Chapter 50: Cafeteria Lunch

“Bro, I got something new over the weekend!” the pervy fatso exclaimed, eyes shining as he waved a manga in front of Kouya’s face. “It’s called ‘My Unavoidable Story with Loli Sadako.’ I literally just took off the plastic wrap—haven’t even read a single page yet! But I swear, bro, the first read goes to you!”

Sacrifice your sister, damn it!

Who the hell wants that kind of ‘first read’?!

And Sadako? The same Sadako who crawls out of TVs to murder people? A cursed ghost who feeds on human hatred?! Who in their right mind thought, ‘yeah, let’s make that into an H-manga’? That’s not creative—that’s suicidal!

Sadako’s probably already climbing out of your screen tonight, ready to have a nice, long conversation about your viewing preferences, you sick freak!

“Ah, that’s a real shame…” the fat guy sighed, slumping over his desk like a tragic poet. “Anyway, bro, about the campus beauty contest—who are you voting for? A bunch of girls from our class made the list this year! We’ve got Class Rep Machiko, then Gabriel and Vigne, but since they’re all freshmen, they don’t stand a chance. The current favorite’s Senior Kasumigaoka—”

“Shut up!” Kouya cut him off before he could spiral further.

…

By break time, peace was already out the window.

“Gabriel! Duel me!” Satania slammed her hands on Gabriel’s desk, eyes blazing like she was announcing a war.

Same script, different day. Satania’s confidence was still as ridiculous as ever.

Gabriel didn’t even bother looking up. “Finish your homework first. Unless you want to spend another lunch break standing in the hallway.”

“Pfft! A mere punishment means nothing to the great demon Satania! Such mortal concepts are beneath—”

“Didn’t you cry last time?”

Satania froze mid-sentence. “T-That was just dust in my eyes!” Her face reddened instantly. “You… you’re my eternal rival! Just like that silver-haired devil from this morning! You’re both the worst!”

“Oh my, that’s so mean~” came a silky voice behind her.

Satania spun around—and sure enough, there she was. The silver-haired angel with a smile that could give nightmares—Raphael.

“W-Why are you here?!”

“Well, my class is right next door,” Raphael said cheerfully before swooping in and wrapping her arms around Gabriel. “Gabi-chan, I came to play.”

Gabriel’s face was pressed firmly between Raphael’s breasts. Her voice came out muffled. “Don’t. I can’t breathe.”

“Oh, don’t be shy~” Raphael teased, pressing her even tighter. “We haven’t hugged like this in ages.”

Kouya, watching the scene unfold, could only stare blankly.

What the hell is going on with high schoolers these days?!

Those are just bags of flesh, not holy relics! How do you even function in daily life with those things?! Online, there are entire forums of girls complaining about having big chests—about how they can’t run, can’t sleep on their stomachs, can’t even bend down without pain! It’s not a blessing, it’s a health hazard!

If one of them trips and falls face-first, it’s gonna be like BOOM, instant watermelon explosion! Tragic. Completely tragic.

“I’ll kill you,” Gabriel muttered darkly as she pushed Raphael off. “You’re heavy.”

Raphael only smiled sweetly. “Ah, that reminds me—speaking of gifts!” She reached into her bag and dramatically pulled out a small paper sack. “Satania, look what I brought~”

“Eh? Melon bread?” Satania’s eyes lit up immediately.

“That’s right. I bought it especially for you,” Raphael said, her tone honeyed but eyes gleaming with mischief. “I wanted to offer it to you personally.”

Satania crossed her arms, trying to look regal. “Hmph. At least you know how to show proper respect to the great demon Satania. Very well, I’ll graciously accept your tribute.”

“How wonderful,” Raphael said in a singsong tone. “Then, kneel down like a puppy and lick my foot, and it’s all yours.”

Satania froze. “WHAT?!”

Raphael’s smile never wavered. “Because, you see, you’re so good at acting like a dog.”

“Who’s good at that?! You damn angel!”

“Eh? Didn’t you meow adorably this morning?”

“Idiot! I was barking, not meowing!”

“Sorry, couldn’t hear clearly. Could you show me again?”

“W-Woof! Woof! See?! It’s woof!”

“One more time. I still didn’t catch it.”

“WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! Happy now?!”

Raphael’s smile widened, her eyes narrowing to thin crescents. “Perfect. You really are good at it.”

Satania stood frozen, expression collapsing as the entire class stared. The atmosphere itself turned grayscale.

Kouya could only mutter under his breath. Holy shit. And she says she’s not black-hearted?

“So, Satania, still want the melon bread?” Raphael teased, waving the bag temptingly.

“Like hell I’d—”

Before Satania could finish, someone suddenly lunged forward, landing on his knees with a thud. “Please! Let me do it!”

Kouya nearly choked. Of course, it was the fat pervert.

Unbelievable. In front of everyone?! Have you no shame left?!

“Excuse me, classmate,” Raphael said with a dangerous smile. “Kindly shut up.”

“I won’t retreat!” the fat guy declared proudly. “Black stockings on pale skin—smooth curves, a perfect balance of softness and tension! The texture must be—”

“Don’t talk to me. I have a hygiene policy,” Raphael said flatly, her voice cold as ice.

The pervert hesitated. “B-But you said if I—”

Raphael’s eyes gleamed. “I’ll kill you.”

He froze. A bead of sweat slid down his temple. The tension was thick enough to choke on.

He shuffled backward, trembling, but before leaving, he muttered under his breath, “If you ever throw away your stockings, I’ll buy them… name your price…”

He didn’t even finish before the girls started screaming and pelting him with notebooks and pencil cases until he bolted out the door.

“Ugh, disgusting!”

“Are men really like that?!”

“Stockings?! Ew! He was totally gonna—ugh!”

“And he’s friends with Kouya, right? Then that means—”

Kouya slammed his hands on the desk. The glare he gave them was enough to make the entire row of girls flinch and shut up instantly.

Minutes later, silence finally returned. Time flowed quietly until the lunch bell rang.

In Japan, students couldn’t leave campus for lunch, so bento boxes were the norm. Still, many opted for the cafeteria or the convenience stand instead.

Kouya took his time. He waited until the line thinned before heading for the cafeteria.

The smell of curry, fried pork, and miso soup filled the air. Voices overlapped—laughter, chatter, trays clattering. The atmosphere was oddly cozy.

He walked past the entrance, scanning for an open ticket machine—and then froze.

Standing by the machine were three very familiar silhouettes.

“Kouya, you’re here too?” Vigne asked brightly, her eyes glowing like a puppy’s.

He hadn’t planned to say hello, but since she spoke, he gave a small nod. “Didn’t feel like making lunch today, so I thought I’d grab something simple.”

“I see…” Vigne murmured, her cheeks turning slightly pink. “You must know this place really well, huh?”

“Hm?”

“W-Well… this is actually our first time eating in the cafeteria… so… we don’t really know how to order or where to sit…” She twiddled her fingers nervously.

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