Chapter 151: Chapter One Hundred and Fifty – Vim – A Painting He Remembers. A Bath She Desires.

Renn’s room smelled like her.

I sat on one of the two chairs that her room had. The one that was used for the desk. The only other chair in the room was off in a corner, near the bed. It had a nightgown loosely draped over it.

The moonlight illuminated the room… a little too much for my liking. Thanks to the large windows, and the fact that she hadn’t closed the drapes at all. Maybe she liked to stare out the window as she fell asleep.

Today had been a rough day. In more ways than one. And… my original plan had been to sneak in here and start the bath. The idea had been to get in and wait for Renn, but… well…

Shifting, I caused shadows to dance in the room. They bothered me, since they reminded me of how bright the moon was tonight.

Yet… the moonlight right now was something I was a little thankful for. It let me appreciate Renn’s handiwork better.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes to not just spend a moment enjoying her scent… but to also calm myself.

I had come here to reward her. To give her what I had promised, since she had fulfilled my request in turn. And honestly… to relax a little. I was frustrated, and although wanted to be alone… knew better than to do so. And right now, Renn was the one I wanted to be not alone with.

Yet…

Opening my eyes, I glared at the reason I had chosen to sit on the chair in the middle of her room, instead of starting the bath.

I should have known this would happen.

I should have known this day wasn’t done with making me feel horrible.

Renn had painted the thing I had asked her to. She had done it flawlessly too.

My memory was of course, not as perfect as hers. So I wasn’t entirely sure if it really was an actual replica as the one I now remembered seeing at the Sleepy Artist… but there it was.

A small village. With fields of wheat and wooden houses with thatch roofs.

Looming over the village was a large Epoch Cross. It looked far too big to be real, but it was obviously symbolic more than literal. It loomed over everything in the picture, imposingly. The sun was setting in the painting, and had been painted in such a way that the dusk and burnt red sky from the setting sun made the cross look almost as if it was on fire.

The meaning was obvious. It represented the cleansing fire of the Epoch Laws. The laws where those undeserving and unwilling to bend the knee were burnt at the cross.

I couldn’t recognize the village at all… but luckily it seemed like it wasn’t too concerning for me. The village, and the scene, didn’t have anything in it that I needed to panic over just yet.

It could be the past, or the future… but neither mattered much right now.

What mattered, instead of that painting which was resting over against the wall… finished and done… was instead the one now on the easel before me.

The half finished painting was strangely more concerning than this afternoon’s events.

The painting of my old friend and his daughter.

Rungle and Stumble.

Renn had only finished about half the painting so far… Stumble was the only one finished in totality. Rungle who was mostly in the background of the painting wasn’t even finished enough to notice. But I knew it was him. And not just because I’d recognize that scarred hand from anywhere.

Stumble had been sitting on his lap while this had been painted. On his knee, laughing giddily.

I took another deep breath, and this time I almost couldn’t smell Renn as I did so.

She had drawn them perfectly. Nearly exactly as I had remembered them.

Stumble’s little round ears. Rungle’s gnarled hands.

Why… why was she painting them? How? Out of all the things she could have painted… she was painting my friends, and in the exact same way as I had seen them painted before.

Why?

But no. I knew why.

Renn was able to remember things to an excruciating detail… to the point of being able to replicate such an old painting with such perfect accuracy.

Did she have any idea what she had done? What was she was doing…?

I blinked watery eyes, and hoped she’d not come back any time soon.

I wanted to sit here for a little while longer.

Which was funny, since when I had first sat down I had wanted her to return immediately. To go and find her.

To grab her. To shake her. To yell at her. To ask her who she thought she was.

Opening the door to her room and finding Stumble smiling at me had shocked me.

I had not been expecting it at all. Especially since my mind had been so numb thanks to the events on the roof earlier.

How long had it been since I had been so shocked that I stumbled?

I smiled at my own thoughts. Stumble had made me stumble. She would have laughed at that. I could hear her giggling even now.

With my smile, a single tear fell onto my arm. I ignored it as I studied the smiling girl. She was smiling in the painting, and her smile made me remember the moment. The joke that Celine had said to make her smile like that. The huge smile on Rungle’s face as I added to that joke with one of my own. My joke had been a… bad one. So bad that Stumble had looked at me with a weird look, and then had looked at her father as to find out why he was laughing so much. She hadn’t understood my joke, but had wanted to. So she could share in her father’s joy.

I missed them.

To think I had burnt their picture so callously. So thoughtlessly.

All of them. How many had been in that storage room…?

Hundreds. Hundreds of paintings, of hundreds of people… most of whom I’ll never see again.

How many had Renn seen? How many could she replace? How many could she paint before her memory started to fail her?

Even if she could replace them all… Did it matter?

They were gone. And always would be.

Because I had burnt them. Because I had failed them.

Just like the woman this afternoon. Just like the two men. Just like that little bird girl.

I blinked and for a tiny moment I was back on the roof. Listening to the desperate cries of the girl. Hearing the stunned groan of the man as he stared at his now useless hands. Staring into the eyes of the lanky man, who saw death and only death before him.

A non-human… was staring at me as if I was a monster.

Me.

The man who protects them from the real monsters.

The door opened, and the sound of it made me blink. I was now back in Renn’s room.

I remained seated, and still, as the door paused mid-open. I heard Renn’s breath catch in her throat as she stopped. Luckily, I heard she was alone. I couldn’t even hear any voices coming from down the hallway. Knowing the rest, they were all still together downstairs debating with one another. Trying to decide what to do. What to allow me to do.

That debate, those votes, had been why I had left and come here.

Why I had ran away, to find comfort in the oddest of places.

Luckily Renn had been alone. Me being in her room, alone, could be explained away… but not the painting I sat in front of.

The painting of the Epoch Cross could be, but not one of Stumble and Rungle.

Renn took a tiny breath, and for a small moment I waited for her to say something… then she stopped herself. After a moment she stepped into the room, and then quietly closed the door behind her.

Such a kind woman.

While staring at the painting, I thought of her expression this afternoon… and all through the night as she had listened to the Society in Lumen debate and argue. Over if they should release me upon those who attacked me, or try and save the members from my wrath.

She had looked like how I felt.

Renn stepped around me… walking slowly, yet confidently. She headed for the desk and put something down upon it. It sounded like wood… maybe a bowl or cup? I couldn’t smell food or drink, but that wasn’t a surprise. The room smelled strongly of paint, yet the only thing I could smell right now was her.

After she emptied her hands Renn turned to look at me. She stared at me for a moment, and then more moments passed… and she continued her silence.

Did she want me to say something first?

More moments turned into minutes… then even more… and just right as I was about to take a breath as to say something, the room got brighter.

She had lit the large lamp on her desk.

The smell of a small wick and match filled the room, momentarily blotting out her scent. I hated that.

Thanks to the extra light, my watery eyes became more apparent. To me… and likely her. I blinked a few times, to clear them.

Renn hesitated, and I knew it was because she had seen the tears that had fallen. Likely glistening in the lamplight.

“Rungle and Stumble,” I told her, unashamed over the tears.

Renn went still… then once she realized I wasn’t going to continue just yet, she went to untying her hat.

Why had she left it on all this time? We had all been in the houses since after the incident. She could have removed it a long time ago.

As she took it off, I heard the sound of her hair and the fur on her ears tear and pull. She pulled the pins out of her hair with the kind of force that I knew a human woman would have sniveled or flinched from. Yet she paid the pulled out hair no mind… even though she should. Her hair and ears were beautiful. She should treasure them more.

Once she put her hat away, onto a small knob on the large dresser next to her other hats… I nodded.

“He was a good man. A good friend. A wonderful husband and father. Stumble was… a joy. Her mother had died during her birth, yet her sacrifice had been worth it. Stumble had been the personification of all that is good in this world,” I told her about them.

I had wept on finding their corpses. Especially when I had seen the way Rungle had tried to shield his daughter from the chaos that had fallen upon them. The way he had held her close, through it all. Burying them had been one of the hardest things I had done. They had been some of the first that I had genuinely cared for. They had been the first I had actually wept over.

They had been one of the first I had lost. The first I had failed so blatantly, and horribly.

“I had wept when I found them dead,” I told her as the scene played out in my mind. Again. For the first time in years.

Renn gulped, and I blinked again. This time my eyes cleared up. I was a little proud of myself for being able to keep them dry.

“Should… Should I have not painted them?” she weakly asked me.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

Her clothes rustled as she grabbed her arm. I looked away from the painting for the first time since she had entered, and I found her holding herself. She had teary eyes, as if she had taken up the mantle of crying for me since I had stepped down from it. She looked… scared. Hurt. She was looking at the floor, away from me. As if she was afraid to even look at me.

“Yet even if you should not have… I’m glad you had. Thank you, Renn, for letting me see my friends again,” I said.

She looked up at me as a single tear fell from her eye. It hid its journey down her face, since her loose hair hid it. It was getting long… she needed a haircut. Yet I liked how her hair fell around her face like that.

“Hm…” She nodded at me.

Taking a deep breath, I sighed. “I had honestly planned to sneak in here… to get in your bath. To give you your reward, and to distract me from my own thoughts,” I revealed to her my plan.

Renn blinked and shifted, and actually reached out to grab the nearby desk for support. She held herself up as if she had suddenly gone weak in the knees.

“What stopped you?” She asked with a whisper.

I nodded to the painting.

“Ah…” she nodded. That made sense to her.

A weird moment of quiet awkwardness filled the air, but I ignored it. Especially since Renn was doing the same thing.

Looking away from the painting, I gestured to the one against the wall. Near the bathroom door.

She smiled and nodded at it, seemingly proud.

Smiling back at her, I looked back at the painting. “Thank you for the paintings, Renn,” I said.

“Ah… yes… Did this one help you? Do you recognize it?” she asked as she stepped over to the painting of the village. She knelt down before it, to get a better look. She blocked the painting from my sight as she did… and I noticed the way her clothes hugged her body. Had she always looked so… well…

I looked away from her, and had to force my eyes from looking back at her. “I do. Kind of. I’ll need to think about it some more, but honestly it’s not as bad as I had thought it had been. Thank you for painting it, I had been worried about it,” I said.

Why did I like the way I could see her tail beneath her blouse? It made no sense. It shouldn’t be that sexy.

“Hm…” I heard her reach out and touch the painting. Her finger tapped the dried paints a little loudly. Was she scrapping it? It sounded as if she was touching something she herself hadn’t created. As if it wasn’t her painting.

After a few moments she stood back up, and stepped around the easel in front of me as to stare at the unfinished one. I let my eyes wander back to her, as if it was somehow safe again to look.

“How is it, by the way?” she asked.

“Your art? Phenomenal. I didn’t realize you’d be this good. It’s almost too good,” I said.

She smiled gently and nodded. “Nory taught me a lot,” she said.

“I see.” That Nory again.

To be jealous of not just a human… but a woman on top of it was insulting. Yet here I was. Very jealous.

Damn you Nory.

While Renn studied her work, I noticed the way her tail slithered in the air.

Hm? When had she pulled it out of her dress?

I stopped myself from gulping and realized I probably should get out of here. What was wrong with me? Being attracted to her was one thing, but why her tail too? Why her ears?

I needed to get out of here before I made a horrible mistake.

“Has anyone else seen these paintings?” I asked her.

“Brandy and Merit both saw the village one. Both asked about the cross, but I told them that I had just been painting what I had seen at the sanctuary. Where the Clothed Woman lives. Neither has seen this one yet,” she said.

“That’s well done. Try not to let anyone else see this one, please,” I asked her.

She nodded. “Okay.”

Renn crossed her arms and held her chin as she studied the painting with a judgmental eye. She was tapping her chin with a finger, and I noticed the fingernail. It was a little longer than it had been lately. Maybe thanks to the recent hectic few days she had stopped cutting them short, or was trying out a new length.

Realizing I was once again ogling her, I squinted my eyes and looked away.

What was I doing? Why was I so entranced by her? I’d blame the events earlier, but the reality was it had been getting worse long before that. It was why I had accepted Yin’s descendant’s request so readily. To get away from her for awhile.

We’ve been together too long, maybe. Yet I knew that wasn’t the real reason either. After all I had spent years with others before and never felt this way. Never had this happen with them… even with the ones, like the few here, who tried to initiate stuff.

Shouldn’t have come into her room. Should have stayed at the meeting. I needed to leave.

I stretched and readied to get up. “Well, suppose we can continue this later…” I said, trying my best to escape.

“You said you were going to get in my bath,” she said softly.

“Hm… I did. Why would I say that?” I asked.

“Well… because you’re going to?” she grumbled as she finally looked away from the painting. She glared at me, with her crossed arms.

How did she look so good even when angry?

“I see, so you’re as delusional as you are beautiful,” I said.

Her face contorted, and her fist clenched. As she squeezed her fist, I noticed the way some of her fingers shifted… Was she making a fist? As to hit me?

“Why a bath Renn?” I asked her before she could convince herself to do so.

She immediately un-clenched her fist, and opened and closed her hand. “Uhm…”

Unable to resist, I chuckled at her. “Doubting yourself?” I asked her.

Renn’s ears twitched and her tail actually puffed up a little. Yet her blushing face, adorned by a smile, told me that she was far from angry or upset. “Well, suddenly yes,” she said honestly.

“Me too,” I admitted.

She gulped, and while she stared at me I tried to think of a way out of here… Or at least, how I could get out of here without really hurting her feelings while also keeping my dignity intact.

I sighed. “Sorry,” I said.

“Not going to get in then? It feels good you know. It’s even big enough that we don’t have to touch, if that is your worry,” She offered.

“Did the Society reach a vote?” I asked her.

Renn’s ears twitched wildly for a moment. She glared at me, and I knew it was because she had not wanted to think about anything else right now. She wanted to focus on us.

“No. They plan to meet in the morning, to let everyone ponder and consider what to do,” she finally said. As she spoke she seemed to calm down a little. Likely because she realized it was actually more important than what was happening here and now.

“What was the general census so far?” I asked.

“To give them a chance. To not let you pursue them until we know more. They… well… everyone thinks that they might not have been hunting me, but instead had simply been trying to reach out. To talk to me, since they might have thought I was the strongest,” Renn said.

I nodded. Yes.

That had been my thoughts too.

They had come in a group. They had brought swords… but…

They had not planned to use them originally.

Those two men had only jumped out after I had attacked the girl. They had only attacked me to draw my attention. To keep me away from the girls as they escaped.

I had not been an enemy to conquer and eat, but one to flee from.

“I attacked one of my own,” I whispered.

Renn took inhaled a sharp breath and shook her head. “Vim… you couldn’t have known,” she said.

“I should have. I shouldn’t have broken open that door so violently. I should have given her the chance to speak,” I said.

Renn’s tail went stiff, and I enjoyed watching the hairs upon it perk up. “Possibly Vim… but that’s not your job. Your job is to protect us.”

“Protect the non-humans, Renn. That includes them, too,” I told her.

Renn blinked, and I knew the reason she didn’t immediately reply was because she couldn’t. She knew the truth, just as I did.

She could recite that little white book after all.

“The worst part is even if we give them a chance… odds are it’s now too late. I have drawn blood. It’s war now. I likely will now have to slaughter them all, even the hapless, all because I had been impatient. All because I had allowed my concern for you to override my common sense,” I whispered.

Renn startled, and stepped forward. “Me?”

Shit.

I shook my head, firmly. Enough to make it clear. “I worried for you Renn. She had been stalking you. But that’s not the entire reason I had broken that door. I was frustrated with waiting, and missing her all those other times and…” I stopped lying to her and myself, and as I did I noticed her pupils. Those beautiful glistening pools enlarged as she realized it too.

After a long… awkward moment… I nodded in defeat.

“I did not like the idea of you being hunted,” I admitted quietly.

Renn frowned, but thankfully didn’t seem to get too upset. A long moment passed, and I expected her to yell at me. To scream… maybe even hit me again.

Yet instead, she ended up smiling at me.

“You’re quite a man, Vim… to admit that so purely,” she whispered.

“I’ve been a man for a very long time, so yea… I got that down I think,” I said.

Renn scoffed a laugh, and nodded. “Right?”

As she laughed, I couldn’t help but smile. Her laugh washed away any shame I had, and somehow even made me feel… relieved. As if now I knew everything would be alright.

While she laughed I noticed something I hadn’t before.

Her sword was resting up against the bed. Near a nightstand. It had something… lacy on it.

The pair of panties on the sword was understandable, to a point… but there was also a pair on top of the bed’s pillar. The one nearest to us.

I pointed up at it, and wondered how that had happened.

Her eyes went up, to find the thing I was pointing at.

“Huh… Oh… uhh… Well, I can explain that,” Surprisingly her blush didn’t get any darker as she stared at the bed’s post.

“Do try,” I said.

She groaned and covered her face. “Sometimes I sleep naked,” she said.

“Never do with me,” I complained.

“Obviously!” she shouted between her fingers.

Chuckling at her, I nodded. Did that mean she just… tossed clothes around when she hopped into bed? Would explain the nightgown on the chair. It hadn’t been laid down gently, after all. Yet really? She’d have to climb up onto the bed and reach for the one hanging off the bed’s frame.

Renn kept her face hidden by her hands as she stood there, her tail twitching wildly behind her.

“Damn,” I whispered.

Her ears flickered, and she lowered her hands. She tilted her head at me as I wondered what I was going to do.

“Vim?” she asked. She looked worried for me. She had no idea why, but she should worry. Especially for me.

What was I going to do with her? What was I going to do with myself?

“How are the girls?” I asked.

“The eastern girls? They’re good. I think… Lamp came and took the rest to the embassy today. She plans to come back in a few days, she wants to stay here with us,” she said, growing somber.

“Why the frown?” I asked her.

“I had forgotten all about them. In the chaos,” she said.

“That’s understandable Renn, it’s been hectic,” I said.

She shook her head. “No. It’s not. They deserve better.”

Nodding at her, I wondered if she realized that was one of the reasons I was so attracted to her.

Did she not realize how rare such a trait was?

I didn’t like hearing her suddenly sad. Why I had brought them up?

You know why Vim. To change the mood before it got dangerous.

Damn me.

For a long… long moment we were silent. She stood there in front of me, near the painting of my friend and his daughter. I wished she had finished his section. Him staring at me might have kept me under control.

I found her beautiful. Which was bad. I wasn’t supposed to be attracted to anyone.

I found her lovely too, which was even worse. I wasn’t supposed to favor any singular person.

Beauty I could ignore… but her personality was a different matter. It made her far more dangerous than she should be.

Her tail twitched as she stared at me, seemingly enjoying the moment. She looked as if she’d be willing to stand there and stare at me all night long.

She’s done that before. She’s sat on the bed, staring at me through the night. The first time she did that was back in Ruvindale… when Lomi had that first nightmare. Renn had sat at the edge of the bed, staring at us for hours.

I had thought her strange then. Now I knew it was just…

Now I found it appealing.

Now I found it to be a compliment.

Now I wanted to do the same to her.

“Renn,” I said her name, and she twitched. Her ears fluttered as she nodded. “Can I… open my heart to you?” I asked her.

“Of course, Vim.”

“You terrify me,” I said.

Her eyes widened, and her shoulders started to droop.

“Out of the hundreds of women that have tried to join me over the years, you’re the only one I can’t seem to justify tossing aside,” I told her.

She blinked her wide eyes.

“I either need to abandon you forcefully, to stop myself from becoming too entangled with you… or I need to take you to that bed right now and get it out of my system. Honestly I don’t know what to do,” I said. Renn gulped, and her tail lowered. It lowered nearly to the floor. Taking a deep breath, I sighed out her scent. “I don’t want to abandon you. I enjoy your company. And I don’t want you to just be another woman I bedded either, so…” I added, and wasn’t sure what to else to say.

Renn said nothing as I sat back against the chair. It creaked against my weight. It was made for a human, not me.

“I came in here planning to get in that bath, and see where it took us. I thought about it the whole trip back. While sailing that ship. All the things I wanted to say, and the teasing and the sex. Then you walked up and hit me. Which put a dent in that plan. Then I came in here, because today had hurt and I hadn’t wanted to be alone… and then saw that,” I said with a look at the painting of my friend and his daughter. My words hung in the room, and they felt heavy even to me.

“What about my feelings?” she then asked. Looking at her, I was a little surprised to see… although a blushed face, not a tear in her eyes. They were glaring at me though.

I nodded. “I’d like to hear them,” I said.

“I want to stay with you. I want to help you. I want to continue this journey we have… I want to see the world with you. I want to experience the joys, and the sorrows. I want to laugh and smile with you, and cry and weep alongside you too. I want you and me to become people who trust each other. I want to be someone who you can ask for help concerning anything, anytime, anywhere. I want you and me to spend hundreds of years together, always,” she spoke purely, and it made her voice sound lovely.

“If I allow that, I’ll fall in love with you,” I argued.

“I love you,” she said without missing a beat.

I flinched. I hadn’t wanted to hear those words at all.

“Don’t look away!” she said as she stepped towards me.

Looking back up at her, I nodded. “I know you do,” I said.

“We’re old enough to know. We’re not children, Vim. Even if you look at me like I am sometimes,” she said.

“You’re not a child, Renn. I know that.”

“Then why can’t you just…” she hesitated.

“What? Kiss you? Display my affection openly? Sleep with you every night?” I shook my head as I stood up. She shied away, but only a single step. She held her ground as I waved my hand gently through the air. “I’m the Societies protector, Renn! I am not allowed to show such things to a singular person. I’m not allowed to favor one over another. I’m not allowed to let anyone into my heart to that level,” I said.

“Says who?” she asked.

“Me!” I shouted.

Renn’s eyes shivered, but remained clear. Beautifully clear. They looked great in the moonlight… especially with such emotion surrounding them.

“Haven’t you noticed? They already think you’re special to me. They already question it. They all can see it already. The consequence of knowing me for hundreds of years is that they notice something as obvious as my affection. They see you adorned in my leather.” I pointed at the wardrobe nearby. Some of the leather Lellip and I had made for her hung from one of its open cabinets. “Armed with my weapons,” I pointed to the sword against her bed… then finally pointed at the painting right next to us. “Fulfilling requests! And then you walk right up and hit me! Brazenly! Without a worry of any repercussions! In front of Brandy of all people! They’re not stupid Renn. They’re foolish, they’re impotent, they’re stuck in their ways but they’re not stupid. They’re not blind… they see the way we look at one another,” I said. It felt good to say this all aloud, but with every word I spoke I started to hate myself even more.

I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have said anything.

I should have found a way to hate her.

She held my gaze, and I praised her for not breaking. For not crying. She didn’t even flinch as I basically yelled at her.

“They’re also not animals, Vim,” she then said.

“What…?”

“They’re not base animals. They understand emotion. They understand relationships, and they even fall in love! Do you not realize they’ll not hate you just because you love me?” she asked me.

I shook my head. “They won’t hate me, but they’ll start to doubt me. They’ll start to question,” I said.

She nodded. “Will he protect me as fiercely now that she’s there? Will he choose her over me? Will he ignore me, to stay with her?” Renn easily spoke the terrors of the situation.

I stepped away from her, and hated how smoothly she had voiced my concerns. How quickly it had become apparent, and…

And I hated how she smiled even through it all.

“I find it adorable that you don’t believe yourself able to choose them over me. It tells me just how deeply you can love,” she said.

“Renn…” I groaned as I stepped away from her, to start to pace.

“I only spoke the truth,” she said simply.

“If only that was all it was.”

Renn let me pace, and did so while smiling at me. She seemed to be in a far better place, emotionally, than I was right now.

Which was hilarious, since I was so much older than her.

I wanted to blame the events on the roof earlier, but there was no point.

This had been a long time coming.

“You know nothing about me,” I said.

“I can learn.”

“Nothing…” I whispered again.

“You can teach me.”

Eventually I ended up coming to a stop, and I looked over at her. She was patiently waiting for me to say my next complaint. To bring up my next roadblock, that she’d happily strike down.

“I shouldn’t have come in here,” I said.

“I’m glad you did. And I’m glad we’re having this conversation, too. Even if my heart feels like it’s going to break out of my chest,” she said.

“You getting sweaty too?” I asked her.

She laughed and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Me too,” I said.

“Hm… you’re not taking this as well as me, it seems,” she said.

“How could I?” I asked.

“You’re supposed to be the stoic one, Vim. The stable one. The pillar,” she said.

“I am.”

“Not right now… Though maybe you are… you’re emotional, but not breaking down. Not yelling. Still able to reason with me,” she said as she thought about it.

“Do you have any idea how old I am?” I asked her.

“Tell me,” she said.

I gulped, and feared her voice. It made me want to answer her. I had almost done so.

“I’ll never tell anyone, Vim. Anything you tell me, I’ll keep secret. Until I die,” she promised.

“That’s not enough. Not for me,” I said.

“Then what is?” she asked.

Stepping over to her bed, I slowly sat down at the edge of it. It was… much softer than the one in my own room. I sunk into it.

Renn stepped around, and pulled the chair I had been sitting on earlier and placed it in front of me. She sat down onto it, and I watched as she primly sat up straight… smiling happily at me.

“You’re enjoying this,” I cursed at her.

“Of course I am. This is the first time you’ve ever opened your heart so wide for me. I’m going to remember this moment my whole life,” she said.

“Great.”

“It is.”

I sighed and put my head into my hand. I should go back to that ship. Sail away. Run away.

But I didn’t run. Vim never ran. The protector couldn’t run.

Last time I had the whole world had upended.

“If we do this… You’ll not have an easy life,” I whispered.

“My life wasn’t an easy one before you came into it Vim. At least with you it’s enjoyable too,” she said.

“You’ll end up dying. A horrible death,” I warned.

“Such a thing happens to most, I’d assume.”

I shook my head. She didn’t understand. But how could she? I hadn’t shown her. I hadn’t let her see the truth yet. I hadn’t taken her to the places that were terrifying. I hadn’t let her see a Monarch. I hadn’t forced her to bury an entire town of dead friends and loved ones.

“You’ll come to hate yourself. Your life. The Society. Even me,” I said.

“That’s up to me to find out, Vim.”

I nodded. That was true.

“See? You believe in free will so strongly… yet seem to not let yourself enjoy it,” she said. “Just like now… you let the Society, them, decide if you kill those people or not. Even though you know deep down that they aren’t a real threat. Even though you had chosen to not kill them already,” she added.

“I gave my will away, Renn. You should have read that in the contract,” I said.

“The white book? There had been nothing in that which said such a thing,” she noted.

“It was there. In its own way,” I said.

“Then you and I read two very different books,” she said.

“Maybe.”

We sat in silence for a moment, and I sighed again. My heart wasn’t pounding anymore, but I was now exhausted. I felt as if I had just fought in one of the old wars.

“You look tired,” she said.

“I am.”

“There’s a bed beneath you,” she offered.

My heart hesitated for a tiny moment, since she had sounded honestly sincere.

“Now that was terrifying,” I said.

She smirked and giggled at me.

“What do you want to try and do, Renn?” I asked her.

“Right now? Well…” she went red in the face again.

“Our relationship,” I reminded her.

“Ah… well… as far as I’m concerned, you and I will now begin to actually make it. If that’s… okay with you,” she said.

“Make it?” I asked. Did she actually think I’d take her to bed now? Sure I had mentioned it, and wanted to still, but I was not in the mood anymore. Plus I worried if I did that right now, here today, I’d lose all interest in her.

If we went at it all night and the next morning I rolled over and saw her the same way I did all the rest… I’d hate myself. More than I already did.

“I figure over the course of years… right? You seem to want me to prove to you that I can be trusted. That I can earn my place beside you. I wish I was able to do so right here and now but… I can’t. But if you give me years… I’m not sure how many, but I think I can do it,” she spoke quickly, and excitedly. As if she had been thinking about this answer for a long time.

“You really plan on trying, don’t you?” I asked her.

“Of course I do. Honestly, I had wondered if just pushing you down and… well… mounting you, was the right move… but I think now, after tonight, that would probably just do the opposite of what I want. So I’ll not do that,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said, and meant it. Mounting me. Really? She really was archaic in certain ways.

She smiled and nodded, completely proud of herself.

I clasped my hands and leaned forward, to look at her closer. She leaned forward as well, as to let me.

As I stared into her eyes her smile broadened. She seemed… full of confidence. As if she knew she was flawless. Perfect. The most beautiful woman on the planet… and then even beyond.

She wasn’t… but…

Yet all the same, she was. At least to me.

“You sure, Renn?” I asked her.

She nodded. “I am.”

“I’m a pain in the ass,” I said.

“Trust me, I know,” she said.

Nodding, I decided to stop asking. At least for now. I could change her mind later.

There was something else I needed to do right now, after all. Something more important… Something I had planned to do before I had even stepped foot into this room.

“Well?” she asked and blinked at me.

“You still want that bath?” I asked.

“Of course I do,” she said as if it was obvious.

What the hell.

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