Chapter 58: What I Put You Through

(CORRINE)

“Not in the way you thought or I implied in the beginning.” I see the shame in his eyes. “I admit I said some things, but the idea of having a fated mate wasn’t to my liking. However, the practicality of gaining a mate was also something I couldn’t ignore. Your existence was convenient, but you were not a substitute.”

My hands start to tremble, and I clasp them together in my lap. “I should be insulted by your calling me convenient.”

“That’s not how I meant it,” he says quickly.

“Yeah, I get it.” My smile is weak and strained. “All that time, in the beginning, when you said such cruel things to me—”

“My parents were fated mates, Corrine. The woman my father discarded for my mother happened to be a close friend of my mother’s. Her life was ruined, and my parents never cared. They claimed the strength of the fated mate bond was all that mattered. I found it despicable.”

“How cruel,” I murmur without thinking.

My hand slaps over my mouth almost immediately, but when I look at Locke, he doesn’t disagree. “I loved my parents, but you’re right, they were not the best people. I realized that as I grew up. The idea of being tied down with a fated mate bond was abhorrent to me. I tried to stay away from you, but you made it so hard. You needed to be taken care of. You were so fragile and stubborn. And the smallest things made you happy. I just wanted to look after you. It wasn’t the bond that drew me to you but you, Corrine.”

My eyes feel wet as I stare at the ground, my voice choked. “Oh.” Suddenly so much of his behavior makes sense. “Why—Why are you telling me this now?”

“It never really came up before. I didn’t realize how much my words hurt you, or the impact they left on you. I am sorry for that. For letting my anger affect you.”

I nod, a jerky movement, the apology meaning more to me than anything. This is the first time anyone has apologized to me for anything that happened back then, but I can’t expect Locke to understand that. Reaching out, I wrap my arms around his neck.

When he goes still, I murmur, “Thank you for apologizing.” His arms come around me.

“And for loving me like you do.” The words are torn from me, and I realize that I mean them. Despite everything, my own anger, my lashing out at him, Locke has stood firm. He could have walked away. He could have done a lot of things, but he stayed. If this had only been about Finn, he could’ve taken our son and left. There was nothing I would have been able to do about it. But he didn’t.

I know how to love now, but Locke is the only person who has ever shown me what it is like to be loved like this.

I feel his lips press on top of my head. “You’ve forgiven me?”

“There was nothing to forgive, Locke.” Pulling away from him, I give him a shaky smile. “I’m a different person now, though, and I don’t know if you will like the new Corrine.”

“I like her well enough.” Locke’s eyes glitter with something I can’t identify. “She’s perfect. She’s a good mother, and she’s strong-willed, and I like all of that about her.”

A smile spreads across my face. But then, it fades. “I won’t go back to the North, Locke. Not till you can guarantee our safety.”

I see the shock in his eyes. “You’re considering it?”

“I want Finn to have both his parents, and you can’t exactly stay here forever.” I lean back into the couch cushion. “You’ve already got a lot on your plate what with traveling back and forth between the border and the castle. I can’t expect you to come here, as well.”

Locke takes my hands in his, his expression anxious. “Do you prefer your life here? I know you’ve worked hard, and you have your job.”

My lips curve. “I do like my life here. I enjoy the convenience of human technology and the abundance of knowledge. And I like my job. But I also want my family. I want my son to have his father. I want to have you around. I can’t ask you to give up the kingdom and come here. I’m not a child; I understand the weight of the responsibilities that you bear.”

His voice is hard as he says, “I don’t want you to feel like a prisoner in the North. I don’t want you to feel like you have been enslaved.”

I wince as he throws my own words back at me, although his intent is not malicious.

Wetting my lips, I pull my hands away from him and tuck my feet under me before facing him completely. Some conversations are hard. This is one of them.

“I said a lot of things to you in anger. Most of them were true. When you brought me to the North, you weren’t kind in the beginning, and I was in survival mode. I was scared of doing anything to ruffle your feathers. But that’s how I had always lived my life, Locke. Ravenna found me on a street when I was a child.

She didn’t like that we looked alike. She punished me for it. I was punished for daring to have been born looking like her—cruel, vicious forms of punishment that I don’t want to talk about, ever. And when you brought me to the North, your words didn’t match your actions. I thought I was being punished for daring to have been born your fated mate. Between my face and my bond with you, my existence had always been my crime. So, that’s how I lived.”

From the way his body stiffens, I know he doesn’t like what I’m saying, but he needs to hear this.

“That’s why, every time you did something considerate for me, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I didn’t realize that you were just genuinely trying to take care of me. I didn’t know what it felt like to be taken care of, but a part of me did believe in you. And that’s why I couldn’t understand what Bella was trying to do to me. I couldn’t believe you gave her that order. Not till the very end.”

“I know I’m uncouth, but—”

“No, you’re not.” I give him a tight-lipped smile. “You’re perfect. You were honest with me all the time, even when I didn’t like it. There’s no subtext behind your actions, and I appreciate that. I’m glad you’re the way you are.”

My heart feels light as I finally say the words that have been eating at me. “It took me a long time to change who I was, to realize my own worth. I saw that I was capable of something, that I was an individual and not an extension of somebody else. And I needed time to learn that.”

I squeeze his hands now. “The truth is that I am accustomed to this life here. But one of us has to make a sacrifice, and we both know your responsibilities outweigh mine. I’m not so selfish as not to acknowledge that. And I don’t want Bella or Ravenna to take away any more of our time together.”

I see the shift of emotions on Locke’s face as he grips me by my shoulders, his voice urgent. “What are you saying? Are you saying you will come back?”

It’s hard to smile when the decision is weighing so heavily on my heart, but I nod. “Yes. But only after this whole matter with the kidnappings is resolved. I owe Erik that much. And then I’ll have to sell my home and everything here.” I don’t look at him as I utter those words. They’re too painful. Everything in this house, each memory, is evidence that I survived and that I made it, that I made something of myself. I let out a shuddering breath before forcing my lips into a smile. I lift my head to meet his eyes. “And then, Finn and I will return with you.”

Locke doesn’t look as pleased as I thought he would. Soon enough, I find out why.

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