Chapter 127: I can fake a smile

My steps were hard, fast, and heavy, my chest tight as I cried for my own misfortune—Arinya’s misfortune.

My heart felt like it had been pierced again and again, every beat aching, every breath soaked in hatred and grief.

It was such a cruel life.

Damar and Fenric followed close behind, but they did not stop me. They only watched. And when I could no longer walk—when my legs finally gave way and I dropped to my knees, surrendering to my sorrow, wailing uncontrollably—they came to my side, patting me gently.

I clutched Fenric’s leg, sobbing harder, my voice breaking as I repeated the same words over and over,

“Why me? Why? Why?”

The sight of it shattered their hearts.

All the excitement I had carried—the hope of seeing my mother and leaving without regret—had twisted into something unbearable, something so painful my heart felt like it would burst.

If I knew things were going to be like this, I wouldn’t have been so adamant, stubborn to see her one last time before leaving.

If I knew, I wouldn’t be feeling this twisted.

I hate this.

After a moment of what felt like an hour, crying my eyes out, I faintly calmed down.

My eyes were red and swollen from all that crying, and I had exhausted myself so much I couldn’t lift a finger.

That was when Damar lifted me in his arms, looking down at me pitifully, and then clutched me tighter.

“You can sleep now.” He said and then pressed his lips to my forehead, kissing lightly. “By the time you wake up, it will all be over.”

That was what he said.

It’s not like this feeling will disappear once I wake up. It won’t.

The heaviness in my heart, the redness of my eyes, and the dryness of my throat—all that was enough to remind me of the pain and despair I had fallen into this very moment.

I don’t think it will go away any time soon.

But I don’t want to worry them either.

I can fake a smile and force a laugh, but in the end, I can’t fake serenity.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice hoarse from all that sobbing and crying.

I really didn’t want them to see me in such a pathetic state again, not after that Veyra and Kaelor incident. But we can’t always have what we want.

That’s life for you.

The unexpected always seems to find you.

“Shh, it’s alright,” Fenric said with a gentle voice, stroking my hair from the side as he stared at me with a soft, moving gaze. “Just sleep, Arinya. As he said, it’ll be over once you wake up.”

They were so good to me, trying to keep me together even when I was breaking apart.

I wanted to thank them, but the words did not slip out of my lips properly as my eyelids grew increasingly heavy, like I had just been placed under a sleeping spell.

Slowly I drifted into sleep with the words of gratitude lingering in my mind and heart, listening to Damar’s steady heartbeat and feeling their steady comfort surround me.

The next moment I woke up, I found myself on Damar’s arms.

It seemed like it was still dark outside.

Even with how exhausted I was, I did not sleep for long and woke up before either of them.

I looked at both of them sleeping quietly, large hands sprawled over my body as if to comfort me with their presence.

Did I really deserve such men?

The question rang in my ear but I didn’t deem myself unworthy. Rather, with the gentle smile that played on my lips, I found myself lucky.

They say when life tosses you lemons, make lemonade. But if the lemonades are too sour, then try to find a bit of sugar or spice. Something that’ll help the lemonade taste better until it’s finished.

And then at the end of that sour drink, you’ll get a sweet reward.

I think I’m about to get my sweet reward.

Though what happened with my mother was unfortunate, I want to look at the bright side because the lemonade is almost finished.

I suddenly felt hot and wondered if it was thanks to the low ventilation in the cave.

It was so uncomfortable.

’I need some air,’ I thought, my hand on my throat. ’And also water.’

There should be a pouch of water somewhere.

I tried to get out of their hold and step out for a bit without waking them, but failed.

A little movement was all it took to bob Fenric’s head up and he asked,

“Are you awake, Arinya? You should sleep more.”

Damar woke up hearing his voice, which he didn’t try to keep down, and his arms wrapped around me even tighter.

“What are you trying to do when the sun hasn’t risen yet?” He asked, and I went silent.

They were still worrying about me even when they just woke up. How did they have such sharp instincts?

Oh right, they’re beastmen. That’s why.

“I feel hot,” I suddenly said, but my voice cracked.

“Arinya, is your throat alright?” Fenric asked, concerned as he reached for the water pouch.

“It’s not too bad.” I said, but accepted the water.

I drank a bit and then handed it back to him, cleaning my chin as a few drops of water had rolled down.

“I… I just want to get some air, that’s all.” I said.

“Ah, is it because we’re too close?” Fenric asked, looking concerned.

“Are my arms too warm?” Damar asked, equally looking concerned but I honestly didn’t have an answer to that.

All I knew was that I was hot, feeling uncomfortable, and needed to cool down.

It must be the heat from my racing heart, pumping my blood faster than usual due to anxiety.

“You guys can just keep sleeping. I’ll just sit outside.” I said, their arms loosening and I thought they were letting me go.

But as soon as I stood up, they also raised their bodies.

I looked over my shoulder and asked,

“Won’t you continue to sleep?”

“We can’t let you sit outside alone,” Damar said.

“Yeah, what if someone kidnaps you?”

That’s quite far-fetched. Who would do something like that right in the heart of the tribe?

And if something like that were to happen, it would’ve already taken place a long time ago.

Arinya is one to walk around even when it’s so late anyway.

Maybe it’s because they never deemed her worthy enough to even get kidnapped. After all, they all avoided her.

I sighed.

Well, I guess they can only think of the worst while I’m in the state that I’m in right now.

“So you want to come sit outside with me? To protect me?” I asked and they nodded. “But you still need to sleep,” I said to them.

“You too, Ari,” Damar came closer and then brushed his hand over my hair, slipping it over my shoulder. “You need rest.”

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep