Chapter 240: 240. HER REQUEST

“What do you mean, no? You have been listening to all we have been saying. Do you plan to tell your master?” Sagiri said, taking another step closer. He was going to have to kill her if he had to. He was sure the mission would not be secret for long, but perhaps at one point or another, someone could find out. What better way to take him out than by making it look like the Tatani did it?

“I-I…” She kept her eyes to the ground and fiddled with her fingers. She was more unlike herself now, and it was as if someone different was standing in front of him. What had happened to her in the few weeks he had not seen her?

She was nervous.

Nervous?

She previously did not have any emotion, and Sagiri could not perceive her or her feelings. What was happening?

“Speak,” Sagiri said. She had almost killed him, and that was not something he was going to overlook easily. It doesn’t matter what she felt at the moment. She was still someone’s pet.

“Can you touch me?” Lira asked after a few awkward moments, and Sagiri’s eyes snapped wide behind the veil. That was a question a maiden could not dare ask of a man she was not married to. She fiddled with her fingers even more. Sagiri was not so naive as not to know the affairs between maidens and their betrothed, but this was not the case. It was uncouth and unheard of. Even the tsanka feral women could not as easily ask for that.

“Lira, that is inappropriate,” Sagiri said, freezing in place. Women were just too complicated for him. One wanted to challenge him to the death as a marriage prospect, and another tried to kill him, yet now she was uttering taboos.

“Please… I know I tried to kill you, but I don’t want to anymore,” she said in a small voice. Well, Sagiri could not blame her. She had been raised in a cylinder of some lab. Her lack of social cues and weird requests could be forgiven.

“I can not do that,” Sagiri said, shutting his eyes for a moment before he opened them. She had now moved a few steps closer, and she was standing in front of him. He had felt her move, but he did not feel alarmed enough to move. Only nervousness.

“Why?” Her round, unnatural, misty grey pupils stared at him, which were hidden behind the veil.

“Why? Well, Lira, you are a maiden, and I am a man. I can not take my liberties with you.” Sagiri explained. He wished he did not have to explain the topic, but he had to.

“But you did last time,” she tilted her head to the side as if trying to remember the ideas that had unfolded in the days Sagiri had attacked at the final exam. She placed her palm to her head as sagiri had done, and sagiri finally understood. He breathed out a bent-up breath that he had been holding.

“You wish me to go through your memories? You did not seem to like it back then.” Sagiri said. So that was the reason she was nervous. She had begged him the last time not to go through them, yet now she was begging for it. She was clearly scared and nervous, yet she was begging. Sagiri could not understand what the woman he had encountered wanted. He was now even more confused than ever.

“Yes, I do not want to,” she said, biting the inside of her cheeks.

“Why now? I don’t understand,” Sagiri said. He has spent a lot of time in the war college, and soon someone on patrol might find him odd or something might just go wrong.

“I remembered some things on my own,” she said. She still carried that confused air, but she seemed to have put a few things together. She would be stupid not to know that she was different, and her upbringing was even more different.

“And you want to remember more?” Sagiri asked. She nodded vigorously.

“I want to know if I have a clan too or a tribe. I can also remember why I wish to kill you so I can make up for it,” she said in anticipation. Sagiri had been there before. Wanting badly to remember his origins, and some part of him still wished he hadn’t. Remembering is not always the best thing. He wished to know who sent her, but he felt reluctant to now grant her wish.

“What will you do when you remember?” Sagiri could not help but ask.

“I… I don’t know,” she answered honestly. Her remembering everything now could soil Sagiri’s future plans.

“I have to go. Perhaps when I finish this task,” Sagiri said, getting ready to leave. He did not trust her yet. not even with her own memory.

“Can I come with you then. You need a squad. I can help,” she asked right when sagiri was about to turn around. Sagri paused in his step and turned his head to look at the nervous girl.

“No. You can’t. I don’t trust you. If you follow me, I will not hesitate to kill you.” Sagiri could feel her determination, but putting an enemy on your squad was just a fit he was not willing to try. Whoever agreed to join him on this squad might be in danger, and he was not willing to take the chance. She looked dejected, but she did not argue any further. Sagiri headed for the southern gate yet again. He did not want to use the archive since it had gone silent on him.

He had finally been able to get the archives’ recollection of what had happened while he had passed out, and it had left him chilled. It had bought him the fear factor Senraki had talked about, but Sagiri now knew there was a price to be paid. If he blacked out and never regained consciousness, then, just like the mandra had said, he would become just a beast. Sagiri hated to admit it, but he had not been able to sleep well ever since he remembered the ideas of that night. If Kaka had seen what had happened, he would have accused him of lacking honour, and he would be right.

It was a nightmare in his own making.

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