Chapter 121: Cold feet

In a way, Aubrey was right.

No matter what I did, I didn’t think it would ever be enough.

No amount of killing. No amount of blowing places apart. No amount of blood on my hands was going to fill the hole that had been left behind.

It didn’t matter how many of Annie’s people I hunted down.

It didn’t matter how many infected I put in the ground.

Nothing brought them back.

That was why I planned on ending it today.

Not ending myself. Just ending this.

One last run. One last hit.

After that… I didn’t know.

It had been a few days since the last time I went out. Everything between then and now felt like a blur. I had stopped keeping track of time. The days blended together.

I made my runs carefully.

Different times. Different routes.

Never the same area twice.

If Annie’s people were looking for the guy who’d been tearing through their operations, I wasn’t going to make it easy for them.

I crouched near the floor and stuffed things into my bag.

A handgun.

Two spare magazines.

The walkie talkie I had taken off that dead infected in the warehouse.

A lighter.

A knife.

Basic things. Things that kept you alive out there.

Lila stood just behind me while I packed. Close enough that I could feel her breathing against the back of my neck.

She had been following me everywhere lately.

Watching.

Waiting.

I usually made sure nobody saw me when I left the house. Slipping out through the window after everyone had settled down for the night.

But today it didn’t matter.

My absence would be obvious either way.

Especially to Aubrey.

I tightened the strap on the bag and stood up.

What the hell was her deal anyway?

Always on my case like we were still together.

Like she had some kind of claim over what I did.

She didn’t know shit.

She didn’t see what I saw.

She didn’t feel what I felt.

She didn’t have the right to judge me.

“What do you want me to do this time, my love?” Lila whispered near my ear.

Her voice was quiet. Almost gentle.

I turned and looked at her.

Up until now, even through all of this, Lila had followed me everywhere.

She never questioned it.

Never complained.

If I said we were going somewhere, she went.

If I told her to wait, she waited.

Sometimes I wondered why.

Sometimes I almost felt guilty for dragging her into this mess with me.

Then I reminded myself she made her own choices.

She wanted to be here.

She always did.

I shook my head once.

“Just stay close to me,” I muttered.

That was all.

She nodded.

I turned back toward the window and climbed onto the ledge, preparing to slip out.

“Already?”

The voice behind me made my jaw tighten.

I didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was.

“It hasn’t even been a week yet,” Aubrey said.

I closed my eyes for half a second before turning.

She stood in the doorway with her arms crossed. Watching me.

Lila stayed silent beside the wall.

She always just watched now.

“You can’t stop me,” I said. “If that’s what you were planning.”

“Didn’t plan to,” Aubrey replied.

Some of the tension left my shoulders, but not much.

I turned back toward the window and started to move again.

“I actually want to help you.”

That made me pause.

My foot came off the ledge and hit the floor again.

I turned slowly and really looked at her.

…What the hell changed?

Just a few days ago she was yelling at me about this exact thing. Saying I was going to get someone killed. Saying I needed to stop.

Now she wanted in?

For a few seconds I just studied her face.

Trying to read something.

Anything.

Her eyes gave nothing away.

I noticed Lila’s hands tighten slightly at her sides, but I didn’t pay much attention to it.

I turned back to the window.

“Fine then,” I said.

If she wanted to see what this looked like up close, that was her problem.

“I’ll start the car.”

Before either of them could say anything else, I jumped down from the window and landed outside in the cold grass.

The night air hit my face as I straightened up.

For a moment I just stood there beside the house, listening to the quiet.

Then I started walking toward the car.

If Aubrey wanted to see where this road ended…

She was about to find out.

—

Aubrey watched as Adrian climbed out through the window.

He didn’t look back. He just dropped down outside and disappeared from sight.

For a moment she stayed where she was, standing beside the window frame. The cold night air drifted in through the opening, brushing against her face.

She closed her eyes and let out a slow breath.

Then she climbed up after him.

One leg over the ledge.

Then the other.

Her boots landed on the ground outside.

She had barely straightened up when something slammed into her shoulder.

Aubrey stumbled a step forward, catching herself before she fell.

“What the—”

She turned around.

Lila stood there.

Too close.

Aubrey frowned at her, confused at first. But then she looked at Lila’s face.

At her eyes.

Something about them made Aubrey’s nerves spike instantly.

There was nothing calm in them.

Just anger.

Sharp and ugly.

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing,” Lila said, her voice tight, “but I see through your act, you sleazy bitch.”

Aubrey blinked.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Lila stepped forward.

“I heard about your little stunt back at the compound.”

Aubrey’s frown deepened.

“What stunt?”

Lila let out a quiet laugh that had no humor in it.

“Don’t play dumb with me.”

Her voice dropped lower.

“Bet you couldn’t wait until I was gone so you could lay your slutty fingers on Adrian.”

Aubrey froze.

“Couldn’t even wait until you knew for a fact I was dead, could you?” Lila continued.

Something twisted hard in Aubrey’s chest.

Not anger.

Not yet.

Something closer to discomfort.

“I got a question though,” Lila said.

She tilted her head slightly as she studied Aubrey’s face.

“How long did it take you?”

Aubrey stared at her.

“A few months?” Lila went on. “A week?”

Aubrey shook her head slowly.

“Look, Lila… whatever you think happened—”

“Oh I know what happened.”

“—what’s done between me and him is done, alright?” Aubrey said, cutting in before Lila could continue. “That was a long time ago.”

She gestured vaguely toward the house behind them.

“He’s all yours now.”

“Bullshit,” Lila snapped.

The word came out fast.

Sharp.

“You want him back, don’t you?” Lila said.

Her voice changed then. Quieter.

Almost gentle.

But there was venom underneath it.

“Why else would you suddenly want to go out of your way to help him?” she continued. “Why the change of heart?”

Aubrey’s brows pulled together.

Stress was already building in her chest. Now something else joined it.

Fear.

Frustration.

“Listen—”

“No, bitch. You listen.”

Lila stepped closer.

Instinctively, Aubrey took a step back.

“You could never in a million years love Adrian the way I do,” Lila said.

Her voice was calm now, but it didn’t make it better.

“Always so quick to run when things get hard,” she continued.

Another step forward.

“No wonder he fucking dumped you.”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Aubrey said.

But her voice came out quieter than she wanted. Almost hesitant.

Lila smiled slightly.

“Oh, I do.”

She folded her arms.

“I know exactly what kind of person you are.”

Aubrey didn’t respond.

Lila leaned in just a little.

“I’d walk through fire for Adrian,” she said.

Her voice stayed steady.

“I’d do anything he asked.”

She gestured toward the dark road where Adrian had disappeared.

“I follow him out there. I fight beside him. I bleed for him if I have to.”

Her eyes locked onto Aubrey’s.

“But you?”

She shook her head slowly.

“You couldn’t handle it.”

Aubrey’s jaw tightened.

“You never could.”

The silence between them stretched.

Then Lila’s voice dropped again.

“I’m not worried about you trying to take him from me,” she said quietly, “because I know that just simply won’t happen.”

Then she continued, leaning in close to her ear.

“But regardless, if you even try anything funny,”

A pause.

“I won’t hesitate to plunge this knife in your stomach.”

“What the hell are you two doing?”

My voice cut through the quiet before either of them noticed I was back.

Both of them turned.

Lila had Aubrey backed up near the side of the house. Close enough that whatever she had been saying was meant only for her.

When I spoke, Lila leaned in one last time and whispered something into Aubrey’s ear.

Then she stepped away.

Lila looked at me.

And smiled.

Soft. Calm. Like nothing had happened.

I didn’t smile back.

“Just debriefing our dear friend,” she said lightly.

She walked past me before I could ask anything else.

Her hand brushed over my arm as she passed. Then her fingers squeezed my sleeve for a second.

It almost felt affectionate.

But she wasn’t looking at me when she did it.

She was looking at Aubrey.

Aubrey stood there like she had been frozen in place.

Her face looked pale in the dim light spilling from the house window.

Lila climbed into the passenger seat of the car without another word.

The engine was already running. I had left it that way when I went back to check what was taking so long.

For a moment, the only sound was the low rumble of the engine.

Then I saw Aubrey take a slow breath.

She closed her eyes briefly.

Like she was trying to steady herself.

Then she opened them again and started walking toward the car.

I watched her the whole way.

Her shoulders were stiff.

Her expression looked… distant.

I frowned slightly.

She wasn’t getting cold feet, was she?

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