Chapter 110: Chapter One Hundred and Nine – Renn – For The Society

Vim tightened the leather strap on my belt, and after a final tug he stepped back to appreciate his handiwork.

Feeling very… awkward, I stood still as he studied my new clothing, and the things accessorizing it.

“Is it supposed to feel… silly?” I asked as I hit my thumb on the sword’s hilt while lowering my hand. It was in the way!

“Does it feel silly?” he asked with a smirk.

“Of course it does. Does everyone feel so… stupid? Wearing them like this?” I asked. All the years I had seen people with swords on their waists. Knights and normal people alike. Never had I thought it actually felt… as if it was wrong.

“You’d stand out too much with it on your back,” Vim said as he reached out to slip his fingertips under my shoulder straps. I squirmed as he tried to dislodge them, they didn’t budge.

Lellip and Nebl had made me… suitable attire, as they had called it. I now had leather clothes, which had little hooks and loops all over to attach stuff to. The ones being used right now, was on my right hip was the sword Vim had made for me, and on my back was my backpack. Now instead of wrapping around my chest and arms, it was latched to my shoulders.

It felt… loose, as if it was going to fall off. But it wasn’t. The thing was firmly latched and laid rested up against the small of my back. I knew while traveling, and especially if we had to run or climb it’d be far more comfortable than it would have been carrying it normally.

There was also a quiver, which held arrows… but that was near my feet. He hadn’t put it on me yet.

“I’ll look like a hunter,” I said as I tried to envision what I looked like.

“You are one. You’re quite literally one of the most perfected hunters to exist,” Vim said.

“Jaguar,” I whispered.

“The forest’s solitary hunter,” Vim said.

Solitary. He used that word a lot, especially when describing me. I wonder if that was how he actually saw me in his mind.

It wasn’t wrong, of course… I had no one. Nowhere. Nothing.

Nothing other than him. And the Society.

After he checked my backpack he knelt down to check my shoes and the leather bracers that rested above them. Those felt uncomfortable too, but I also kind of liked them. They hid beneath my pants, and no one could really tell I had them on.

With Vim knelt before me, I stared at the top of his head. I made sure to not hit him with the sword on my waist, since it hovered just near it.

Before he stood back up he checked my waist. There was a leather wrap, which covered my rear end. Something similar to a skirt which was made of thin leather. It hid my tail perfectly, allowing me to wrap it around my waist or upper thigh. Even if somehow someone was able to catch a glimpse of it, they’d just think it were a fur piece connected to my belt. Something a woman would wear.

It also let me release my tail easily, without having to undo my pants entirely. It was probably the best thing given to me out of everything, so far.

“I feel like a brigand, Vim,” I said honestly.

“Yes. You’re very terrifying. You look like such a hoodlum, ready to pick all the pockets and steal all the girl’s hearts every which way,” Vim teased me.

“Women find brigands attractive?” I asked, wondering how accurate his teasing was.

“Some do, I guess,” he said, sounding a little annoyed his teasing had been ineffective.

“Is it the danger, maybe?” I asked myself. That would explain Vim, to a degree.

Vim raised an eyebrow as he glanced at me. I ignored his look as he checked the sword once more.

“Jump around a little,” he said.

“Huh?”

Vim moved his finger around. “Jump a few times,” he ordered.

I sighed and obeyed. I stepped back a few steps and jumped. Not too highly, nor roughly, but enough to make my hand instinctively grab the sword’s hilt. To keep it from swinging around wildly.

“Let the sword go and jump again,” he said.

Great. He wanted to see how badly it banged against my knee and ass, didn’t he?

Jumping again, I flinched as it smacked my right knee. It didn’t really hurt too badly, but it did sting.

“Come here,” Vim noticed of course, and he quickly went to untying the sword’s sheath.

Watching him undo the little metal hooks that held it in place, I watched as he quickly took the sheath and the bundle of leather strips over to the nearby workbench.

As Vim went straight to adjusting whatever he thought needed adjusting, I glanced behind me to the door. The sun was setting, I could see the setting sun’s rays.

Lellip and Nebl had both been in here earlier, for about an hour. They had carried in all of the new clothes for me, and Vim, but hadn’t stayed around for any of the adjustments. Vim had told me it was because they saw the fine tuning to be a little personal, and especially so for the stuff concerning the weapons.

Glancing at the nearby quiver full of arrows, I wondered where they drew the line at. Lellip had made the quiver itself, and Nebl had made the arrows for me.

Weren’t those weapons? To a point?

“You’re a little longer in the leg than I had thought. And your hips a little wider too,” Vim said as he worked.

Frowning at his statement, I wondered if I should take offense or not.

Vim turned around, and nodded as he stepped back over to me. I went still, and felt a little weird as he bent down a little as to reattach the sword to my waist.

It felt weird to have him fumble around so close to me, especially since he was basically touching me. Whenever I felt him grab my belt, or even me myself as he moved stuff, I wanted to shiver.

We’ve touched countless times since I had joined him on this journey… even slept in the same bed, yet little moments like this were what made my heart miss a beat. They felt… personal somehow. Maybe it was because of what Vim had mentioned earlier.

“Alright, quick jump and twirl please. Without holding onto it,” Vim asked for as he stepped back. He was completely oblivious to my discomfort.

I nodded and obeyed. I jumped up and once I landed gave him a good twirl. As I spun, I realized the sword wasn’t moving much at all anymore. It still wobbled, but not nearly as bad as it had the other time. My knee and butt and thighs were safe from bruising.

Vim nodded, pleased with himself as I came to a stop. “Good,” he said.

“Yea, that was much better,” I said as I hopped around a bit, trying to make it move violently as it had done before. It wouldn’t, it stayed firmly positioned. I didn’t even need to hold onto it.

“Does it still feel silly?” he asked.

“Of course it does. I’m not a swordsman, Vim,” I said.

“Swordswoman,” he corrected.

“You know what I mean. This… this isn’t me,” I said with a tap onto the pommel.

“It is if you wish to join me… which speaking of that, here,” Vim stepped away and grabbed two stools. Ones that were used to sit in front of workbenches.

He dropped one before himself, and dropped the other next to it.

“Sit,” Vim said as he kicked the stool towards me.

I sat, and wondered what he was going to add to me now. Although this was… interesting, and I was thankful that everyone was going out of their way to make me as comfortable as possible… I honestly didn’t like some of this.

Did Vim really expect me to walk around covered in weapons? Why did I have to when he hadn’t been? Until now he had carried nothing more than a small knife, and had only used it for starting fires and cleaning small animals as to cook them.

Why now did we suddenly need swords and bows and spears?

Vim sat down across from me, and put his right leg up onto his left. Resting his ankle on his knee, he went to messing with the small leather strap in his hands. He worked on it without even looking at it, and instead stared at me.

“They also left because I told them to, by the way,” Vim said.

“Huh? Oh… Why?” I asked. Why indeed? We were going to leave tomorrow… I wanted to enjoy as much time with Lellip as I could.

“So you and I can have a moment,” he said.

A moment.

Slowly nodding, I tried not to let my eyes get distracted by his fingers. He was tying something now.

“Would you like to stay here, Renn? Not forever. Just for a few years. While I make the rounds. You can spend that time to study, to learn. They’re more than willing to accept you. Pram especially, since she’ll have the baby to worry about. And Nebl will take time to recoup himself, too,” Vim said calmly.

His voice and expression didn’t match the severity of what he was saying… but that was probably because he didn’t cherish the offer as much as I did.

How could he?

“They’d let me, wouldn’t they,” I whispered.

He nodded. “They would. Lellip likes you. Pram likes how courteous you are and even grumpy Nebl seems to be okay with you. That’s quite a feat by the way, don’t discount it,” he said.

“And Drandle?” I asked.

“Funny you think Drandle has any say in the matter. But for your information he likes that you’re such good friends with his daughter. Though he’d honestly like you to leave once the child is born. He’s a wimp,” Vim said.

It hurt a little to hear that he didn’t trust me around his newborn, but I understood it. I was a predator. And although a member of the Society… one being taught to kill. At least that was what I was learning, in their eyes.

“I see…” I said softly.

“Forget about that. Focus on my question,” Vim said as his fingers finally came to a stop. Either he was done doing whatever he wanted, or had stopped so I’d stop staring at them.

“I am, Vim,” I said.

“Are you? Usually by now you tear up at least,” he said.

Blinking, I allowed my eyes to get a little watery.

Vim frowned upon noticing it. “Really?” he asked.

“You gave me permission!” I said as I sniffed.

“I did not!”

I didn’t really start crying, but I did have to blink several times to clear my eyes of tears. After a moment Vim sighed and leaned back, staring at me as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“They’re wonderful people,” I said.

“They are. In their own ways,” he said.

“Which is why I can’t stay. If I did I’d fall in love with this place. I need to leave,” I said.

Vim shifted a little, studying me closely. His fingers nudged the little leather strap in his hands, as if he had forgotten all about it.

“Are you going to do this every place we go to Renn? You can’t love everyone and everything,” Vim said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because it’s ridiculous. Stop making friends, it’s unnatural,” he said with a sigh.

Smiling at him, I nodded… though didn’t agree to anything.

“I’d love to stay… but no. I’ll leave with you,” I said with a solid nod.

Vim’s eyes held my own, and I wondered if he genuinely hoped I’d say yes for once.

He always asked. Always gave me the chance to. At least, everywhere that I was allowed to stay at. Kaley’s and Tor’s farms had not been willing to let me stay after all.

“You sure?” he asked one last time.

I nodded. “Very.”

“Alright then. I hope you know that if you keep saying no, you’ll end up with nowhere to call home right?” he asked me.

“I’m sure I’ll figure it out,” I said.

Vim shrugged and sighed. “Remember the book of promise? The one Celine wrote?” he asked me.

I nodded. Of course I did. I thought of it often.

“There’s a promise in there. One that requires me to always make sure every member of Society has a home. Or at least, a form of it,” he started to say.

“I remember it. To house and defend them, even if they refuse to live there,” I said, quoting the end of the promise.

Vim stopped for a moment and renewed his studying gaze of me.

He did that sometimes. Staring at me as if I was something strange. Something different. Someone he hadn’t known.

It was almost as if he thought I was unable to remember the most basic information. Or would forget important details easily.

He had mentioned that most of our kind did. That most of us did… forget easily… especially the mundane information. But surely that wasn’t mundane? That had been a book written by the woman who had made Vim the protector. Essentially the beginning of everything.

“Do you remember the whole promise?” he asked me.

“As one without a home, you should value the necessity of one. Build, secure, steal, procure, and give to any who requests or needs it. And while you,” I began to speak of the promise of housing, which had been on the fourth page of that little book. Before I could finish Vim raised his hand and closed his eyes.

Going silent, I watched as he sighed and rubbed his eyes… as if suddenly exhausted.

“You asked if I could,” I said.

“You could recite the whole book, couldn’t you?” he asked with a groan.

“Well…” I could. But maybe he didn’t want me to say I could.

“Of course you can. You… Why hadn’t I noticed? Of course you can…” Vim sighed as he stretched his back, as if suddenly stiff and in pain.

“You… you told me to read it and remember,” I said. Was he actually upset I remembered it? He had told me to study it!

“Yes! Remember the theme. The point. That there are rules and the point of a protector is to serve the protected, never anything else. Who gave you permission to have eidetic memory?” he asked me.

“Ediotic?” I repeated that word. Had he just insulted me?

“You have a wonderful gift. Though it might not be that but rather hyperthymesia. Maybe I should put you under Brandy. You’re wasting yourself,” he said.

I nearly stood up, but kept myself seated and in control of my emotions. “Brandy?” I asked.

“The bookkeeper. You’d be a great service to the Society if you’d put your mind to use alongside her,” he said.

Calming myself, I realized what he had meant.

Vim wasn’t insulting me at all.

He was instead doing the opposite.

“How so?” I asked, since he seemed unsettled enough to actually answer such a question.

“Although the bookkeeper she is basically the main cog in the Society. The one that connects every other. It is through her that all the different members coexist and interact. From this smithy, to the Cathedral, to the merchants and everything in-between. It all runs through her one way or another. You and her would probably make a very deadly combination,” he said.

“I don’t want to be deadly.”

He waved me off. “You know what I meant. You’d be useful. Truly useful. It’d help, even more than what I do. You should consider it,” he said.

Staring at the man who had just so readily dismissed everything his existence stood for… I wondered what to say or do about it.

“Why don’t you help her then if she’s so integral to the Society?” I asked carefully.

“I do all the time. But money and information cannot stop a sword, or put out a fire. And that is what I’m best at,” Vim said calmly as he continued to stare at me. He was now very obviously thinking on how to get me to agree to work alongside this bookkeeper of his.

“Money and information,” I repeated him.

He nodded. “Powerful tools. The pen is mightier than the sword, as they say,” he said with a gesture to my hip.

Glancing at it, I was forced to remember the stupid thing still clung to me. I hated how easily I had forgotten that it had been tied to me.

“Money and information would not have saved Nebl,” I whispered.

“Honestly I disagree. The right information, and in a certain sense money, would have preemptively stopped such an event from happening in the first place. Thus saving him without him ever needing to be saved,” Vim countered.

“That’s what-ifs. Not reality,” I said.

“No more than anything else. What if you and I had spent more time at the Cathedral? What if instead of coming here first, we had instead gone along my normal route? Spending months heading southward, checking in on the camels and then the armadillos?” he asked me.

I knew neither of those people, nor what animals they were… but I knew that his argument was flawed. And I knew he already knew that too.

“Then your friend would have lasted until you got here, Vim. If it was destined to be,” I said gently.

Vim’s eyes narrowed at me. “Destined. That argument fails, Renn. The moment you include me in it. Anyone could have saved him, had they been watching. Had they been listening. Had they been better,” he said sternly.

“I’d not have been able to save him Vim. Even if I had heard him without you… I’d not have known how to dig him out without also endangering myself. I would have probably gotten stuck too,” I said.

“You’d have employed methods. Or would have gone to get help. A call for me, even, in this theoretical possibility,” he said.

He didn’t actually think that anyone else could have done what he had done, did he?

Yes he had simply dug Nebl free… but did he not realize what he had done while doing so? He had mined for nearly a whole day straight. He had mined very carefully, neglecting certain routes and had been mindful of his methods. He had even used many of the fallen and broken support timbers as he had dug something that had taken obvious skill and knowledge of how mines worked in general. Something told me even if all the human miners had gotten together, none of them would have been able to do what he had done as easily. Let alone at all, possibly. The danger of the venture alone might have deterred the humans entirely. Odds were that was exactly what happened too. The humans had seen the collapse. They had examined it, probably for hours. And then deemed it too dangerous. Too deadly. Too risky.

“Let’s agree to disagree,” I said sternly. His eyes focused for a moment, but he didn’t seem to grow angry at me.

“Sure,” Vim happily accepted my offer and then leaned forward as to point the little leather strap at me. “Back to the promises. My main task, other than simply keeping our members alive, is to house them. If they have no home, it’s my job to help them get one. To find one. To provide one, if able. Not everyone agrees to take one, of course, but I’m supposed to do everything I can to offer one. At any cost,” he said.

I nodded. “I know Vim.”

“So please accept one?” he asked gently.

“If I find one that I truly wish to call home Vim, I highly doubt it will take until you ask me for me to tell you. I’d probably claim it without hesitation, and rather proudly,” I told him.

Vim slowly nodded as he sat back up, dropping his foot to the floor as if in defeat.

Foolish man.

To think he’d actually be upset that I wanted to stay with him, instead of anywhere else.

How could he not realize how wonderful this was? How amazing it felt to know that soon I’d get to meet new people? Hear new stories? See new sights? Let alone the fact that I have now watched Vim do several great things, even if he didn’t see them as such. I had watched him take Lomi to a new home. I had seen him help complete strangers, without asking for a thing in return. I had not only watched but helped in the saving of one of our own members! Saved his life! Then of course the journey itself so far. It had been… has been, everything I wanted and more.

How could such things not be wonderful in their own right? How could such a life not be desirable?

How could he not comprehend how happy I was? Did I really seem that sad or forlorn to him? Did he not see me smile? Hear my laughs?

“Maybe Link was right. Maybe you are looking for a mate. Which is great, since I have no idea who’d want you. Most the men of any value are taken already,” he said with a sigh.

My sword suddenly felt as if it did indeed belong on my waist, but I kept that thought down as I stared at the man who was genuinely worrying over my future. I wanted to scream at him. How could he not realize what was so obvious?

But no… It wasn’t his fault. He was doing his job. And he really did seem to want me to be happy. He wanted everyone to be happy. Even the ones he didn’t like.

Didn’t like…

“How many of us do you hate, Vim?” I asked him.

Vim for a tiny, nearly unnoticeable moment… went completely still. I blinked, since I had almost not believed what I had seen. He had actually… gone still. As if frozen in time completely. For the tiniest of moments, Vim’s whole body hadn’t done a thing. He hadn’t breathed. He hadn’t moved. Not even the hairs on his arm or head had adjusted, from movement or wind. Even his heartbeat had disappeared.

I gulped as he slowly looked at me, and then smiled softly. “Too many,” he whispered. Then the man looked down, at the thing in his hands.

It had torn in two.

He sighed as he stared at the two pieces, and I wondered when he had snapped it. Definitely thanks to my question… but I hadn’t heard or seen it snap. It was made of hard leather, too, so it wasn’t just a simple tear…

“Have you met any you hate yet?” he asked me softly.

I opened my mouth to tell him that I hadn’t… but then I thought for a moment longer.

“Rather than hate… I do have a few I dislike,” I said honestly.

“Oh?” he looked up at me as he rubbed the two leather strips between his fingers.

“I don’t like how a few of our members are… weak-willed. Link for example. Or Lughes and Crane. I understand their… situations. And I don’t actually hate them as people. I’d never hate them just because they’re timid… but I do dislike that they seem so…” I stopped talking as I shrugged. I wanted to be honest with Vim, since he was being so honest with me… but it hurt to say it aloud.

“That’s not hate, Renn,” Vim said softly.

“No. It’s not. It’s disappointment,” I said with a nod.

“Disappointment. Indeed,” he nodded back.

Vim sighed as he tossed the leather strips away. He lobbed them over near one of the workbenches. One that had leather all around it. The two strips disappeared into the mess, and I knew eventually Lellip or Nebl would find them and wonder just where they had come from.

It was honestly an odd action from the man in front of me. He was usually never so careless. Never so thoughtless.

“Don’t disappointment me, Renn. But if you do, don’t feel bad about it either,” Vim then said as he stood up.

I stood too, as if on instinct, but Vim ignored me. He stepped around me and headed for the door… seemingly done with our conversation. It was a little worrisome to see him act so, but I could recognize that he was no longer in the mood to talk with me.

He was no longer in the mood to talk to anyone.

“Goodnight, Vim,” I told him as he left.

He waved at me lightly, opening the door the rest of the way and stepping out.

Being left alone in the workshop, I glanced around. At the two stools. At the workbench nearby that still had a little lantern lit up, the one that Vim had been working at.

The quiver of arrows on the ground. My hat, which sat upon it. The bow without its string attached up against a large crate a few feet away.

With watery eyes I slowly sat back down. This time on the stool he had been sitting on.

It wasn’t warm. Like usual Vim never left behind any traces. No smell. No warmth. Nothing to prove he had just been sitting here. He never did. He never left messes. Never left a single hair. The only time he ever left anything to prove of his existence, seemed to be the bodies of those he killed.

Although impossible, I even had the thought to go find the two little straps of leather that he had just tossed. To see if they’d be gone too. I knew they wouldn’t be, but…

“Sometimes he acts as if he’s not really a part of our world,” I said softly. As if he was… not a member. Not one of us.

Maybe he was too close. And had been for too long.

A man who didn’t realize he was becoming detached, precisely because he had been so involved and invested for so long.

I had thought we had accomplished something wonderful here in these few months.

I had learned a lot. Not just from Nebl and Lellip… but Vim too. We had saved Nebl. His friend. The mentor and elder of this family. We had brought back the smiles and happiness that had been lost.

Yet now we’d leave, and Vim would act as if nothing had happened. As if nothing worth remembering had occurred. As if it was just another day. Another stop on an endless journey.

That wasn’t fair. And not just to him.

No wonder the Society always seemed to see Vim as more of a tool than a man.

Tapping my sword’s pommel, I listened to the sound my fingernail made as the pure note filled the workshop.

He wanted me to find a home. To find a place to belong. Because that was what was expected. He couldn’t move on until I did. He couldn’t forget about me until I smiled and thanked him, sending him on his way.

I was a burden he did not want to carry forever. Not because he did not enjoy my presence, but because my continued presence meant he was failing. The Society had embedded into that man a guide and rule book that shouldn’t exist.

It was cruel. And not just to the man instilled upon.

Which was the entire reason things needed to change.

Vim saw them all as a burden… and not as the great gifts that they were. But that wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault. Since they all saw him the same way.

He was the protector, nothing more. No one truly valued what he did for them, since it was expected of him.

Before leaving the Cathedral Vim had joked about tossing that little white book into the fire. He had only partially meant it seriously.

I had stopped him. I had been the one to make sure he hadn’t done so.

Maybe it was time it was thrown into the fire.

Gripping my sword’s handle, I nodded.

“For the Society,” I whispered.

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