“Hades, my old enemy. It’s been a while. Still playing at your masquerade. Pretending to be several people you’re not while running from who you actually are.”

“Oh, Culturist, I do love these conversations, but no. This is a friendly house call. As friendly as you can make it. I want to know how you managed to overcome the Eldest’s metamorphosis.”

“And why do you wish to know that? Aren’t you a survivor yourself?”

“Not in the same way you are, orc. You managed to beat it by sheer force of will and martial prowess. You somehow won against your own compromised skills. I did what I always do: be a conniving rat and use the monsters trying to eat me against each other.”

“Oh, do drop the self-deprecation. It works on most people, but I can read your arrogance playing behind your eyes, and I was no more martially potent than you were, once upon a time. In fact, I do recall that you spared me. The only reason I still remain is that you held back with that glare of yours. You never did tell me why.”

“And you might never find out why, but perhaps I’ll tell you this time, if you lend your aid to me.”

“Maybe. But I think you’ll have to wait. I’m preparing for something.”

“Let me guess, you’re massing your forces in front of the Tutorial gate in anticipation of a new Insul you intend to test.”

“How are you monitoring me, Hades? Which of my orcs do you have compromised? Is it Bonk again? Or Mortar?”

“None, but I do have eyes on your Insul, and the Slipgate is right underneath my campus.”

“Oh. It seems like you and I will be having our reunion a little sooner than I expected.”

“Don’t sound so pleased about it. If I had my way, and I’m likely going to, there will be no fighting between you and me. However, the same can’t be said about the boy. He’s a vicious one, Culturist. A mana bomb on two legs, trying to control his own yield. Udraal succeeded with him, and perhaps a little bit too much.”

“Stop. You can only make someone sound so delightful before I fail to control myself. Do you think he might be my undoing? Do you think… he has the potential? For the thing I discussed with you before.”

“Right now? No. The Deathless is still raw, still untrained in many ways. The System has forced too much power on him because he cannot experience the final consequence of strife. Much like you orcs, except he doesn’t lose his levels. He doesn’t lose anything. He is made stronger by death.”

“Perfection! I must gaze upon him at once, and see to it that his mettle lives up to your words.”

“Yeah, about that. If you’re going to have a fight with him, do it on your side. You’re going to be popping out right underneath my campus. So any destruction you cause will be very inconvenient for me.”

“Oh dear, is that so? Is that your actual reason for reaching me, Hades? Because you are afraid I will damage your property?”

“No, I’m not afraid of that. You will find a way to damage my property no matter what, because you’re an orc. I’m just telling you, anything you break, I’m going to put it on your account of favors—of which you owe me many. Speaking of: the Eldest.”

“Ah. Very well. But I must warn you: my strategy will likely not apply to that Umbral girl you’re trying to claim as an apprentice.”

“Ah. Prick. Did you strike a new bargain for the Dreamtaker again?”

“Die curious, Hymn.”

“Felling orc.”

-The Culturist and Hades Hymn

255 (I)

Extraction [II]

Shiv grunted under his breath. “Well, I can’t say I didn’t see this shit coming.”

“Were you anticipating a brawl with the Culturist?” Hades asked.

“It’s practically fated to happen,” Shiv grumbled. “Of course it is. I’m the Deathless. Everything I do results in another brawl, another war, another few thousand people dying.” He let out a low exhalation and shrugged. “Nothing for it then. Let’s deal with this Culturist and get Uva and the others home.”

“Right, about that,” Know-Nothing said, his voice silken and serpent-like, as if a snake wriggling its way into the conversation. “I have a request to make.”

“In fact, we all have a request to make,” Yellowbelly said from his corner, chuckling as he looked down at the gathered crowd. “Now that we’re all formally acquainted, and our mutual interests are established, we’d like to ask you for an invitation.”

“Invitation?” Adam repeated. “What kind of invitation?”

“A formal invitation to establish a branch at Gate Piety, of course,” Poverty said. He all but giggled as he spoke. “In exchange for our resources, expertise, and all the aid we’ve provided you thus far, I think that we are due for a more formal relationship.”

Adam and Shiv shared a look.

“We’re going to need a second to discuss,” Adam declared to the dragons. “Also, we want to discuss in private. She needs to be included as well.”

As the Gate Lord gestured towards Uva, Hymn folded his arms and huffed dramatically. “You understand that you won’t be able to reach her without me. And if you’re reaching her through me, I’ll be included in the conversation. I’m not exactly an unbiased party.”

“Yeah, but there’s one thing different about you, Hymn,” Shiv said. “I know where you are on campus. You got skin in the game.”

“Ah. The direct threat method of compliance. Truly, the most effective means of negotiation with another Legend.” Hymn chuckled. “You should take a diplomacy class, boy. I strongly recommend it.”

Shiv snorted—but deep down, he found himself considering the idea.

And so, before the 4-man conference could begin, a 2-person dialogue formed between Shiv and Adam. The Deathless extended a tendril of Psychokinetic energy and connected his mind to the Gate Lord’s. Once more, Commander’s Foresight was used, and they discussed their steps ahead in private.

“I think we should do it,” Shiv said immediately. “Fuck it. Why not?”

“I think not,” Adam replied, immediately at odds. “Wait, what are we talking about right now? Accepting the Dragon Brokers into Gate Piety? Or letting Hymn listen in on our conversation with Uva?”

“Both, I guess,” Shiv said. “Look, it’s not ideal, but nothing about our current condition is ideal, frankly. If we can get the Neath to support the two professors, maybe we can get the gate done and reach Blackedge faster. We’re going to be running up against the eldritch and the orcs anyway. Might as well get some more support.”

“There’s a problem with this, Shiv,” Adam said, his voice thin with frustration. “The problem here is they’re not our support, they’re their own support. They’re interested in using us against Udraal, against Veronica, against everyone. They’re interested in their own enrichment.”

“Yeah, I know. But what else do we have right now?”

“Each other, the Composer, a good group of Legends.”

Shiv scoffed. “Against the rest of the Capitol, the Culturist, the Outside, and whoever else is looking to finish us off from the shadows.”

“The Neath is part of the shadows,” Adam said. “Look, let’s deal with the Hymn issue first. Are you willing to risk him learning something about us? Because he is a Legendary-Tier Psychomancer.”

“But without him, we’re not getting to Uva,” Shiv said simply. “I don’t see much of another choice here.”

“The other choice is that we simply don’t involve her,” Adam shot back. Shiv winced internally. “I know, I know, it’s not ideal. But what is right now? All we have and all we really can trust is each other. Look, let’s frame this out. We don’t truly know what the Neath wants in the long run and what other information they’re withholding from us. We don’t know their full capabilities, and we don’t really know any of them in detail at all. This isn’t going to be in our favor.”

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“But they’re playing against the Ascendants and Udraal.” Shiv reconsidered his statement a second later. “Okay, maybe not, but they’re playing for their own interests, and I think we can use that.”

“I think you’re being a little bit hubristic here,” Adam sighed. “I think you’re desperate to jump at this opportunity because Uva is right there, our town is right there, and because we want to save them. Being desperate to help makes sense, but we can’t be so desperate to agree to just anyone’s sleazy offers.”

“Are you using your Psychology Skill against me?” Shiv asked.

“Yes. Because you’re ignoring whatever your Psychology Skill is saying right now, because we’re desperate.”

Sage of the Enkindled Heart: Adam speaks sense. But he’s also paranoid. He wants to get to Blackedge more than you do, but he’s been burned and betrayed one too many times. Without the Ascendants and the Republic to believe in, he is unmoored. You are the closest thing he has to a faith left. And he is afraid of losing you in any fashion.

“Listen, Adam, I know how you feel,” Shiv said. “But I don’t think there’s any avoiding this. Either we use them and keep them close, or I think they’re going to just become our enemies. They’re going to find a way to reach us either way. And we have enough problems on every front.”

“You saw the attendants, right?” Adam asked. “You saw how they were, how unwilling they looked, the smiles on their faces? You must have noticed. I know you noticed. You might not have the Awareness, but you do have the Psychology. If mine detected something awful with them, you should’ve tasted it too. That’s what we’re inviting into Gate Piety. They’re playing charm games with us now, but these are not good people. And if we invite them into our home, into my gate, then we’re going to be more like them. Just like you’re going to become more like the orcs, just like I’m going to be a bit more like you, because we all adapt to the ones we’re with.”

Shiv spent a near minute considering Adam’s words, and he was starting to get a headache from the strain of sustaining the skill alongside Adam. He knew that there was sense there, he knew that he was also desperate, he knew… And then an epiphany came to him. A downright evil idea.

“Adam, I really think we should invite them,” Shiv said.

The Gate Lord sighed. “I—”

“No, no, hear me out. I think we should also give part of Gate Piety to the orcs. Call it the… political quarter. Or diplomatic quarter. But it’s also the orc quarter.”

Suddenly, Adam was utterly speechless. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

“Yeah, you know, why not have an orc quarter inside the gate? They’re practically part of the population.”

“Oh, gods,” Adam breathed. “You’re going to use the bloody orcs to counter the bloody criminals.”

“And politicians,” Shiv said. “If it’s already going to be downtrodden and miserable, well, we might as well feed that to the people who love the downtrodden and miserable. Let the cruel greet the cruel, and all that.”

Adam chuckled. “That was almost poetic, Shiv.”

Skill Gained: Poetry (Common)

Apparently, the System agreed.

“Alright, so that could be a potential strategy,” Adam sighed. “Though it does put the rest of the gate in danger.”

“The rest of the gate is already going to be in danger. Lord Scorn is not going to stop until you’re dead. The rest of the world isn’t going to stop until I’m dead or captured or whatever is worse. And the Outer Gods aren’t going to stop until Uva’s hauled around, and they can use her as some kind of meat sleeve or whatever fucked-up thing they intend to do with her. I say the strategy that we’re using against Veronica and Udraal stays. I say that you’re probably right to be paranoid and doubtful about all these bastards trying to get in our pants. But I also think that we should get them closer. Closer so that when they inevitably return to bite us, we release someone else on them first.”

“And you think you can do that with the orcs?” Adam asked. There was a hint of doubt in the Gate Lord’s mind. “The Headmaster sounds like he knows the Culturist. For all we know, they could be scheming against us together.”

“And I know one thing about the orcs: They’re always in it for domination, for themselves. Now, do I think I can perfectly manipulate an orc? No. But I do think I can guess what they might do. And the idea of convincing them to go to war against the Eldritch and potentially stabbing the Neath in the back? Yeah, I think there’s a world where we can do that. They have their own logic. It’s just really, really predatory logic. We just need to sic them on proper prey.”

“That isn’t us,” Adam insisted.

“That isn’t us,” Shiv agreed. “And I think we have something else we could do right now. We have Radio, which means we have Cripple. It’s been wanting to speak with the Starhawk for some time, right? So maybe it’s not just a four-way conversation. Maybe it can be five, and Hades might want to watch what he has to say to us too. Some more insurance.”

Gardener of Doubt: This is the way out. Sow more seeds. There are a thousand blades in the dark, but not all of them pointed at you. You are not in the middle of the encirclement. Glide through the crowd. Make sure the steel bites deep. Make sure whoever follows you into these woods is bled as well. No one emerges from the System’s jaws clean. You, however, will scab harder. Your scabs will be as iron. Their scabs will only mark old wounds.

Gardener of Doubt 54 > 57

“What the hells was that?” Adam sputtered.

“What, you mean Gardener of Doubt?”

“Your skill speaks to you?” The Gate Lord said, flabbergasted.

“…Yours doesn’t?”

“No! None of my skills speak to me. They let me do things and let me understand things better, but they don’t talk to me like that. Wait, how many of your skills do that? I heard a whisper earlier. Was that also a skill?”

Shiv realized Adam was talking about Sage of the Enkindled Heart. “Yeah, that was. You couldn’t hear it clearly?”

“It’s very quiet. This one’s practically shouting.”

“Interesting…” Shiv hummed.

“That’s more than interesting, Shiv,” Adam hissed. “That’s—wait. Remember what Udraal told you? That… that my unborn sister should still be… Do you think…”

Shiv considered that for a moment. “I don’t know. When your mother hatched out from my Foreshadowing skill, she materialized behind me, merging from the splitting of two different skills, one of them Unique. So far, nothing’s split out of these skills, and I don’t have a Vitae-formed effigy of… I don’t know what your sister looks like. She wasn’t even born when she died, right? She wouldn’t look like much of anything.”

“Yes, but do you think there might be a chance that she… that…”

Adam couldn’t quite articulate what he was trying to say, but Shiv caught on anyway. “I don’t know, Adam. Maybe. But so far, there doesn’t seem to be a sign. So, I don’t feel like it’s the case. This feels different than when your mother emerged from me. Veronica also implied skills sometimes talk to people.”

The Gate Lord sighed. “Fine, let’s… let’s do this five-way conversation with Hymn. Let’s see if we can throw them off as much as they’re trying to throw us off.”

Their dialogue finished, time resumed its flow, and Shiv looked at Hymn. “One more thing. I think we want to include the Avatar here as part of the conversation.”

“You want to what?” Radio suddenly looked at Shiv.

“You wish to what?” Cripple’s voice followed right after.

“We promised to get you in touch with the Starhawk, right?” Shiv said. He pointed at Uva through the hole in the wall. “Well, here’s the moment. You’re looking at his Avatar right now.”

Radio’s screen-shaped face flickered with incandescence. “But…”

“Roland took a bit too much of a beating toward the end of the siege,” Shiv said. “Not the least thanks to most of you guys fucking him over instead of helping him. So, in his place, we found the only other person capable of sustaining a god’s power.”

“How?” Cripple asked. “How could she, possibly?” And then, a realization struck the Ascendant. “The eldritch. Thaen is using their power as a bridge to avoid burning her soul down to cinders.”

“Interesting strategy,” Hymn said. “I hope you understand that I’m not overly worried about this, right? Most of what I’m doing is sanctioned by Chandler.” Hymn paused. “Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it sanctioned. It’s more like she doesn’t care about what I do, and I try not to care about what she does. We give each other space. It’s what Legends do if they want to coexist. And right now, hand on my heart, I’m not really scheming against you. I understand why you two kids are paranoid, but if I was going to do something against you, I wouldn’t be acting so obviously.”

“And I know you too well to trust you completely,” Cripple declared. “But I will have this conversation. I will see you as a conduit and accept your bargain. But you would do well to remember that I know where you are, Headmaster Hymn. Understand that if you do anything, if you try to sell this moment to the highest bidder, if anyone finds out, I will burn your spirit down to dust.”

Hymn pressed his lips together and nodded. “Great, perfect. Glad you got that off your chest. I love being threatened by one Divinity or another. Everyone’s just treating me like garbage today…”

“Do not compare me to the outer gods,” Cripple said. “I am not nearly so ruinous.”

“And they don’t have quite as much dementia as you do,” Hymn shot back. “Now that we’ve all finished waving our micro-penises at each other, can we get on with this thing? Because I have some more drinking and stroking to do later tonight.”

“Did he just say stroking?” Kura said under her breath.

Gone nodded once. “Yes.”

“Stroking what?” the scarred elf asked, genuinely confused.

“I believe he indicates an inclination towards masturbation,” Tulveg declared, “but I cannot fully be sure. Human cultures are not all aligned, and the Republic has been an enigma to me.”

Hymn proceeded to confirm the vampire’s words with a snap of his fingers. “Yep, gonna spend some quality time with my favorite hands.”

“But you only have two,” Adam muttered.

Hymn nodded without any shame. “And I don’t cheat on either. It takes both when the challenge they face is great enough.”

“Didn’t you say micropenis a second ago?” Shiv asked, his intrusive thoughts getting the better of him.

“Size is relative. Something may appear micro when you’re mating with a dragoness, but massive when compared to your hands.”

Suddenly, Shiv was having second thoughts about going through the Headmaster’s mind.

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