Chapter Three Hundred and Eight – Vim – Conversations Amongst Hearts, Blades, and Tears

“I know it’s just… a piece of metal, Vim. I know. But…!” Renn sniffed as she stared down at the broken sword lying upon the bed between us.

Smiling gently at my companion who was weeping over a broken chunk of steel, I feared the day she actually lost something precious. If she got like this over mere objects, then how bad did she get when she lost those she truly loved? She had wept fiercely several times on our journey so far. She had cried mightily upon being banished from Lumen. She had cried alongside Pram and Lellip upon bringing Nebl home from the mine, as if she had been a member of their family all along. She had shed many a tears for many reasons, even things I’d not understood completely. From mighty moments like Brom’s death. Miss Beak’s death. To simple little things like my accepting of that baby boy at the Nation of Stone’s checkpoint. And that was not to mention and other small moments… but…

What to make of these tears?

They weren’t being sobbed as harshly as when she had been banished. Her heart was not shattered into a million pieces right now, nor was it bleeding.

Her heart was simply bruised. She was grieving. Enough to weep, but still have a small smile as she did so.

Almost as if she cried in joy and not sorrow.

“It stood tall, though. It really did,” she then added between her tiny cries.

“I can tell,” I said.

She had already told me all about it. Her journey here. Her staying at an inn at Hornslo. Angie showing up in the middle of the night, as if being abandoned by the humans who had found her washed ashore on a nearby river beach. The caravan. The attacks by bandits. The four men she had killed with this blunt, now broken, weapon as to protect Oplar and the rest.

She had even told me of her deep regret for not doing more. How there had been others there, other humans, that had died because she had not gone to protect them. She had chosen to stay close to Oplar and her small group, Sillti and Angie, instead of straying from them. Even as the humans nearby were killed and their goods stolen.

I was very happy to hear that, even if it made her weep even harder.

Renn sniffed as she wiped her face with her arm again. Her sleeves had become a mess, stained by snot and tears. Just how did someone cry so much?

Alongside her broken sword were the other items and objects that have been either bothering her, or have become important to her, since our parting. The heart. The small journal from Celine. A map drawn by her and Cat; a messy thing from them comparing memories of the north. It seemed Cat really wasn’t sure where her home was, at least when compared to here. So Renn had filled in the blanks a little.

Honestly out of all the items the broken sword was what felt the most out of place… at least to me… but I knew to Renn it might just be the most important thing here.

I was doing my best to ignore the book. The heart was important, but the book terrified me. For more reasons than one.

I knew I’d have to address it, and soon, but for now I was glad that she was so focused on the least important item here.

Reaching out, I grabbed the broken blade. It had never been a very long sword in the first place, since even though Renn had the strength to wield damn near anything she wanted I had not wanted her to do so unwisely. If she had wielded a huge weapon, even if perfectly capable of doing so, it’d have drawn eyes. Made people wary of her on the battlefield.

A smaller sword, meant for a woman or child, was better suited for her. Because it only made her opponents further lower their guard and underestimate her.

That misjudgment on her enemy’s part was another layer of security for her. An extra blanket of protection. It was valuable.

Lifting the blade, I grabbed it by the broken end. It was the first time the blade felt sharp since its creation.

I studied the knicks and rolls along the remaining blade’s edge. There were many, and more than a few were not from our training. I recognized a roll from a rounded armor piece. A curl near the broken tip from hitting bone. There was a gouge in one of the handle’s cross-guards, where a blade or something had likely bounced off as she parried or locked something.

“I’m sorry, Vim,” she mumbled softly as she watched me study it.

“The fact it bothers you so much worries me, Renn. The point of this thing is to be used to keep you, and those you protect, safe. If it breaking, being lost, or any other number of fates is what it takes for it to fulfill that role than so be it. In fact I’m extremely proud that it did what it needed to do, in the moment you needed it to do so,” I said.

“But…” Renn frowned at me, her lips quivering a little as she did. It was adorable.

How many swords have I broken?

How many spears?

Hell… how many weapons and tools in general? How many have come and gone? How many have I grabbed just once, for mere moments, and never again?

Untold thousands.

“The only tools I’ve ever cherished in my whole life,” I ran my thumb along the sharp point of the blade. It was sharp, but not sharp enough to cut me. “Are the ones my parents made me,” I told her.

Renn sniffed and sat up straighter.

“Though, oddly, it wasn’t until they were gone that I did so. While they had lived… I had paid no heed to them,” I said as I thought about it.

“That’s a little normal, maybe?” Renn offered a tiny comment, with a tiny voice.

I shook my head. “No. But I had my reasons,” I said softly.

For a long moment there was silence between us, and I sighed at myself.

Just tell her the truth, Vim. Tell her why. Give her the reasons.

She’d understand.

Yet instead the words wouldn’t escape, so instead I rambled on about something else.

“Clothes. Weapons. Tools. Even homes, houses or stuff like that… I’ve honestly never cared for them,” I told her.

Her ears fluttered a little as she nodded gently at me, but stayed quiet. She was completely intent on hearing what I had to say.

“Yet lately I’ve grown to notice a change,” I said as I reached down to tap my stomach. The prickly shirt I wore was a stark reminder that I had chosen wrongly. I should have found something nicer to wear. So that Renn would have hugged me on sight, and not held herself back. Then I lowered the blade and put it back down, tapping it lightly on the handle. The steel let out a small ring of a sound, which was diluted and muffled by the bed and the fluffy blankets it rested upon. “From clothes. To weapons, to even little tiny things like pins,” I added.

“They’re all broken,” she mumbled softly.

I nodded. I had noticed. She had worn her hat to and during the party, since humans had come and gone during it. Her hat had slipped a few times, especially when her human friend Cat had drunkenly clung to her. She didn’t have any pins left to hold it in place anymore.

“I can re-forge it Renn. You should know that. It will have to be mixed with other steel, but it can be remade. I promise,” I told her.

She nodded quickly. “I know…! I know. I just… felt as if I should apologize,” she said.

“Because to you it was a gift. From me. A precious gift,” I clarified.

She nodded warmly at me.

I sighed at her, but not because I was upset or disappointed. Rather the opposite.

It wasn’t fair she was so adorable.

“You did well Rennalee. I’m very proud of you,” I said again.

She nodded. “Mhm…!”

I had of course already praised her greatly. Several times. But like the many times before she had accepted the praise with such heartfelt seriousness, it felt as if I’d not given her any yet until now. It only made me want to praise her more.

“Concerning the heart…” I said as I changed topics a tad, and reached out for the black orb. I picked the heart up, and stared into what was obviously a cat’s eye.

It was interesting. There were gems sometimes that had such a pattern within them. A trick of light and angles. As far as I was aware only a certain types of gemstones could have it, and they were exceptionally rare. Some of them even changed colors.

It was the type of unique prettiness that if it had been a typical jewel or gem, it would have been hidden away in some king’s treasury or church’s vault. Maybe inlaid into a crown or neck piece.

“Could it be my uncle’s? My elder?” she asked excitedly.

Studying it, I stared deep into the dark orb.

Celine had called it the Orb of Night.

She was not one for theatrics…

“Celine was not a woman to give things names without purpose. Especially not something like this. She saw hearts of monarchs as holy artifacts. She would not have dubbed it such a thing. Are we sure Celine called it that?” I asked Renn.

“She wrote it in the letter,” Renn said with a glance to the pamphlet booklet.

I had not read it yet.

I didn’t want to.

Didn’t plan to.

The mere fact I had not known about it until now was proof enough that I didn’t want to even look at the damned thing.

A prophecy. For Renn.

Ridiculous. I’d throw it into the fire if not for the fact that I knew doing so would break her heart.

“Want me to read it to you, Vim…?” she asked softly.

Ignoring Renn, I tapped the heart with my thumb and wondered if I had ever seen such a heart before.

There had been a few black hearts. The one we had given Landi hadn’t been a true black. It had been more of a really dark purple. This though was night itself. An abyss. What Celine had dubbed it was apt, if anything.

Yet the other black hearts had not had such a symbol within them.

And its symbol was rather clear.

A cat’s eye.

“It may very well be related to you, actually,” I said after a moment. After all how many monarchs had been fashioned after great cats?

I could think of only a few, and none had been black leopards or jaguars.

“Really…!” Renn sat up a little more and leaned forward, suddenly very excited.

I nodded as I held the heart out to her. She happily took it, her tail wiggling like mad behind her as she cupped it in her hands and grinned at it.

“Didn’t you kill your uncle?” I asked.

She nodded. “Witch helped me. We shot him with arrows she had used her magic on… or uh… her divine power,” she corrected herself as she explained.

“Fascinating. That must have been painful for her,” I said.

Renn paused a moment and glanced up at me. “Yes. It had killed her,” she whispered.

Right… I’m sure it…

Wait.

“Didn’t you mention you killed her?” I asked softly.

We were alone in the house right now, but I still spoke quietly just in case. It was the middle of the day, and Angie and Cat had gone to listen to a sermon. The only reason Renn hadn’t gone was for the very reason we were sitting together on the bed, talking over these items. Still… I couldn’t help if wonder if we should have these conversations elsewhere, or later. The Chronicler had eyes and ears everywhere; though I didn’t sense any nearby at the moment I wasn’t going to be foolish.

“I had…” Renn nodded, speaking just as softly. I knew she had not done so out of concern of who was listening, but instead because of how sad and hurt she was over her answer instead.

She gripped the heart tighter in her hand as she stared at me, although she was now blankly staring at me. I had sent her thoughts into something painful.

“Did you… or she, not procure the heart? After you slayed your uncle?” I asked carefully, trying to stay on topic but… change it a tad.

This saint of hers. This Witch… she must have used her powers too heavily, and then suffered from them. Renn likely had ended her life to put her out of her misery.

If that was the case I wonder if her actions against her family members, her killing of them, had been for the same reasons or not.

“Um… no… Actually that’s a good question. Why hadn’t she got their hearts?” she wondered.

“Their…?” I asked. She spoke of multiple?

She nodded. “We actually hunted half a dozen of them. She had called them Elders or Great Ones, depending on how powerful they were. A giant white snake, which had been able to talk. My great-uncle. The rest had been… big, but simple animals. Unable to reason, and acting purely on instinct,” Renn informed me.

I shifted a tad on the bed, and was glad that it was re-enforced. If it had been a normal bed it might have broken just now.

“You hunted monarchs,” I whispered as I realized what she was saying.

“Well… she did. Witch did. I only helped her. I hadn’t realized what they were until recently, though. I… I honestly am not sure if Witch did either. To be honest I don’t know if Witch had just been… simple, or unaware, or had instead just kept it all a secret the whole time,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

Renn sighed as she lowered the heart, and put it down onto the bed between us. Back in the same spot it had been earlier.

“Witch had been very educated. Like you, she knew… a lot of things. Stuff back then I hadn’t comprehended. But when she spoke to me… or about stuff with me, she had sometimes…” Renn hesitated as she found the word, and then nodded. “She simplified stuff. Kind of like how you sometimes do so for me, or our other members.”

“Did she ever call them monarchs?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Never. Not once. And in fact I distinctly remember her telling me that the snake had eaten my uncle, my elder. That she had sensed my blood-line within it. Then years later, my uncle had showed up again. She never really explained how or why that happened,” Renn said as she thought deeply about it.

Sensed her bloodline…

“This snake. The one that attacked your family?” I asked. She had mentioned it offhandedly once.

She nodded. “It ate a few of them.”

How interesting.

It seemed my lovely wife had a vivid history. One she herself seemed to not even realize was special.

“Then that means one of them had been a monarch too. Had a heart. Even if tiny and weak,” I said. Especially if this saint had noticed such a thing. Not even the weakest saint would have made such a mistake as that.

Renn’s eyes went wide at that. “Really…?” she asked.

I nodded. “It’s a reasonable explanation. Saints sense the hearts, Renn. They don’t sense anything else about a monarch. The stuff they sense, outside of their abilities such as prophecies and stuff, are related to divine power. The stuff touched by gods. If she sensed you, your family, in another monarch… then yes. That meant at that moment a second heart had been inside of it. And if it had just eaten one of your family members, then…” I shrugged as I stopped explaining it.

Renn sniffed again. “I wonder who it had been…” she whispered.

“All the same. It could be your uncle’s, or another distant ancestor. I do find it very odd that a saint would not have procured the hearts. They glow in their eyes. I’m told it’s the same glow their eyes give off. Are you sure she didn’t gather them in secret? Without you noticing?” I asked.

Renn frowned and crossed her arms. I studied the way they hugged her chest, and for some reason wondered when she had last bathed.

She didn’t look dirty, at all, and of course she didn’t stink or anything… but…

Should I invite her? Even if she had bathed earlier this morning, or last night, she’d probably jump at the chance.

I had planned to show her the catacombs anyway. It’d be a good excuse. I could take her to those baths… show her the statues and vaults…

“She may have, Vim. I don’t know. I don’t remember her carving the corpses. In fact I even remember asking a few times why we didn’t, if at least for food. She claimed they were holy creatures. Beings made by gods, and should be respected as such. I felt back then that she had somewhat revered them, even though she believed she had a holy duty to slay them on sight,” Renn said.

“Saints see them as divine beasts, but at the same time also see them as monstrosities. Demons and such. It’s what makes Cat’s quest so believable,” I said.

“Why is that Vim? Why would a creature that is basically a saint be seen as a demon?” she asked.

I blinked and wondered how the hell she had realized that monarchs were saints, but then realized I had just told her such a thing myself.

I had told her the hearts glowed like a saint’s eyes. From their perspective.

Taking a deep breath, I sighed at myself.

Renn shifted a little, and her tail tapped the bed a little loudly. “Sorry. You don’t have to answer, Vim… instead would you answer something else?” she asked, and offered me a mercy.

I nodded slowly, and wondered what she wanted to know.

“How do you ignore it?” she then asked.

“Ignore what?” I asked carefully. Please don’t ask how I ignored the allure of her body, because I still wasn’t sure how I did it either.

“How do you ignore their betrayal?” she whispered.

Ah…

“That’s one extreme to another,” I whispered back.

Renn’s eyebrows met as she scrunched her face up. “I know…! I’m sorry… I just don’t know where to start or what to say…” she began to mumble as she uncrossed her arms and went to twirling her fingers together.

Smiling at her, I nodded. “I’m ignoring those here who wish to vote against me, because their votes are not out of malice. They do not wish to banish me, Renn, they simply wish things to be different. And I can’t fault them for that. Hard to blame someone for wanting a better life,” I said.

Renn sighed at me. “I hate that part of you, Vim,” she said.

“I know. It’s okay.”

I hated that part of me too, after all.

“Do you know who is voting against you then…?” she asked.

“I have a few ideas. Yes,” I admitted. No one had outright said so to me, yet, but the few I’d spoken to about it like Randle and the Chronicler had told me that more than a few here were willing to vote against me. In one form or another.

Renn sniffed again as she shook her head. “That’s disgusting. I don’t understand it. How can people be so unthankful?” she asked angrily.

I hummed at her and wondered if I should really let this conversation happen here and now.

It of course needed to happen… for many reasons. But at the same time… well…

I had been enjoying talking about other things with her. I wanted those conversations to continue. This one just hurt. At least the other ones, even if they made her cry, were able to make me smile or enjoy them.

“What are you smirking at? This is serious,” Renn nearly growled at me, and I sat up straighter as I realized I had indeed been smirking.

Lifting a hand to cover my mouth, I wondered why I had been smiling just now. Hadn’t I just been upset? Over having made her angry and allowing the conversation to grow lukewarm and lead into territory that made both of us upset?

“Jeez Vim…” Renn grumbled as she sighed at me.

“Hm…” I pondered it for a moment, and then nodded. “I’d been happy,” I admitted.

“Of…?” Renn asked cautiously.

“You. It seems I really like how angry you get when our members seem to betray me, from your perspective,” I said.

For a few moments we sat in silence as I nodded again. Yes. That was it.

Her anger and discomfort over their votes, their beliefs and foolishness, made me happy.

It felt good to have someone get upset for me. Over me. It made me feel… well…

Loved.

“Well if that’s all it takes to make you smirk, then you should be smiling all the time. I’ve lately been very upset with the lot of them for some time,” Renn said.

“So true. Can I ask a favor from you? In return I’ll give you a gift, if you’d like,” I offered, hoping to slightly change the topic a little.

“Hm?” Renn obviously knew what I was trying to do… but allowed it anyway as she eventually nodded and smiled at me.

Glancing down at the white journal, I glared at the damned thing. Lifting a hand, I dared to point at it.

“Would you destroy that? For me?” I asked.

For many painful heartbeats… Renn not only didn’t answer, she also didn’t move. Not even her tail or ears twitched.

I kept myself from gulping or shifting, and held her gaze as she glared at me.

“After you dedicate its contents to memory, of course,” I gently added after a bit of silence.

Renn finally moved. She shifted, and grabbed at her knees. She sat up straight, and took a deep breath. As if she was suddenly being lectured or something.

“Why, Vim?” she then asked.

“You say it’s from Celine?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Are you sure it is?” I asked.

“Randle firmly believes so. It’s also the same writing as that other book. The one you had let me read the first time we had come here,” she said.

My eye twitched as I nodded. “Great. So Randle read it too,” I complained.

“He said that he’s had to rebind it a couple times. To keep the pages safe,” she said as she leaned to the left a little, as if looking past me. There was no one behind me though, just the mirror in the corner of the room.

“Well… knowing Randle he very well may have not actually read it. But all the same,” I said as I nodded.

“It’s beautiful, Vim. I bet even you would cry if you read it,” she whispered.

“No. If I read that thing… I promise you, I would do a lot of things but crying would not be one of them,” I told her.

Renn’s eyes narrowed, and she was about to say something. Something that may have ruined a lot of things… so I raised my hand to hush her.

Her pupils narrowed at me, becoming similar to the shape of the one found in the monarch’s heart in-between us. “Don’t say a thing of its contents, Renn. Please.”

“Why Vim…? Why does it bother you so much?” she asked.

“I had not known of that thing’s existence. She had given it to Randle. For safekeeping. All this time. Do you not wonder why?” I asked.

She hesitated. “For a good reason, I assume…?”

“I despise prophecies, Renn. They are an insult to free-will,” I told her.

Renn blinked, and all of her anger and discomfort immediately vanished.

Taking a deep breath, I nodded. “There’s more to it than that. I’ll not lie to you. But that’s one of the biggest reasons I hate them. Prophecies. Fortunes. Destinies, or anything like them… I despise them. In my youth I had hunted such things down as ferociously as I had the monarchs and their creators. That book. That letter… I can tell it means a lot to you. But if you value my love at all, Renn, from this moment on… you will never speak of it. Never mention it again. If it was up to me I’d have not allowed you to read it in the first place,” I told her.

Renn’s eyes grew a little watery as I spoke, but she didn’t start crying. In fact… she seemed to even harden her heart a little as she focused on me.

“Why didn’t Randle warn me of this?” she asked stiffly.

“I could give you a dozen reasons and they’d likely all be wrong.”

Renn glanced down at the tome, and glared at it.

“Rennalee… I should have phrased it better… I’m not upset you had read it. In fact, to a certain degree… I’m glad you did. Maybe there was something in that book that you needed to read. Maybe it was something that will change the world. Or save you, or someone else. But no matter its contents… it is everything I am not. I hate saying this aloud, and it terrifies me to do so in fear of what it might do… but…” I slowly went quiet, and realized I was about to say something that may very well ruin our relationship.

Renn’s gleamy eyes widened in apprehension, and I realized I was now going to have to say it. No matter what.

Gulping, I nodded. “If I heard a prophecy… one that told me that our love was destined or some such… I would abandon your love, Renn. That is how badly I detest such things.”

Although I really didn’t want to look into her eyes, in fear of seeing something within them that I shouldn’t… I held her gaze all the same. Even as she flinched and narrowed her eyes, and then glanced down at the book once more.

“So please. Don’t tell me what was in it. Even if it wasn’t a prophecy at all, and just a simple letter from her to you. Just… let it be. Let it be something private, between you and her,” I begged.

Renn took a very deep breath, and I heard the tiny cracks within it. She was about to weep again.

“How did you love her, and she you, if you hated such things so much?” she asked with a thin voice. One that was about to break.

“By pretending. The both of us had been fully aware of it, yet had ignored it. Danced around it. And as I told you, Renn, I hadn’t loved her like that. And she hadn’t loved me like that either. In fact, today I’d be willing to admit to you that she hadn’t loved me at all… and in fact had only done so to use me. To manipulate me,” I told her.

It was a truth I’d never told anyone. But it was the truth all the same.

Celine had used my affection and pity of her and her people against me. And had done a splendid job of it, too.

“And you had allowed it,” she whispered.

I nodded. “I had.”

Renn reached out for the book, and I did my best to not look at it as she did so. She grabbed it, picked it up and sighed at me.

“I’ll burn it. But I want to read it once more before I do,” she said.

I nodded gently.

Renn sniffed at me, a long heavy one, and then glanced at me with a glare.

“Hm…?”

“What do I get in return, then?” she asked accusingly.

I smirked.

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