Chapter 398: Suspension

“Am I going to die?”

When she saw that attack, that thought came to her; it seemed inevitable. It was such a strong and fast attack that, even with her perception enhanced by spells, it should have been unavoidable even at her best.

But she, for some reason, could see the attack slowly approaching her.

Now her strength had left her body, and she could hardly move it.

She felt the coldness of death approaching.

Seeing how slowly it was approaching, it seemed that this was what happened when one was on the verge of death.

She saw her life flash before her eyes.

Seraphina began to remember everything. Many images of many things came to mind: from the blurry, monotonous, gray days of her previous life,

how she lived many years in disconnection and denial, how she lived her life foolishly.

So foolishly that now she felt that a little effort on her part, a little initiative and courage, would have been enough to make everything different.

How, in the end, she left that world without having created any deep connections, not even with those who were always with her and supported her.

And whenever she remembered it, it always translated into one word…

regret.

She lived her first life in such a way that it was really the only word that came to mind: many years summed up so simply and dryly.

On the other hand, since she was reincarnated, in what she thought was her new beginning, it was an abrupt contrast.

The images that came from this one seemed numerous, and the things she could think of about this one were overwhelmingly more.

The few years she had been here were—

[Hmm, are you really doing that? Isn’t it too cliché?… Does that nonsense about internal introspection ending in a mysterious burst of power really work? Mmm… Will it work? ah! Now that I think about it, William did it once or twice, didn’t he?]

At that moment, as she remembered so many things, this small instant that seemed like an eternity was abruptly interrupted by an unexpected voice.

At some point, someone had appeared right in front of her; it was someone she recognized: her alternate self, the aged Seraphina.

’What… suddenly… wait, did everything really stop?— don’t tell me…’

Seraphina felt a sense of mental clarity again and noticed that everything around her had literally frozen.

In that brief moment, time seemed to have stopped completely. No, it was still flowing, but so slowly that it seemed to be standing still.

It didn’t seem to be a case of seeing her life flash before her eyes, and it was at that moment that a possibility arose in her mind.

[What? Don’t be an idiot. Do you think I left some kind of hidden trick that would help you in a critical moment?]

’No?’

[Of course not. Do you think you’re some cliché protagonist like William or something? What do you want, a deus ex machina? Well, unfortunately, that’s not going to happen. Tsk! Thinking you’re the protagonist or something… how silly… the same silliness that got me into so much trouble.]

’…Then what is this?’

[Tsk, how should I know? Maybe you screwed up your brain by using such powerful demonic cores together with mind-enhancing magic.]

’…And you?’

[Mmm… I don’t know… Maybe it’s a memory or something your alternate self left behind, or maybe you’re just hallucinating, I honestly think it’s the latter].

’…If so, why you?’

[Who knows. ¯_(ツ)_/¯…Maybe you’re seeing me because you wanted to hear some wise words or some nonsense about life or existence, or something to keep you going, from a figure of great influence on you; but I’m not going to say any of that motivational crap.]

’…’

[What do you want me to say? I know that clichéd words and nonsense don’t work with us… Hmm, yeah, I don’t think it’ll work, but since I’m here, I’ll give it a try. Let’s see… I am you, but you’ll never be like me. You spoiled bastard, you haven’t lost anything yet.]

’…?’

[Yeah, I didn’t connect the ideas there… but really, when I think about it, it pisses me off a little… No, it pisses me off a lot. I know who we are is based on the experiences we have, but I feel like you’re being too soft to be me; you lack character.]

’Wait! Isn’t this one of those things again? Like that fucking mirror where I saw you last time? You’re not even the real one, are you?’

[Huh? Who knows?… But you can’t deny that your way of life has a lot to be criticized, especially if it’s me, right? Who else but me has the moral superiority to insult you a little? Especially when you look like an idiot seeking outside help right now.]

’Damn it.’

[Oh! Now that I think about it, why don’t you ask Aeloria for help? You know, sometimes when idiots are about to die, they ask for divine help, and sometimes it works. Although you’ll have to pay a certain price… well, that is if that bitch hears you in time, huehue~.]

’I don’t want to listen to any more nonsense if you’re not going to do anything.’

[Tsk. Are you going to start whining like a little girl? Well, since you asked, I’ll do something… Okay, it will take a while, since we are in a time of near stagnation, but help will arrive before that happens.]

’?’

Seraphina didn’t understand anything that was suddenly happening or what the old woman Seraphina was talking about, who definitely didn’t seem like an illusion or anything like that.

She also noticed that she couldn’t move and was stuck like everything else; the only one who seemed to be moving freely was the old woman.

She really had a lot of questions about what was going on, to the point that it wasn’t even a priority to think about how the old woman was reading her thoughts.

And the latter didn’t seem to care about Seraphina’s doubts and continued talking.

[But it won’t be easy. That bastard Noha has a Profound Golden Frog. Those things can only attack once in their lifetime before they die, but their attacks are no joke. That could even kill someone on the first soul conversion.]

’…What the hell? .’

[Small details. Anyway, since it’ll take a while, why don’t we talk? It’s not that I want to insult you or anything, it just comes naturally. I mean, put yourself in my shoes: how do you think I would feel when I saw you give up so easily in the face of death and start thinking nonsense? Was there even a plan there? Was everything I taught you with my memories in vain?]

’…’

[I mean, you’re privileged. Thanks to me, you’re avoiding so many things. You haven’t fallen into despair. You haven’t felt that feeling of wanting death but not being able to get it, and when you can finally claim it, avoiding it like the plague because that would just be the easy way out.]

’…’

[Looking at you, I realize how different we are. Obviously, you don’t want to die, but you just stand there doing nothing, waiting for your death.]

’I’m not waiting for it, it’s just that there was nothing I could do— ’

Seraphina tried to defend herself, but the old woman seemed uninterested in excuses and interrupted her.

[Yes, it’s true. Throughout my life, I had many different interactions with death: I came to desire it, to seek it out; I also hated it, challenged it, fought against it. I did many things in the face of death, but it was never with the mindset you have now. If I didn’t want to die, I didn’t, period.]

’What nonsense is that?’

[Hm, it’s not nonsense. It was simply the way I was, what the experiences I had led me to achieve. You, on the other hand… the experiences you’ve had led you to a point I never reached…Wow, that sounded great. Didn’t you want some philosophical garbage before you died? There you go, swallow it and die happy listening to my wise words.]

’Who wants something like that? Seriously, what the hell is this…?’

[You’re asking the wrong person. Anyway, besides that, I’m going to tell you one more thing that you seem to be forgetting: if you die here, eventually the girls you care so much about will follow you.]

’Huh? No, what does that have to—?’

[Think about it. Yes, it’s true. Each one is a strong woman who will go far on her own and doesn’t need someone to depend on. you’ve always wanted them to be that way in case you die like now, and in fact, you did well.]

’Then what—?’

[[But so what? Being strong and independent isn’t enough. Eventually, they’ll be swept away by the flow of fate. Being born at the beginning of the age of the gods and having that kind of half-baked potential is nothing more than a death sentence, at best.]

“No… they—”

“Pfff, you really hadn’t thought about it? Do you really think that way? Isn’t that just vain self-deception so you can die without remorse?”

’…’

[What a joke, and you know it. In fact, because of what you’ve done, it’s more likely that they’ll last even less than expected. I mean that’s why you started this pointless fight isn’t it, because it was all going to shit without you noticing, plus you didn’t really do anything but provoke them].

’…ugh!’

[Well, maybe with luck, your fate will intertwine with Willian’s again, dodge what’s to come…yeah, maybe with your damn luck, you’ll get a little further].

’…’

[But again, that’s not enough, and in fact they will attract even more attention from the gods, and they will squeeze them until they are no longer useful to them. Maybe, just maybe, one of them will live to be old because one of those bastards decided it was more fruitful to squeeze her dry.]

’…’

[See? That’s how fucked up this whole thing is. Realistically, you’re not even the important part; the important part is the legacy of lust that isolates you and those around you from all that crap. Without that, as long as you’re not a god, it’s inevitable, no matter how capable, independent, or talented you are. Being that way, rather, will be your downfall.]

’…’

[Hue~ Dying without regrets, that’s something that won’t happen. If you’re going to die, it will be knowing the consequences and everything else. Maybe that’s why I’m here. No motivation, no encouraging words: just the harsh reality of what will happen, you son of a bitch.]

’So what? You talkative bastard, what do you want me to do? My body is shattered after using that core, to the point that it can’t move. The flow of mana destroyed my mana channels, and I don’t even feel like I can move. The tiny amount I have left after the core was destroyed is useless… what do you really expect me to do?’

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