Chapter 54: The First Time.

Helios knew?

How?

Already?

’Since when…?’

“I know you care about him more than you want to admit,” Helios said gently. “Maybe you’re even fond of him. Like you see him as your own.”

Ezra’s expression shifted before he could stop it.

Helios continued, unaware of the storm that had just passed through Ezra’s chest. “You keep saying he’s just a child you’re taking care of. But I know you. It’s not just that.”

So… he didn’t know.

Relief came first.

Sharp. Immediate.

’I really should let him finish before panicking,’ Ezra scolded himself.

But beneath the relief was something else. A strange disappointment. A flicker of something he didn’t want to name.

’Did I want him to figure it out?’ he wondered. ’Or am I just tired of hiding?’

“And I know,” Helios added, drawing him back, “that the boy adores you. He looks at you like you hung the sun. He probably sees you as a parent.”

Ezra’s throat tightened.

“Well… yes,” he admitted, a little awkwardly. “I care about Lior more than I intended to.”

That much was safe.

That much was true.

“Lior is like a ray of light,” Ezra said softly, a faint chuckle escaping him. “You’ve seen it. He’s clever. Stubborn. Proud.” His eyes drifted briefly toward the door behind them. “I can’t help wanting to protect him.”

’More than anything,’ he added silently.

“I never meant for him to become a knight,” Ezra continued. “I don’t want that for him. Bringing him here… I just needed an excuse. Something that made sense.”

Helios studied him. “Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

Ezra looked down.

The shame wasn’t dramatic. It was quiet. Familiar.

Because I’m afraid of losing things that matter.

Because I don’t know how long you’ll stay.

Because caring has always cost me.

Before he could spiral any further, Helios reached out and gently hooked a finger under his chin, tilting his face up.

The gesture wasn’t forceful. Just enough to make their eyes meet.

“If anyone in this kingdom knows the side of you that isn’t the Crimson Fae,” Helios said lightly, “it’s me.”

Ezra blinked.

“The sensitive, kind, easily upset Ezra.”

“Easily upset?” Ezra shot back, brows drawing together. “Since when?”

Helios’s lips curved. “You’re upset right now.”

Ezra huffed, unable to help himself.

Helios laughed softly.

“I know you,” Helios said again, more serious this time. “I would never think less of you for caring about a child. If anything, it makes me respect you more.”

Ezra felt something warm and uncomfortable bloom in his chest.

“If you care about Lior,” Helios continued, “then so do I. That’s simple. And if there’s something you want for him, I’ll do everything in my power to make it happen.”

There it was again.

That unfair warmth.

That steady certainty.

’Why do you do this?’ Ezra thought helplessly. ’Why do you make it so hard to keep distance?’

The guilt pressed heavier.

Because Helios was offering this kindness without knowing the full truth.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Ezra blurted before he could stop himself.

He really needed to stop doing that.

But he didn’t take it back.

This wasn’t Crimson Fae speaking. Not the composed captain. Not the calculating knight.

This was just Ezra.

He was letting himself be…himself.

Helios’s expression softened, the edges of his seriousness melting into something lighter.

“Nothing at all,” he said easily. “I was simply very attracted to that angry kid who used to bite knights for daring to get close to him.”

Ezra’s face burned.

“I cannot believe you just said that,” he muttered, looking away immediately. “You promised you wouldn’t bring that up again.”

Helios looked entirely unapologetic. “That promise was years ago.”

“It was a serious promise.”

“It expired,” Helios replied calmly, stepping a little closer, “the day you left.”

Ezra stilled.

Helios’s tone was still playful. Light. Teasing.

But the words lingered.

“If you don’t want me to mention embarrassing moments from our past,” Helios added, lowering his voice slightly, “then don’t disappear on me again.”

Ezra knew he was joking.

Helios was joking.

’He has to be,’ Ezra told himself.

And yet his heart skipped, painfully aware of the weight beneath the humor.

Because he couldn’t promise that.

Not when war was ahead.

Not when his entire life was built on things that required him to leave.

Not when Lior existed.

Guilt pricked at him first.

Then something else.

Something warmer. Softer. Dangerous.

Earlier that morning had already unsettled him. The way Helios looked at him. The way he smiled without restraint.

The way Ezra felt his old feelings stir despite everything he had buried.

And now this.

At night.

It was always at night.

Night had always been theirs.

No court. No armor. No titles hanging between them.

Just Helios.

Just Ezra.

Even now, standing in a quiet corridor instead of the old palace garden, it felt the same. The air was softer. The distance between them is smaller. The world is reduced to shared breaths and unspoken history.

’This used to be my idea of rest,’ Ezra realized. ’Moments where I could just be…me.’

He forced himself to speak before his thoughts wandered too far.

“You were insufferable,” Ezra muttered, still not looking at him. “You kept smiling at me like I was some stray you wanted to adopt.”

Helios laughed softly. “You were a stray.”

“I was not.”

“You bit Sir Rowan.”

“He grabbed me first.”

“You bit him twice.”

Ezra scowled. “He deserved it.”

Helios’s laughter deepened, warm and unguarded.

Ezra risked a glance up.

That was his mistake.

Helios was closer now. Close enough that Ezra could see the faint gold flecks in his eyes under the lantern light.

Close enough that the teasing expression had faded into something gentler.

He didn’t look away.

The teasing light in his eyes faded into something steadier. Something honest.

Before Ezra could brace himself, Helios stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him.

It wasn’t loose. It wasn’t hesitant.

It was firm.

Ezra froze.

For a split second, his mind went completely blank.

“Helios—” he started, flustered, hands hovering awkwardly at his sides.

Helios let out a quiet breath near his shoulder. “Do you remember,” he murmured, “the first time you ever hugged me?”

Ezra stiffened.

’I—’

“I thought you died,” Ezra muttered immediately, heat rushing to his face. “That doesn’t count.”

Helios’s arms tightened just slightly. “It counts,” he said softly. “You looked horrified. Like your world had ended. And then you just… grabbed me.”

Ezra remembered it.

Too vividly.

The blood. The smoke. Helios collapsing. The moment Ezra thought he had lost him.

’I wasn’t thinking clearly.’

“It surprised me,” Helios continued. “I didn’t think you were capable of that back then.”

“That’s rude,” Ezra mumbled, though there was no real bite in it.

Helios huffed quietly, almost amused. “You were all teeth and fury.”

“I still am.”

“Yes,” Helios agreed. “But now you hug children and worry yourself sick over sugar.”

Ezra tried to push him away lightly. “Why are you hugging me now?”

There was a pause.

Not playful this time.

“For the past five years,” Helios said slowly, “I was afraid the worst had happened to you.”

Ezra’s hands stilled.

“I didn’t know where you were. I didn’t know if you were alive. Every time a letter came, I hoped it would be for you. I was glad you sent me a letter once, and I got your address, but I tried not to send letters since you were on vacation.”

Ezra’s throat tightened.

’He…worried that much?’

Helios exhaled softly. “Earlier today, when I brought you to the garden… I wanted to tell you that.”

Ezra blinked.

“And I wanted to hug you,” Helios admitted with a faint, almost embarrassed smile. “But it didn’t feel right.”

His voice lowered.

“It feels right now.”

Ezra didn’t know what to say.

He didn’t know what to do.

So he did nothing.

He let himself stay there.

Just for a moment.

Just long enough to feel the steady warmth of someone who had missed him.

’This is dangerous,’ he thought faintly.

But he didn’t pull away.

After a while, Helios stepped back on his own.

The warmth lingered in the space between them.

“You should rest,” Helios said, tone lighter again. “If you’re too exhausted to even stay up tomorrow, Aamon might actually swing a sword at you for being useless.”

Ezra snorted before he could stop himself. “He would.”

“He absolutely would.”

Ezra nodded, the heaviness in his chest shifting into something quieter. “You should rest too.”

Helios gave him one last look.

Soft. Lingering.

“Good night, Ezra.”

“Good night.”

Helios turned and walked down the corridor, golden hair catching the lantern light before disappearing around the corner.

Ezra stood there for a few seconds after he was gone.

’Five years,’ he thought. ’And I still can’t understand if he also…’

He didn’t finish the thought.

He pushed the door open gently and slipped back into the room.

It was dim.

Quiet.

Lior was still asleep, curled slightly on his side, small fingers clutching at the blanket.

Ezra approached slowly.

He sat at the edge of the bed and carefully slid an arm beneath Lior’s back, lifting him with practiced ease.

Lior stirred faintly but didn’t wake, instinctively curling into Ezra’s chest.

Warm.

Small.

Alive.

Ezra pressed his cheek lightly against Lior’s hair.

And suddenly—

His vision blurred.

His breath hitched.

He was crying.

But…he had no idea why.

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