Chapter 60: Changes (3)

What Ayen wanted to do felt like wishful thinking, an absurd one at that.

From Devion and Khal’s perspectives, it was a risky endeavor without real purpose or return other than time efficiency, which was the most useless in their case.

After all, Ayen could take time guiding them individually. No one was pressuring Ayen; the two espers would let him take his time however he wanted.

Ayen understood that. He was aware of such thoughts.

And yet, why were the urge and the desire deep inside of him still pulsing erratically after thinking more about it? Was it his Guide intuition?

Ayen was not sure about that, but he felt like it also had something to do with that. Something was pushing him to do this, like… It was the ’best’ way to guide his two espers.

Guides possessed that so-called intuition, which constantly urged their desire to guide their espers better. It was similar to the way espers were obsessive and possessive with their guides.

Ayen was not one to linger over the principle at this time.

“It’s not a whim,” Ayen started.

He did not know if he would be able to convince the two to risk it, knowing that in this equation, only Ayen would suffer the consequences if something happened.

Ayen was not good with words and struggled to make his point come across to them as convincing enough to trust him.

Trust.

It was harder than it appeared. Ayen was not even sure if he could wholeheartedly give it to the two of them.

Khal’s brow knitted, and he was about to open his mouth to say something, but Ayen raised his hand and stopped him. Ayen looked him in the eye for a few seconds, and Khal’s brow loosened, but he still had a firm expression on his face.

Ayen then glanced at Devion, and similarly, he made eye contact with him for a few seconds. Devion met his eyes seriously.

“It’s not because of a sudden stubborn thought either.”

Well, it started from that.

“I…” Ayen lowered his eyes and looked at his hand, his thumb stroking the ring on his pointed finger. “…something inside me wanted to do this. I’m not sure if you can believe me or…” Ayen licked his lips and swallowed.

He closed his eyes and spoke faster.

“I’m a Guide, and the two of you were my first espers. I guided you out of obligation at first because of a dream, but also something urged me inside to do it.” Ayen firmly closed his eyes more.

He suddenly did not know if what he was saying made sense or if it merely sounded like an annoying grumble.

“I won’t put myself to harm. Honestly, I’ll never risk my life to guide both of you. It won’t ever happen.”

Ayen honestly said this. It was true. At least, for the current him. Somehow, it was fortunate that he could not see their expressions, so he could continue with ease.

Now that he had begun to speak strongly, the earlier pauses seemed like an illusion.

“I know that what I want to do is risky. I understand the concerns, and I also thought of it. But, I want to try. I really want to try.” Ayen took a deep breath and then opened his eyes before lifting his head and looking at the two.

He was greeted by Devion and Khal’s serious expressions, looking at him and listening intently.

The courage inside him surged.

They were taking his words seriously. No mocking or insults, just like how others might have thought, hearing his words coming from an E-class guide just less than two months ago.

“Don’t worry. If I feel something wrong, I’ll stop.”

Stopping halfway was not too dangerous; it only felt uncomfortable.

Devion let out a sigh and leaned on the couch as if exhausted.

“What… haahhh. Do you really want it?”

Again, Ayen nodded.

Khal had not said anything yet, and he seemed to still be contemplating it. Khal was always the one to remind Ayen not to push himself and remind him to recover.

After a while, he let out a defeated sigh.

“You win. But stop immediately if you feel pain, alright?”

If Ayen himself wanted it, they could not just repeatedly dissuade him. They had no choice but to believe Ayen when he said he wouldn’t risk his life for them.

Ayen’s heart skipped a beat; it was beating faster and making his whole body feel alive.

He nodded, suddenly at a loss for words.

“I need to hear it,” Khal softly commanded.

“I’ll stop. I promise,” Ayen firmly replied.

Devion finally softened his expression.

“Hah, so stubborn.”

Ayen bit his lips and lowered his head again. This time, he was feeling all sorts of emotions, and he was finding it hard to sort them.

But he did not dislike it at all. It was unfamiliar, and it scared him, yet he felt so relaxed. As though… He had finally found his place.

He took a deep breath and then set aside all his other thoughts and let the desire to guide both linger and consume him.

Whether this was impossible, Ayen wanted to try it.

Ayen offered his two hands, looking at the two. His expression flushed, something the two had not seen much.

Devion and Khal exchanged glances, then nodded to each other. Khal first held Ayen’s right hand since he was already beside him, followed by Devion, who stood up in his position and sat on Ayen’s left.

The couch was huge enough to accommodate the three. Ayen had noticed that these two towered over him and made him small between them.

Holding their hands, Ayen firmly gripped each hand in his own. Their gazes poured on him, waiting for him.

Ayen took a deep breath, glanced back and forth, and signaled.

“I’ll start.”

Khal’s eyes darkened, and Devion did the same. They were so tense that Ayen might have believed this was a fight, not a guiding session.

Ayen leaned back, allowing the two to watch him more closely. At this position, he could also see them both at the same time.

He did not close his eyes, wanting to see their expressions.

Ayen slowly activated his wavelength and then, like how he desired, connected with both at the same time.

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