…it was a gasp, a choke.

“……”

“Why…”

“Ugh, gagh!”

A screech. A wheeze.

“I can’t even… do this…”

“…I give up. Again! Again!”

Thud.

“I thought… it would be fine to die…”

Thud.

“…hngh, hic. Ugh.”

“……”

A crack.

A creak.

“Hah! Gak.”

Silence.

“Cough! Gak, gak! Gurk… hic.”

“…hrrk.”

“Hrrr, hrrr!”

“Sob, ugh, hic, umph… hic……”

“Uh, pah, hrrk, gak! Gak!”

Thud, thud.

“Ack, urr…”

“AAAAH! AAAH!”

Bang!

“…hah, hhk… thi—s.”

A snap, a crunch. Darkness.

“Uuuugh… hrrk… glug… sob.”

…my vision. My eyes.

“Hahk, cough, cough.”

Over and over, I couldn’t breathe.

“…heek, huff.”

My mind went black, too. No thoughts came.

“……”

My limp hand was faintly visible.

Was that my hand?

My body crawling on the floor felt cold.

My throat burned. It hurt as if I’d swallowed heated stones.

“…ah.”

My ruined voice, my ragged breath slipped out.

Yet I was still thirsty. Hungry.

Damn me.

“…hikk, hic.”

My fingertips stung. My head throbbed.

As trivial as it seemed, it hurt.

The ragged breathing grated on me. I wanted it to stop, but I had no strength. Even if I’d had any, I would have failed. I had already failed.

“…pathetic.”

It was all fake. It was going to vanish anyway. Yet I had conceded.

A faint light flickered ahead. A door. I had conceded, so I must leave. But I couldn’t move.

“…idiot. Why the… cough.”

One hopes for something—to hope. And now… what could I gather?

I shifted slightly. Because I’d participated in the party alone and received praise… and yet. I, too—

It felt… sweet. So sweet.

Blinking dully, I opened the chat window. The broadcast was stopped, so I could only scroll through old messages. The chat’s glow poured over my face. My eyes smarted.

I scrolled upward. It rose endlessly. After a long time, it stopped with a click.

└1

└1!

└11111111

└aiming comfortably for 10th

“…pfah.”

I laughed in disbelief.

└Director Han, I’m watching you~~!

└Yujin, please stop getting kidnapped ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

By chance, it had happened several times. And there were many people, strangers to me, worried about me.

└Han Yujin is better than expected

…how could I not like that? Even if I wasn’t in a position.

└Thanks for Director Han’s demonic tutorial… I give you 5.0 stars

└Yujin!! Let’s work out together!

“I did work out.”

I did, but if I were asked whether I truly wanted to get healthy… I wasn’t sure.

└Han Yujin, take care of your body, you porcelain person ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

└Yujin, you’re the most precious, don’t get hurt

…when I was sick or hurt, maybe I felt more at ease. It meant people cared enough to worry. They didn’t spare themselves for me.

└FateKing Han Yujin… still rooting for you

└Bringing popcorn, Han Yujin is the best

I continued reading.

└They said you’re not a thief, so how do you pick locks lolololololol

└The police should muzzle Yujin, not cuff her

└Every path Yujin takes is the right answer.

At Chatterbox’s party, I think I did well. I kept performing, won. People were happy… and I was happy. How could I not be excited? It felt good. I knew I didn’t deserve it, but it still felt good.

“…I’m happy, what can I do.”

Even before the party, even if guilt followed later, in the moment I enjoyed it. It was what I’d always wanted. Reconcile with Yuhyun and live together again—that alone would have made me happy. On top of that, the people I liked who liked me joined in. How could I not be joyful?

Knowing I shouldn’t feel this way, but my heart couldn’t help it.

The chat window blurred. My breath caught. I felt sorry for my brother. I suddenly disliked Han Yujin.

└Yujin, do you accept gifts? Don’t like sweets, so I’ll leave them out—please accept!

└Yujin, I think you’d like blue!!! I think you’d like the color blue!!!!

└Director Han, what’s your favorite food? Mint chocolate?

“…I don’t know.”

└Yujin’s weak for small, fragile things… noted

└Han Yujin must be a cool tone—handcuffs would suit her

└Is cycling your hobby? You’re so good at it

I didn’t know. I’d never thought about it. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. I wasn’t particularly interested in Han Yujin.

“I’m not good with fishy tastes.”

Nor spicy food. Otherwise, I had no real aversions. If it tasted good, I liked it. I never had the luxury to be picky.

My hobby was… answering spam calls. Because I was lonely. Before Yuhyun left home, I would hang up immediately. A hobby I did for no real reason… I still didn’t know.

“…there’s nothing I particularly want.”

As a child, I’d scribbled my future hopes. After my parents died, I couldn’t think about myself anymore.

Favorite color? I didn’t hate blue. But I usually bought dark-colored things, mostly neutral tones. Did I like that? They were safe, stain-resistant.

Clothes had to be comfortable. And…

└Yujin, if nothing works, just lie down

└The real winner is Han Yujin anyway sob

└Yujin, good job!!! You were awesome!!! You rock!!!

└Watching you, I’ve reconsidered F-ranksㅜㅜrank doesn’t mean everything. You’re amazing

No words came. I exhaled deeply.

“…Han Yujin is.”

Still, she lived earnestly. Even if she’d abandoned me, she was living well. She’d said she lived only for her brother, but perhaps that was fine.

“She’d be thirty-one now.”

More than half a year since the return, so if nothing happened, she’d already turned thirty-one.

Thirty-one-year-old Han Yujin in a world without dungeons or Awakened. Turning her head from the chat, she lay flat. The ceiling was pitch black.

“…When Yuhyun goes to university.”

By the time of graduation, Han Yujin might naturally begin to reflect on herself. After raising her sibling, she’d feel a bit empty. And from then on—

“Would she think about what she wanted?”

Yuhyun would surely have wanted to take care of me. Say that I shouldn’t struggle anymore. Whatever career she chose, she would’ve succeeded. Then she’d let me live comfortably.

Thirty-one-year-old Han Yujin, feeling guilty toward her brother, would’ve slowly discovered what she liked. It wouldn’t be too late. She was still in her prime. Many start new paths even after raising children.

What would she have aimed for? What would she have enjoyed?

She and Yuhyun might’ve visited cafes and restaurants, seeing new things, learning, taking her first overseas trip, making new friends. Without guilt.

But the current twenty-five-year-old Han Yujin—I, soon turning twenty-six—

“…I can’t go back.”

In reality, thirty-one-year-old Han Yujin—

That day’s events replayed vividly. Even holding my dead brother, it wasn’t as hard as I thought. Because I knew I wouldn’t live long, I was fine.

Yuhyun died, but that day was my end, too. A mere hour reprieve—I’d died, too. Reality felt distant.

Right after returning, I believed it hadn’t happened and truly felt okay.

“You fool.”

I thought everything would go well. Really. This time, I thought I’d truly be fine.

But returned Han Yujin wasn’t the one who reconciled with her twenty-five-year-old self. She was the one who lost her thirty-year-old brother.

Lost her goal and path.

The road I thought I’d traveled half was now treacherous. The finish line was farther, but it still existed. Though it seemed too distant to reach, it remained.

But after returning, the path was broken.

A new path existed—and most seemed more hopeful.

“…So I should be fine.”

The people precious to me were better off.

“…That should be enough.”

Leaving the thirty-one-year-old Han Yujin nailed before the broken path. I had more pressing matters now. Several problems stared me down.

I sat up. From my inventory—the pouch Myeong-woo gave me—I pulled out a lantern and lit it. A blindingly bright beam flared, and I reflexively closed my eyes. My vision glowed red. Cautiously reopening them, I first saw my mangled hand. Dappled with congealed blood. Bite marks showed. Without grace’s intervention, it would’ve been worse.

“They’d worry.”

That thought came first. My face must be a mess, too. I needed to wash up. Maybe use a bit of potion. Even if it harmed my body, those who worried about me now weighed more. I didn’t want to care for myself. It felt unfamiliar, awkward, unnecessary.

I took a water bottle. My hand trembled. Opening the cap, I grazed my wound, and the bottle clattered to the floor. It rolled, scattering water. I watched it.

—chirp!

A little bluebird landed on the bottle. It eagerly nudged the half-full bottle toward me. It tapped my knee.

—peep.

“…I told you not to come. It could be dangerous.”

—chirp! peep!

“…thank you.”

I drank. The rest vanished quickly. I used potion on my hand’s wound. Then fetched water and a towel. Dodam Mount Breeding Facility.

“My home.”

Our home. Perhaps from drinking, my eyes, once dry, grew moist again.

“But I still love them.”

Nothing could change that. Unless I completely excavated and shattered my heart, I could only love those who loved me. The time spent together couldn’t help but bring joy.

Even if Han Yujin gradually crumbled, even if only a fragment remained, I would love her. How could I not?

I dampened the towel and wiped my face. Perhaps the potion would remove the redness around my eyes. I must’ve bitten my lip, too—it stung. A mirror… I had four in my inventory. Yerim had gifted them, saying it was essential for broadcasts. Yuhyun saw that and gave one, Hyunah added another, and Seong Hyunjae gave me one more.

I pulled out the mirror from ★ 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ★ Yerim. A foldable square mirror with writing and heart stickers.

[Han Yujin is more handsome than Han Yuhyun!!!]

I gave a weary smile to my reflection. I fetched the mirror Yuhyun gave and placed them side by side.

[I love you, hyung]

Yerim teased me for knowing only that phrase. She asked if it was hereditary. I glanced at her. It was fun.

After checking my reflection, I put the mirrors away. Turned off the lantern. I stood. The chat window, still up, floated upward. I watched it, then resumed the broadcast. In the dark room, my face would barely show, lit only by the chat’s faint glow.

└Broadcast!

└YJ said she’d concede?

└Who showed up????

“Ah, um. I lost.”

I said as calmly as possible, trying to keep a light, amused tone.

└That can happen!!!!

└Expected—F-rank is F-rank

└How many S-ranks lost to that F-rank again?

└More F-rank doggos coming—1v1, S-ranks lose half the time, check the win rate

└Yujin, great job! The match was unfair 11111111

“…Honestly, I could have won. Really.”

└Of course! Director Han is the best!

└You’ve already won several times lol, haters go watch the replay

└Yujin, marry me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

└Good concession, gotta save yourself, love you SF!!!!!!!

“…thank you.”

Despite the chat, I shook off my thoughts. I thanked the viewers and ended the broadcast. The faint glow that showed me vanished.

Still, they like me, I still enjoy it, still happy… still want recognition, still want to live. And yet—

“I can’t. Not yet.”

And yet, me. Five years later, as I turn thirty, thirty-one again—what would I become? I found myself strangely curious. For the first time.

That thought made me uneasy, too.

“…just a little. Just a tiny bit.”

Because I’ll never put myself first. Even now I was pretending everything was fine and going back. I smoothed my face, cleared my throat, and stared at the door in the distance.

I conceded. I’m fine. Nothing happened. Nothing happened.

Even if I act okay, the hands and voices that come to worry and welcome me will be warm.

“Life isn’t so bad, huh.”

Before leaving, I glanced back. I tried to find the place where I’d stood and where I’d vanished, but the darkness hid it.

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep