Chapter 134: The will to Live

Silence stretched between both of them… Ishiki felt guilty inside his heart that was already filled with guilt to brim. He had never expected to hear such a thing.

Actually… it was weird. Why had he acted the way he did just now? It was as if he was loosing his mind.

’I didn’t even use Eye of Ruin, Don’t tell me that it was because I thought about the Forgotten god?’

He slowly shook his head and tried to calm down. He then slowly sat back into his chair and sighed.

“Did you ever…” Ishiki started, then stopped, unsure how to finish the question.

“See my mother again?” Filch finished for him. He smiled, but there was no warmth in it. “Unfortunately… no. But I tried to, when the system appeared, the world went to shit, and suddenly those people who’d kept us locked up were no more.”

At that moment, Filch laughed half heartedly and turned to Ishiki. “You know I was crying while half my body was crushed under a wall then suddenly I was in the NEXUS chamber. From there I was forced into the trial.”

He took a long drag, the ember burning bright.

“I somehow survived that thing and when I came back I saw a new world—A world without a mass of artificial land floating in the air. I went back to our old neighborhood. Don’t know why… curiosity, maybe. I Wanted to see if she had actually made it.”

“And?”

“She was dead,” Filch said simply. “Had been for about five years that’s what I learned from one of her ’Customers’ who survived. So, I killed him… I don’t know why but I killed that bastard with my own two hands.”

Ishiki leaned back on his chair with a dark expression, all the anger had been drained out of him, replaced by something hollow.

Hearing the last line Ishiki shuddered a little… he couldn’t think of Filch’s condition as nothing but unfortunate. How unfortunate.

He was once again reminded that he was not the only one who had suffered and another thing… there were people going through much worse than him.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Filch shrugged. “Don’t be. The point is—we’ve all lost someone. We’ve all failed to save someone who mattered. You think you’re weak because you couldn’t save your mother? I couldn’t even make my mother want to keep me.”

He leaned back on his chair, staring at the Crimson Moon.

“But here’s the thing: that doesn’t make you weak. Being weak is giving up. Being weak is letting the pain turn you into something that just… exists. You killed a fucking demon a week ago, Ishiki. While you were half-dead and running on pure spite. You think that’s weakness? I wouldn’t have dared stand against them.”

Ishiki chuckled. “Says the guy who saved me from three demons.”

“haha, I just got lucky” Filch replied firmly. “Well… just remember that It doesn’t change that you lost her. Nothing will ever change that. But nothing will also never change that you’re still here and still giving enough of a shit to feel guilty about surviving.”

He stood up, stretching his long frame with a series of pops and cracks.

“Nina and Kaori are looking for a healer because they care about you. Not because they think you’re weak. Because they want you back on your feet so you can keep doing what you do… oh yeah that Kaori is a very devious woman, I am sure she will have you work day and night latter.”

“Okay, Saint Filch.” Ishiki said amusingly. “My mother asked me to live, so I didn’t wanted to die by the hands of that demon.”

Filch headed toward the door, pausing at the threshold.

“That proves that your mother, weather real or not loved you enough that her last words were telling you to live,” he said without looking back. “Don’t dishonor that by wallowing.”

He disappeared back into the villa, leaving Ishiki alone on the balcony with the Crimson Moon, the everlasting flower, and the thoughts that were all over his head.

Ishiki looked down at the pot containing the impossible flower, watching it sway in its prison of perfect water.

’How beautiful and terrible at the same time.’ He thought.

***

The next morning, Ishiki wore an expensive silk tunic with high collars with a pair of dark breeches underneath and looking in the mirror he couldn’t help but scowl.

He looked like a particularly funny joker wearing these noble things.

“These pants are so weird…” he complained and then pulled his hair back from his face revealing his cold blue eyes.

Unfortunately he lacked something to bind his hair, they already reached his shoulders.

With nothing to help with that he sighed and left the villa and walked out into the streets.

As he walked through… he felt very weak and exhausted, every step sent a shrill pain through his side. The wound was almost healed thanks to his Minor Regeneration attribute.

The wound was really fatal and he would have certainly died if he were a normal person. But he wasn’t.

He saw a lot of players walk here and there around the city in haste… fear, anxiety and desperation were all evident on their faces.

They all felt very insecure here right now, quite opposite to what they had felt just a week ago. The paradise had turned into a hell within such short time.

’Life is truly and terribly unpredictable.’ After thinking that Ishiki blinked twice, feeling a sense of Déjà vu at that thought.

He shook off the feeling and made his way towards the holy cathedral of the Secondary ring. There was no guarantee when the obsidian gates would fall and the Withering beasts would swarm the secondary ring.

He was well determined to learn about Aethelburg’s history as much as he could in the secondary ring… he planned to make a trip to some place with books too later.

Soon, Ishiki stood in front of the building made up of pristine white marble, but half of it had collapsed when the island fell.

Letting out a stale air, Ishiki made his way inside the holy building… with a purpose to uncover the hidden truths behind the beings who rule over this place.

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