106 (II) Peace

Shiv blinked as the notification appeared. Unspecific district. Yeah, the gate could gain skills and grow like a Pathbearer in some ways thanks to its mana core. He guessed this was something everyone in the gate saw when a major development was reached.

Regardless, the best thing happening right now was that the bulldozing of the buildings in the surfacer district allowed for full, temporary encampments to be built up. The first was for the automata. Can Hu had gone there after finishing with today’s reconstruction efforts to start building up something of a makeshift power station. He also constructed some maintenance drones that actively worked around the clock to keep the other automata functional.

Aside from them, there were the biological slaves and dignitaries. The slaves required more attention from the Umbrals and the Weaveresses. Many of them were weak of body, traumatized of mind, and had other afflictions as well. Shiv’s Court Leviathan tentacle soup supercharged their regeneration for a while, rejuvenated their organs, and helped them deal with some of their lesser diseases, like lingering dysentery resulting from the Bowel-Breaker, but they still had many other problems. Some of them had complicated afflictions that went beyond lingering food poisoning or even metabolic dysfunction. Others had Curses that necessitated non-physical treatments, and that was just the thing.

There was more than one way to hurt someone in this world, and the sickness of a soul ran deeper than the sickness afflicted on the body.

It was an ugly thing, being Pathless. But having the Path of the Slave? You were just pliable clay for someone else to abuse, clay that couldn’t fight back because your Path didn’t allow you to have the proper skills. The System was a cold piece of shit. All one needed to do was focus, and they would see so much ugliness even in existence itself.

Shiv had known that ugliness his entire life. He’d lived some of it, but now he wasn’t going back. He wasn’t backing down. The System could throw whatever it wanted at him. He wasn’t going back. He wasn’t going to be broken. He would die for good before he let himself break.

But that was just how he thought.

Increasingly, he was noticing that he was different, dramatically different from all the other people. Valor wanted to talk to him about his mind earlier, about how it had been altered. Uva just needed to stitch some of his broken cognition back together before he started healing on his own accord, before he could re-enter the fight.

Even now, though he didn’t like thinking about it, the scars left over from the torture he endured at the hands of the Recollector were fading fast, and it barely traumatized him at all. He enjoyed that. He enjoyed feeling untouched by the world in some ways, being untouched by damage even after it was inflicted on him. But there was something deeply off about his nature just for being able to do this. Harlon and Vera, he thought to himself, my parents. My parents are the cause behind this. My parents and… Udraal. Did he help them with the ritual? Valor keeps bringing his name up. Was talking about my mind earlier. But the stories just say he was killed by Roland…

Udraal Thann, Rose whispered, responding after a long lull of silence. I remember him. I remember facing him. A treacherous enemy, a dangerous foe. He was capable of so many things. And his expression was the saddest I have ever seen on a man.

“And you said that you killed him.”

I’m sure of it, Rose breathed. Roland, he fired an arrow, one blessed by the Starhawk himself. It struck the Abyssal Lord. It ignited his very soul, burned him to cinders at the foundations of his being. But here this Valor is, talking about how his son still seems to be alive.

No one seems to think this guy is dead except for you, Shiv noted.

I watched as his soul came ablaze. I saw, I… And then Rose’s voice trailed off as a whimper entered her breath. I saw so much, and I can’t remember. Why can’t I remember? Why am I trapped here? Why am I bound to you? Did you…

“Rose,” he said. He had no more taste for avoiding this. He’d ignored her long enough, felt uncomfortable about her long enough, but he was going to deal with some of this right now, if he could. “Listen to me. I told you before I’m going to try to get you out, but I need you to tell me something in return. I need you to tell me about my parents, about why they might have done this ritual, about… Rose. Try to remember. Is it possible that my parents had any contact with Udraal Thann before you and Roland killed him?”

Before… At any point… Rose whispered. I think… I think… A long silence dragged on, and Rose let out a sigh. I don’t know. I think I’m just a shadow of what I used to be.

“Yeah,” Shiv said, letting out a breath of his own. “I think I see a lot of people who are shadows of what they used to be. I’m beginning to suspect that the System’s trying to tell me something. I just can’t quite figure out what.”

No, no, wait, Rose suddenly said. Shiv’s attention shifted back inward.

“What? What is it?”

I think… I remember… I remember him… leading us away.

“Leadingyou away? Where?”

There was… There was a moment, a moment of truce or understanding, a parley. He was leading us somewhere. He was… he spoke to us. He spoke to Roland, and Harlon was there, and Vera, and… and they were… I’m sorry.

“No, it’s fine. It’s just…” He gritted his teeth. “I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry my parents did all this. I’m… I’m not sorry for existing, though. I don’t hate myself. I want to live. I want… I want a lot of things. I’m… Despite everything I suffered recently, I… This is a great life. I love being a Pathbearer. I love cooking for people. I love going from place to place, doing what I can, getting more skills. I can’t be sorry about that. I won’t lie to you.”

Rose just listened. She didn’t reply with anger or fury, but she did let out the slightest sob.

“But I am sorry that this is what it took to make me. I am sorry if…” He tried to put together the words. The more he talked about this, the more chaotic his mind felt. “I am sorry that my parents were… Shit. Whatever they did, I don’t understand it either. Right? I… I didn’t need to be deathless. Maybe. I could have been just… just a normal Pathbearer. And I… I would have been capable of living that way. I would have done great that way anyway. I would have fought. I would have done everything I did now. Maybe… maybe it would have taken longer. Maybe it would have been harder. Maybe I would have died even, but I would have been happy. I would have been happy with just that. But now it’s all done, and I can’t take any of it back. Do you understand? I can’t do anything but try to make things right. To be someone who my parents weren’t. And that someone is going to do everything he can to help you. If you do what you can to help me.”

Do you care about him? Truly? Rose’s voice came fragile but filled with yearning.

Shiv paused. “Care about who?”

Adam. Adam, my son. Do you really care about him?

Shiv’s mouth fell open. It took a moment for him to reply to that. “Yeah. He’s my… Well, I thought he was an asshole at first. And then I kind of felt like he was my responsibility. And I also felt responsible for Blackhedge, and we’re supposed to go back. But after all that, after some of the stuff we’ve been through, I remembered after bleeding by his side, watching him nearly die, watching him saving my life, me saving his… It’s… This isn’t just friendship anymore. I think we skipped that part altogether. There are still problems between us. I’m sure that exists, but after everything we’ve done…”

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After everything Roland and Harlon went through, Harlon and Vera still killed me. They still cut my daughter out of me.

“What?” he gasped.

What? That is the thing I remember most. The blade going in, and her… her… She was about to be born, she was screaming, and…

A screen formed before Shiv. His parents’ faces were blurred, but he watched the scene through Rose’s eyes, and—

Shiv’s eyes widened as bile rose up in his throat. “Fuck—Stop! STOP IT!”

Rose didn’t. It was like she was in a trance.

Shiv squeezed his eyes shut, but that didn’t stop the sounds. He could hear Rose’s agonizing screams even as he clamped his hands down on his ears.

Then, finally, Shiv opened his eyes and saw his… The scene played from Rose’s perspective, so Shiv only saw his own mother from her backside. She was shaking. Shuddering as Harlon—Shiv’s father—held a small body and placed it against his wife.

Then, he drove a blade through both of them.

Then came red and a scream from Rose that Shiv would never forget.

The screen went dark.

Rose stopped screaming. But Shiv’s mind was reeling violently. A flood of nausea swept through him. He swallowed hard, drinking down sour spit as he commanded himself, begged himself to stay composed, to not throw up. He always knew his parents were monsters. All of the stories indicated they were monsters, but to do that, to cut a child out of someone was…

I asked her. I asked Vera why, through it all. She was my friend too. Harlon was like my… Was like an older brother. Why? Why? They never told me. Harlon was crying. Vera… There was no expression. They just cut and cut, and she was pregnant too. You were there, in a way…

Then, she started sobbing incoherently again. Shiv shuttered. This was a mistake. He should never have talked to her. He didn’t want to know this. But then his crumbling terror met the bedrock of who he was. He couldn’t avoid talking to her. He couldn’t avoid knowing this. He couldn’t avoid his past anymore. If he wanted to face the future, he would need to know what had happened before.

To better understand what he was, so that he could shape who he would be. To be more than just an atrocity, a mistake, a monster in the making.

“Rose. Rose. Rose!” Shiv practically shouted the final word. She finally stopped. “Listen to me. I… That’s… I don’t want…” Shiv let out a growl. “Godsdamn it. Godsdamn it! Why do they have to be monsters? Why do they have to do this? I can’t fix that. But I can… Yes, I do care about Adam. Yes, I’m going to do everything I possibly can to keep him alive. If it takes dying for good to keep him alive, then…” Shiv winced. “I don’t want to die for good. I don’t want to go away, not after everything I got to taste. But I’ll do it. I’ll do it. But I’ll give a hells of a lot more than just my own life, if it means keeping Adam alive.”

And finally, both quieted. Rose listened to him. You are not very much like him.

“Like who?” Shiv asked.

Harlon. He complained. He was such a whining bitch all the time; it got on my nerves. You are Vera’s son, truly. I can see her in you. Hear her in you. Her more than him. And I hope you don’t become her. I hope your words are true. Rose let out a final, shuddering breath. Please don’t hurt my boy. Please.

Shiv shook his head. “If anyone tries to hurt Adam, I’ll felling kill them. You got more than my word on that.”

And she said no more in response, lapsing back to silence, to the coldness of his vitae. Shiv sighed. “Well, that was a horrifying godsdamn conversation,” he said, speaking more to himself than anyone else. A gust of wind rushed over him, and in the distance, he noticed Adam was no longer staring at his mana core, but directly at him. Shiv nodded. Adam probably saw that too.

“Yeah, I did talk to her just now,” Shiv said. “I’ll tell you about it later, if you want. You’re going to hate this. I hated this. Right now, I think I’m going to read. I’m gonna need a moment. Tell Uva I’ll be back over in a few hours. For now, I think I’m gonna do some reading… Long overdue reading, to—to cool off. I need a moment, Adam. Just give me a moment.”

And when no Veilpiercers zipped by, when no mana strands arrived to sink through his mind, Shiv knew that he was going to get a moment to himself at last. Shiv gathered his Biomancy books and prepared to continue his education for the first time in a while.

At least, he thought that was what he was going to get, until a voice came from behind him. “You were not lying about your ghost.”

For a moment, Shiv tensed, and then he turned to see Angelo standing there, staring at him from the bridge. The azure brightness of the mana core painted the vampire’s face in a half-shadow, and he stared at Shiv with his eyes of faintest red. Shiv knew better than to let his gaze linger on the vampire’s face for long. His Charm Skill was just too potent.

“So, how do you like the soup?” Shiv asked, barely holding back a sigh. He really didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

“I was surprised,” the vampire replied. “It was among the better dishes I’ve tasted.”

“Among the better dishes?” Shiv asked, surprised rather than offended.

The vampire nodded. “You have skill. But I suspect you are more dedicated to the fundamentals of cooking, to making sure nothing is wrong, rather than creative expression or pushing new thresholds of flavor. There is no mistake in the way you make your food. It’s perfectly cooked, perfectly prepared. Except, there is no…” Angelo made a gesture with his hand, a twirling of the fingers. “You need more expression. Not everyone will like it, but to truly go to the next stage, you need more expression.” Angelo pressed his lips together. “That is what one of my masters once told me.”

Now, Shiv’s attention was entirely on Angelo. “You can cook?”

“I can do many things,” Angelo replied. “To be honest, I was not a good cook. My mind drifted to other things. I was easily distracted. And I often lost track of many things. The steps. The ingredients. Myself. But I have known brilliant cooks. I have known brilliant chefs. I have known food the likes of which few will ever taste.”

“And that’s not mine,” Shiv said.

“Not quite,” Angelo replied. There was almost something of a smile pulling at his face, but it never quite made it on. A stronghold of sadness had taken up residence in Angelo’s eyes.

“Well, I hope I meet some of these brilliant cooks and chefs you talked about someday,” Shiv replied. “I think my education still has a long way to go.”

“Yes, but I think it might be difficult. You do have a propensity for killing vampires. They will likely sooner die facing you than indulge in small talk.”

Shiv bowed his head slightly, acknowledging the point.

“I must ask,” Angelo said, gesturing to the book in Shiv’s hand. “You know what that is, right?”

“Yeah. Odes. Damn good book. Why?”

“I have gone through it fully. What chapter are you on? I am curious. Most people are repulsed by it.”

“Sculptor Ekkihurst is a vile sonnabitch,” Shiv grunted. “But he’s also an artist of the flesh. I’m here to learn. I’m here to get better. And someday, I might even use what I discovered here to put an end to him.”

Angelo turned his head slightly, and there was a certain look in his eyes. “Which chapter are you on?” he asked again.

“I’m going through the section about diseases at the moment. I’m planning on infecting myself. I tried the Bowel-Breaker a few times earlier, but my body’s already adapted to that. It’s not strong enough—not infectious enough, maybe. I barely feel a buzz anymore when I use it on myself. The damnedest thing about my Plaguefueled skill is that it treats diseases like they’re alcohol. And my tolerance is spiking up quickly.”

Rather than responding with surprise or astonishment about the nature of Shiv’s Disease Resistance Skill Evolution, the vampire nodded along. “Then what you need is a small variety. Small changes every time, just like with your cooking: novelty. Find the most basic of the viruses and just change it. Learn the foundations and change them ever so slightly every time. See how your body reacts to that. That is all I can offer.”

Shiv blinked. “Yeah, I think… Yeah, I think I’m gonna try that. Thanks.”

The quiet between them dragged. Angelo lowered his head. “I wish to thank you as well. For not letting the Umbrals take me. I heard one of the Weaveresses was talking about using me as a prisoner. Or worse. I have… no desire to be used by anyone anymore. You have done me a kindness twice over now, and I have nothing to offer.”

“It doesn’t matter if you have nothing to offer,” Shiv replied. “I help people because it’s a sign. A sign of strength, a sign of what I want to do. It’s the point of being a Pathbearer. It’s not to take from the world. It’s to do things in it. I don’t want to help you because I was going to get something out of it. I helped you because I wanted to. And because the world can’t stop me.”

Angelo’s eyes widened a little bit, but then he bowed his head, and slowly he retreated back into the Court Leviathan, away from the light, where he languished alone once more.

“And there goes another mystery,” Shiv muttered to himself. But Angelo’s recommendation still echoed in his mind. “Novelty, huh? Alright, let’s see if I can make some novel viruses that my body can’t quite keep up with. Wait. Some of the viruses and stuff are still lodged inside the Court Leviathan. The Biomancer just turned them off earlier.”

Shiv looked down at Courtney. “Alright. Let’s see if I can transplant some of your blood into me and trigger some of these diseases. Make it like a… implanted plague dispenser.”

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