don’t have to. I can manage it. I just let them get to me and I know what I’m do-“ Arascus interrupted her.

“Enough.” He made his voice harsh and then immediately followed up with a gentler tone. “Enough Kavaa. I’m going with you. It’s decided.” Kavaa looked up at him at him, those grey eyes sparkled with tears like lakes under cloud cover, and she shook her head.

“You don’t have to.” She put up one last attempt at a defensive.

“I don’t have to do anything.” Arascus said. “You Kavaa.” He made sure to say her name. “Knowing or unknowing, have signed the contract. I am upholding my side of the deal.” She smiled and shook her head again. For a moment, Arascus thought he saw silver roots in the woman’s grey hair.

“You’re like Allasaria.” She said and Arascus leaned down to pick up her glass. What was she even saying? He dealt with Anassa and Fer and Malam on a near-daily basis. She had to strike harder than that to get under his skin.

“Mmh.” Arascus didn’t even bother denying the statement. He did not argue with madmen who talked of the sky being red either. Instead, he went to get her another drink. “Kavaa, I have to tell to you something.” Arascus leaned turned to lean on the wall and tapped the glass for her with his nail. “And it’s something every Divine should hear because it’s something we don’t hear.” Arascus himself had never heard it, and it would mean nothing if he had to ask for it. “You’re the Goddess of Health, I am the God of Pride, obviously our demesnes are different so what advice I can give you will always be tinged through my own demesne. We have both seen so much suffering that there is no point even listing it. It’s endless.”

Kavaa listened and gingerly inched towards her gin. Now he had to prime the woman. No doubt she would feel too good to ask, or that she could manage it alone. It was manipulative, Arascus knew it was, but it was true too. “If Kassie has come to talk to me, then I am sure you can too.” Arascus said and immediately saw Kavaa’s eyes light up. “What we have seen would drive normal souls mad. It has driven Divines mad before. How many are pre-Worldbreaking breed? You even lost Saranael during Pantheon Peace to madness.” That did not surprise Arascus one bit when he found out about it. The God of Knowledge had been impressive because he managed to last for so long without any defences in the first place. “But you are here and I am here.”

Arascus shrugged, he had no clue what Kavaa had been told to reduce her to this state, but now that he thought about it? Kavaa had spent almost all of Pantheon Peace either with her Clerics or on the Divine Mountain. Those were all a type of person, and he had seen Ciria and Etala. Those were another type. What could the little idealist that was Ciria say to Kavaa? It didn’t take a genius to remember how she acted back at the pre-Kirinyaan Peace talk. “And so we are doing something right.” Arascus declared and Kavaa looked at him in surprise.

She even made some guttural noise from her throat as her breath caught. “If you were a weaker soul Kavaa, then one year of the life you lead would leave you in a ditch, lifeless by your own hand. Your job is to see the worst humanity has to offer and drag them out of it.” And when he saw her blush and smile at him, with childlike awe Kassandora had given him when he first told Kassandora what he saw in her, Arascus realised that this was the first Kavaa was hearing it from another person in a long time. Maybe even for the first time. Well, if she needed some confidence, then Arascus would give her it. Besides, he had no qualms about honouring the ones that followed him. There were two ways to measure a man, by looking at his enemies and by looking at his compatriots. “Now, I can only repeat myself Kavaa because I have said what is needed to be said. We both know you’re intelligent, we both know you’re caring and we both know that although you claim not to be, you are fundamentally a good person. I can shamelessly list your qualities like this, but the one that makes you unique is the fact that no matter what happened, no matter what you have you have seen, no matter how much you know that you cannot stop illness from happening, you still keep coming back. You say your callous and cold, I don’t see that Kavaa.”

Arascus reframed the whole topic back to the start. He was no mind-reader, he could not tell what she was thinking, he could guess and he had a high opinion of his own guessing, but it was guessing nonetheless. “This is why, whilst I can sympathize, you will have to explain yourself to me or you will have to walk alone. I’m not in your mind, so I can’t tell what problems there. To put it in a way I think you will familiar, when doing surgery, the surgeon needs to see what he is doing.” Arascus took deep a breath. “Nevertheless, I will end with this.” He met Kavaa’s eyes for a moment and stretched the silence. “If they walked in your boots, would they still be here?”

“No.” Kavaa shook her head slowly and lifted the glass off the table to sip her gin. “Thank you.”

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep