Chapter 104

“Earlier, you said we should each confess something to one another, so now I’m going to share something that almost no one knows, as the first step toward honesty.”

“I have Pheromone Imbalance Disorder.”

Zhong Ning immediately thought of Xie Shiqing’s psychological trauma, unconsciously following her line of thought. “Pheromone Imbalance Disorder…?”

“It’s caused by an imbalance of pheromones in the body. People with this condition become irritable and easily angered, overly suspicious, and overthinking. Sometimes they suffer from insomnia, other times from hypersomnia, along with loss of appetite and more. Very few people have this illness. Strictly speaking, it’s considered an incurable disease, because it can’t be cured—only alleviated.”

Xie Shiqing said in a low voice, “It made my mental illness even worse.”

“Sometimes I can’t control my actions. My body has a mind of its own, and it goes against my brain. And sometimes, under the influence of the illness, I treat everyone who comes close to me as a threat. I can’t help but stay on guard. Even when it’s care and love, I overthink and second-guess it, trying to figure out whether there’s some ulterior motive.”

“Ever since I lost my sight, too many people have tried to get close to me to take over Xie Corporation. I couldn’t tell if they were good or bad, and I didn’t have the clarity to handle it calmly. So I just assumed they were all bad. That strategy had worked, for a time—I protected Xie Corporation and won that battle—and so I continued on with that mindset.”

“Not being able to see takes away one important window for judgment. So when dealing with others, I have to be extremely cautious. The people coveting Xie Corporation never stopped coming. Even the earlier film leak—I played along with it. That’s how I found out shareholders had been privately contacting other companies and got evidence so quickly.”

“I don’t dare to relax. I can’t relax.”

Xie Shiqing spoke in a hoarse voice, “I’m not saying all this to excuse myself. I just want to lay everything out clearly—my past, my psychological journey, my thoughts.”

“I know, no matter how many reasons there are, my actions have wronged you, inexcusable. The harm I caused you has already been done and can’t be undone. I truly, truly feel very sorry.”

Anyone with even a slightly soft heart would, at this point, raise the flag of forgiveness in response to such a heartfelt confession. Zhong Ning was, of course, no exception.

Someone who had never experienced hardship and suffering was often more likely to exaggerate their perception of it, and easily believe the subject’s emotional descriptions—offering sympathy in return.

But Zhong Ning’s self-love far outweighed her softness. Though she did find Xie Shiqing’s experience pitiful and tragic, she loved herself more. She didn’t want to let herself suffer wrongfully without reason.

The words of understanding turned on the tip of her tongue, circled once, and came out as something else instead.

“Then what was the silence treatment for? Are you regretting agreeing to be honest with each other?”

Xie Shiqing’s eyes reddened. Her lips trembled, as if she were enduring immense torment.

Zhong Ning saw the glimmer of tears flash across her eyes, but she tilted her head back and blinked rapidly several times, forcing the tears to retreat.

Sometimes, holding back tears was even more heartbreaking than letting them fall.

“I don’t regret it. Being with you is the most beautiful thing I have ever imagined. How could I regret that?” Xie Shiqing said. “I’m a fool. I don’t know how to love, and I don’t know how to accept love either.”

“Everyone says I’m a master at reading people’s hearts, but when it comes to my matters, I’m more laughable than the most ignorant child. I realized my mistakes and wanted your forgiveness. I seriously want to change, and I even brought pine mushrooms home. But… you still refused to forgive me…”

Zhong Ning stared at her calmly.

Xie Shiqing raised the back of her hand to block her eyes, took a deep breath, and after a moment, lowered her arm. On her downcast eyelashes clung fine droplets of water, catching a faint glint of light.

“I did something terribly wrong. Not being forgiven right away is perfectly reasonable, but I didn’t understand that at the time. When you said you wanted to leave, that you wanted to separate from me, I was so afraid. The panic made it impossible for me to think rationally.”

“You wouldn’t kiss me anymore. You took back your love for me. I panicked. Maybe when reason breaks down, the brain just starts coming up with stupid ideas.” She gave a self-deprecating laugh. “I thought—was it because I was right in front of you, the one who hurt you, that you couldn’t forgive me? If I left, would your anger fade a little faster?”

“Honestly, I was just a coward, too afraid to face your cold attitude. It felt like you really didn’t love me anymore, so I made up all kinds of reasons for myself to run far away.”

“Like an ostrich burying its head in the sand—pretending not to know what’s happening outside, as if nothing ever happened.”

It was as if she wanted to offer up her entire heart. Every word she spoke was a raw, heartfelt confession.

“I’m really scared, Ning Ning. I love you so much. I don’t want to be separated from you.”

“Some people see death as the greatest punishment in the world, but to me, your coldness hurts more than dying a thousand times.”

“Ning Ning, I can’t live without you.”

“I know I was wrong, I truly know I was wrong. Punish me, scold me, hit me if you want. I’m willing to do anything to earn your forgiveness. You can do whatever you want to me, Ning Ning… just please, give me one more chance, I’m begging you. Just don’t leave me.”

As her words fell, Xie Shiqing couldn’t hold back her sobs any longer. Her body collapsed powerlessly, burying into the blanket, letting out muffled cries.

Zhong Ning felt completely unsettled by this fierce confession. Her tongue twisted up; she didn’t know how to respond.

Xie Shiqing was like a monarch—storm-like in her nature. Wherever she went, the world had to bend to her will. No matter where she walked, she tirelessly manipulated and swept up the people and things around her.

How could Zhong Ning have ever met someone like that? Everyone who had entered her life had always been gentle, soft, caring for her like a flower, a cloud, or a free-flying bird. They embraced her, encouraged her, and let her fully express her free will. Wherever she flew, that place would become her harbor and home.

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