Chapter 100 – The Captain

The pleasure she felt was short-lived though. The faces of fear that she left in her wake faded into the background as she attended to her fist. Casseus seems to have toughened up recently, or she was getting old. She washed the blood off her knuckles in silence.

“The truth hurts.” She mumbled to herself. She looked at her reflection rippling against the surface of the water. Those eyes that were once filled with hope. Hope to protect. Hope for justice.

The hope of a young woman, naive to the realities of this world. For a brief moment, she let herself fantasize about the dream she once held. But that passed as she looked closer. Now those eyes were filled with nothing. Empty. Near lifeless. The violence and that once satiated her hunger barely even fazed her now.

And for what? A better life for herself?. The one she had dreamed about for years. One entirely her own. One with no one.

She balled her fist and punched the basin of water. Her anger flared at her own reflection. She could not stand the woman who looked back at her. That little bit of knightly pride still in her flared up.

It quickly died as she washed her knuckles off. It seems that Casseus’s face had even caused her knuckles to bleed, too. The boy was growing up, and it was nearly time for him to be shipped off.

A pang hit her. One that freaked her out. It wasn’t something she was expecting, nor had she felt it in a long time. She thought she had buried any empathy long ago after swearing herself to this life. Casseus was set to be shipped off by the spring, sent off to a far worse estate than here.

Was that what this was? Empathy? It couldn’t be that. She buried that years ago after learning what it got her. But it felt like the right word.

Empathy for the boy she had just beaten senseless? No, it couldn’t possibly be that.

Had Maeve rattled her that hard?

“Maeve is who you wish you were.” Casseus’s voice rattled around in her head. That phrase pissed her off in a way she couldn’t quite put to thought. It wasn’t right, but it wasn’t wrong either.

“No. I wish to be the woman who could stand next to her…” She mumbled to herself. She let her walls down for a brief moment, letting the reality sink in. She missed her friend. She had always missed Maeve. She was just too proud to admit it.

“I wish I were still her equal…” Lilith said, feeling a lump in her throat, something she hadn’t felt in years. Not since her first deployment, at least. Yet she fought back the tears, unwilling to let go.

“Maybe if I’d have listened to that fussy woman… I wouldn’t have turned out this way.” She said idly, rubbing her cheek. She could still feel the echo of Daisy’s slap after she made that joke about men. Something so simple, yet she had forgotten the context.

It took her a moment of reflection, her hand still rubbing her cheek. “Oh, right… Maeve invited me over to tell me they planned on having a kid…”

She felt a tear escape her eye, something that hadn’t happened since returning from that godforsaken deployment. She swatted it away while remembering the joke she had made. It was a subtle jab at Daisy.

“Hope they don’t accidentally use your brother.” She idly said to herself. She winced after realizing she said it out loud. The pain began to surge back into her from that day.

That phrase is what caused everything. Daisy to slap her, Maeve to turn her back on her, and for Lilith to go down this path. She could still see the horrified looks the two gave her after saying it. She felt a heavy weight press against her chest.

Another tear escaped her eye. She swatted it away, her weakness beginning to annoy her more than anything. She balled her fist and smacked her own cheek. The sharp sting of pain cut through her self-pity.

“The fuck am I doing?” She grumbled to herself. She got up and tossed the bloody towel to the side.

She went to check on her Lady. The one too focused on their newest boy to even respond to her captain. The boy was tied up and drugged, barely conscious or coherent. Her Lady’s perverse smile as she used the boy was sickening. Something that didn’t even sit right in Lilith’s stomach to this day. But it paid for her retirement.

She had to make sure that their guard kept Lady Elfreit’s knights away. The gods only know what would happen if anyone found out about Myrtle’s interests.

After making her rounds, she returned to her room. The adrenaline and anger completely faded from her as her body gave out. For a brief moment before the fatigue took her, she thought back on the state of the boy. The anguish in his eyes as Myrtle used him, something that had never moved her before. Today, it felt different, even if she’d seen it hundreds of times.

It quickly left her as fatigue took over. It dragged her away from the thoughts of that boy, and Lilith hoped she could escape such heavy feelings. But her dreams were no escape. She was plagued by memories in her dreams.

Lilith’s restless sleep bled into the morning. The sunlight creeping into her room only deepened her scowl. She sat up, feeling her head begin to ache. She pushed through the pain and got out of bed.

She was greeted by her second in command, Erica, the daughter of one of Myrtle’s friends. The pink-haired lady had her helmet under one of her arms and was waiting patiently for her Captain. While she wasn’t the worst knight, she definitely didn’t get her position through merit alone. Her mother made sure of that.

“Captain, Lady Efreit’s knights are clearing out. None of them seemed to do any snooping.” The young woman stated. She was at least diligent, which is more than Lilith could say for her other knights. Erica may not be fit for second in command, but she would have made an excellent knight.

“Yes, thank you,” Lilith said, returning a salute. She breathed a sigh of relief that their troublesome guests would only be here for another couple of hours. Thank the gods for her Lady’s rumors, else they might have stayed.

“Also, their Captain is asking for Casseus. Seems her young Master took a liking to him,” Erica said, dropping her salute. Her face changed to one of worry.

Lilith sighed. She had to figure out what to do. She’d have to find a healer to fix what she did last night. “Fine, I’ll run to the temple with him. Get him patched up and return, say he’s going shopping or whatever.”

“I told you not to do that…” Erica began, but stopped. Lilith shot her a look, one that told her not to push her luck. This caused the woman to look to the ground.

“Erica. What have I told you?” Lilith said, her voice serious.

“Empathy kills,” Erica said, her eyes sinking deeper into the ground.

“Good, now distract that obnoxious Captain while I get Casseus fixed,” Lilith said, closing the door on the woman. She heard her knight shuffle away. Why couldn’t she be like all her other comrades? They were knights just for the prestige or to be shown off by their rich parents. Erica, however, actually cared about honor and making a difference.

“Why didn’t she take the transfer I offered?” Lilith said to herself, another sigh coming from her. She slunk against the wall, feeling the weight in her chest again.

Lilith pursed her lips, contemplating how best to escape the estate. It would be annoying, but she could use the back exit that they used for smuggling. She’d have to make sure none of the foreign knights spotted her, which could cause trouble.

She got up and donned her armor, hastily making her way to the dormitory for their butlers. She stumbled upon a scene that would have melted anyone else. Four boys were beside Casseus, arms tangled up as if guiding him to sleep. Their effort to ease his pain and cover his wounds is evident.

Lilith didn’t let herself care. She pushed the boys to the side, giving way for her. The four shuffled away, cowering in fear of the woman. She effortlessly picked up Casseus and headed for the door.

“W-wait, where are you taking him?” One boy cautiously called out, fear evident in his voice.

“To get healed. He’s lucky that brat of a singer asked for him, else I’d let his wounds fester.” She said bitterly, not even looking back. She left the boys’ room and made her way to the smuggler’s exit. She was just glad none of Maeve’s knights were anywhere near her. It’d be another annoying thing she’d have to deal with.

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