Chapter 81: Heart to Heart

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After that night at the ruined tower, I still rarely saw Carlos. He seemed to be even busier, only visiting Shanter Castle once in over 10 days.

That time, he was still plotting something with the Duke in the study. Though I could roughly guess that it must have been related to the Gate of Truth and the royal family of the Frozen Moon.

The difference was that after he came out of the study this time, he didn’t leave immediately, but specifically came to find me reading in my room.

“Yo, Little Syl.”

He casually greeted me, and I rolled my eyes at him before reaching out my hand.

Pat.

Very tacitly, a sweet wrapped in leather paper appeared in my hand.

I squinted in satisfaction, thinking I might as well talk to him.

“What is it?”

“It’s about you.”

Carlos very unceremoniously sat down on my big bed, and I immediately glared at him.

“Get up! You’re covered in dust.”

I reached out to pull him up, but this guy was too thick-skinned and stubbornly refused to move.

“How’s living here?”

“None of your business! Get up!”

“I’m being serious.” Carlos looked at me earnestly, suddenly dropping his lazy demeanor, and that expression actually stunned me for a moment, “Remember when you first came here, we were talking about that girl, Peylo, I never thought you would be her.”

Mentioning this made me angry.

“You dare bring that up!” I immediately glared at him, “Back then, I asked you. You and the Duke, are so close, yet you didn’t even know, what his daughter was called!”

Now it was Carlos’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Please, I rarely came to Shanter Castle before, I’m close to the Duke because we’re war buddies, that guy guards against me like I’m a thief, how would he let me meet his daughter!”

I was stunned by his words.

Then I felt like I had caught onto something important, my eyes curved into crescents as I grinned mischievously at him.

“Why would he, guard against you, like a thief?”

Seemingly not expecting my focus to be on this point, Carlos was momentarily dumbfounded.

“Can you focus on what we’re talking about?”

Trying to change the subject?

I immediately started pinching his face: “Tell me! What did you do before!”

But no matter how I tormented him, he wouldn’t say anything more, so I got angry.

“Get out!”

“Why should I?”

I wrinkled my nose in anger.

“This is my room!”

“Are you Peylo?”

“I am!”

“Are you really?”

“Yes, now get out!”

“Why do you think you are?”

“None of your business.”

“Let’s talk properly.”

“I remember some things.”

“……”

Carlos fell into thought, his expression suddenly turning serious.

“…What’s wrong?”

“Ah, nothing.” He looked at me with a grave expression, “Little Syl, have you ever thought about, if you really are Peylo, then… what exactly is the Abyss?”

“……”

Of course I’ve thought about this question.

At first, I thought Peylo had fallen off a cliff, and perhaps there was an Abyss down there, so she was absorbed or assimilated… this possibility was very high. Although I couldn’t understand what the principle behind it was, how the Abyss devoured people, and how I appeared in another country 3 years later.

Many things couldn’t be figured out, but I thought this was the right reasoning, until that time I played the piano and saw what happened after the fall.

I really did fall. In the moment near death, all I saw was wind, snow, and endless darkness, no Abyss.

I wasn’t devoured by the Abyss at that time, judging from that night’s situation, there’s a high possibility that I had already died once then.

So how did I become part of the Abyss?

The only clue was in my memory just before losing consciousness, that last glimmer of light I saw appearing slowly from the darkness.

I don’t know what it was, my vision was already quite blurry then, and so was my consciousness. I can’t judge whether that glimmer of light actually existed in reality, or if it was a hallucination seen during my final moments.

If my memory is accurate enough, that night I fell onto a cliff face, which is why I didn’t die immediately, but with cliffs both above and below, it would have been impossible for anyone to save me… unless they could fly.

Are there people who can fly in this world?

The Duke told me there are.

People who reach the limit of Wind Order affinity can do it. But he also said such people are too rare, as far as he knows there are only two, the Sword Saint and Queen Elizabeth of Order City, neither of whom were in the Valen Empire, making it almost impossible for them to have saved me.

So, I must have died once, or rather, the consciousness in this body had died once before.

Later, for some unknown reason, I became part of the Abyss three years later.

For this period, my memory is blank so far. But I think it must be a complicated story.

I will find the truth, but for now, I still know nothing.

“I don’t know.”

That’s all I could tell Carlos.

“Can you tell me roughly what you remember?”

“Mm.”

For the man before me, I trust him completely almost without reservation, so there’s nothing I can’t tell him.

Hmm… I take back what I said above. The urinating incident, I won’t let anyone know even if I die.

That was just too embarrassing.

So I intermittently told him all the details I could remember, which took us nearly an hour, but Carlos listened very patiently.

“So you really are Peylo.”

“Mm.”

“No wonder Edward’s corpse ended up like that later… do you hate him?”

“Yes.”

There’s no point in lying.

But suddenly, I thought of something else.

“…That day, my state wasn’t quite right.”

Yes, this is something I’ve been thinking deeply about lately.

That day when I was torturing Edward, at first it was purely revenge psychology, and anger at the souls that were lost just because of his desire for power, nothing more.

But later… I tasted the joy of hunting living beings.

Or rather, the joy of controlling others’ lives. That feeling of watching Edward scream in pain, his fear, nervousness, anxiety, unwillingness… all these emotions mixed together on his face, staring intently at me, waiting to see where my blade would fall next second, that feeling made me happy from the bottom of my heart, very pleased.

I can still remember that feeling even now, thinking about it makes my scalp tingle… why would I think that way?

If Count Lafayette hadn’t given him those two fatal sword strikes at the end, I’m afraid… I don’t know what would have become of me.

This isn’t me.

I know myself well, I’m not that kind of person, neither the Peylo in my memories nor Chen Yuxuan, we’re not that kind of person.

I wanted to tell Carlos these things, but when the words reached my lips, for some reason, they became: “No, nothing. Just, not feeling well.”

Carlos ruffled my head.

“Even if you hate someone that much, you still can’t kill them?” He laughed, “You’re really not cut out to be an Abyssal.”

I snorted and bumped him with my head.

“You’re the one who’s not cut out.”

But the bump wasn’t hard, and after doing it I realized, doesn’t this make it seem like I’m acting coquettish…

This really doesn’t fit my manly man character setting.

My face slightly reddened.

But Carlos just smiled without minding.

“But well, I really like an Abyssal like this.”

…uh, I don’t need you to like me… having sweets is enough.

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