Chapter 82: A flustered Healer

Taylor knew it was bad when even Kellen was able to tell that something was wrong.

Kellen wasn’t known for being emotionally aware. He was a kind man, but often he would miss simple things. Taylor had thought that she’d had a good grasp on her emotions, but when they had spilled over, messy, loud, she knew that someone would notice.

It was a testament to Kellen’s development and Rhys’ hard work that it was Kellen. He hadn’t even narrowed his gaze. He hadn’t gotten mad, he had just told Taylor to take a moment. Taylor was sure he thought it was because he needed guiding. He was sure that everyone else thought the same thing.

It was a good thing that they did.

Taylor wasn’t intentionally keeping things from her friend, or her boss. She just…fucking hated that the at every turn with this damn gate it was making her life miserable. She had been so excited before. Kellen’s treatment had been relatively easy. Annoying, frustrating, but Taylor and Carlos, making Taylor feel like she was going to gain so many grey hairs that she should just go full grey at this point.

Stop dying her hair, stop maintaining it, turn into fucking Green Grey. She could already see the title taking, like some kind of fucked up hero title. Wouldn’t be the first time that an Esper got a strange title.

Taylor knew her movements were jerky. Now that the others could tell that she wasn’t in her right mind, there wasn’t any point to keep it a secret. She felt like a damn robot, her limbs tense, unresponsive.

She knew she needed guiding, knew that when her emotions ran wild like this that she couldn’t control how much healing power she used at once. It wasn’t just for her, but all healers. A group of Espers who had deeper pools of power to pull from compared to other Espers, generally. Healers were looked upon as good and necessary beings, beings who could do the damn impossible.

Most didn’t know that things could get worse for a healer if they let the horrors that they saw affect them. Sure, having a large pool to pull your powers from, no matter what Class you were, was a good thing.

To a point.

That was where Healers weren’t quite the same as other Espers. They rarely went wild, surging and hurting themselves. They were more like Guides in how their powers turned against them when they used them in excess. They would take themselves out instead of detonating like a bomb.

It was a slow kind of death, one that came from overworking and being face to face with the aftermath of the worst times of people’s lives. There was a reason that Healers went to their own school. Unlike other awakened Espers, Healers were taken out of the general intake for Espers for dedicated classes about Healers. Taylor was sure that other Espers got specialty training, but Healers were…unique.

Something in their bodies shifted, changed slightly. They tended to grow a kind of care and dedication to their field that could scare those who hadn’t had it before. It was a rare case, but sometimes those who awoke with Healing powers who didn’t like people prior to becoming a Healer. They were strange creatures, but were always treated well.

After all, they were surrounded by Healers. Either way, one of the more important lessons for the new Healers was something simple, but dangerous if ignored.

Healers had to control their emotions. Death was a real possibility for them, since Healers, like Guides, healed people. Sounded pretty fucking obvious when put like that, but there was one thing that others had a hard time realising.

Healers functioned like S Class Guides. They always emitted healing waves, always working, never stopping. Their eyes didn’t even change either. It was a passive ability, and something that they had only really noticed in the last 20 years since technology had advanced further.

This meant that they had a reason to need such large pools of power. But, a power like this didn’t come without a cost. Taylor was sure that Kellen had noticed it, and she also knew that the Captain had noticed it as well. There was no way that he wouldn’t have.

Every Healer had a vice. It was basically something that they clung to that helped them keep their sanity, their emotions in check. Taylor’s was a basic thing, and she was proud if that. She had seen how some of her fellow Healers had turned out, and she was glad that she wasn’t a damn freak.

Taylor’s vice was normal. It was money. She liked money, and liked having it. She was like a mythic beast of old, before the gates ruined the image that she had of them. The old stories of dragons used to say that they would keep gold and coins and precious gems. Things worth value.

Taylor was like that. She wanted a horde. She’d sleep on a bed of money if her parents hadn’t put a stop to that when she was younger. They even did monthly, unscheduled checks of her apartment to make sure she wasn’t turning into a beast of some sort.

Taylor could understand their concern. She was also a bit worried about what she would turn into if she let herself fall into her vice. But, it was just money. Just money, and right now, that’s what she needed.

She needed something solid in her hand, some sort of payment to tell her that she was doing a good job, that things were okay.

Because things did not feel okay.

Taylor moved into the hallway like a bull in a china shop. She could feel how Layla, a Guide who understood what Taylor needed normally and was a kind and safe presence in her life, followed behind her, worried. It was the second woman behind Layla that worried Taylor.

Karen Hill.

A Lieutenant of the Saturn Guild. A woman who had clawed her way into the upper ranks just before Taylor had joined the Guild as a fresh-faced, eager A Class Healer. She was a woman forged in the fires of public opinion, like Taylor’s best friend, Kellen. Taylor had thought that she would have been able to get along with the brunette. Had thought that they might have had something in common with each other, like Taylor and Kellen did.

Taylor’s first impression of the other woman couldn’t have been worse.

Taylor had been new to the Guild, didn’t know her way around yet. So, she got lost. She was supposed to meet the Captain and his Lieutenants in a specific room on the Esper level, but Taylor wasn’t exactly good with heights and had gotten it into her head that she was too far up and had panicked.

Even while in an elevator. She had thought that she was on the right floor, had knocked on the door she thought was right, and had walked in on Karen Hill with not just one other person, but two.

The things that they were doing were…maybe guiding, if it wasn’t for the fact that Taylor knew what Esper uniforms looked like, and that’s all she saw on the floor.

Taylor had felt like an idiot, her face going bright red as she watched one of the two girls let out an embarrassed scream at getting caught. Taylor had closed the door rapidly, the door shaking on its hinges as she wasn’t completely able to control her own physical powers. She was fresh-faced, after all. She had barely left the dedicated training for Espers and Healers. Had been poached right from the school classrooms for the new Saturn Guild.

It was only half an hour later that Taylor was vibrating in her seat, her ears pink as she realised the short-haired brunette that had been, uh, occupied was one of the Lieutenants that Taylor was supposed to meet. Karen Hill’s brown eyes had culled up at the corners, her uniform uncomfortably perfect on her body after Taylor had seen exactly what kind of state she had been in prior.

Karen had known what Taylor had seen, and she was daring for Taylor to bring it up. That smug look on her face, in her eyes, had told Taylor that she needed to keep her distance from this woman. It would do her no good to get closer to the woman.

That had been Taylor’s stance for years.

Their relationship had shifted slightly over the years. Taylor got to see that despite her…habits Karen was a good leader. She was a good teacher, patient for those who were worth the effort, and harsh with those who underestimated her. Taylor made sure not to do that. Honestly, she began to treat Karen’s peculiarities as the vices her other Healers would have.

Once she did that, handling Karen became easier.

Sort of.

Whenever Karen would come onto Taylor, it was a strange interaction. Taylor almost felt bad for the other woman, because Taylor had seen how so many of these momentary relationships had ended. Most of them hadn’t exploded. Her partners had thanked her for the experience, smiled, and remained friends with her.

That was something that Taylor could not understand.

Not that she was some expert herself. She’d had a few relationships but mostly kept to herself. Rarely went so far as to go to the final level of guiding with a Guide because, well, it meant she’d have to get a shower, clean up, and then go back to work. It was inefficient, and would cost her money in the long run.

Either way, Taylor might have been inexperienced in most matters of the heart, but she knew one thing. Espers were possessive by nature. Taylor knew that, as an Esper. She had also patched up plenty of Espers who had fought over stupid shit. She was a Healer, she knew more than anyone else when it came to the gossip on the Guild.

So she knew that wasn’t how Esper relationships were supposed to end up. No one should be smiling happily, thanking Karen for her time with them. They should be explosive, loud, and dramatic.

Not quietly ending.

The best example Taylor could think of was a couple that had broken up because the Guide had caught the Esper sleeping with another Guide because they ’gave better guiding’. It was an insult to the Guide, and Taylor had watched how awful that fight had turned out. The lobby had turned into a damn bloodbath.

Taylor had watched how everything had unfolded, had watched how security got involved, and had also seen, with alarming clarity, that Karen had seen the whole thing. The worst part? Taylor had seen the envy in her eyes as she watched them shout, scream, cry.

That had been a rather alarming realisation for Taylor. Karen wanted something like that, but instead of working on building deeper relationships, she kept going around being loose with her affections. Taylor wasn’t judging her for that, never would. She was judging her because she was sure that any number of the people Karen was sleeping with would love to be in a long-term relationship with her.

Taylor had seen how caring Karen could be. How she knew what loyalty was, what love could be, but how she wasn’t putting in the work. Taylor wasn’t even sure why she was reminiscing on her thoughts of Karen, especially now.

Those thoughts, and Karen following her out into the hallway with Layla, had nothing to do with each other.

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