Chapter 39: Chapter Thirty Eight – Vim – To Prepare Is To Hunt

“That wasn’t clean, but it wasn’t sloppy either,” I said to the young girl.

She huffed as she stood up, leaving the knife where she had delved it.

The small deer wasn’t breathing anymore. There wasn’t much blood on Pelka’s hands or body surprisingly, considering where she had stabbed it in the neck. Even now some blood was pooling around the blade and handle.

Pelka huffed, stepping two feet away from the animal she just killed.

“You’re rather fast. Your problem, as I mentioned, will always be the power behind your blows. Luckily you’re not a human, but you’re still young and our kind isn’t all powerful. So you’ll always need to be careful, and on guard,” I said calmly, keeping a keen eye on the way her fingers opened and closed into fists.

“Is it dead?” she asked.

“It’s dead,” I said.

She blinked a few times, and then reached up to wipe her face. She stopped right before she touched her face with bloody hands.

Holding out a towel, I smiled as she stared at it… then looked up at me. I nodded at her, and put it closer to her.

She took it and went to wiping her face.

“Won’t blood ruin the towel?” she asked.

“That’s the only one I have. So your next kill better be clean,” I said.

She stopped wiping her face, and her large eyes peered at me from behind the towel.

Smiling at her, I nodded; glad she realized what that meant.

Stepping towards the dead deer, I knelt down to get a closer look at the thing’s neck.

Pushing the back of its neck, where its spine was, I felt the bones under its skin and fur.

She hadn’t killed it with the stab of the knife, but the simple blow. She had decapitated it, by stabbing it as hard as she could.

“Did I miss?” she asked, sounding worried.

“No. You hit the artery. It would have bled out and died, either way,” I said.

“Either way…?” she whispered, stepping towards me. She didn’t need to kneel down as low to get a better look; she was short enough that all she needed to do was bend forward.

I pointed at the spot where she had broken its neck. “Give it a feel,” I said.

Although her hands were no longer bloody, they were still stained as she went to touching the fawn’s neck.

“The bone?” she asked.

I nodded. “You broke its neck. That’s what killed it so quickly,” I said.

“Oh… so I failed?” she asked with a worried look.

“No. I told you to kill it. You did.”

“But… not with the knife,” she said.

“It would have died from the knife wound, as well. It would have taken longer, but its death was assured,” I said.

“Oh…” Pelka blinked a few times, slowly comprehending what I meant.

“This is a good thing, actually. It lets you know that you are strong. That you are capable,” I said.

Pulling the knife out of the deer’s neck, Pelka stepped back to avoid the splash of blood. She wasn’t too skittish about such things, but my quick action had startled her all the same.

Grabbing the deer by the head, I hefted it and then considered giving it to her. It was her kill, her responsibility…

“Lead the way,” I said to her.

“Huh? Oh. To the river, right?” she asked, and the two large ears on the top of her head quickly began to twitch. She moved her head, which told me they weren’t as mobile as Renn’s were. Her ears actually moved on their own, and she didn’t need to move her head completely like the foxes did.

Was that a fox trait? Surely not… that must mean she was more animal than they were, in that sense.

“This way,” Pelka said, pointing to the north.

Nodding, I was glad she chose correctly. There were actually two small creeks nearby, and the sounds they gave off were a little tricky. It made the southern one sound closer, when it wasn’t. The fact she chose correctly gave her another passing grade.

Following the young fox to the river, I paid close attention to the way she trotted in front of me. She was happy now, bounding a little with each step.

Not only had I allowed her to hunt, even when her mother had voiced against it… she was, or at least was so far, passing with flying colors.

I sighed a little, and wondered how long it’d be before she went out on her own. Hopefully a few years, at least.

Usually I tried to accompany those who ventured out by themselves for the first time. At least to the first village or two… but sometimes they couldn’t wait for me. It did take me years to return after all.

Reaching the small river bend, I allowed Pelka to pick where we’d clean the deer. She chose a spot with some trees near a bend, where the water ran a little fast.

Although Pelka, and her parents, had asked me to teach her to hunt… this wasn’t her first time, at all. She didn’t even wait to be guided in preparing the deer for quartering. She held her hand out for the knife, and once I handed it to her she went to work.

I was a little surprised to not just see how quick and clean she was at it, but also how experienced she seemed.

She’s probably been the one cutting and cleaning the animals for the family for some years. Her hands were as steady and sure as any experienced butcher.

“How often do you do this?” I asked her. She had already cut open most of the deer, and was getting ready to pull out all the organs.

“About once or twice a week,” she said.

“Who hunts for you?” I asked.

“Father hunts sometimes. But usually the hunters of Bordu drop off game on their way through the farm. We get most our food from them,” she said.

“Ah,” I nodded in understanding. That made a lot more sense. She must have, or Porka had, negotiated with some hunters. After all, being so close to Bordu meant they shouldn’t have to actively hunt themselves. They had farmers and workers coming and going from Bordu on a daily basis, and any of them would happily bring a cart full of food for a little extra pay.

“Am I doing it wrong?” She asked, suddenly conscious of my attention.

“No. You’re fine. Do you keep the kidney?” I asked.

“Want it?” she asked as she pulled the stomach and the rest out.

“No,” I said.

She paused, and glanced at me as she held the kidney in her hand.

“I don’t, really,” I said to her.

She studied it for a moment, and then tossed it aside into the pile of other organs.

“Want to hang it here?” she asked as she went to cleaning out the few other parts needed.

“You plan on staying here for a few days?” I asked.

She hesitated, and then smiled. “Guess you’re right,” she said.

“Just quarter it. We’ll wrap it in the towel and take it back with us,” I said.

Pelka nodded and went to do just that.

Watching the young fox, I felt a little proud of her.

Of course I hadn’t raised her. Nor did I actually teach her to hunt. Her father had done most of that. The only thing I was doing was saying the words necessary to help her gain her confidence.

She already knew how to hunt. She knew how to dress an animal.

She even knew how to kill. For her it could have even been instinctual.

She just needed me, the Society’s protector, to tell her she was doing it correctly. Doing it well enough that she could survive on her own, relying on her own skills.

“Pelka, have you seen death?” I asked her.

Her knife paused in mid slice; she had been skinning the deer. “Of people?” she asked, understanding.

I nodded.

She pulled the knife away from the carcass, and sat on her knees. Pondering my question.

“It’s a yes or no,” I said.

Pelka’s ears twitched, and she nodded. “I know. I’ve… I’ve seen the knights kill bandits. I saw you kill that thief a long time ago. You killed him in the wheat, remember?” she asked.

Quickly running through my memories, I tried to remember what she spoke of. I vaguely remembered it, but didn’t remember anything about a thief.

“I killed a thief?” I asked.

“They broke in to steal from Trixalla’s house. They saw my mom, with her ears out. You chased them,” she said.

“Ah,” I nodded, I did remember that. I hadn’t thought of them as a thief, which was why nothing had come to mind.

“I’ve seen farmhands die too. One was kicked by a horse. Another tripped… we found him a long time later. His body was… weird. Dried out,” she said.

I nodded, and knelt down across the carcass from her. She studied me closely as I held out my hand for the knife.

She gave it, and I noticed it wasn’t wet. She really was good at cleaning a carcass.

“You stabbed this deer,” I said with a point at it with the knife.

She nodded.

“Could you stab me?” I asked her.

“You took the knife back,” she said.

Blinking at her words, I forced back the smile that wanted to creep onto my lips. “I did,” I said.

For a long moment she stared at me, and I calmly let her hold my gaze.

Would she try?

She didn’t. She blinked, and looked down at the carcass. “I can kill someone if I have to,” she whispered.

A little disappointed, I made sure not to sigh or let it show on my face.

“Could you?” I asked.

She nodded.

“What gives you the confidence?” I asked her.

“You.”

I couldn’t hide my frown now. “Me?” I asked her.

She nodded, and reached out to pull apart the ribs a little more… so I could cut into the tenderloins.

Obliging her, I went to cutting the meat off the deer.

“You didn’t hesitate that day. When you killed the man who saw mom’s ears. You simply… killed him,” she said.

“You think you can do the same?” I asked her.

She nodded.

Pulling the tenderloin out, I held them in my hand for a moment. It was warm.

“Could you kill a friend?” I asked her.

Pelka looked away from the carcass, to stare at me.

“Is that what I have to do…?” she asked with a husk of a voice.

Scoffing, I shook my head. “Of course not,” I said.

“Oh.” The obvious relief on her face was a good sight.

I wanted my people to be strong, emotionally especially, but I didn’t want them to be monsters.

“What if one day, as you’re traveling… you find a friend. Someone who you come to cherish,” I suggested a hypothetical situation.

“Oh…” Her shoulders slumped, as she realized exactly what I meant.

Nodding, I pointed the tenderloin at her. Her eyes narrowed on it as I did. “Could you kill them? Let’s say if they saw your ears on accident. Or they somehow found out something about the Society, or your family? Putting them in danger?” I asked her.

Pelka stared at the dark red meat for several moments… then she nodded. “Yes.”

I believed her.

“I hope you never have to,” I said to her.

She blinked. Then she frowned.

“Thought I’d say otherwise?” I asked her.

“I… I don’t know what I thought you were going to say,” she said.

“People think I’ll say something profound. That’s why they’re always disappointed,” I said.

“What’s profound mean?” she asked.

“Thoughtful,” I simplified.

“Ah… I guess. I thought you were going to make me do something to prove I was ready,” she said.

“Like what? Kill a human?” I asked.

“Father said that might be it,” she mumbled.

“Your father is a good man, but he’s been listening to Mork’s stories too much,” I said.

She giggled, and I held out the tenderloin for her.

With quick fingers she took it and went to putting it on the towel she had been using to wipe the blood off. It was all we had, really. I probably should have thought of this a little better.

“Mother thinks I’ll die,” Pelka then whispered, as I went to cutting other meats off the carcass.

“She does,” I admitted.

“Will I?” she asked as I handed her another section.

“It’s possible.”

Pelka hesitated in putting the next section of meat onto the towel, but eventually gathered her nerve.

“I… I want to try,” she said.

“And that, Pelka, is why I’ll never stop you,” I said to her.

The young fox went a little wide eyed.

“Go into the world. See what you want to see. Experience all you desire… just do so carefully. With caution. Remember it’s the human’s world, not ours. Remember that if you get caught, it’s not just your life you’re risking but your families. Your fellow members of the Society. The ones who are weaker, or more scared than you,” I said.

She nodded seriously.

“But don’t hate or grow angry at your parents for trying to dissuade you. After all… they love you. They cherish you. They don’t want to lose you. Not just your life, but you yourself. If you venture out into the world, and are gone for years and years… that too is sad for them. That too hurts them. Even if they know you’ll one day come back,” I explained.

She blinked watery eyes… and ignored the next clump of meat I was trying to hand her. Instead she stared into my eyes.

Nodding at her, I decided to hold off on the rest of the meat. At least for a moment.

“I want to see the sea,” she said.

“Then see it.”

“I want to climb a mountain.”

“Climb the peaks,” I offered.

“There’s so much out there,” she said, tears welling in her eyes.

“More than you can imagine,” I agreed.

“But I’ll regret it, won’t I?” she whispered.

My shoulders got suddenly heavy as I watched her start to cry. The kind of crying that was quiet, and was accompanied by a face covered in grief.

“You might,” I whispered just as quietly.

“Do you?”

Slowly shaking my head, I did my best to not lie to her. “I don’t.”

“What if… what if I do? What if I hate it out there?” she asked.

“Then you simply run home,” I said.

She blinked, and then blinked again. She sniffed, and suddenly her eyes unfocused. She was so watery eyed, she couldn’t see anything. She reached up, to wipe her eyes, but her hands were bloody again. And she hadn’t worn a shirt with sleeves. Her forearms weren’t that gross, but gross enough she didn’t want to wipe her face on them.

Putting the knife into the chunk of meat in my bloody hand, I reached out with my clean hand. The one untouched. She smiled as I wiped the tears from her eyes for her.

“Take a chance. You can also do it slowly. Take a small trip to a nearby town. Spend some time in Bordu, alone. Spend a year there. Then go home. Spend a year at the Owl’s Nest, and then go home. So on and so forth,” I said.

“I can do that?” she asked.

“You can do anything. And if anyone tries to stop you, just come get me,” I said.

She chuckled and nodded.

“You have a long life ahead of you Pelka. The world might seem like it’ll fade away without you, but it won’t. It will be there for you when you’re ready. And will be there when you’re not,” I said.

Pelka sniffed… but smiled and nodded. Glad to think of it that way.

“Okay,” she said. Not just to me… but she herself.

“Okay,” I agreed with her.

We stared at each other for a few moments, and I thought of the cat.

She was older than this girl, yet similar. Just as…

It wasn’t innocence. What was it?

Pelka blinked and looked away, back to the carcass.

Holding out the section of meat she had ignored earlier, she nodded and took it.

I went to cutting another section off as I tried to think of what my mind had thought of. I had compared, and likened, this young fox to that cat. Yet were they the same?

Maybe it was because I had just seen utter sorrow on the cat’s face too. Maybe I saw the same anguish. The same heartbreak.

Pulling some meat off the hind leg, I was about to hand it to Pelka but she ignored it.

“Going to miss that part too?” she asked, pointing to where I had just cut.

“Hm…” I sighed and went to get the slice I had missed.

Once we were done with the carcass, Pelka bundled all the meat we had gathered and we went to head back to Twin Hills.

It was a few hours away, but we walked slowly. Neither of us seemed in much a hurry to get back.

“That lady. Renn. Is she a friend?” she asked out of the blue.

“She’s a member of the Society, just like us,” I said plainly.

“Father said you hate her,” she said.

Frowning, I wondered what gave him that idea. “I don’t.”

“Mother thinks you do too,” she countered.

“Everyone always likes to think for me,” I said.

Pelka giggled, and I noticed the way she strode next to me. She seemed far more comfortable in her strides, as if a burden had been lifted.

“She… might have made a mistake. I need to find out before I can decide if I hate her or not,” I said.

“Oh… what’d she do?”

“Hopefully nothing,” I said.

“Is… is she dangerous?” she asked.

“I’m not sure yet,” I said honestly.

“If she is… I’ll kill her for you. If you want,” she said.

Glancing at the little girl, I was a little surprised to find the seriousness in her gaze.

“Hm. She’s strong you know,” I warned.

Pelka blinked, and then frowned. “Really?”

I nodded.

“Stronger than me?”

I nodded again.

“Oh… Well…” suddenly she seemed less confident.

“You’re still a child you know,” I said.

“I know,” she groaned.

Smiling at her, I wondered if I should send her to Lilly…

“Pelka, I’ll help you set up a place in Bordu. Live there for a year. If you can do that, and still desire to see the world, I’ll take you to Lilly,” I said to her.

“The Owl’s Nest?” she asked, suddenly far more interested than before.

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Really?” she grew excited, and I nodded again.

“Deal!” she happily smiled, nodding quickly as she agreed.

Good. By then she’ll find out how serious her desire to leave her home is. If by then, after spending a year training with Lilly, she still desired to see the world…

Then at least then she’ll be a little older. A little wiser. A little stronger.

We’d be able to give her enough tools and experiences, to survive. Or at least, have a chance at it.

And after all, that was all she needed.

That was all anyone needed.

Which was why it was so… depressing, that it was becoming so difficult to provide it.

Maybe that was what bothered me about the cat.

She was a predator. Not just like Pelka and the snakes… but a real one.

Why did she act like all the other prey? Why did she act weak?

Why did I feel like I wanted to trust her, when I knew I shouldn’t?

Glancing at the little fox next to me, who was smiling proudly… I realized she was probably going to become useful. Another Lilly, maybe. Another member of our Society who could possibly be used to help protect the Society, instead of simply exist within it.

She was precious. And didn’t know it yet.

“Stand tall Pelka,” I told her as we neared the forest’s edge.

She tilted her head at me as I repeated myself. “Don’t be ashamed of what you are. Stand tall.”

“Stand tall,” Pelka whispered.

Nodding at her, she smiled back.

Stand tall.

We needed to. Since so many wouldn’t.

Since so many couldn’t.

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