Chapter 81: 81: What Do I Do?

Simon stared at the black moon for what seemed like forever but was just a minute.

As he stared at the black moon, a myriad of chaotic thoughts and emotions occured in his mind.

He recalled everything he did from the moment Jath said the words- “Let’s play a game.”

And the more he remembered, the more disgust, pain, and worry he felt in his heart.

But at the same time, he felt a sense of satisfaction, pride, and superiority.

Their expressions of fear, hate, and anger. The way they screamed and begged for help. The way he toyed with them.

A part of himself felt pleased and satisfied, and Simon… did not like such a feeling in the slightest.

It disgusted him.

’I thought I did not develop a trauma from what happened to me, but it seems I do.’

’Hearing the words- Let’s play a game… seems to trigger that trauma, and when it is triggered…’

Simon paused as images of what he did flashed in his mind. He had the urge to puke his guts out, but he stopped himself from doing such a thing.

’I become an uncontrollable monster that’s filled with rage, pride, madness, and bloodlust. It was not until I killed nearly all these kids I was beginning to regain some of my sanity back.’

Simon turned and looked at the corpses of Jath, Orianna, Bria, Sog, Mona, and Trog.

The main reason why he felt disgusted with his actions was because everything he did… he did to mere teenagers.

He had been cruel to mere children who just became teenagers.

They were demons, but they were still teenagers and kids in his eyes.

His mental age was that of a sixty plus year old man. What sort of sick and twisted sixty plus year old would feel pride, satisfaction, and superiority after toying and killing kids as a cruel and twisted joke.

It was sickening the more he thought, and he was even more worried about himself.

He shifted his gaze to Jath whose neck he tore into and ripped away with his mouth.

He grunted in disgust as he recalled the excitement and satisfaction he felt back then.

’Tearing into human flesh and feeling satisfaction and excitement? What am I turning into?’

’When most people experience trauma, they become scared and afraid after the trauma is triggered.’

’But for me… I become a monster.’

’How do I get rid of this trauma?… Killing that pig? Time? I’m not sure.’

’I’ll just try both, and I’ll have to be careful… I’m changing… in a way I don’t like.’

’I can feel it… My thoughts toward certain things are now more wicked and cruel. Even as I’m standing amidst the corpses of these children… It doesn’t feel wrong to me.’

’It just feels normal… Like the law of the jungle where the strong prey on the weak. Where the predator hunts the prey.’

’They were weak, and I was strong. They wanted to kill me, and I killed them instead. I only protected myself, and I showed to the beasts who wanted to intrude on the battle and the demons who wanted to interfere. I showed them all that I am not to be trifled with.’

’These are the thoughts I’m having as I’m conflicted about what I’ve done. As a human, what I’ve done is vile, evil, wicked, and is worthy of death.’

’But as a demon… what I’ve done is survive and express my superiority. I feel like I’ve done nothing wrong, but at the same time, I feel disgusted with my actions because of my past life as a Hero.’

’I have only lived for sixteen years in this realm, but it feels like my mind is being corrupted at a pace my sixty plus years of experience cannot keep up with.’

Simon then looked at Mona, and he shook his head.

’Because of all the betrayals I suffered, I don’t even have it in me to trust somebody. I could have made use of her in some ways, but the risk would be too great.’

’And her betraying me is extremely possible with her character and personality.’

Simon exhaled softly.

’Well, I know that I need people. I can’t reach the top alone. I’ll just need to be very careful about the people around me and what they know.’

’If my friends didn’t know everything about me back then, then they would never have killed me.’

Simon kicked a pebble, then he approached Mona’s corpse.

He searched her clothes and brought out her condensed shadow essence.

“Hmm.” He frowned slightly, then he brought out his own condensed shadow essence and let both shadow essence touch.

The moment they touched, they turned into a mercury-like liquid and fused together.

The fused condensed shadow essence was as big as a fist for a second, but then its size reduced, and it became as small as a marble.

’That Veilmaster told me that the condensed shadow essence has its own space inside, but only those with a shadow affinity can see what is inside.’

’Even my ocular technique cannot see through the condensed shadow essence. I can only see a swirling black liquid when I look at it with my ocular technique.’

’I should really give it a name though.’

Simon then walked to Jath, Orianna, Sog, Trog, and Bria.

He took all their condensed shadow essence and fused it with his.

“I wonder how many points I have now.”

Simon looked around, and he scratched the back of his head.

He could sense the auras of some beasts who were at the periphery of his killing intent.

His killing intent was the main reason no beast or candidate had approached him, but he knows that with time, either a beast or a candidate would choose to be brave and foolish.

He looked at Jath and the rest whom he had placed together in a pile.

“Maybe I can use them to attract some beasts, but my clothes.”

He looked down at his bloodied clothes, then he looked at the clothes of Jath and his companions.

“The blood can attract beasts and some other candidates. What do I do?”

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