Chapter 109: Blood and Shame

The shot cracked through the air.

The bullet tore clean through the infected’s head. For a second he stayed upright, like he didn’t understand what had happened. Then the sniper’s rifle slipped from his hands. His body tipped backward and disappeared over the edge of the rooftop.

A dull thud followed. He landed among the others we’d dropped.

Well. The others Lila had dropped.

She lowered the pistol, smoke curling from the barrel.

“We did it, my love!!!”

Before I could react, she wrapped her arms around me. Tight. This time she didn’t give me space to step back. Not that I tried.

She cupped my face and kissed me.

It wasn’t quick. It lingered. Like she needed it. Like she’d been starving for the very taste of me.

When she pulled back, her eyes were bright.

“We make a great team, don’t we?”

Sure we did.

I looked past her.

The rooftop was soaked in red. Bodies sprawled near the vents and stairwell door. Below us, the street wasn’t any better.

“Yeah,” I said quietly.

She frowned. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“We should look through the building for supplies,” I answered after a moment.

Her expression shifted, excitement returning. She brushed off my shoulders, smoothing invisible creases.

“Good idea.”

She opened the rooftop door, and we headed down the stairwell.

The smell hit me first. Iron. Rot. Amber still glowing faintly in the dead infected’s eyes. Their faces were frozen in excitement, like they’d died mid-laugh. It made my skin crawl.

Inside the rooms below, I moved to the drawers and cabinets. I grabbed whatever looked useful—bandages, canned food, batteries—and stuffed them into my bag.

Lila didn’t help.

She stood a few feet away, hands crossed behind her back, watching me.

After a few seconds, I felt it. Her stare.

I looked up.

She was still. Eyes fixed on me. Not blinking.

Five seconds passed. Eight.

“Lila.”

She blinked, like she’d just woken up.

“Yes, my love?”

“What are you doing?”

She hesitated. Actually hesitated.

“I—… I think I was—”

“Maybe we should split up,” I cut in.

Her gaze sharpened. The warmth in it cooled.

“Why?” Her voice carried an edge now.

“Just to cover more ground,” I said evenly. “We’ll miss things if we stay together. The more supplies we find, the better our chances.”

She studied me. Like she was looking for something behind my eyes.

Then, slowly, her lips curved into a small, quiet smirk.

“Very well then,” she said softly.

…

Wait, seriously?

I don’t know why, but I kind of expected more of a fight from her.

The girl who stayed right on my ass regardless of what the situation had been. Making graves for dead ones, escaping a building surrounded by people trying to kill us—

But she just turned around and went up the stairs like it was nothing, under the pretense of finding supplies as well.

Maybe she had finally realized something she should’ve a while ago.

Good.

I turned back to the cabinets and kept searching.

—

The minutes dragged by while I searched the first floor. I kept waiting to hear drawers open upstairs or Lila’s boots crossing the hallway, but the building stayed quiet. Too quiet.

Doubt began to creep in. I started to wonder if she was even searching at all.

I moved from body to body, checking the infected we had dropped. I told myself they were dead, but part of me still expected one of them to grab my throat and drag me down with it. Every time I bent near one, my shoulders tensed.

When a burst of static cracked through the room, I flinched so hard my heart slammed into my ribs.

The sound came from a radio clipped to one of the infected’s vests.

I crouched and carefully slid it free, making sure my fingers did not hit any buttons. I lifted it to my ear.

“Billy? Billy, you there—?”

I stayed silent.

“Look, man—… it was a really fucked idea to betray Annie. They’re planning on wiping us all out. All of us.”

My brow furrowed as I kept listening.

“I gave them the location, okay? I’m sorry. I never had a fucking choice. They’re heading over there right now. Tell Reggie and the others they need to get a move on.”

A pause.

“Now.”

My eyes widened. I let the radio slip from my hand and it hit the floor with a dull clatter.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Lila?!” I shouted toward the ceiling.

No answer.

“Lila, we need to leave this place! Get down here now!!!”

Silence answered me.

I clicked my tongue and looked down at the floor. “Damn it,” I muttered.

I moved to the boarded windows and tried to peer through the cracks to see how much time we had. All I saw was harsh daylight pushing through the slats, blinding and useless.

Then I heard it.

A soft rattle at the front door.

My heart dropped. Cold sweat slid down my cheek. The sound could have passed for wind, but my gut told me it was not.

I stepped closer and pressed my ear to the wood. At first there was nothing.

Then I caught it.

Engines.

More than one.

They were close.

“Oh, shit…”

I stepped back too quickly and a loose floorboard creaked under my boot, louder than I wanted. Anxiety pressed in from every side.

The door burst inward with a violent kick.

The crash snapped me into motion. I scrambled to my feet, aiming for the stairs, but another warped board caught my foot. I fell face first onto the floor.

The boots were heavy as they walked in.

I couldn’t stop myself from hyperventilating, fear freezing me like a dear with headlights as I felt them surround me.

I slammed a fist on a floorboard.

Damn it. What the fuck was wrong with me???? It isn’t supposed to be like this.

“Oho, shit… a flesher? This is even better than I expected.”

The voice hit me before the face did.

I looked up.

The bald woman from before. The one who had smiled at me when I first stepped into that Amber territory.

Recognition lit her face. The Amber in her eyes pulsed bright with excitement.

“And not just any…”

She closed in faster than I anticipated, grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked my head back. A knife pressed against my cheek. Not enough to cut, but enough to hurt.

“Oh… Annie’s gonna be real glad when I bring you back.”

She glanced over her shoulder. “Search the area. Look for the girl. She has to be here with him.”

My chest tightened at that.

“Eat shit, baldie,” I spat.

Her grip tightened. The blade pressed harder against my skin.

“Aww, that’s not very nice. What if I had cancer?” she said with a mocking pout.

No one laughed.

My eyes burned. I hated that I could feel them starting to water.

“Awh, fuck… those tears…you’re too cute,” she murmured, her voice low and pleased.

My lip trembled despite myself.

“It’d be a waste if you died and I never had my fun with you.”

She slammed my head against the floorboards. Pain exploded through my skull.

She shifted her weight over me, holding me down as she leaned closer, her breath hot against my face.

She was beginning to unbuckle her pants. My eyes were shot with tears.

“Disgusting,” a woman behind her said flatly.

“What? Jealous it’s not you?” the bald woman shot back.

The other woman scoffed and turned toward the stairs. “Just make it quick. Fuckingweirdo.”

“Oh, I will,” the woman above me replied smoothly.

She leaned down until her face was inches from mine.

“Because you’re gonna make this worth my while, won’t you, honey?”

—

I had stopped fighting a while ago.

It didn’t matter how hard I hit her. The bruises on her face, the blood at the corner of her mouth—none of it slowed her down. She was stronger than me, heavier, fueled by something ugly and excited.

My eyes were shut tight. Tears slid down into my ears. I felt exposed and sick, and it had not even gotten to the worst part yet.

“C’mon… c’mon… why aren’t you saying anything?” she huffed, annoyed. “You’re not making this fun at all.”

Fun.

The word made something inside me cave in.

She kept going. Like I was nothing. Like I was an object she had found.

Then something cracked against flesh.

“AUGH! FUCK!”

The weight on top of me vanished.

I opened my eyes.

She was rolling off me, clutching her head. Blood poured between her fingers.

Behind her stood Lila.

She looked feral.

Her chest rose and fell in heavy breaths. A metal pipe hung from her hand, slick with blood. Her eyes were red—too red—and there was something underneath them that did not look human.

Her gaze dropped to me.

To my half-pulled-down pants.

Her expression darkened in a way I had never seen before.

Shame flooded me. I looked away. I could not even hold her eyes.

She shifted her focus back to the bald woman, who was scrambling, trying to sit up. Blood streamed down her scalp and into her eyes.

When she saw Lila clearly, her face drained.

“Oh, shi—”

The pipe came down again, this time into her ribs. A sickening crack followed. She screamed.

Lila did not hesitate. There was no pity in her face. Not even a flicker.

She tossed the pipe aside and pulled a gun from her waist. The barrel steadied on the woman’s head.

“WAIT! WAIT, WAIT!”

Lila paused.

“You don’t want to do this. I promise you don’t.” The woman fumbled at her belt and yanked out a syringe filled with Amber. The liquid glowed faintly.

I frowned despite everything.

“You’re infected… aren’t you?” the woman said, breathing hard. “I know you want this. I know you do.”

Lila’s arm lowered slightly.

Something twisted painfully in my chest.

“You let me go,” the woman continued, forcing a smile through blood, “and it’s yours.”

For a second, Lila just stared at the syringe.

Then she stepped forward and crushed the woman’s hand under her boot.

The vial shattered. Glass and Amber and blood sprayed across the floor.

The woman screamed.

Lila did not blink. She raised the gun and fired twice into her head.

The body jerked and went still.

Silence fell heavy over the room.

The same gun that could have been in my hand earlier.

The same gun that could have stopped this before it started.

Lila stood there breathing hard. Then she tucked the gun back into her waistband and turned to me.

“Baby…”

She approached slowly, like I was something fragile. She crouched and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her chest.

I didn’t move at first.

“Shhh,” she murmured. “I’ve got you.”

Her voice was soft. Soothing.

For a few seconds, I couldn’t even hear the distant shouting upstairs. The men searching. The chaos still happening around us.

My hand moved on its own. It slid toward her waist.

Toward the gun.

She stiffened.

The air between us changed.

“What are you doing?” she asked quietly.

“Give it to me, Lila.”

“What? No—”

“Why not?” My voice cracked, then rose. “Why not?”

“Because—”

My jaw tightened. “Because I don’t need it? Because I have you to protect me?”

Her eyes flickered.

“But I protected you in the end, didn’t I?” she said, almost pleading.

“Look at me, Lila.”

My voice was sharp now.

“Look at me.”

She hesitated, then lifted her gaze.

“Does this look like I’m protected?” I demanded. “None of this would’ve happened if you had just given me the gun.”

“Don’t you yell at me,” she said, but her voice wasn’t angry. It was small. Almost afraid.

I pushed on anyway.

“Furthermore— how could someone who once talked about breaking my limbs could ever claim to protect me—!?!”

“I’m not that person anymore!” she snapped.

The force of it made me go quiet.

“I’m trying to be better… for you. I swear I am. If you’d just—”

“You wanted this to happen,” I said.

The words hung between us.

Her face fell apart. Her mouth opened slightly, like she couldn’t believe I had said it.

But I saw the pause with the syringe. I saw the way she hesitated.

And I remembered the Crucible. The interview. The things she admitted.

It wasn’t crazy. It wasn’t impossible.

It was plausible.

That hurt the most.

I pushed myself up slowly, pain shooting through my side. I limped toward the doors.

She stayed frozen for a second before hurrying after me.

“You haven’t changed one bit,” I said without looking back.

Something twisted deep in my chest as I heard her footsteps closing the distance behind me.

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