Chapter 93: Chapter 93

~ NYSSA

His room was as I remember it; large bed, stacks of paper on the desk and the warm fireplace.

It was nerve wracking and intense, my heart pounding violently in my chest as I took a seat by the fireplace.

In hindsight, I should have put on some proper clothes first. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking when I walked out of my room with nothing but my fluffy white robe tied around my waist and most importantly, I had no idea what Rowan was thinking that he let me.

He reached for a tapestry and my mouth dropped in shock when he pulled it to reveal a secret alcove. Behind it were bottles lines up perfectly. He grabbed one without thinking along with two small cups that he wiped down first.

“How the… that’s so cool. Are there many like that?” I asked and he nodded.

“There are a few littered around the palace. There should be one in your room as well, I’ll show you.”

He sat next to me on the couch, far enough that our bodies weren’t brushing, but close enough that the air shifted with each move that he made.

He handed me a glass with the clear liquid and for a moment, I forgot everything. I forgot about Henry and Aria, and it was just the two of us in the quiet of his room, the fire cracking in front of us.

My stomach was a rollercoaster, flipping over itself and filling me with nervous anticipation. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as the blood rushed through me. My cheeks warmed and I gingerly took the glass from him, trying to avoid his piercing gaze.

I downed the drink at once, relishing in the way it burned the back of my throat. It’d been a while since I drank, Henry was very much against it and I’d done everything in my power to make sure that I was the perfect mate for him.

I scoffed.

It seemed so amusing now how I’d done everything for him and he didn’t even have the decency to be faithful to me.

I poured myself another glass and downed it before turning to Rowan. He hadn’t even finished his first glass.

“Do you have any sob ex stories?” I asked.

“None worth telling.”

I groaned, leaning back into the couch with a huff. “It’s so unfair how you know everything about me and I don’t know shit about you.”

“Trust me, you’re still very much a mystery to me.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s not the point, Rowan. You know me, you know my life and now the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to me. I don’t even know how old you are.”

“A century.” I blinked, trying to make sense of his words. “I have lived for over a century.”

“How long over?”

He shook his head softly. “You do not want the answer to that, Nyssa. It is for your safety.”

There was something in his tone and in the hardness of his eyes that told me he was being truthful. I couldn’t understand why he’d need to hide his age, but I chose to trust him, or maybe I was just too tired to argue.

I downed another glass. “If you’ve been alive for over a century why did you never mate?”

“I never wanted to.”

I frowned. “That’s a cop-out Rowan. What’s the real answer? Not the one you tell everyone when you’re trying to avoid the question.”

He hesitated for a moment, as if trying to decide whether or not to answer.

After what felt like hours, he sighed and down the rest of his glass. His eyes were hard, his shoulders tense and there was discomfort etched on his face as he shuffled awkwardly in his seat.

“The truth is I didn’t want to mate. I didn’t think I would.”

“Why not?”

“Mates are hard to come by, Nyssa. Even the best of lycans never find their mates. I did not think I ever would, nor that I deserved to. I believed that if by a cruel stroke of luck I ever found a mate, she would be cruel and vindictive or betrothed to another.”

I tried not to let his words sting but it was hard not to considering everything. “I don’t think I’m cruel, I might be a bit vindictive something but—”

“You don’t get it, do you?”

He turned to me, intense eyes boring holes into my skin.

“You are the very opposite of what I deserve. You are pure perfection handcrafted for me. My first thought when I saw you was how fucking perfect you were and how it must have been some sort of joke because I didn’t deserve you.”

I swallowed, his words sending shockwaves down my spine and pools of arousal in my lower belly.

His fists clenched by his side as he shook his head in disbelief. “I knew the other shoe would drop soon and when I found…”

“When what?” I asked but he shook his head as if shaking off a thought.

“Nothing,” he whispered, sending me a tight smile. “It doesn’t matter. That is why I never mated.”

I could tell there was more he wanted to say, but he was done for now. He reached for the bottle, this time taking a swig directly. I watched his jaw work and the raw sincerity in his eyes. He looked like he’d been scrubbed raw.

I would never be able to imagine what it felt like to live for a century thinking that I’d never have a mate, to watch people fall in love and move on while I remained self-isolated, forever wondering if I’d ever truly share that with another.

It didn’t excuse his actions, but it sure as hell gave a clearer view on things, and I wasn’t helping with his worries by my proclivity to lashing out and avoidance.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I grabbed the bottle from Rowan, taking a swig for liquid courage.

I placed it on the ground next to me, trying my best to ignore the intense look in his eyes as he assessed me.

’You can do this,’ I said to myself, taking a deep breath.

I wiped my sweaty palms on my robe.

“Are you alright?” he asked but I ignored him.

I braced my palms on his arms as I swung my legs over, straddling him.

His eyes went wide, mouth falling open to ask a question, but I didn’t let him get it out. Instead, I leaned forward and kissed him.

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