Chapter 68: We all have something we don’t want to do

Kellen knew that the others were talking about him outside of the hospital door, but he couldn’t bring himself to stress about it.

He was too busy being worried about his own emotions internally than to care about the gossiping abilities of everyone else. Plus, sometimes you needed to vent and Kellen had just found out he was being a…bitch to those who he cared about.

That was a hard pill to swallow, along with the realisation that he hadn’t been fully aware that he was being unreasonable. That was a hard blow. Kellen thought that he knew himself, that he had a firm grasp on himself. It was…hard to hear that he had been bothering the people around him without being aware of it.

He was going to try to be aware of it going forward, but would he be able to? He’d been unaware thus far, and Kellen would be the first to admit that he wasn’t always attuned with emotions all the time. He could be ruthless sometimes.

Kellen winced at that, and then worried that maybe he was also getting too worked up about this as well. God, this was going to be a damn nightmare. Trying to figure out what was a reasonable reaction and what was an overreaction. Who the hell did he turn to when he was feeling like this? Was there someone he could turn to?

Kellen’s chest ached as he was suddenly reminded of why he was even here. What had brought him here, and what had made him overreact. Gunther. He felt his heart squeeze as he remembered the sounds, the sights, and the feelings in the vision he had seen. He hadn’t fully gotten a glimpse of the man, but Kellen couldn’t remove his desire to be there when he was rescued.

He knew it was dangerous. It was the E.A.G. after all, but damn it, he was mad that Rhys was right. He was even more mad that Kellen hadn’t come to that conclusion on his own. Usually he was better at this, but ever since Gwen had been sucked into the gate it felt like half of his common sense had gone out the window.

Kellen heard the door open and felt his head snap in the direction, staring at the trio as they entered. Rhys’ expression was tight, but it relaxed when he caught sight of Kellen.

“How are you feeling, sugar? A little bit better? Calmer?” He asked and Kellen swallowed. He didn’t want to lie to him, but he had a feeling that Rhys needed to hear that he was okay. That he was fine. Kellen wasn’t so sure if telling him a falsehood was right.

Rhys’ expression faltered slightly as his eyes scanned Kellen’s face before the man crept closer. He reached out his hand, making it obvious where Rhys was moving as his hand moved towards the side of Kellen’s face that was covered. Where his vision was obscured. Kellen twitched at his touch, but Rhys didn’t take it personally. His yellow gaze was fraught with worry.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his eyes scanning Kellen repeatedly. Kellen swallowed again, bile in his throat. He felt his eye jump towards Hill and Taylor, both women in the room but busy chatting to each other. Taylor was clearly doing something related to her work while Hill watched her, asking clarifying questions.

“I’m upset.” Kellen told him quietly, knowing that the two big-eared Espers wouldn’t be able to restrain themselves from listening. “Because I’m worried I’ve been a raging asshole to all of you and no one was telling me about it.” Kellen was genuinely upset about this and Rhys, an S Class who was able to reset himself constantly, softened.

“Oh Kellen.” He breathed, hesitating for only a second before he pulled the man in close and hugged him. “It’s alright. We’ve all been rather understanding up until this moment, and it was only for a few seconds at most. Not more than a handful of times either.” Rhys told him, not lying to him. Kellen felt his face twist.

“That many?” He knew it was ridiculous. He knew it, but it was still painful to hear. “Is that also why you have been trying to force me to stay home all the time?” Kellen asked, worried. Hill laughed, stepping in.

“No. That was because we didn’t want you to work and because despite everything, Rhys is an S Class Esper and you are his injured Guide. He can’t fight his desires completely.” Hill told Kellen and Kellen sat with the words for a moment. Rhys’ arms were still around him and Kellen could sense that he was going to pull away. Kellen reached up and wrapped his good arm around him, unwilling to let him go so quickly. Rhys didn’t fight his hold, probably never would.

“You were trying to lock me up?” Kellen asked, trying to sound teasing, but it was just sad instead. Rhys squeezed him.

“Not lock you up. Never lock you up. Just…protect you a bit.” Rhys mumbled.

“A cage is still a cage, even if it’s a big one.” Taylor said. It wasn’t malicious, just a statement. Rhys stiffened.

“Green.” He warned and she sighed.

“I didn’t say he shouldn’t be put in a cage. I just thought we should all be realistic.” She muttered, grumbling as she turned back to her clipboard. She blinked for a second before she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Kellen guessed that it had vibrated. She stared at the screen, scanning something before she let out a relieved smile. “Got the labs back right away. Everything is normal.” She said, looking up from her phone towards Kellen.

Kellen had to let go of Rhys then so that he could look at the Healer. Rhys didn’t let go of Kellen completely though. He kept his hand on his upper back, over his shoulder blade. Just a touch that kept Kellen grounded in the moment.

“Are you sure?” He asked and Taylor gave Rhys an annoyed look.

“Why the hell would I lie, Captain? I’ve seen his blood and levels the most. I am distinctly aware of what is normal for him of all people right now. While what he went through was traumatizing, he’ll be fine. I suspect that he might still have these reactions after every vision he has.” Taylor suggested and Kellen felt how Rhys stiffened.

“I hate the idea that these are going to become the norm.” He muttered quietly and Kellen couldn’t exactly disagree with the man. He didn’t like making everyone this worried. Everyone freaked out because it was Kellen and he wasn’t in the best condition at the moment anyways.

“We can try to brace for them.” Kellen suggested. The sigh that left Rhys’ lips made Kellen wince.

“How, Kellen? We don’t even know what causes them. Every time you’ve had a vision something different has triggered it. My guess is that this time touching Casper was the cause, but that wasn’t the case for the time before that, nor the time before that one.” Rhys sounded frustrated, but Kellen knew that it wasn’t at him. He was just worried about him, and Kellen was slightly relieved that he was emotionally intelligent enough to realise the difference.

He was doubting his abilities at the moment, after all.

“Well, uh, what were things that you went through when you first got your powers?” Kellen asked. Rhys paused. Taylor paused, and Hill’s eyes went wide.

“You’re a damn genius, Kellen.” Hill told him, and Kellen wasn’t so sure that he was.

“How?” Kellen asked and Rhys groaned, leaned in, and Kellen jumped as the man kissed the side of his face suddenly.

“Because we’re all so damn blind to the situation that we forgot I haven’t always been the best at controlling my powers. Ugh, shit. I’m going to probably have to talk to Lieutenant Fisher about this. He’s going to be able to tell that something is going on.” Rhys did not sound happy about that.

“Rhys, when isn’t something going on? Why wouldn’t you want your records? Don’t you have them already?” Kellen asked. Rhys’ hand on his shoulder blade twitched.

“…No. I didn’t want to think about that time.” He admitted begrudgingly. “I don’t like thinking about the time that Gunther, Casper and I spent at the D.E.C.” He sounded a little upset and Kellen frowned.

“Just because it makes you uncomfortable does not mean that you should have avoided it this long. You’re a Captain, Rhys.” Kellen pointed out and Rhys winced. Hill whistled.

“Hit ’em where it hurts, Kellen.” She should have been upset, but when Kellen looked over at her, she was thrilled.

“Hill.” Rhys said warningly and Hill chuckled.

“How long have we been saying that you needed to go get your files from the D.E.C.? How often have you been over there, dealing with that fucking psycho that was there for years and you wouldn’t get them? You didn’t even get Casper’s or Gunther’s files, and they never forced you to either. Kellen’s just telling the truth and you’re not happy to hear that he’s saying it.” Hill pointed out and Rhys grumbled.

Taylor grinned, but hid it behind her clipboard. Rhys grumbled more, and Kellen felt a small smile touch his lips.

“I can go with you. It can-”

“Kellen, you aren’t really allowed to leave right now.” Rhys reminded him gently. “The E.A.G., remember? You saw the vision yourself. They want to harm you, your family, and all Guides.” Rhys said. Kellen felt his mood slowly souring.

“It’s two blocks away.” Kellen muttered, annoyed and Hill snorted.

“Yeah, it is, and you are injured. Have mercy on the guy. Why don’t you come up with a reward that he can receive instead?” Hill suggested, being a mediator in between the two. Taylor clicked her tongue.

“Nothing that will put the progress that Kellen has made so far at risk.” She warned and Hill looked a little guilty.

“Y-Yeah. What she said.” She echoed and Kellen turned his head to look at Rhys. The man had a thoughtful look on his face and when he turned his gaze towards Kellen, his expression softened slightly.

“Alright. As long as Kellen can promise something for me.” He said. “I’ll also keep the warning in mind, Green. And…I’ll go get the files. It’s important for Kellen so…” He trailed off, sighing. He reached up, rubbing a hand over his face and he looked exhausted. “The things I do for my love.” He said, sliding a bright gaze towards Kellen with a little twist of his mouth.

Kellen felt his stomach flip slightly at the look. Kellen didn’t think that what he was going to ask of him was going to be very safe. He was pretty sure it was going to toe the line that Taylor had made. Kellen gulped quietly.

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