Alex couldn’t resist and wanted to know what else his three little princesses had done during their stay on Pandora—a planet where adventurers flocked in search of a vault left behind by an ancient civilization that had long vanished, leaving only traces in history. The moment he asked, the girls almost in unison began making excuses: nothing special, really… well, except for tying a psycho to a rocket. Though that one had exploded, and the poor guy fell straight into a Bullymong nest.

Of course, Alex loved his daughters dearly, but he didn’t believe that story for even a second. Knowing the hyperactive nature of their new friend Tina, he understood perfectly—there had definitely been more chaos involved. Seeing the three stubbornly dodging his question, Alex gently remarked that no one intended to punish them—he was simply curious about what else they had been up to. Lucina and Alice backed his words, also reassuring the girls that no one was angry.

Anya, Nyarko, and Jinx exchanged glances and nodded in sync, as if they truly shared a telepathic link. The next moment, they pulled out their phones again and began showing everything they had done on Pandora.

Alex, Alice, and Lucina looked through the photos, shaking their heads. Each one was crazier than the last. The ones who suffered most on Pandora were the Psychos—maniacs consumed by a thirst for violence. And unfortunately for them, they became the favorite targets of four girls simply looking for fun. For a moment, Alex even felt pity for the poor bastards: really, they were catastrophically unlucky to run into this quartet.

When it came to the videos, Alex could only sigh heavily again. He had no idea how Anya, Nyarko, Jinx, and Tina even came up with such ideas, but somehow they convinced a psycho to reenact a scene from Mad Max: Fury Road. Alex literally had no words to comment on that.

The other clips were no better. Riding on Bullymong’s back, racing skags through the desert, setting fire to varkid nests and then running from mutated flaming ones. Kidnapping a shipment of loader-bots, reprogramming their systems, and organizing boxing matches for Pandora’s locals to bet on. Capturing psychos and giving them “free tickets” for base jumping without parachutes—from the tallest mountain on the planet. All of it looked more like an episode of Jackass, with Alex’s three sweet daughters and their new lunatic friend Tina in the lead roles, and the unlucky locals as the victims.

And that was just a small part of their adventures. Alex rubbed his eyes tiredly with one hand and seriously considered lighting a cigarette to calm his nerves. Lucina stared at everything with a blank expression, occasionally shooting her husband reproachful looks, as if all of this were entirely his fault. Even Alice gave him the same look. Alex stayed silent—he had nothing to say. Deep down, he wondered how the old man had even allowed all this to happen. And where the hell had he been while the granddaughters were wreaking havoc?

Still, in the depths of his heart, Alex had to admit: it looked… damn fun. Especially the scene where the girls lured psychos with a sign that read “Free Skydiving” — with a tiny note underneath “…without a parachute.”

He even imagined the women of the family, watching everything through the fairy-drone Navi, splitting into two camps. Some probably argued that Anya, Nyarko, and Jinx were still children, and a little mischief could be forgiven. The others were outraged that the girls had caused so much trouble for Pandora’s inhabitants.

“Oh no! Not again! Why did I lose again?! I was the video game champion of all time!” came a robotic shout from the living room.

Alex, Lucina, and Alice turned their heads at the same time. On the couch, where the trio of gamers usually sat, there was now a fourth participant. The moment Alex saw him, his eye started twitching. Sitting before him was an uninvited guest: a rectangular “trash can” on wheels, with two manipulator arms, a single glowing eye, and peeling yellow paint. His loud, obnoxious voice was impossible to mistake.

It was CL4P-TP — or, more simply, Claptrap. The most insufferable robot on all of Pandora, from whom literally everyone had grown tired.

Alex tore his gaze away from the robot sprawled on his couch next to GIR, MIMI, and Stitch, and slowly turned his head toward his three daughters.

“Looks like we’ve got another robot in the house,” Lucina remarked in surprise, staring at Claptrap.

Alice silently nodded — she had also just ignored the “yellow trash can” earlier.

Meanwhile, Claptrap was already trying to break the game controller. When he failed, he started squealing in outrage while GIR, MIMI, and Stitch openly laughed at him.

Alex knew exactly what this trash can’s presence meant. Leave Claptrap unsupervised for even a moment, and he’d immediately get himself into trouble, lose an arm or an eye, or drag an entire army of problems straight into the house. Worst of all — this robot didn’t know how to shut up.

“Girls,” Lucina said slowly with a suspiciously sweet smile, “don’t you want to explain why you dragged this trash can into our home?”

“Hey, bag of bones, I heard that, and I can take offense, you know!” Claptrap shouted indignantly, having overheard her words.

Lucina slowly turned her head toward Claptrap and gave him a cold, empty stare. Claptrap set the controller aside, whirred his motors loudly, and rolled straight to the middle of the living room, staring back at her with his glowing eye. For a few seconds, Lucina held his gaze before deliberately turning away, deciding to simply ignore the “yellow trash can.”

Alice looked at the robot with mild interest, but quickly frowned — to her, he looked more like a shabby trash bin on wheels than a cute creature. So she turned her eyes away too, deciding he wasn’t worth her time.

Alex could only sigh heavily. He knew exactly where this was going.

“Hey! I’m talking to you!” Claptrap screeched, pointing a manipulator at Lucina. “Talk to me!… Oh, I see, you’ve decided to ignore me. Perfect! I’ll ignore myself too!”

Lucina slowly shifted her gaze to Alex — and that look clearly said: Do something about this pile of scrap. Alice raised an eyebrow at the robot’s odd remark, wondering if he was defective.

Alex, in turn, looked back at Lucina with an expression that said: I’m powerless here. The only option is to open a portal and throw him back onto Pandora.

“So, my little troublemakers,” he finally said with a kind smile, looking at his daughters, “care to explain why you brought Claptrap into our home?”

“It’s not like we brought him…” Jinx muttered, looking away.

“But?” Lucina raised an eyebrow, eyeing the trio closely.

“When we wanted to visit Daddy, Claptrap followed us,” Anya began explaining. “We told him we were going home. And then…”

“And then what?” Alice asked curiously, looking at Anya, Nyarko, and Jinx.

“Then Claptrap started crying,” Nyarko cut in, looking aside. “Oil was pouring from his eye, splattering everywhere. And he kept spinning in circles on the floor, repeating over and over that he wanted to come with us…”

“And while he… what?” Alex asked, resting his cheek on his fist.

“And while he was spinning and wailing, we tried to leave,” Jinx admitted. “But then we thought that he had helped us before, so we decided to take him with us. You’re not mad, Daddy?”

Three pairs of eyes immediately locked on Alex — wide, glistening, and almost teary. The girls looked at him as if expecting him to be angry, yet at the same time pleading with him to forgive them.

Alex only smiled gently. How could he possibly blame his little princesses? He hadn’t punished them even for far more serious pranks — for everything they had done on Pandora and in other worlds. If Claptrap had truly been a problem, Alex could have simply sent him back through a portal. But suddenly, an intriguing idea popped into his mind: to use the overly talkative robot. Claptrap could drive anyone insane, and right now, down in the basement, there was a crossroads demon named Albert who stubbornly refused to speak about the whereabouts of Crowley and Amara. The plan practically wrote itself: lock Albert in a room with Claptrap and seal the doors. In a few days, the demon would beg to confess just to make the robot shut up.

“Of course I don’t blame you, my darlings,” Alex said, gently patting Jinx on the head. “But what do you mean by ‘he helped you’?”

“Umu-umu, I’ll tell you!” Jinx chirped immediately with a beaming smile. “Anya, Nyarko, Tina and I were bored. We had nothing to do, and even big sis Lilith wanted to chase us away — she said we were interrupting her work. And then Claptrap showed up and told us we could blow up a giant statue of some guy who calls himself Handsome Jack…”

“But Daddy!” Anya cut her off. “That Handsome Jack isn’t handsome at all! You’re the super-duper mega Handsome one! That guy is just… ew.”

“Umu-umu! Daddy’s the most handsome!” Nyarko agreed, nodding so fast it looked like her head was wound up on a spring.

Alex barely managed to hold back his laughter as his three little princesses took turns praising him, insisting that he was the real Handsome one. Lucina and Alice couldn’t hold it in either and burst out laughing — the very idea of comparing Alex to some random arrogant man sounded absurd. But their laughter didn’t deny the girls’ words: to them as well, Alex was the most attractive man they had ever known. Even the women watching the scene through the fairy-drone Navi nodded in agreement.

“Thank you, my little ones,” Alex said with a pleased smile. “Your words warm my heart. Now then… what did you do with that statue?”

“Umu-umu! I’ll tell you!” Jinx began, eyes sparkling. “When we found out there was a huge golden statue we could blow up…”

“And you agreed without hesitation, right?” Lucina cut in with a faint smile.

“Exactly, Mommy. Mwah!” Nyarko grabbed Lucina’s cheeks and planted a loud kiss on them. Lucina only smiled in response.

“We decided it had to look as cool as possible!” Jinx continued. “So that everyone would see the explosion! That’s why we used fireworks Uncle Thorin’s kingdom had made. We sneaked into Opportunity, found the statue — it was huge, golden, right in the middle of the city. We planted the charge and… boom! Only the fireworks didn’t go off right away: the statue of ‘Not-So-Handsome’ Jack flew up into the sky and exploded there. Now that was a show! And then we were spotted, so we ran away.”

“Oh…” Alex rubbed his face tiredly. “And what happened next?”

“Robots and some weird guys in yellow suits, kind of like construction workers, attacked us,” Anya said, pouting angrily. “And that Not-So-Handsome Jack got mad and promised that when he caught us, he’d make us part of his new statue.”

“I shouted back that he’s nothing like our handsome Daddy!” Nyarko added triumphantly, giving a thumbs-up. “That made him even angrier!”

“Repeat that,” Alex said quietly, his voice calm but his eyes cold. “What exactly did he say?”

“That he’d make us part of his new statue,” Anya repeated casually. “But he’s stupid! How can he do that if he couldn’t even catch us?”

Alex took a deep breath, and the chill in his gaze became almost tangible. Even Lucina and Alice stopped smiling when they noticed how his expression had changed. The girls remained carefree, not understanding that their words had ignited fury in Alex.

On the other side of the stream, everything changed too. The women who were watching from different worlds froze, dropping their tasks and even interrupting missions. A threat against their daughters was a personal insult.

Freya, sitting in the Tower of Babylon and watching the live feed, gripped her wine glass so hard that the glass shattered into pieces. Hearing the crack, Ottar burst into the hall and saw his mistress squeezing the throne’s armrest so hard the wood began to crack.

“Lady Freya, are you all right? What happened?” he asked warily.

“Some pathetic mortal dared threaten my daughters,” Freya’s voice trembled with rage. “Prepare yourself, Ottar. We may be headed for war. How dare that worthless creature speak like that!”

“It will be done, Lady Freya,” Ottar replied tersely and left the hall with a grim look.

Meanwhile the other women were not idle either. Each prepared for bloodshed, but Becka stood out in particular: she had somehow produced… an atomic bomb.

“Becka, where did you get that?!” Valmet asked, stunned as she stared at the huge ordnance.

“Where? I built it myself, from the junk on my cake’s workbench,” Becka answered briskly, adjusting the mechanism.

“And what are you going to do with it?” Rika squinted.

“What else?! Shove this bomb up that bastard’s ass!” Becka exploded. “He thinks he can threaten my little potato?! I’ll show him what happens to such idiots!”

“Calm down. Let Alex handle this,” Chiquita interjected, leaning against a tree trunk. “We have more important business: pull four idiots out of the elves’ prison. Takashi, Jonah, Kota and Kenichi have been sitting there for a week. Gloria’s already hinting we’re taking too long. And believe me, you’re not the only one who wants to settle scores with this guy.”

“Fine,” Becka clicked her tongue irritably. “Screw it. Let my cake deal with him.”

The women exchanged glances and shook their heads as Becka, emotionless, shoved the atomic bomb back into her inventory. Not that they didn’t want to deal with Not-So-Handsome Jack — they just didn’t need to: they had Alex. And with him, any confrontation turned into something between a bloody show and a fun family spectacle.

At that moment Alex himself sat in his kitchen. Jinx was perched on his lap, chattering excitedly about how they’d tormented Not-So-Handsome Jack. Anya and Nyaruko kept interrupting, adding new details as if to prove their version of events was the truest.

Lucina and Alice watched Alex closely. His smile vanished the moment he heard what Jack had planned for their daughters.

“Okay… He’s fucked,” Alex exhaled.

“What are you planning?” Lucina asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at him.

“If this idiot loves his golden statues so much… I’ll shove one where the sun doesn’t shine,” Alex said calmly.

“And where would that be?” Alice raised a brow.

“Right in the ass!” Anya, Nyaruko and Jinx shouted in unison, joyfully throwing their hands up.

“Ugh… Fine, just do it quickly. And please don’t destroy the planet during your little crusade,” Lucina said wearily, knowing arguing was pointless.

“Then tell the school I left on family business. I’ll probably be back by lunchtime,” Alex smirked.

“Daddy, we’re coming too! We want to visit Tina,” Anya said, jumping down from Alice’s lap.

Alex just nodded, his gentle smile fixed on his little princesses. He didn’t mind — besides, they could help show the way to Opportunity, where their enemy was hiding. Using magic, he changed into his usual clothes, carefully lifted Jinx off his lap, and stretched. His joints cracked, sending a shiver through the kitchen. Yet his face still bore that kind, almost innocent smile, hiding a real thirst for blood.

Summoning Yamato, Alex was about to open a portal directly to Pandora when his gaze caught Claptrap. The robot was sitting with GIR, MIMI, and Stitch, engrossed in a video game and once again trying to smash the controller out of impotent frustration.

“Hey, robot,” Alex called.

“I am a robot designed to assist! And I am always ready to help you… find trouble!” Claptrap replied haughtily.

“Alright then, chatterbox. Since you’re hanging around my house, put that energy to use. There’s a guy down in the basement, tied to a chair. He’s bored, has no friends. Keep him company for a couple of days… or better yet, a week. And if he gets sassy — hit him on the knees with a stick,” Alex said calmly.

“Friends? Oh, perfect! I’ll be his best friend!” Claptrap declared joyfully, raising his hands.

Immediately, one of his arms fell off with a crash, sparks flying from the socket. Stitch jumped up instantly, grabbed the metal piece, and skillfully reattached it. Alex only gave a blank look and sighed. A thought flashed through his mind: poor crossroads demon Albert. Being locked in a room with Claptrap was torture worse than any hell. No force in the universe could shut this chatterbox up, short of dismantling him entirely. Alex mentally wished Albert patience, and GIR, MIMI, and Stitch — to keep an eye on both, making sure the demon didn’t try anything drastic.

After quickly checking that he hadn’t forgotten anything at home, Alex confirmed everything was in order. He drew Yamato, and immediately Nyaruko, Jinx, and Anya jumped onto him, clinging like little monkeys. Alex just smiled — another small adventure awaited them, with the finale being a good thrashing for one idiot villain.

With a swing of Yamato, he opened a portal directly to Pandora. Alex stepped through first, followed by the fairy-drone Navi, and then his three daughters. A cold wind hit him in the face. He looked around: an endless snowy valley, scattered with massive rocks, stretched to the horizon.

Somewhere nearby came a low growl and the dull thuds of something hitting the ground. Alex turned and saw a furry creature with white fur and four arms — a massive Bullymong. It was pounding its chest, trying to intimidate the intruder. Alex gave it a blank look — and the beast immediately deflated, retreating to its burrow.

“Smart creatures, after all. They understand danger faster, much smarter than some humans,” Alex murmured, shaking his head.

“So, where are we?” he asked his daughters, still clinging to him.

“Just a second, Daddy. I’ll get the map,” Anya said, pulling a smartphone from her pink bunny purse.

Anya unfolded the map of Pandora on her phone and flipped the screen upward to project the terrain. The hologram bathed them in cold light, and almost immediately, a debate broke out: Anya, Nyaruko, and Jinx shouted out the names of locations where they thought they might be.

Alex waited patiently. He understood perfectly well that arguing wouldn’t get them anywhere, but fine — let his little princesses play at being explorers. Jack wasn’t going anywhere without them. And before taking revenge, Alex wanted first and foremost to thank everyone who had cared for his daughters on this planet. Even if, in his opinion, revenge should hit like a meteor in the face, gratitude always came first.

“I’m telling you, we’re here!” Jinx insisted, pointing at the hologram. “Look: that’s the mountain, there’s the road, and right next to it, Catch-A-Ride. So it’s Three Horns — Divide.”

“No, we’re definitely in Tundra Express!” Nyaruko objected, poking at another part of the map.

“You’re both wrong! We’re in Three Horns — Valley,” Anya said confidently. “The psycho lair is nearby, remember? Where we caught those idiots trying to skydive without parachutes.”

Alex listened to the debate with a slight smile. At one point, he even thought his girls had inherited his topographical idiocy. And even Anya, though not his biological daughter, had picked up far too many traits from him.

Deciding to end the argument, Alex gently took the phone from Anya and examined the map himself. Quickly cross-referencing the locations, he confirmed Jinx was right — they really were in Three Horns — Divide. Beyond the valley, on the other end, was the passage to Sanctuary, the refuge for those unwilling to bow to Handsome Jack’s rule. Returning the phone to Anya, Alex led the way along the snowy asphalt, deciding at the same time to check for a skag nest nearby. He wanted to see those space dogs with his own eyes.

They moved at a slow pace. Soon, the Catch-A-Ride station appeared ahead — the very one run by Scooter, a talented mechanic and true genius in repairing tech. He had a sister, Ellie, and their mother was the legendary Moxxi. A woman known not only for her cruelty and danger but also for her… more than colorful personal life.

Moxxi was the embodiment of every guy’s wet dream who had played video games set in this world. She was infamous not only for being ruthless and dangerous but also for her exploits and the sheer number of men — and women — she had slept with over time.

“Daddy!” Jinx exclaimed, shoving her phone right in front of Alex’s face. “Mommy Revy wrote that you need to grab one of the cars from here. She wants one for herself.”

Alex glanced at the screen, where Revy’s message blinked. Raising an eyebrow, he just shrugged — not that he minded, and he knew more requests from his other wives would inevitably follow.

Approaching the call console, Alex tried to figure it out for a couple of minutes but quickly gave up. His logic was simple: if you don’t know how it works, break it and see what happens. He carefully set his daughters down and leaned over the panel.

With a single strike, he smashed through the metal casing, pulled out a bundle of wires, and connected them to his phone. A few quick manipulations later, the system worked exactly as he wanted. Lights flashed at the station, and soon, a new car began to materialize right before their eyes.

At that moment, a portal opened behind Alex, and Revy confidently stepped through.

“Thanks, Handsome. I’ll find a use for this car,” she said with a smirk, grabbing Alex by the collar and kissing him on the lips.

“Mommy, what about us?” Anya asked, pointing to herself, Nyaruko, and Jinx.

“Of course, you too, my little mischief-makers,” Revy grinned, giving each of them a quick peck.

Revy quickly kissed Alex again, jumped into the car, and shot into the portal she had emerged from. Alex just smiled, shook his head, and moved on.

He didn’t even notice that he had effectively disabled the Catch-A-Ride station, which was now completely inoperable. However, Alex decided to let Scooter fix his own equipment — after all, it was his job.

Before leaving, he noticed vending machines selling ammo and weapons. Naturally, they were run by Marcus Kincaid — the famous arms dealer of Pandora. If you needed a gun to take out anyone, Marcus was always the man to see. For the right price, he could get you anything your heart desired. His motto was simple: “No returns, no excuses.”

Alex approached the weapons vending machine. In an instant, a hologram of Marcus’s face appeared, followed by a full list of items. Scrolling through the selection, Alex came across the “item of the day” — a grenade module that turned grenades into bouncing bombs. Every time it hit the ground, it would explode and ricochet, continuing to wreak havoc all around. What Alex especially liked was that Pandora offered elemental-based weaponry. Original content can be found at novel✦fire.net

“Daddy, do you want to buy something? But you don’t have any money,” Jinx said with a playful sparkle in her eyes.

“Money’s not a problem. It’s easy to get around here if you sell something,” Alex said, gently ruffling his daughter’s hair. “I’m more interested in the tech behind this weapon. Your mom would have loved it — she’d have taken it apart in no time to make something new.”

“Why buy it if we already have tons of stuff? Look!” Jinx said with a mischievous grin, pulling a small blue bag with a pink-and-blue bunny design from her shoulder — a bunny missing one eye.

She flipped the bag and shook it, and a whole arsenal spilled onto the ground: rifles, shotguns, pistols, grenade launchers, energy shields, and grenade modules. Alex silently crouched down and began examining the pile, studying the markings to identify the manufacturers. In most cases, even the exterior gave away who had produced the weapon.

Among the pile, Alex spotted a rare treasure — an Eridian rifle. Weapons like that were nearly impossible to get legally, unless you bribed a rich collector… and even then, it was doubtful. He set it aside without asking where Jinx had managed to find it. Either way, the rifle now belonged to his little princess, and its previous owner had only himself to blame for losing it.

“And where exactly did you grab all this stuff? I hope you’re not going to tell me you robbed Marcus’s warehouse,” Alex asked, raising his eyes to his daughters.

“No, Daddy. We just found weapons here and there. Sometimes we took them from people who didn’t need them anymore. And we found some chests too,” Jinx said, rocking back and forth on her feet with a grin.

“You mean you just happened to find weapon crates and opened them?” Alex asked, incredulous.

“Honest, Daddy! We were walking, and suddenly — bam! — under the sand, a crate with faded writing. We opened it, and there was weapons inside. And it happened in different places,” Anya added, nodding seriously.

“Well… maybe someone just lost those crates,” Alex shrugged. “Either way, that’s their problem now.”

This was the only explanation for why weapon crates seemed to be scattered everywhere on Pandora. In the video game, it made sense, but in reality — it was absurd.

Helping Jinx pack everything back into her tiny bag, Alex suggested they head toward the Sanctuary. The girls agreed, and soon he was carrying Anya, Nyaruko, and Jinx along the path leading to the massive iron gates. Alex was already calculating how to open them — whether to kick them down or act civilized and use the bell next to the gates.

But his thoughts were interrupted by the sharp crack of a gunshot. The bullet froze right in front of his face, stopped by Infinity. Alex slowly turned his gaze toward the source and saw a group of bandits approaching.

“Again? Didn’t we already chase them off? Don’t they get tired of coming back?” Jinx exclaimed irritably.

“Exactly. This is the tenth time,” Nyaruko added, scowling at the bandits, among whom the crazed Psychos flickered.

Alex just rolled his eyes. There was no doubt that everyone on Pandora had a screw loose. While his daughters bickered, complaining about the endless clashes, one of the Psychos charged at them, shouting incoherent nonsense.

Alex lazily kicked him in the chest, and the poor guy slammed full force into a stone wall, turning into a bloody pulp. The rest of the bandits opened fire, but Alex merely snapped his fingers. In the next second, the entire group exploded into a bloody mist, leaving only weapons and crimson stains on the snow.

Lighting a cigarette, he turned away. Only half an hour had passed in this world, and he had already killed more than a dozen people. Alex smirked — a rather curious start to his first minutes on Pandora.

To be continued…

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Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep