Chapter 181: Avelina’s diary part 2

(Note since the diary entries are technically written in Avelina’s POV i will continue directly in her POV)

October 8th 1999

It’s been two years since the incident. I visited Nadia’s grave today. She wasn’t buried on the Volkov property. Katerina won’t let it.

Finally, after years, I could face her. Dominic found a new therapist, and I was finally able to open up. Although the dreams didn’t stop, the feeling of suffocation wasn’t there anymore

I thought I was finally able to move past it, but I was such a fool. Fate was twisted. I ran into Lucien today. The boy was hiding under a table crying her heart out.

I should have ignored him, but I couldn’t. I foolishly squatted under the table and asked him why he was crying. He flinched and shuddered at my voice. I had never been a mother before and honestly, I didn’t like the boy either but the way he reacted made my heart ache

I coaxed him to ask why he was crying. He was just 2 but the way his eyes looked hollow, and the way he acted was too mature for a two-year-old.

Lucien couldn’t meet my gaze, he bowed his head and said in a tiny voice that everyone hated him. Why did everyone hate him? He asked and something twisted in my chest.

I asked him why he felt that way. It was a foolish move, I know, but I couldn’t help it. That’s why he said in a tiny voice; why did his mother leave him here no one wanted him?

Something broke in me. Nadia didn’t want to leave him, but that was something I could not say out loud. He stared at me straight in the eyes and asked; why did the bad people take his mother away from him?

It was ruthless of Katerina not to hide the truth about his mother. Katerina could never act as the mother of her husband’s bastard son, so she told Lucien his mother left him. It was meant to be a harmless lie, but the boy was overthinking it. He thought he was unwanted.

That wasn’t a lie because, truly, he wasn’t unwanted in the Volkov family. Even a toddler could sense the hostility around

It made me wonder how things would have been if Nadia were alive. Lucien might have gotten a loving mother but Katerina’s fractured family would have crumbled completely.

There was no need to ask what-ifs because the future couldn’t be changed. Not everyone is lucky with fate and that boy was born unlucky.

*******

January 10th 2000

Miracles do happen. I didn’t know that something good could finally happen to me. I have been feeling off lately. I thought it was just the cold and didn’t think much of it.

Dominic had insisted we go to the hospital, and the unexpected happened. I was pregnant after years of trying and a failed IVF attempt. Avelina Alderheim was actually carrying a baby.

My period was late and I have been seeing some weird symptoms. I thought menopause came early but the opposite was the case

I didn’t believe it, I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. Dominic had to pull some strings and get me a scan appointment, and I saw it with my eyes. A baby was growing in my stomach.

Dominic was stunned at first. He was also in disbelief with me, and he had to see it with his eyes too. Our baby. I never imagined I could conceive naturally in this life, but it happened.

Dominic smiled and his grip tightened on my hand like I was his all. He was happy, I had never seen him happy all the years we were married, not even on our wedding day.

I cried at the spot. I am even crying now. The tears would not stop falling.

I am going to give my all to this baby.

Avelina

******

March 21st 2000

I haven’t written in a while, I have been busy with the pregnancy and everything. Dominic and I have prepared the cutest nursery for the baby.

I had a good feeling it was going to be a girl. She would be my little angel. Katerina and I went baby shopping. She was excited for me and also her daughter. Olivia was also expecting a baby soon.

I wondered if our children would be good friends when they grow up. Dominic says I shouldn’t jump to a conclusion, but I am certain it is going to be a girl.

If the baby is truly a girl, Katerina and I are planning to match her with her grandson Raphael. They will make a cute couple but if I am wrong and it turns out to be a boy.

That will be a mess. Maybe Olivia’s baby will be a girl.

My bump was already visible. The doctors are scared something will be wrong with the baby because of my condition but I am certain it is healthy.

I really can’t wait to meet my baby. Mummy loves you with all her heart.

Avelina.

********

August 6th 2000

Something is wrong with my baby. It was a monster I was carrying a monster in my body. The baby is draining every strength from me

The doctors say that at this rate, I will die during childbirth. My body is too weak to carry the baby. Ever since entering my third trimester I have been very sick.

I can’t have a C-section due to some complications. Dominic is scared. I am also scared. I don’t know if this baby was a blessing or a curse, but I finally know the answer now.

I saw Nadia, it was not a dream. I saw her in real life standing down the corridor. She was smiling at me and pointing her finger at my stomach

This baby wasn’t a gift but a curse from Nadia. I broke down crying….she can’t harm my baby.

She was the reason that the baby was harming and it was all my fault

Nadia wouldn’t let me. Dominic rushed over and held me. He asked why I was crying. I told him the truth.

He didn’t believe it. I saw the look in his eyes like he was staring at a lunatic

I was the only one who could see Nadia. This was my punishment.

Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to kill you Nadia…please

Avelina

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