Chapter 126: Chapter 127: What Lena Kept

Lena’s POV

The room was very still.

Elara’s hand was still at her cheek. My chest was heaving. The words were already out and there was no taking them back. This was the moment I had been carrying for years, not weeks, not months. Years. And now it was in the room and it was ugly and nothing like the version I rehearsed in my head in the dark.

I took a breath. And I told her.

“I knew Kaelen before the palace. Not as a lover at first. We were kids. Playmates. Do you understand that, Elara? Do you understand what that means? We ran the same streets. We hid in the same alleys. We shared food when there was not enough to go around. He was mine before he was ever yours.”

Elara said nothing. Her face was pale. Her hand was still at her cheek.

“We grew up, and I began to see him differently. Not as a friend. As someone I wanted. Quietly. Persistently. The way you want something you have never been offered. I watched him. I admired him. I told myself it was about the work, the cause, the movement that was beginning to form. But it was not only ideological. It was never only ideological. I wanted him. I have always wanted him. And you took him without even trying.”

I stepped closer. She did not move back.

“Kaelen was part of that world long before he ever walked into your palace. His father was your father’s best friend. Did you know that? Did you ever bother to learn anything about the man you claim to love? His father was your father’s closest ally. They built this kingdom together. And then your father had him assassinated for something he did not do.”

Elara’s eyes widened. “That’s not–”

“It is. All thanks to Malakor and the other wicked council members who were jealous of him. They fed your father lies. They wanted Kaelen’s father out of the way. They could not stand that he was better than them. Smarter. Stronger. More loved by the people. And your father believed them. He signed the order. Kaelen watched his father die for a crime he never committed, his mom die depression. That is the blood that runs through your veins. That is the legacy you carry every time you sit on that throne.”

Elara’s hands were shaking. I did not care.

“When I got the position as your handmaiden, I told myself it was coincidence.” I laughed. It was bitter and ugly. “It was not coincidence. I maneuvered for it. Through my contacts. Through people who could put the right name in the right ear. I wanted to be close to both of you. Useful to both. The bridge to aid Kaelen’s mission of getting his revenge against you. I thought if I helped him, if I was valuable to him, he would finally see me. He would finally notice that I was the one who had been there all along.”

“His revenge?” Elara’s voice was barely a whisper.

“The assassination attempt on your coronation day,” I said. “The almost. That was him. That was Kaelen. He was supposed to be the one to end your life. He was supposed to kill you and end your family’s reign forever. I did my bit as a member of the Rendered. I passed messages. I kept secrets. I helped him get close to you. I helped him map your routines, your blind spots, your moments of vulnerability. I helped him plan your death.”

Elara looked like she might be sick. Her hand went to her stomach. Good. Let her feel fear. Let her feel what it is like to be afraid.

“And then he appeared in the palace as your personal guard. And I knew who he was and why he was there. And I said nothing. Not to you. Not to Malakor. Not to anyone. I wanted him close. I wanted to be close to him. Even if he never looked at me the way he looked at you. Even if I was just useful. Just convenient. Just there. Even if I had to watch him protect you every single day.”

My voice was rising. I could not stop it.

“And then I watched you look at him. And watched him look at you. And watched something happen between you that I had no name for and no place in. You took him, Elara. You took the only person who ever made me feel like I was something. And you did not even know you were doing it. You did not even see me standing there, watching, dying inside while you fell in love with the man who was supposed to be mine.”

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I was crying. I hated that I was crying.

“You want to know why I betrayed you? Fine. Here it is. I did not betray you because of ideology. I did not betray you because of Malakor’s pressure or Thorn’s network or any of the political architecture I have been telling myself was the reason. Those were lies I told myself so I could sleep at night.”

I stepped closer. We were face to face now. I could see the tears on her cheeks. I did not care.

“I betrayed you because watching you have everything, the crown, the power, and now Kaelen, and now his child, was more than I could hold without breaking. I could not stand to see you win one more time. I could not stand to see him look at you like you were the sun. I could not stand to be invisible while you shined.”

The room was silent. The fire crackled. The candle flickered.

I knew how it sounded. I knew what it made me.

“I know,” I said. My voice had lost its edge. What was left underneath was just exhausted. “I know what I am. I know what I did. I am not asking you to forgive me. I am not asking you to understand. I just–” I stopped. I took a breath. “You asked me why. That is why.”

Elara looked at me for a long moment. Her face was still. Her eyes were wet.

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