Chapter 46: No Half-Measures

Dean shared the remainder of an awkward meal with the two women before running off to take a shower. He needed time and space. But more importantly, he needed to think.

And after showering he found himself soaking in the hot tub. It was more than just an enclosed space where he could be alone with his thoughts. It was practically a medical necessity after blood loss and extreme cold weather combat.

His muscles were absolutely wrecked, even with his normal youthful vigor and peak conditioning, which he had maintained even outside of his time in the Guard. Dean needed the heat and warmth of the water, as well as its jets to massage his distressed body.

However, his seclusion lasted for only so long before Yuki appeared in the doorway, dressed in her own swimwear. She didn’t try to cover up this time with her towel, no longer embarrassed by her own reckless choice in attire.

Her posture was straight and confident as she sank beneath the water’s surface. Her eyes never leaving Dean’s, no matter how much he may try to look away at the winter beyond them. Her gaze did not shift.

And finally, after the silence became unbearable she forced Dean to recognize what he was doing.

“Dean…”

Dean tried not to react, but Yuki persisted.

“Dean… Look at me, am I really so much of a bother to you that you have to keep avoiding me like this?”

The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, causing him for the first time since he woke up to shift his gaze directly to Yuki’s.

Her expression was far from as confident as she tried to force herself to remain. Her eyes wavered, flickering almost as if trying to escape the lock between herself and Dean.

He instantly realized in that moment that he had been unfair to the woman, and sighed heavily, his shoulder slumping forward as he rested his hand on his head.

“I’m sorry, I promised to give you an answer after the raiders were dealt with. And I haven’t lived up to that promise. Forgive me Yuki, I just haven’t had the time to think about… anything other than survival since our first days living together.”

Yuki’s own fervent gaze wavered when she heard this. Biting her own lip in silence she realized then and there that Dean wasn’t necessarily avoiding her, or that he was even bothered by her presence. He was simply too stressed, and she was approaching him at the worst time imaginable. Her thoughts escaped as a mutter beneath her breath while she averted her gaze to the water’s surface.

“I’m sorry…”

Dean, however, didn’t let this stand, as he corrected the girl while reaching over and grabbing her shoulders.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Yuki. I’ve been unfair to you and have taken advantage of your kindness. That’s on me. I’ve had some time to think, even if limited. And I understand… I also think I feel the same way.”

Yuki’s eyes lit up as she looked back up and over at Dean. The distance between them was so minimal she could practically feel the heat of his breath.

She flushed red with a complicated mix of emotions she didn’t know she could feel, while her heart began to pound inside her own ears.

But Dean’s next words cut it off entirely.

“I’m just not sure I’m ready for such a commitment…. Not right now. I just buried someone I thought I loved, we nearly lost this place and I’m still trying to figure out who I am after all of that. And now… now I’m confronted with the fact that I deeply care for you in ways I can’t fully understand. And yet, there is still so much more to do.”

Yuki took a deep and sharp breath. She was just about to say something when Dean placed a finger to her lips, cutting her off.

“Let me finish… I want to be together with you. But I’m not the type of man who takes half-measures, Right now I’m split in too many directions. If I do this, I want to do it right. So… For now, let’s not rush things, and instead, let me focus on building an environment that is stable enough for us to be together….”

Dean’s voice drifted into silence, clearly intended to allow Yuki to process what he had just said and to give her enough space to voice to her own thoughts as well.

She remained quiet for an almost painful amount of time before finally taking a deep breath. And there she reacted better than Dean had ever thought she would. She dunked herself beneath the water’s surface and rose above it, clearly back to her usual playful self.

“Dammit, Dean… how long are you going to make a girl wait? Alright, fine… You’re worth it… I’ll wait for as long as you need. It’s not like I have any other options now that humanity is half extinct, right?”

The grim nature of her words, superseding an otherwise serious moment, forced a laughter out of Dean. Who sat there and shook his head in disbelief.

Yuki however didn’t immediately join him in laughter. Instead, she shocked Dean by jumping into his arms and stealing a kiss. It was brief… her technique was…. Poor… And when she pulled away she was blushing far more profusely than Dean was.

Clearly embarrassed by her own unexpected decisiveness, she withdrew from the hot tub, leaving on a statement so shameless it left Dean without words.

“I’m considering that a down payment…. Find me when you’re ready to pay your debts in full….”

The statement would have been quite mature if the young woman had not scurried off like a frightened rabbit, her own feet tapping the ground in panic as she did so.

Dean simply sat back in the hot tub, thinking to himself something he hadn’t really thought before now.

“Shit… she’s cute, isn’t she? Yeah… I’m in trouble.”

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