Chapter 161 161: Damn You, Sirius Black!
Chapter 161 161: Damn You, Sirius Black!
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- Harry Potter and the Surprisingly Competent History of Magic Professor
- Chapter 161 161: Damn You, Sirius Black!
Cassian opened the door and found Fudge already halfway to a meltdown, sweat pooling in his collar, while McGonagall glared like she was seconds from transfiguring him into a dung beetle. Dumbledore sat behind his desk, fingers steepled.
“It is Sirius Black, Albus,” Fudge was saying, pacing short, agitated lines. “You know what he’s capable of. The Dementors are here to protect the students—”
McGonagall huffed so loud that, inkpots rattled.
“Protect?” she snapped. “One nearly kissed a third-year this morning!”
Fudge turned to her with a pained look, seemingly offended that she brought it up. “Yes, yes, tragic business, but nothing happened.”
“Because Rosier and Babbling were there,” she said. “And lucky, at that.”
Cassian shut the door behind him. “I’ll pretend I’m not insulted by that.”
All three turned. Fudge stiffened. “Ah, Cassian.”
Cassian strolled in, pulled the spare chair back from the desk, and dropped into it, “Uncle Cornellius.”
Fudge smiled, probably hoping Cassian to be on his side. “You saw it as well, right? Dementors were just checking the perimeter.”
Cassian nodded, pleasant as anything. “Absolutely.”
McGonagall made a sound, probably lining up a full verbal lashing, but Fudge raised a hand, already sighing in relief.
Dumbledore didn’t move. He was still watching Cassian.
Cassian leaned back, crossed one ankle over the other. “If by perimeter you mean Potter’s molars? Absolutely. The Kiss was just a routine security check. Bit of tongue and trauma for good measure.”
Fudge blinked.
McGonagall sat back, pinching the bridge of her nose.
Fudge’s face worked through a range of colours before landing somewhere between blotchy and baffled. “Now see here, I’m sure the Dementors—”
“—are under Ministry control,” Cassian finished, tone dry as a desert. “And I’m sure you’ve got all sorts of safety protocols for keeping soul-eaters from snacking on students. Very reassuring. Shall we start the incident report with ‘Boy nearly kissed by mistake’ or ‘Oops, Potter still has a soul, our bad’?”
McGonagall finally relaxed, now realizing Cassian was fully on the case. Dumbledore knew since the first ‘Absolutely.’
Fudge flushed deeper. “They are there to catch Black, not frighten children!”
“Then perhaps,” Cassian said, “they should learn the difference between a murderer and a third-year.”
Fudge turned to Dumbledore. “Albus, I must insist we not overreact. We need the Dementors, this is a sirius threat—”
“And the threat,” Cassian cut in, “was in Azkaban under their surveillance. Which means either they weren’t watching him properly, or he’s smarter than all of them combined. And you trust them with children?”
Fudge’s lips pressed into a line.
Cassian tilted his head. “I’m not suggesting you panic. I’m suggesting you stop pretending the Ministry’s plan is working.”
Dumbledore finally spoke. “The presence of Dementors on school grounds is… unwise.”
Fudge turned to him, clearly looking for backup. “Surely you don’t mean to suggest—”
“I mean exactly that,” Dumbledore said, calm as ever.
Fudge stepped away from the desk, tugging his coat straight. “We have no other choice.”
McGonagall snapped. “Get them off school grounds.”
“I’ll speak to them,” Fudge said, hanging his head.
Cassian raised a brow. “In what language? Dementorese? Hope and political admonishing?”
That earned him a look from all three.
Cassian stood. “How about this, Uncle. Draw a neat little circle, far side of the Forest, miles from the walls. Blockade the whole damn country if it helps you sleep, just not near the children.”
Fudge, already blotchy with stress, nodded like a man clinging to a life raft. “Fine. I’ll move them to the boundary.”
***
That night, Cassian watched from the staff table as Dumbledore stood, cleared his throat, and snuffed what little joy the castle had left. Ironically, very Dementor-esque.
“All Hogsmeade weekends are suspended until Sirius Black is apprehended.”
The groan that followed could’ve cracked the stonework. Across the Great Hall, every face turned in one direction, straight at Harry.
Cassian sipped his tea. Not a flicker of sympathy.
The twins were already whispering furiously. Ron looked like someone had just stolen his broom. Hermione was chewing her lip and scribbling something into her planner under the table. Likely rearranging her weekend revision schedule in real time.
Harry just looked miserable.
Dumbledore sat again, with a little schadenfreude in his eyes. Clearly aware he had just lit the match under a castle full of hormonal teenagers.
A few Slytherins actually stood up.
“Sir,” one of them called, a hand half-raised. “Why are we being punished? It’s clear the Dementors are going after Potter.”
Cassian didn’t even wait for Dumbledore to frown.
“You do know they feed on happiness, right?” He tilted his head. “So what, you lot reckon Potter’s the happiest student in the castle, and the rest of you are just wandering around absolutely miserable?”
A few snorts broke out near the Hufflepuff table. The Slytherin boy sat down again, jaw tight.
Cassian gave them a cold smile. “And that reason is this, Dementors aren’t supposed to be around the bloody castle.” His tone dropped a little. “Victim-blaming’s a lazy habit. You don’t ask someone what they were wearing after they get hexed in a back alley, and you don’t ask what a thirteen-year-old was doing to attract soul-eaters.”
The laughter dropped off into a hush, just sharp enough to sting.
No one argued.
Cassian sat back, as if that settled it. Dumbledore gave him a look, he ignored it.
McGonagall cleared her throat. “Thank you, Professor Rosier.”
Cassian raised his glass. “Always a pleasure to defend common sense.”
Harry slumped forward like he was trying to disappear into his pudding. Well, at least he was warned beforehand.
***
That night, just as Cassian was setting his wand on the nightstand and contemplating whether he’d earned the right to have some quality time with Bathsheda, a Patronus phased through the bedroom wall.
A silver cat, tail high and flicking, landed on the floorboards and opened its mouth. “Sirius Black attacked the Fat Lady!”
Cassian froze half-buttoned, hissed a word that probably wasn’t in any respectable textbook, and yanked his trousers back on.
Bathsheda was already halfway into her boots, dragging a jumper over her head with one arm while stabbing at her hair with the other.
“He picked tonight?” she snapped, fumbling for her wand.
Cassian grabbed his coat, didn’t bother fastening it. “Damn you, Sirius Black!”
They were out the door in under ten seconds, weaving through staff corridors. Cassian nearly slipped on a rug, rounding the corner into the main hallway just in time to see Peeves pelting down the other end screaming “Ripped! Shredded! She’s got no face!”
By the time they reached the portrait hole, the corridor was crammed with students in slippers and dressing gowns, all half-asleep and buzzing like someone had dropped a hive in the middle of Gryffindor Tower.
The Fat Lady’s frame was still hanging, but the canvas had been torn nearly end to end. Shreds of paint peeling.
Dumbledore was halfway through a hushed conference with the nearest painting, sending it lurching off through the canvas network in search of the Fat Lady, whose current whereabouts were somewhere between “missing” and “desertion.”
A good number of Gryffindors were stuck outside their common room, half in pyjamas, huddled in clumps. Lavender Brown was hiccuping into Parvati’s sleeve. Seamus kept squinting at the shredded portrait.
Dumbledore turned back to the living.
“Professor McGonagall, Professor Babbling, please stay with the Gryffindors. The rest of you, search the castle. In pairs.”
Cassian hummed under his breath. Felt a bit targeted, really. Like being sat apart from your mate in class because someone noticed you passing notes. Absolutely spiteful. He gave Bathsheda a grand wave like they were parting at sea.
She rolled her eyes.
He turned and saw Lupin. Others were already paired.
Cassian took one look, raised a brow. “Right. Let’s go hunt your ex-best mate then.”
Lupin didn’t flinch, just nodded. Bit tense, but keeping it together. Not that Cassian was expecting him to start blubbering in the hallway or anything, but still.
They moved off down the corridor, the crowd of students and staff falling behind. The castle was quieter this far in.
Cassian glanced sideways. “Any idea where Sirius’d go?”
Lupin was watching the shadows ahead. “If I knew that, we wouldn’t be having this chat.”
Cassian nodded. “Helpful.”
They turned down a stairwell.
Cassian flicked his wand, sent a glowing thread along the corridor ahead.
“You reckon he actually tried to get in? Through the portrait hole? He wanted to get to Potter,” Lupin asked, biting his lip.
They passed a suit of armour that twitched as they walked by. Cassian added with a shrug. “He’s not an idiot,” he said. “Reckless, yes. But that’s not the move of someone with a plan. That’s panic.”
Lupin frowned. “Or anger.”
“Still stupid,” Cassian muttered. “You don’t break into Hogwarts through the front door unless you’ve lost the plot.”
They paused at the end of the corridor. Nothing.
“You think he’s losing control?”
Cassian raised a brow. “You tell me. He’s your blood-sworn brother in brooding.”
Lupin didn’t rise to it.
“I think he’s desperate,” Lupin said.
The light from Cassian’s wand blinked blue, and the stones lit up with faint smudges, scuffs, hair, something squashed. A trail of chaos, basically.
He crouched. “Brilliant. Every cat, rat, and vaguely sentient shoelace in this castle dropping their DNA. How exactly am I meant to track one person?”
He clicked his tongue, switched angles, muttered something under his breath as he looked at the dark hair on the ground.
Lupin leaned closer, squinting. “What is that?”
Cassian stood, already turning the wand back to normal. “Variation of Lumos. Doesn’t matter, can’t sort out the trail with this much interference. I might as well try reading tea leaves.”
Lupin didn’t press, though the look lingered.
Well, they failed to find anything. Not a trace of Sirius Black beyond the mess he left behind. Bit anticlimactic, really.
The Fat Lady eventually returned, after several hours of sulking across a half-dozen paintings and two actual landscapes. She agreed to come back only on the condition that Sir Cadogan, the overcompensating nutter three frames over, guard her at all hours.
Dumbledore agreed. Probably just to end the argument.
With that, Gryffindors were finally allowed back into their tower, most grumbling about the draft and traumatised by Sir Cadogan’s poetic door passwords.
Fudge, of course, was livid. Positively blotchy with rage. All it took was pulling back the Dementors, barely, for Black to slip in like it was a revolving door. And he had that look, too. That smug, teeth-clenched look that basically screamed “I told you so,” without needing to move his mouth.
Cassian didn’t linger for the rest. He left it to Dumbledore, who probably had an entire speech prepared anyway.
Instead, he made for his quarters, Bathsheda on his heels.
He was already unbuttoning his coat as the door clicked shut behind them. “Can we continue, my sweet, warm Bath—”
Bathsheda pushed him backwards onto the bed before he could finish the sentence.
“No,” she said, tone flat, wand already halfway to the window latch. “There is a murderer in the castle.”
Cassian lay back dramatically, arms splayed His shirt hung open, one boot halfway off.
His bottom lip jutted out. “But, but—”
“No butts,” she snapped, turning to secure the window. “And don’t try pouting. You’ve lost privilege.”
He made a pitiful noise, somewhere between a groan and a dying cat. “Not even a cuddle?”
She pulled the curtains tighter. “You can cuddle the lesson plans.”
He flopped onto his side “You’re cruel. This is actual emotional abuse.”
“Try sleeping next to a man who talks in dead languages,” she muttered.
“That happened once.”
“Twice. Last time you conjugated one mid-snore.”
He sighed, flopping flat onto the mattress. “Fine. But if I die of suppressed affection, you’re explaining it to my ghost.”
Bathsheda climbed onto the opposite side of the bed, fully clothed, arms folded.
“No haunting,” she said. “You’ll just show up in my next lecture and start correcting my Ancient Norse again.”
Cassian closed his eyes, already stealing half the blanket.
“…Damn you Sirius Black.”
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Chapters
- Chapter 320 320: Like a Butterfly
- Chapter 319 319: Three Patronuses
- Chapter 318 318: Storm
- Chapter 317 317: Festive!
- Chapter 316 316: Change the World
- Chapter 315 315: Age of the Fine Bronze
- Chapter 314 314: Valley of Magic
- Chapter 313
- Chapter 312
- Chapter 311 311: Students vs Professors
- Chapter 310 310: Sword
- Chapter 309 309: Ashfal
- Chapter 308 308: Plague
- Chapter 307 307: Open Class
- Chapter 306 306: Double Wedding
- Chapter 305 305: Separation
- Chapter 304 304: Veil
- Chapter 303 303: Plans!
- Chapter 302 302: Gamble
- Chapter 301 301: Offer!
- Chapter 300 300: Bathael
- Chapter 299 299: Miracle
- Chapter 298 298: Death
- Chapter 297 297: Elder Wand
- Chapter 296 296: Sigh!
- Chapter 295 295: Lilies and Memories
- Chapter 294 294: Rage
- Chapter 293 293: Bark
- Chapter 292 292: Purge
- Chapter 291 291: Portal
- Chapter 290 290: Date!
- Chapter 289 289: Cabinet
- Chapter 288 288: It's a Date!
- Chapter 287 287: Space
- Chapter 286 286: Renunciation
- Chapter 285 285: Apparition
- Chapter 284 284: Revelio!
- Chapter 283 283: Staff
- Chapter 282 282: Goblins
- Chapter 281 281: Vault
- Chapter 280 280: Luck!
- Chapter 279 279: Moonspit and Romance
- Chapter 278 278: Cloak
- Chapter 277 277: Blood Curse and Talents
- Chapter 276 276: Amortal
- Chapter 275 275: Locket
- Chapter 274 274: WWW
- Chapter 273 273: Evil
- Chapter 272 272: Souls
- Chapter 271 271: Acclaim
- Chapter 270 270: Same Old Dread
- Chapter 269 269: Home
- Chapter 268 268: Curse and Worse
- Chapter 267 267: Self-Fulfilling
- Chapter 266 266: Child Soldier
- Chapter 265 265: Fury
- Chapter 264 264: Surprise!
- Chapter 263 263: Fight!
- Chapter 262 262: Hate
- Chapter 261 261: Family Reunion
- Chapter 260 260: Traitor
- Chapter 259 259: He'll Die!
- Chapter 258 258: The Real Dark Lord
- Chapter 257 257: Cheat
- Chapter 256 256: Exams
- Chapter 255 255: Career Advice
- Chapter 254 254: Prophecies
- Chapter 253 253: Shell
- Chapter 252 252: Drunk Phoenix
- Chapter 251 251: Choice
- Chapter 250 250: Winky
- Chapter 249 249: Wardnet
- Chapter 248 248: Past, Present and Future
- Chapter 247 247: Collection
- Chapter 246 246: Giant
- Chapter 245 245: Fire Eaters
- Chapter 244 244: Worry
- Chapter 243 243: Teacher
- Chapter 242 242: Tree
- Chapter 241 241: Duel!
- Chapter 240 240: Magic-tech?
- Chapter 239 239: CCL
- Chapter 238 238: Hem Hem
- Chapter 237 237: Insane!
- Chapter 236 236: Power the Dark Lord Knows Not
- Chapter 235 235: Proud
- Chapter 234 234: Drained
- Chapter 233 233: Compensate
- Chapter 232 232: Ritual
- Chapter 231 231: Portkey
- Chapter 230 230: Maze
- Chapter 229 229: Alive!
- Chapter 228 228: Targeted Teaching
- Chapter 227 227: Dread
- Chapter 226 226: Law
- Chapter 225 225: Second Task!
- Chapter 224 224: Justified Rage
- Chapter 223 223: Sick
- Chapter 222 222: Love Potion
- Chapter 221 221: Muffin
- Chapter 220 220: Double Date
- Chapter 219 219: DRAGONS!
- Chapter 218 218: Balls
- Chapter 217 217: Ancient Variant of an Ancient Variant?
- Chapter 216 216: The Tragic Courtship Display of the British Adolescent
- Chapter 215 215: First Task
- Chapter 214 214: Contract
- Chapter 213 213: Spy
- Chapter 212 212: Four Seasons
- Chapter 211 211: Napkin Tournaments
- Chapter 210 210: Champions!
- Chapter 209 209: Worth!
- Chapter 208 208: Guests!
- Chapter 207 207: Accio My Beloved!
- Chapter 206 206: H.E.A.R.T.
- Chapter 205 205: Shield
- Chapter 204 204: Acclimation
- Chapter 203 203: Hexing Students
- Chapter 202 202: Simple
- Chapter 201 201: Intent
- Chapter 200 200: Quintic-Magick Cup
- Chapter 199 199: The Bug!
- Chapter 198 198: Attack!
- Chapter 197 197: Warning!
- Chapter 196 196: Pet
- Chapter 195 195: Unwelcomed
- Chapter 194 194: Dread
- Chapter 193 193: Djinn
- Chapter 192 192: Wake and Heed My Command
- Chapter 191 191: Monsters!
- Chapter 190 190: Awake
- Chapter 189 189: Force
- Chapter 188 188: Politics
- Chapter 187 187: Without You!
- Chapter 186 186: Avada
- Chapter 185 185: Smile!
- Chapter 184 184: Immune
- Chapter 183 183: Freeze!
- Chapter 182 182: A Fool's Chronicles - It's April! Part 2 (Read After Ch170)
- Chapter 181 181: Moon
- A Fool’s Chronicles – It’s April! Part 2 (Read After Ch170)
- Chapter 180 180: Always
- Chapter 179 179: Ominous
- Chapter 178 178: A Fool's Chronicles - It's April! Part 1 (Read After Ch170)
- A Fool’s Chronicles – It’s April! Part 1 (Read After Ch170)
- Chapter 177 177: Rat
- Chapter 176 176: Love
- Chapter 175 175: Serious Howl
- Chapter 174 174: MWPP
- Chapter 173 173: Map
- Chapter 172 172: Patronus
- Chapter 171 171: Grim
- Chapter 170 170: Chimera
- Chapter 169 169: Cushions
- Chapter 168 168: Duel?
- Chapter 167 167: Praise
- Chapter 166 166: Headmasters
- Chapter 165 165: Forced!
- Chapter 164 164: Liar!
- Chapter 163 163: Druid
- Chapter 162 162: No
- Chapter 161 161: Damn You, Sirius Black!
- Chapter 160 160: Dementors!
- Chapter 159 159: Fear
- Chapter 158 158: Logic
- Chapter 157 157: Rewind!
- Chapter 156 156: Boggart
- Chapter 155 155: Cookie?
- Chapter 154 154: Crack
- Chapter 153 153: Mouse
- Chapter 152 152: Siriusly?
- Chapter 151 151: Foam
- Chapter 150 150: Events
- Chapter 149 149: Alternate Reality
- Chapter 148 148: Footpath
- Chapter 147 147: Ngaralu
- Chapter 146 146: Call!
- Chapter 145 145: Noctis
- Chapter 144 144: Summer
- Chapter 143 143: Power
- Chapter 142 142: Thief's Chronicle I - The Burden (Read After -Rowena vs Illiteracy-)
- Chapter 141 141: Dismissed
- Thief’s Chronicle I – The Burden (Read After -Rowena vs Illiteracy-)
- Chapter 140 140: Memory Wipe!
- Chapter 139 139: Dark
- Chapter 138 138: Riddle!
- Chapter 137 137: Chamber
- Chapter 136 136: Sacked
- Chapter 135 135: Creed
- Chapter 134 134: Valentine's
- Chapter 133 133: Ash
- Chapter 132 132: Favours
- Ch131- Sacked
- Ch130- Creed
- Ch129- Valentine’s
- Ch128- Ash
- Ch127- Favours
- Ch126- Spectacle-s
- Ch125- Shot!
- Ch124- Lost
- Ch123- Yule
- Ch122- Clue!
- Ch121- Parselmouth
- Ch120- Duel
- Ch119- Joy
- Ch118- Decision!
- Ch117- Blah Blah Law
- Ch116- Crack
- Ch115- Confess
- Ch114- Especially!
- Ch113- Rogue
- Ch112- Bird is the Word!
- Ch111- Parents
- Ch110- Damn You Lucius!
- Ch109- NO!
- Ch108- Daisy
- Ch107- Trust Me Bro, Click the Link
- Ch106- Hello, World!
- Ch105- Bad Decisions!
- Ch104- Wand!
- Ch103- Star!
- Ch102- Dragon Wakes!
- Ch101- Shrine
- Ch100- Meeting
- Ch99- Punch
- Ch98- Invest All!
- Ch97- Gate
- Ch96- Never Forget!
- Ch95- Forget!
- Ch94- Immortal Couple
- Ch93- Curse or Gift
- Ch92- Mob
- C- Between the Lines #3 – Rowena vs Illiteracy (Read After Ch 30)
- Ch91- Break
- Ch90- Temple
- Ch89- Family First
- Ch88- House-Visit
- Ch87- Bloody Rosier
- Ch86- Points
- Ch85- Play
- Ch84- The Obstacle
- Ch83- Would He?
- Ch82- Ignivolatus
- Ch81- Say It!
- Ch80- Wraith
- Ch79- Murder Forest
- Ch78- Summon
- Ch77- Comfortable
- Ch76- Bond!
- Ch75- Dragon?
- Ch74- Secrets
- Ch73- Erase!
- Ch72- Memory
- Curse Logs #1 – Marius Vale (Read After Ch 28)
- Ch71- Thief
- Ch70- Mirror
- Between the Lines #3 – Regulus vs Lucius(Read After Ch 58)
- Ch69- Crushing Defeat
- Ch68- Chess
- Ch67- Snow
- Ch66- Game On
- Ch65- Soaked
- Between the Lines #2 – Gryffindor vs Ghost (Read After Ch 56)
- Ch64- Leviosaaa!
- Ch63- Troll
- Ch62- Flawed
- Between the Lines #1 – Slytherin vs Badger (Read After Ch 56)
- Ch61- Tribute
- Ch60- Punishment
- Ch59- Fly!
- Ch58- Daddy!
- Ch57- A DAMN PEN!
- Ch56- WHY?!
- Ch55- The Greatest Creation!
- Ch54- Revenge!
- Ch53- Secrets?
- Ch52- Measure of Deterrence
- Ch51- New Year
- Ch50- Potter
- Ch49- Yoghurt
- Ch48- Return
- Ch47- Master Ji
- Ch46- SMELLS LIKE… LIES!
- Ch45- Extra
- Ch44- Türkiye
- Ch43- Troublesome Runes
- Ch42- Eureka
- Ch41- Pungent
- Ch40- Hot!
- Ch39- Gravitas
- Ch38- Serious?
- Ch37- A Rosier
- Ch36- Not That Name!
- Ch35- Staff Meeting
- Ch34- Somewhere Else
- Ch33- Age Line
- Ch32- Coward!
- Spells and Ancient Varriants
- Ch31- Academic Liabilities
- Ch30- Founders
- Ch29- Soooo…
- Ch28- New Professor
- Ch27- Magical Contraception
- Ch26- Mind Magic
- Ch25- Brand
- Ch24- Fjords
- Ch23- Brain Drills
- Ch22- Almost A Proper One
- Ch21- Collapse
- Ch20- Ancient Cave
- Ch19- Family
- Ch18- Bloody Historians
- Ch17- Curse
- Ch16- Surviving the Year
- Ch15- Bathsheda Babbling
- Ch14- Aromic Bomb
- Ch13- Selena Rosier
- Ch12- Softening Charm
- Ch11- Unerasable History
- Ch10- Kitchen
- Ch9- The Witch!
- Ch8- First Lesson
- Ch7- New Year Begins
- Ch6- Professor Rosier
- Ch5- Lucian Rosier
- Ch4- Teacher?
- Ch3- Lumos
- Ch2- List
- Ch1- Useless. Failure. A Joke!
- Character Images