Chapter 45: Bitter Pill

(CORRINE)

“You’re lying,” I say hoarsely. “She’s the queen. I may have turned my back on the Northern Kingdom, but I know what happened after I left. She became queen. The false queen was removed, and—”

“The elders tried to force Locke to take part in a mating ceremony with Ravenna after they opposed his decision to kill her. They might have been able to ensure her survival, but Locke wasn’t going to give her what she wanted. He and I left that morning, before the mating ceremony. She was humiliated. The elders tried to compel his return, but he refused. He goes back once a year, and every time, Ravenna tries her best to seduce him so that she can at least carry his heir and legitimize her position. But he won’t touch her. He threw her out of his room naked once. He has made his stance clear to the elders. They can have her as their queen, but she is not his mate.”

“Sigrid—”

The older woman gets to her feet. “She’s nothing but a placeholder for you. She’s not the one mated to Locke in any way or form, not even a legal ceremony. You are his legal mate. He has always refused to give her your place.”

Why?

Why would Locke do that? Why is he here now? Why is Sigrid here telling me all this?

I don’t want to know! I don’t want to know any of it. The tears aren’t stopping, and I don’t know what to do.

Sigrid’s arms wrap around me. “I’m sorry, child. I know you’ve spent all these years angry at him.”

The sobs erupt, and I sink into her embrace, helpless. I hate him.

I still hate him. I have to. Because I don’t know how else to feel.

My heart feels like it’s ripping apart. I don’t want to cry like this. I don’t want to be like this. But it hurts so much.

I don’t understand what these tears are for, or why my heart feels like it’s breaking. But Sigrid’s hold on me is warm and feels safe, and close to a decade of my grief and suffering is coming out.

I sob till there’s nothing left in me. She doesn’t let go, still hugging me close.

“It’s not fair,” I finally mumble hoarsely into her chest. “It’s not fair.”

“I know,” she agrees, not asking me what I mean. “It’s really not.”

“I hate him.”

“I understand.” She strokes my hair, and my lips tremble.

“He was so mean to me, Sigrid. He said such awful things. And I had to listen because I knew he’d kill me if I defended myself. But he was my fated mate. He wasn’t supposed to be cruel to me.”

“He was wrong, and he knows it.”

“I hate him for how he made me feel.”

Her lips press on the top of my head, and I grip her tighter.

“He said I was a substitute, that my name didn’t matter, that I didn’t matter. And now, now he’s acting as if I do matter. Why now? Why didn’t he say anything then? Why did he tell Bella I was nothing more than a tool?!”

I pull away from her, my eyes wet and throbbing, and she sighs, wiping away my tears. “Because he was a fool who was still in denial. Losing you made him realize his own heart. He has suffered too, Corrine. You both have. Don’t you think it’s time the two of you talked?”

I swallow, averting my gaze. “I wouldn’t even know what to say to him. I’m not the person I used to be. The girl he cared for was submissive and bowed her head to everything he said. I’m not that girl anymore. I’m a mother now. I’m someone now. Back then, I was no one.”

Sigrid cups my cheeks, forcing me to look at her. “Then, go introduce yourself. Show him who you’ve become.”

“I—” I glance toward the window. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Sigrid. Even if what you say is true—” My voice dies out.

Sigrid doesn’t look insulted. “If you think I’m not telling you the truth, I’m willing to swear on my son’s life, Corrine. A nasty game was played, and you and Locke both lost everything. Eight years is long enough. It’s time for the events of the past to come full circle.”

“You’re right.” I meet her gaze. “Eight years is a long time. Things have changed. I don’t want to go back to the North. My life is here now. I’m not going back to who I was there. I can’t. I worked very hard for everything I have achieved here. And it’s not like it will change anything. If the elders have so much control over Locke, my presence will put my son and me in danger, and Locke won’t do anything about it. He couldn’t do anything then, so why should he be able to do anything now?”

“Aren’t you assuming a lot of things?” Sigrid’s voice is stern now. “Running away will only make things worse. Don’t assume what you don’t know. You don’t know that man’s heart. He will protect you and your son. There’s nothing he won’t do for you. Do you know why he’s sitting outside and not in here? He doesn’t want to scare you away. He wants to give you time, but he’s also breaking inside.”

I open my mouth to offer another excuse as to why I can’t talk to Locke, why I have to stay away from him, but Sigrid’s disapproving frown shuts me up. The truth is that I am scared. I’m scared of becoming the person I used to be around him. I’m scared of returning to that place. Scared of being hurt again.

When I walked toward the Misty Forest, prepared to both die and survive, my heart was being torn to shreds. In that moment, I knew how deeply dependent I had become on Locke. I had allowed him into my heart. I had begun to trust him, and the betrayal I felt was a type of pain I had never experienced before.

During these past eight years, I often told myself that I had moved past it, but how could I have if it still hurts so much? I left a piece of my heart in the Northern Kingdom. I made peace with the fact that I was not worthy of love, that I would never be enough.

It was a bitter pill to swallow, but it was a fact I’d begun to accept. How could I ever expect anyone to want me when my own fated mate didn’t? I built up my confidence bit by bit, but there was one part of me I couldn’t repair: my heart, which lay shattered at my feet. So, I poured all my love into Finn. I gave him all the love within me, all the love I’d craved since I was a child.

I couldn’t protect myself, but I would make sure my son always knew how precious he was to me.

And now, hearing Sigrid say all these things and knowing she’s not lying to me, especially not now that she has sworn on her own son’s life, it’s challenging everything I knew, and that is terrifying.

I smell something burning and stand up quickly, eager to get away from this conversation. “I’ll go check on dinner.”

Sigrid doesn’t stop me, but I can feel her eyes on me as I walk away.

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