Chapter 185: Chapter: 185 I wish, I had a long life.

The maid’s name was Eli. She was the same age as Vivian and had been his personal maid since childhood.

From the day she was assigned to him, she had stayed by his side.

She helped him dress, brought his meals, and stayed awake on nights when he fell sick.

To her, Vivian was not just her master.

He was someone she had watched grow up, someone she silently cared for.

Because of that, his sudden change hurt her deeply.

Just a few years ago, this young man had been the pride of the family.

Everyone spoke of him with respect. He was polite, calm, and kind to servants and nobles alike.

He never raised his voice and never looked down on others.

Eli remembered those days clearly.

She remembered his gentle smile and the way he always thanked her for even the smallest task.

But since last year, everything had changed.

Vivian no longer stayed at home. He spent most of his time in taverns and red light districts.

His nights were filled with alcohol, and his mornings with silence.

The clean, well-mannered young man she once knew had slowly faded away.

In his place stood someone cold and distant, someone who looked tired even when awake.

Even now, he was drunk.

The strong smell of alcohol surrounded him as he walked.

His steps were unsteady, his body swaying as he struggled to stand straight.

The bottle in his hand was already half empty, yet he kept drinking from it as if it was the only thing keeping him alive.

Eli stood in front of him with her head bowed.

She did not dare to look into his eyes. She only wanted to receive her orders and return to her room so she could sleep.

Her heart felt heavy, but she kept her expression calm, just like she had been taught.

Then Vivian raised the bottle again and took another large gulp.

His voice was cold and flat when he spoke.

“Go inside.”

The moment those words left his mouth, a chill ran down Eli’s spine.

“Y-young master?”

Eli moved her lips to speak, but before she could say another word, Vivian suddenly stepped forward.

His hand covered her mouth, firm and cold, cutting off her voice.

Her eyes widened in shock as he grabbed her wrist and dragged her inside the room.

The door closed behind them with a dull sound.

Vivian pushed her to the side. Eli lost her balance and fell to the floor, her back hitting the ground.

It hurt, but not too much. He had not thrown her with full strength. Even so, fear rushed through her body.

Her heart started beating fast. Her breath became uneven.

“Y… young m-master… please don’t do this,” she said in a broken voice.

Her face turned pale, and her hands trembled as she tried to move back.

In that moment, fear filled her mind. She was scared that Vivian might do something terrible to her.

But he did not walk toward her.

Instead, Vivian turned away.

He staggered toward the bed, the bottle still in his hand.

He dropped his body onto the mattress as if all his strength had left him. His voice was low and tired when he spoke.

“Wait here… until I wake up.”

Those were the last words he said.

The bottle slipped from his hand, rolling onto the floor, as he fell asleep almost instantly.

Eli stayed frozen where she was, her heart still racing.

Slowly, when she realized he was truly asleep, her breathing began to calm.

She lifted her head and looked at him carefully.

Vivian lay on the bed, unmoving.

Empty bottles were scattered around the room, some on the floor, some near the bed.

His chest rose and fell in slow, steady breaths.

His face, which usually looked cold and distant, was calm now, almost peaceful.

Seeing this, Eli finally felt that everything was alright.

She moved quietly to the side of the room.

Sitting near the dressing table, she rested her head against it, careful not to make any noise.

Exhaustion washed over her, and before she knew it, her eyes closed.

Soon, the room became silent as she too fell asleep.

After a few hours.

“Eli… Eli, wake up.”

A voice echoed near her ear as her shoulders were shaken again and again.

“Hah—”

Eli’s eyes snapped open in shock.

Her heart jumped, and the first thing she saw was Vivian’s face right in front of her.

His skin was pale, almost lifeless.

A thin stain of blood was on his lips. His brows were drawn together as he looked down at her.

“Y-young master?” she said. Her voice was full of confusion.

The moment she spoke, Vivian moved closer.

His hand clamped over her mouth, stopping her words. He leaned in and whispered near her ear.

“You have a younger brother, right?”

His voice was calm, cold, and empty.

Eli did not understand what was happening. Her eyes trembled as she slowly nodded.

Vivian continued, his tone unchanged. “Do what I say, and he will live a good life. You will also live well.” His eyes darkened. “But if you don’t… I will kill him.”

There was no anger in his voice. No emotion at all. That was what terrified her the most.

The confusion in Eli’s eyes vanished, replaced by fear.

Her whole body stiffened as she stared at Vivian’s cold, emotionless gaze. She nodded again, this time quickly, tears already forming.

Vivian quietly grabbed her sleeve.

Rip.

The sound was sharp in the silent room.

Her sleeve tore open.

“No….” Her voice shook violently.

Her eyes filled with fear as the thing she had feared the most began to happen.

She wanted to push him away. She wanted to scream.

But then her brother’s face appeared in her mind.

Her strength left her body.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head weakly. “Please… don’t do this…” she begged in a broken voice.

Vivian did not react.

His face remained cold as he continued tearing her clothes without hesitation.

After a while, when he stopped, he stepped back. He looked at her as if she was nothing more than an object.

Then, in an icy voice, he said, “Go tell mother that I assaulted you.”

Eli’s eyes widened in shock.

“W-what?” she cried, unable to understand his words.

The room felt colder than before.

Hearing her exclamation, Vivian clicked his tongue in clear annoyance.

“If you ask me another question,” he said coldly, “I will kill your brother. Now go and tell mother that I assaulted you.”

His words left no room for doubt.

Eli felt her throat tighten. She did not have the courage to speak back to him. Her legs trembled as she slowly stood up.

Every part of her body felt weak, as if all her strength had been taken away.

Vivian watched her silently, his eyes cold and distant.

Eli walked toward the door with slow steps. Just before reaching it, she stopped and looked back at him.

Her eyes were filled with fear and confusion, as if she was hoping this was all a nightmare.

“Scream,” Vivian said.

“….”

Eli remained silent. Her mind was empty. Nothing he did felt real anymore.

“Scream,” Vivian repeated, his voice unchanged. “Or I will kill you and your brother.”

At that moment, true fear gripped her heart.

She knew he was not joking. She knew he meant every word.

Tears streamed down her face as her lips trembled. Her chest tightened, and with all the fear and pain she was holding back, she screamed.

“Madaaam!”

The sound echoed through the corridor.

After Eli’s scream echoed through the corridor and her footsteps faded away, the room fell silent again.

Vivian slowly removed his upper clothes as he walked back to the bed.

His movements were heavy, as if each step took effort.

He sat on the edge of the bed and let out a long, bitter sigh, one filled with deep exhaustion.

“I’m sorry, mother,” he muttered quietly. “But if I don’t do this… I don’t think you will be able to bear my death.”

His voice trembled.

Pain, regret, shame, and helplessness mixed together in his eyes. More than anything, he hated himself in that moment.

He leaned back and stared at the ceiling, his vision blurry. “How good it would have been,” he whispered, “if I didn’t have this illness.”

Tears slid down the sides of his face. They were not loud or dramatic. They were tired tears, worn down by time and suffering.

“I had everything,” he continued softly. “Everything one could ever ask for. A loving family. A loving fiance. A bright future.”

His throat tightened.

“But heaven forgot to give me time,” he said bitterly. “Did I sin so much that I deserve to die so early? Can’t I just live a normal life like others?”

The room gave no answer.

Vivian let out another deep sigh and wiped his tears away with his sleeve. He lay down on the bed, his body finally giving in to exhaustion. His eyes slowly closed.

“I wish… I had a long life,” he whispered.

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