Chapter 86: Erosion of doubt

Saeki showed his true Nature, well it wasnt Saeki to begin with but still. A minotaur, slimes, zombies, and now a dragon. Since Ive been here its been trying to traumatize me, first it was Shirakawa trying to tempt me with the words I never said. Although I wasnt fooled by her, her true personality was too different, she would never have said that.

Why? Because I didnt know it then but Shirakawa was known to sleep around. Apparently if she liked a guy it didnt take long for her to open her legs for them and then move on.

The next one was Saeki, he would never have shown any actual interest in me. All he ever did was look down on me and thats all he would have done. However he did manage to shake my heart a little by asking the same question I asked myself before. Why everyone?

So a dragons next after Saeki? Hey what are you? Are you part of the dungeon?

Find the truth yourself.

This most likely isnt actually a dragon either, unless Saeki was secretly a dragon this whole time. Although I doubt that quite strongly.

The dragons mouth began to flicker and I saw the shadow of a flame coming.

Masamune, its breath attack is coming!

I stepped forward to protect them, I went to cast Erosion wave when ichijo who was missing his right arm passed through my mind. I cant use that.

Binding!

I switched tactics and a parade of white arms grabbed the dragon pushing its jaw up blocking the flame.

Gumu!

A small explosion was heard inside the dragons mouth and black smoke fluttered out through its teeth.

Youre doubting it arent you? The abyss.

It doesnt look like the dragon had taken any damage.

Phantom Pain

Abyss without a will wont work on my you know.

The dragons expression didnt change at all.

Will o whisp!

Nem shot her magic again, but like it did with Saeki it just dinked off the dragon and disappeared.

Ooh? That magic was pretty good, unlike some coward I know.

Nem, get back. This guys on an entirely different level.

Ok!

I blocked Nems advance with my hand.

Nem, I have to do this alone.

The coward wont have any effect on me, Do not doubt the abyss!

Dont tell me what to do! Unreasonable robbery

Useless.

I tried to end this quickly by stealing its head but as the dragon said nothing happened. I stood there confused and was late reacting the right arm it swung out.

Dont make that face like youre asking why.

Guha!

I was thrown back, parts of my body torn open by the dragons claws sending blood spraying into the air.

Masamune!

Master!

Lord Nito!

I heard three voices call out.

Its been a while since Ive been hurt, normally if you get cut blood comes out and theres pain, Id forgotten.

Healing wave

I healed the wound. Its a good thing I was a healer, otherwise I would have died.

Healing magic huh? How convenient. But do you remember how you felt when you got it? Why me, why am I the only healer, why wasnt I a sage or a knight? And then youre thankful when you use it.

Shut up.

I should have been healed but I still felt weak and yet again the dragon shakes my heart.

Effect healwhat do you know.

The weak feeling wont go away, why?

Because you doubt.

It wasnt mind reading, the dragon was replying to the voice inside my heart.

From the moment it merges with someone all of that persons magic is the abyss. But the abyss will not work without a will. Why

Because thats who I am. Thats why you keep saying doubt right? Ive heard that!

I pulled a white staff out from storage.

Hows this then.

I applied mischief inversion on the staff to bring about bell.

Bell, hit him with that.

Did you not hear me when I said it was useless?

The dragon was still looking down at me.

.

Bell?

I saw the carving at the time of the wand but it didnt react. Normally he would open his eyes and talk to me.

The dragon used its claws to attack again but I reacted quickly and dodged them.

Whats that stick?

Strange, there was no response from Bell.

Stop.

I had no choice but to put Bell back into storage. The dragon was already attacking again and I didnt have the time to wait around for him. He wasnt responding no matter how much I shook him.

I tried to hit the claws away from me this time, if magic wasnt going to work then a physical attack would. But

Guwaaa!

Useless.

The claws didnt touch me but I was still blown away.

Kuh Healing Aura

I healed the moment I landed but, was it in my head or was the effect diminishing?

Master?

Nem called out in a worried voice.

What are you going to protect? Look at you, how can you protect someone else if you cant protect yourself.

You know the answer to that without having to ask dont you?

Hmm?

Youre reading my heart, you know the answer dont you? Why I cant use it.

Yeah, I know. You took off that normie Ichijos arm and now its gone forever. But what about it? You remembered didnt you? What are you scared of?

Im not scared, its just a fact. Its not that I doubt myself.

Useless there are no excuses in the abyss. Youre looking away from it but you know why it took Ichijos arm. Its because you doubted it, you doubted the abyss.

Im not doubting! I dont understand! That time I used magic like normal but it attacked Ichijo!

Right, so isnt that your answer then.

What?

Huh?

Dont you get it? Im saying that was your will.

My will, was to harm Ichijo?

Ill put it a little more simply. You wanted to kill him.

What is this thing saying? I wanted to kill Ichijo?

You dont want friendship. You know there is no such thing in this world. Your trust of Ichijo was just a hesitation. You just accepted what ever words suited you.

No, he ..

Isnt this how you really think? Dont you actually hate the idea of friends?

Yeah, there are no friends.

Even now, youre being effected by anothers words. By my words. Stop doing that.

I know.I know. Even if I decide on something I dont have enough will to go through with it. Its annoying.

The king does not work for those who doubt themselves. The vessel is easily shattered.

The dragons words sound like a code, but I dont understand.

Dont you get it Masamune? No, Nito.

Is the pseudonym a problem?

No, its exactly like you. Half hearted and sloppy.

Then what, Ichijo?

The dragon sighed to itself.

Let me teach you something. The abyss responds to the will. But it also responds to the superficial will.

But why, that time?

It wasnt Ichijo. You had anxiety before that.

Hhhh, anxiety?

Its not trivial. Anxiety grows and becomes fear.

I always have anxiety, theres always something small Im anxious about.

Is anxiety doubting myself?

What is anxiety? When did I start feeling anxious?

Masamune!

I found myself attacked by the dragon again, pain ran through my body and I felt something warm on my stomach.

Healing Aura

It was even less effective.

Masamune!

Master!

Lord Nito!

I could see the anxiety on their faces.

Maybe Im going to die? None of them can save me. Nem, Toa, Sufilia, and its not possible for me to save Toa from death. No maybe I wasnt confident in the first place.

Wait,is that what Im anxious about? That I cant save Toa? Is that what Im afraid of?

Right. That I might not be able to save her.

In the future I couldnt save Toa.

Yes, you were anxious and you doubted yourself. But thats not the problem.

Yeah, I hid it, from myself.

Yes, you lied to yourself. That is much worse than doubt. To lie to yourself is to deny yourself, deny your weakness.

But I needed to be stronger. Even if it meant throwing away my weaker self.

You dont have to throw it away, thats part of you. The only thing you have to do is not doubt yourself.

Doubt.lie thats meaningless.

You should understand. Dont doubt yourself, believe. The abyss is you, its both simple and at the same times very complicated. But, do you dare to think its complicated?

I already know that this dragon is trying to make me aware of something. But what should I do? Im not doubting, I dont know. But rather than thinking, first

Erosion wave hows this?

I used that magic that I had previously refused to use.

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