The Tragic Life and Times of Hyper Cutie Bubblechan Zoom Ranger Sparkle Girl, Magical Girl Mercenary

Prologue

>> 2041

Continent: North America

Country: Old New York

City: Mega City New New York

12:37am

Hello!

My name is Beatrice Smith, but you can call me Zoom Zoom Magical Explosion Happy Sparkles Pretty Girl.

Or maybe… Hyper Cutie Super Death Mega Explosion Flower Sparkle Sparkle Girl?

Which is nicer? I asked aloud as I skipped along through a busy corridor. I was in one of the mega buildings on the edge of the city, one of the newer ones that had gone up fairly recently. The buildings all along the coast had been destroyed (through no fault of my own) about two months ago, but this being Old New York, it didnt take long for new buildings to go up in their place.

Real estate prices here being what they were, it was no surprise that things got replaced quickly.

As I have pointed out before, I am incapable of actually reading your mind, though I am able to predict with a fair degree of certitude what you are thinking, Chys said.

Uh-huh, I said. I adjusted my grip on Chys. She was currently snuggled up against my chest, a bright yellow ball of fluff and fur, with many tails and long ears and very large, soulful eyes. So if you can predict what Im thinking so well, then youll know that Im still working on my magical girl name, and youll know which of my new options is best, right?

That isnt how it works, Im afraid. In any case, cant you go with something simple?

My name is simple. Each part of it is simple. Theres just a lot of them.

I arrived at an elevator, then slipped into it and was immediately distracted. The back of the elevator was taken up by a floor-to-ceiling mirror-monitor. One of those big fashion displays that overlaid new outfits over whatever youre wearing then tried to ping your augs with where you can buy that stuff.

Chys, being the best, disabled any of that advertising stuff. One of the very very first things I bought when I became a magical girl (that day when the sky opened up and unleashed monsters onto my home), was a much, much better set of augs than the ones I had already, and those gave Chys the ability to interfere with electronic stuff in the world around me.

So, the me standing in the mirror wasnt wearing the latest fashion, and my image wasnt being copied to some database somewhere. Instead it was just me, Beatrice Ultra Shiny Starburst Kawaii Blast Power Diva Girl Smith, in her magical girl outfit.

I smiled at myself, then adjusted my top a little. It was a corseted top, which showed a bit of collar and which swept into a long flared coat that poofed out a little like a skirt. It was all white, with a few neon blue highlights that glowed very faintly.

I fixed my hair a little, then nodded to myself. Yeah, I looked appropriately magical-girl-y for my meeting.

How many aliens do I need to kill before I can get that staff? I asked.

Chss tilted her head back, big eyes blinking as she met mine in the mirror. You know that each antithesis gives a different number of points, yes? In any case, the catalogue you need is two hundred points for its first class. The staff you wanted was closer to seven hundred. Thats nine hundred total points.

I pouted. That was so much. Id blown most of my points on the equipment I had already, and on my magical girl outfit (version one!). It was going to take forever to get geared out the way I wanted to be.

I had a list. I needed shoes that would let me fly (with little wings) and a staff that would let me carry out long-ranged bombardments, and of course some sort of magical sparkly shield generator.

Being a proper magical girl was a lot of work.

The elevator dinged and I gave Chys a squeeze as I turned to face the exit. That had been another big purchase. Chys had been a voice in my head, and I suppose she still was, but now she also inhabited her new body.

It was technically some sort of cloned artificial body, some sort of domesticated cat-equivalent from some alien world, but I didnt mind. She was very soft, and warm, and she could purr.

I hummed as I left the elevator with a final glance at the number display above the door. Floor seventy-six. I was in the right place.

The company I was visiting didnt own the entire floor, but it did own like, half of it. The elevator opened into a large lobby area, with some benches and a fountain in the centre. Chys turned her head this way and that, and as she did, some sections of the ceiling were highlighted in my augs. They had hidden turrets! Cool!

I should get hidden turrets, I muttered.

That can be arranged. Where would you place them?

Urgh. Mom would never allow me to install something like an HMG into the ceiling of my bedroom, would she? I asked.

Projections suggest that she wouldnt allow that. Not unless you revealed your full identity to her, Chys said.

Nuh-uh, I said with a shake of my head. You know that thats impossible.

A magical girls magical girl life was secret. No one was supposed to know! Its why, when I wasnt being Infinity Sparkle Moonbeam Mystic Love Power Cutie, I wore glasses so that no one would be able to tie me back to Beatrice Smith!

The place I was looking for had the biggest storefront on this floor. It was next to a Hot Stuff Cyber Cafe, and a McDonalds Two. The Wraith Ranger Forced Reconnaissance Groups logo was a circle with some old guns silhouette in it. It had a pair of wings coming out of either side, and the large sign hanging above their entrance had the wings lit up from behind so that they glowed.

It was an impressive sign, for a pretty impressive company.

No one called them the Wraith Ranger Forced Reconnaissance Group though, they were just the Wraith Rangers, even though they were the best.

Well, they were according to the internet. Id spent all day while in school yesterday looking up mercenary companies, and this one the only one with a good reputation, lots of work done, and which was based in Old New York, so it was close enough that I could get here by train.

Alright! Lets do this! I said. I was a little nervous, sure, but Turbo Glitter Heart Princess didnt back down from any challenge!

Uh, miss, please pass through the checkpoint here.

I blinked, then glanced around. The entrance of the Wraith Rangers headquarters was a killbox. Literally. There were several large guns at the end of a long, narrow passageway with overlapping fields of fire. A clearly marked passage was marked out on the floor with yellow lines, and there were claymores every metre or so on the left and right, alternating so that theyd probably not blow each other up.

The guy by the entrance was huge, at least three heads taller than me, and he probably weighed three times as much too, before even taking into account his Wraith Ranger armour.

The Rangers all wore this very tacticool gear, all black and digital camo, with pouches and hard plastic armoured bits. This guys entire face was covered by a hard shell that didnt show his face at all.

It was probably very sweaty in there, nothing like my magical girl outfit.

Im here for a work thing, I said.

Understandable, maam, he said, very professionally. Please place any weapons you have on this table, then go through the scanner there. He pointed to a big stainless table to one side, and a big booth thing with spinny arms next to it.

Okay! I said.

I skipped over to the table and started to get rid of my weapons.

First, my Wand of .50cal.

Then my knives. They were really cool knives, with a big circle cut out of their middle, where a handle would have been. They hovered out of the bottom of my skirts, rose up, and carefully alighted on the table, all twelve of them setting down next to each other.

Finally, I reached into the front of my outfit, in the space between the lapels of my coat-top, and pulled out my gun.

It was all white and pink, with a big container shaped like a glowing heart on the top. The front had a heart-shaped hole at the end too, because why did barrels all need to be round? That just lacked imagination!

Uh, the guard said. Whats that one?

This? This is the Ultra Kawaii Mark two personal flamethrower, I said as I place it on the table next to the rest. I pointed to the wand. Dont say… uh… the word thats spelled U-W-U, or itll go off.

The guard carefully turned his head towards my Wand of .50cal. It was a small, white stick, with a star on the end. Right… Ive gotten orders from the top, maam, youre uh, cleared to take your things inside.

I am?

Yes maam, he said. I hope you find what youre looking for with Wraith Ranger Forced Reconnaissance Group, the elite in discreet.

Thanks! Im sure Ill find just what Im looking for!

***

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