Chapter 363: Nineteen & Lonely

Seraphina’s POV

I stood outside my dorm room longer than I probably should have, my hand hovering just inches away from the door handle like it might burn me if I touched it. The hallway was quiet in that strange, late-evening way too still and too calm, like the world was holding its breath. I wished I could do the same.

I really didn’t want to go back inside.

After leaving Electra’s room and parting ways with Penelope, I’d taken a walk without really thinking about where I was going. My feet carried me around the campus paths I knew too well, past the gardens, the fountains, and the tall stone buildings that once felt exciting and new when I started getting used to the idea of being a part of Elysium. Everything looked the same, and yet, everything felt wrong.

It hit me somewhere between the east wing and the courtyard that I’d been gone for weeks, and not gone like on a trip, but gone like… absent from my own life.

My birthday had come and gone while I was in a coma, and I only just realized that while I was taking a walk.

I was now a nineteen-year-old.

The number felt strange in my head, like it belonged to someone else. I’d always imagined turning nineteen would mean something, maybe a life where I would finally have friends and stop being a pathetic pushover. After meeting Electra and falling in love with her, I was hoping I would at the very least get to enjoy Electra teasing me about getting old even though she’s older than me. Instead, I’d been lying unconscious in a hospital bed, unaware that time was moving forward without me.

I got no wishes and no celebration, and I highly doubted anyone remembered since I was an orphan with a guardian who hated her guts. I tried not to dwell on it, but it stung more than I wanted to admit.

And then there was school.

That was the part that really made my stomach twist, because I hadn’t written my final exams. Obviously. Being in a coma apparently counted as a “valid excuse,” which sounded nice until they explained my options. I could either repeat the same class all over again, or I could sit for two sets of exams, one for the grade I’d missed and one for the grade I was supposed to be in now.

Two exams.

While everyone else would be stressing over one.

I already struggled with exams, always had. I studied hard, I really did, but the moment I sat in front of a paper, my mind loved to go blank. The idea of juggling two exams at once made my chest tighten every time I thought about it. It felt cruel, even if it wasn’t meant to be.

As if waking up from a coma wasn’t enough, as if trying to adjust to life again wasn’t already overwhelming, and layered on top of all that was Electra.

Electra, who had lost her memories. Electra, whose entire existence had unfortunately been cracked open by the kingdom finding out she was half phoenix. Electra, who had looked at all of us today and said, calmly and honestly, that we were overwhelming her.

I didn’t blame her, not really, but that didn’t stop it from hurting.

I leaned my forehead lightly against the dorm room door and closed my eyes. I could hear faint voices from inside, Ashleigh laughing at something, Jolene complaining, and Liana talking over both of them. My roommates were girls I’d never gotten along with, no matter how hard I tried.

Before the coma, sharing a room with them had already been exhausting.

Now? Now I wasn’t even sure I had the strength.

So much had changed in such a short time. The world felt louder and heavier, like I’d been dropped back into it without any instructions on how to catch up. I straightened slowly, forcing myself to breathe.

’You can’t stand out here forever,’ I told myself.

Still, my hand refused to move. I thought about Electra again. The way she’d stood in her old room, calm and distant, like she was observing a life that didn’t belong to her. The way Seraphina-from-before would’ve clung to her, stayed with her without question or argument, but this new Electra, this version of her, had asked for space, and because I was nothing but a stranger to her, I had no other choice but to leave without any argument.

And maybe that was what scared me the most.

I’d been friendly with the others over the last few days because of my connection to Electra, because they knew I mattered to her, or at least, I used to. They were kind enough to treat me normally and talk to me a little more nicely than before, but I could feel the difference. They were seniors and best friends, and they had years of shared history I would never understand or be a part of.

I didn’t belong with them, and I didn’t really belong here either. I had no one again, no friend, and no one I could really talk to.

A small, ugly thought crept in before I could stop it.

’What if I shouldn’t come back at all?’

The idea startled me, but was being in Elysium really the best thing for me, even though I technically had nothing better waiting for me at home? My first year here had been… rough, a little lonely at first, and overshadowed by drama that I would have never in a million years before coming here thought I would be a part of. And now, with everything that had happened, Electra’s truth exposed, the school buzzing with rumors, and the kingdom watching closely, I couldn’t imagine the new year being any easier.

If anything, it would be worse.

I imagined walking into class, and whispers following me. Being “the girl who was in a coma.” “Electra’s friend.” “The one who knows too much.”

I imagined sitting exams I wasn’t ready for, sharing a room with girls who barely tolerated me, and pretending I was okay when I wasn’t.

My throat tightened.

I missed my old life, before Elysium. The still lonely but simple one, the one where my biggest worry was whether I’d finally gather the courage to talk to one of my old classmates without a near panic attack. The one where my father, at the very least, was still alive.

Now everything felt like it came with consequences. I wrapped my arms around myself and exhaled slowly. Standing here, frozen, wasn’t helping. If I was going to fall apart, I could at least do it somewhere private.

With a small, resigned sigh, I finally pushed the door open.

The noise hit me immediately.

Ashleigh was sprawled on her bed, laughing loudly at something Jolene had said, while Liana sat at her desk, flipping through a book and pretending she wasn’t listening. They all glanced up when I walked in.

“Oh,” Ashleigh said, raising a brow. “You’re back.”

I nodded, forcing a polite smile. “Yeah.”

No one asked where I’d been, not like I expected them to, and they also didn’t bother to ask how I was doing, and honestly, I was grateful. I didn’t have the energy to explain myself, and I definitely didn’t have the energy to pretend everything was fine.

I crossed the room quietly and sat on my bed, dropping my phone beside me. The mattress dipped under my weight, grounding me just a little.

This was my reality now.

Nineteen years old, behind in school, surrounded by people but feeling painfully alone, and trying to support my girlfriend while barely holding myself together.

I lay back and stared up at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of my roommates talking around me, feeling like an outsider in my own life.

I didn’t know how this year would go, I didn’t know if I was strong enough for it, but for now, all I could do was stay and hope that, somehow, I’d find my footing again.

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