Chapter 426: Heart-To-Heart (2)

“In short, you’re someone I want to have close to me—that’s what was missing from your previous conclusion. I asked you to be my girlfriend because I know what kind of person you are. I didn’t start our relationship just to boost my numbers; there was more to my decision than that.”

“I see…”

Well, there was also the thing with her room, and the fact that she was a potential yandere, which scared me a lot at first and made me very cautious.

But putting that aside, personally, I’ve never had a bad opinion of Cordelia.

Although I still think it would have been better if we’d taken more time before starting our relationship; that way, we would have started off doing things right.

’Well, that’s exactly why I’m saying this—since it’s not too late yet.’

I moved a little closer to her, so our shoulders were just a few centimeters apart. I did it discreetly so she wouldn’t get too nervous.

I wanted us to be very close because I was about to bring up a topic that’s a bit complicated to talk about, but one I’ve been thinking about bringing up for a while.

I’ve really racked my brain trying to figure out how to make our relationship actually work, and I’ve come to the conclusion that we need to get a few things straight.

“Cordelia, while it’s true there were valid reasons why I asked you out and we’ve started a relationship… honestly, I can’t say for sure that I love you.”

“…” (Cordelia)

“…mmmghmngh!“(Astrid)

At what I said, she didn’t keep that blank look on her face; I saw her eyes open a little and she took a deep breath, and her hand squeezed mine tighter.

Maybe my words hurt her or something, and Astrid realized it and tried to step in—I saw her struggling a bit frantically—but I can’t pay attention to her right now; I have to keep talking. I need both of you to understand what I’m getting at.

“Yes, I don’t love you, and, despite everything, you can’t tell me you love me either, can you?”

“N-no!… You’re someone who’s precious to me.” (Cordelia)

“Yes, I understand, but can you tell me what it is you like? My appearance, my status, the way I act, or just because it’s me? What does it mean that I’m someone you appreciate? What do you understand by love right now?”

“…” (Cordelia)

“Yeah, just as I thought, you’re having a hard time answering that. Cordelia, I may not fully understand you yet, but I do understand that you’re horribly bad with emotions. Love is mostly made up of them. I don’t think you know how to understand what it really is, let alone separate or distinguish it from other things.”

“…” (Cordelia)

The more I talked, the more I felt Cordelia staring at me intensely. I also noticed more than once that she’d open her mouth as if she wanted to say something but would finally close it without saying a word.

“Haaa~ Unfortunately, those are things others can’t teach you. It’s something only you can come to understand on your own.”

“…” (Cordelia)

In the end, she didn’t say anything and just lowered her gaze, looking at our clasped hands. I could feel how her hand—not her whole body—was trembling slightly.

But suddenly she squeezed my hand tightly and looked at me again with her beautiful, piercing gray eyes.

“What’s wrong? Do you think I’m being presumptuous or condescending by telling you what you feel? Do you have anything to say?”

I don’t think there’s anyone who likes it when someone else decides for them what they feel. And it wouldn’t be strange if she objected to my words, but…

“…No… I think you’re right… I-I’ve admired you for as long as I can remember. It was only recently that I thought it was love—…b-but I can’t respond to anything you said—“ (Cordelia)

As she spoke, I could feel her trembling more and more. Soon her voice was breaking too, as if it were hard for her to say each word; it seemed my questions hit her harder than I thought, yet she continued

“—and I… I don’t know… what love is… I don’t understand what I’m feeling… I re-really don’t unders-tand an-ything!…“ (Cordelia)

As she went on, small tears welled up in Cordelia’s eyes, and she could barely speak—her voice was so broken.

She seemed truly confused, lost like a little girl who didn’t know what to do in the face of this unfamiliar situation.

“— W-what is… what am I doing wrong? … I don’t understand… I-I… I’m not a normal person.” (Cordelia)

“GhmghHMgmMHgGh!!!” (Astrid)

Seeing Cordelia, who has always been cold and calm, in that state really makes me feel conflicted.

On one hand, I’m happy that she’s finally opening up to me; on the other hand, it hurts to see her like this.

Once again, Astrid was trying to meddle, and this time I could hear her struggling with all her might, but it’s better for her to stay put, since this isn’t over yet.

I had a lot to say, starting with clearing up her misunderstanding.

“Cordelia, you’re perfectly normal. Love really is a complicated concept. That jerk messed me up for a long time. I really did doubt what it was many times—whether what I felt could even be called that. Honestly, even today, it’s hard to explain or put into words.”

“…R-really?” (Cordelia)

“Yes, that’s why I’m telling you I really can’t say I love you, because honestly, I still don’t understand where it begins. I just know that at some point I feel like I can, without a doubt, say that what I feel is love…”

“…” (Cordelia)

“So, Cordelia, I really can’t—and I don’t have the right to say—whether what you’re feeling right now is love or not, because that’s something only you can decide. What I meant was that it’ll be harder for you than anyone else to understand it, so it’s not surprising that you’re confused right now; you, more than anyone, need time to figure it out.”

“…” (Cordelia)

“During that time, you’ll discover and experience more things. Maybe they’ll help you understand, or maybe they’ll confuse you even more, but that’s how that damn bastard son of— wait, that thing doesn’t have a physical body or something? Oh!, yes it does—it’s the goddess of love, that bitch!”

Yeah, that thing and I have some unfinished business, not just because she left me all alone in my previous life but because she’s screwed me over big time in this one.

’I need to find a temple or someone blessed and—’

“Hehe~” (Cordelia)

As I was thinking about doing something blasphemous to that deity, I heard something that caught my attention: a little laugh.

The source was unexpectedly Cordelia. I think this is the first time I’ve seen her laugh; she has a pretty smile, but I think I’ve strayed from the point.

We’ll leave the deicide for when it’s actually realistic.

“Ahem! Anyway, only time will tell whether your feelings are truly love or just admiration, whether they turn into friendship, or whether we manage to make them real love or—well, there are so many possibilities.”

“…I think I get it… but t-then, d-do we have to break up?” (Cordelia)

“Huh? Of course not, why would we?”

“B-because we don’t love each other.” (Cordelia)

“Ah, but that’s beside the point. We can have a relationship. What does it matter if there’s no love yet? I mean, we have to have some ’something’ for it to develop, right? What better way than to have a relationship?”

“I-is that okay?” (Cordelia)

“Yeah, actually, it works really well. Take your own mother, for example. Look, originally I was just after her body; I mean, she’s so naturally seductive and voluptuous that she’s the dream of any vigorous young man like me, and she seemed to like my vigor too, so we started a purely carnal and corrupt relationship.”

“Hmmnf mmmng!” (Astrid)

I heard the muffled grunts again. I really couldn’t keep ignoring her like that, so I took a quick glance at her.

She was still gagged, but her face was a mess; for some reason, she looked like she’d been crying, and there was even a bit of snot.

But now she was bright red and thrashing violently.

…I think she’s trying to tell me something, but I mustn’t get too distracted thinking about it; I have to focus on Cordelia. I’m sure she’ll appreciate me prioritizing her.

“Where was I? Oh, right. We both spent a lot of time in that relationship where we just gave each other pleasure, drowning in uncontrolled lust, bringing out our rawest side where only the flesh and the sensations mattered. I’ll tell you, Astrid doesn’t last long, but when we’re—huh?.”

I was going to keep talking about the physical and what my relationship with Astrid was like, but I felt a threatening presence behind me, so I stopped.

Anyway, I think I made my point clear: that even if we don’t really love each other, we can still continue our relationship.

With Astrid, I realized that. My original intentions couldn’t have been more superficial.

I wanted her in my harem, and that was all—plus, her body was a delight that could make me addicted.

But at some point, I realized it wasn’t just a physical thing. Astrid and I had formed a bond that I wanted to keep at all costs, one I wouldn’t trade for ten girls with the same body type.

So, in my opinion, there was no need for Cordelia and me to end our relationship.

“Anyway, Cordelia, you understand me, right? There’s no need to break up. We can go ahead and build our relationship from here on out. You’ll see that at some point you simply won’t have any doubts; no matter what others tell you, you won’t waver or hesitate, and you’ll undoubtedly know the meaning of what you feel.”

“Yes… I… I’ll confirm that what I feel is love.” (Cordelia)

’Oh, so she didn’t back down.’

I found that curious. She didn’t say she would discover or learn, but that she would confirm what she feels.

That just proves she isn’t simply listening and accepting everything I say, which is a good thing.

In the end, it doesn’t really matter what it is; what matters is that she’s certain—certain of herself, of what she feels, and of what those feelings entail.

“Well, I hope so. It would be really bad if I ended up falling in love and you just ended up thinking I’m not worth it and dumping me in the friend zone.”

“That won’t happen.” (Cordelia)

“Well, that’s something we’ll just have to see… Oh, and just in case it’s not clear, you know… we’re going to get a little closer—no, wait, I don’t think that comes across right. Let’s see… well, we’re going to have a physical, carnal relationship.”

After all, why not? What’s stopping us from doing it? In fact, that might speed things up; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting to know each other intimately, and I really can’t stand my curiosity anymore.

I need to know if he has inverted nipples or not; if I don’t find out, I won’t be able to sleep tonight.

“y-yes… I get that. And I think it’s okay to do what my mother did.” (Cordelia)

“mngh!”(Astrid)

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep