Chapter Two – A Slice of Happiness

Chapter Two – A Slice of Happiness

Times of peace arent uncommon. But they never really last.

–Deus Ex, June 2057

***

So, whatve you got for me? I asked Myalis while looking over at Dumbass the First.

I suppose I could start with the youngest and work my way up.

Sure, I said. So well start with Nose, or is Spark younger?

I believe that Nose is the youngest, judging by the scans Dumbass has taken.

The kittens were all gathered around the kitchen island still, even Lucy who returned from ordering breakfast with a sly smile on. Daniel had pulled around on his chair and waved me hello before deep-diving into his phone.

Nose and Spark were both standing near the edge of the table and looking at me without blinking.

Nose… and that is an awful name that Ive no doubt you had something to do with, seems to suffer from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. Its at the third stage. Its rather surprising that he can still function moderately well. He has a few other conditions mostly centred around his nasal cavity and esophagus.

Nose is a tough little shit, I said.

Nose nodded seriously. Yeah.

Got a cure?

Obviously. A nano repair suite should be sufficient to cure the ailment.

I grinned. Dont keep us waiting, Myalis. And tab it all up for me in one go at the end.

A box appeared on the island, small and cheap. Inside was an inhaler with a tank the size of a soda can and a red button on the top. Its front was shaped like a rather basic oxygen mask.

Spread out the use over the course of the day. Tell Nose to drink a lot of water and have a big, varied meal later. Hes got a few nutritional deficiencies. In fact, all of them, you included, do.There are also traces of heavy metals in your blood and in some of your organs, some nitrates, plastics, and a few other chemicals that I suspect were used as fertilizer and pesticides. Its fortunate that humans are so resilient, or youd all be tumorous masses by now.

I slid the inhaler over to Nose. Take a puff every hour or so. And then eat a lot tonight. Oh, and down a couple of glasses of water, alright? Id need to get some sort of detox thing for all the kittens later, but that could probably wait a day.

Yeah! he said before taking the inhaler. Everyone watched as he took a deep breath from it, then coughed a few times. Tickles, he said.

Itll get better, I said. Sparks, youre up next.

Alright! Sparks said. Hit me up, doc Cat.

Sparks has an interesting one. It seems like a sort of prion disease. I suspect he came into contact with something while very young. It has mostly kept to his parietal lobe, reducing his ability to feel touch.

Right, I said. Its why hes called Spark, he likes licking power outlets.

I dont! Spark protested. It just feels weird.

A simple Neuro Regenerative should do.

Another box, this one with a red plastic nib and drawn instructions on the side to place it against the crook of the arm. Can you figure it out? I asked.

Im not an idiot, he said before fumbling with the injector. He didnt even wince as he pulled back his sleeve and jabbed it in. Whens this going to work? he asked.

It will take approximately an hour for the first signs of regression to show. Six for a complete cure. Also, hes far too thin. I suspect that he cant feel hunger pangs at all.

Give it until this afternoon, I said. And eat more. Youre too damned thin. Tim, youre too thin too.

Tim here is missing a leg. That much is rather obvious. Otherwise, hes in decent health.

Tims new to the kittens, I explained. It was kind of shit that being new meant that he hadnt collected a bunch of problems yet.

Will you regrow my leg? he asked.

Do you want a new leg or a prosthetic? I asked while wiggling my metal fingers around.

Can I have one like yours?

Only if you want to lose an arm, I snarked back. It earned a few laughs, which was nice. The mood with the kittens was about as high as Id ever seen it. But nah, just a normal Samurai-grade prosthetic. Mine can fire rockets. Yours… wont.

Aww, he said.

His current prosthetic is rather pitiful. Id suggest a Sun Watcher replacement. There are some that are inexpensive, require little to no maintenance, and are far superior to what he has. They can also expand over time so that they wont require replacing for some years. Id also suggest an anti-rash cream.

I tapped the table. Come on, Myalis, dont keep us waiting.

Tims new leg came in a little case, and next to it came a small jar of some sort of cream with instructions drawn all around it. Spark, Nose, wanna help him put it on?

The three rushed off with the couches in the living room, with Tim demanding that they be careful with his new leg.

Bargain, I said.

Cat, he replied.

Bargain has a few smaller issues. Chemical burns on the lower half of his body, a slight defect in his heart, and a minor case of cerebral palsy as well. The skin issues can be relieved with a cream. Id advise the same for your own burns if you ever want to repair them actually. The lung issue will require a Nano Regenerative Suite. The cerebral palsy will require a Neuro Regenerative. It wont disappear instantly. He will need to exercise, stretch, and straighten his posture over the course of some months.

Alright, I said. Lay it on the table.

The boxes appeared. Bargain looked at them, then up to me. I could see the gear turning behind his eyes.

No more wheeling and dealing, I said. Not with me or Lucy.

He nodded slowly. And the others?

Do as you want with them, but be fair to the other kittens, I said. Oh, and youll need to stand taller and exercise to fix yourself up properly. And probably eat something other than the shit we usually have.

Alright, deal, he said.

Nemo? I asked.

Nemo popped her head up and blinked at me.

Very mild autism, some selective mutism, and a terrible diet. A Neuro Regenerative would fix some of the issues with her brain, but most of Nemos problems are due to a poor diet and some psychological issues.

I nodded and flicked the next box that appeared her way. You need to eat better too, I said.

Nemo nodded, smiled, then ran off to see Tim and Sparks and the others.

You are aware that the Twins arent genetically twins at all, right?

Yeah, theyre just missing the same bits, I said.

The twins–who did look like each other, with the same shitty haircut, brown hair and eyes and too-pale skin–leaned forwards at the same time. We want rocket launcher arms, they said as one.

No, I vetoed.

Two new arms later, and they were off helping each other install their new prosthetics and playing around with them over in the living room.

Okay, so, for my final acts… Daniel, youve got some sort of muscular fuck-up-edness, right?

Thats the medical term, yeah, he agreed with a grin.

Muscular dystrophy. Chemically induced at that. A rather simple fix.

I flung the next box over to him and he saluted me back. Thanks, love.

Dont try.

How long until I can start dancing?

Two to three days.

I snorted. Your pasty white ass will never be able to dance, I said. But in a few days, youll be able to traumatize the kids by trying.

He flipped me the bird, but it was while still smiling. Well see.

And finally, we have Junior. She… is merely malnourished, with traces of contaminants in her blood that will pass eventually.

Junior, I said.

Yeah? she asked as she looked up from her bowl.

Youre too fucking skinny.

Fuck you, she said.

I felt a shy, tentative hand touching my shoulder. What about me? Lucy asked.

Lucy has Multiple Sclerosis. A simple enough thing to cure.

A fresh box appeared on the table.

Give her those. Then allow for a few hours to restore all of her cognitive functions. It might be mildly unpleasant. Afterwards, shell need to practice walking and running once more.

Youll need to take these, I said. But theyll make you feel all tingly.

She smiled up at me. Tingly, huh? she asked. Will you help me get rid of all my tingles?

I leaned down and our lips met for a moment while I fiddled with the box with my free hand. I had the tablets out soon enough and was carefully pressing the single pill between her lips.

For fucks sake, get a room, Junior said. Dont do that in front of my cereal.

Lucy and I happily complied, though it was a bit hard to make it back to the room with our faces practically glued together.

Oh, oh man, it really is tingly, Lucy said as she sat on the edge of the bed. My feet are all… You know when your arms go to sleep and then they come awake? She wiggled her legs, then wiggled them some more as she slid off the pyjama pants she was wearing to expose two beautiful dark legs.

I got to my knees to capture one of her feet. Carefully, I started to massage it, just a bit of pressure in the way she always liked. The pleased little noise she made said a lot.

I leaned down and pressed a kiss onto the top of her foot.

And then, before I could lean back, a pair of panties dropped down and came to rest around her ankles.

I looked up to meet Lucys bright eyes. You said youd take care of all the parts that tingled.

So I did, I agreed.

***

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