Chapter 188: Erased

AVELINA

15th October 2003

Dominic stayed with Braelyn at the hospital until she recovered. They said she almost died. I don’t know what happened in the hospital but Dominic can’t stand the sight of me anymore

I really crossed the line this time. Dominic won’t even look at me since the accident. He comes to the villa a few times back to grab something. He didn’t even glance at me or reply to any of my questions.

He only gave a perfunctory hum. I got angry and lashed out, asking why he wasn’t answering me. Why didn’t he want to tell me anything about Braelyn?

He stopped for a moment and stared at me directly. Dominic told me I didn’t have to pretend to care. He understood my condition was special and I would never love her. He was sorry for forcing things.

I was stunned by his reply. I didn’t know what to answer but the way he said it cracked something in me. I was a really bad mother, wasn’t I?

He hasn’t come back home since that day, nor has he been answering any of my calls. He has been giving me the silent treatment.

I wouldn’t blame him, I attempted to kill Braelyn. From what Agnes told me, if Dominic had come a little later than he did, she would have died for real.

The water got into her lungs and she had to be moved to a central hospital for emergency surgery. All those days he didn’t come back home were because he was staying by her bedside waiting for her to open her eyes again.

Agnes visited them every day. She said Braelyn woke up 2 days ago, but something is wrong. She didn’t know the specifics and Dominic refused to tell her

I am really sorry. I didn’t mean it. It just happened that moment she made the comment about pushing, all that came to my mind was that Nadia was taunting me

She was my daughter and not Nadia….

Maybe I can fix this. I am ready too. Maybe I should pay her a visit in the diary.

If this is all in my head, that means only I can fix

*******

17th October 2003

I can’t sleep. I should not have gone to the hospital.

I finally went to the hospital, I really wanted to make an effort to act as a mother and apologise to Braelyn.

I made a couple of cupcakes that Braelyn loved. Dominic once told me she adored those. For the first time, I was excited to meet Braelyn…

There was this strange feeling that was warm and fuzzy, that I never felt for her, that lingered in my chest. Agnes was happy I was making an effort. After we were done with the cupcakes we both got ready to head to town

It was a long ride to the hospital, and the entire time, I was nervous about seeing them until we got to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital and ran into Dominic, who was coming back from getting some takeout for Braelyn.

He was stunned when he saw me. His face turned pale, and he asked me what I was doing here. He didn’t want to believe I willingly came to see her. Something in his expression told me I wasn’t welcome there.

My heart ached at the look on his face, but Agnes smoothed things out, and he reluctantly agreed. We arrived at the room, and I stopped outside for a while, scared of meeting her.

I stepped inside and froze….Braelyn was excitedly talking with Dominic, but as soon as I stepped inside, she froze and pointed a trembling finger at me….

Her eyes teared up, and she asked who I was. Dominic explained that I was her mother, but she went hysterical, tearing up in Dominic’s arms.

She called me a monster. I didn’t understand what was going on until the nurses forced me out of the room. She didn’t get your taste of my cupcakes, and she thinks I am a monster.

Even a 3-year-old thinks I am a monster. The scene keeps me away all night. Whenever I sleep it replays in my mind and at times the person I see in Dominic’s arms crying isn’t little Braelyn but Nadia

********

20th October 2003

I haven’t slept for days. Everything keeps replaying in my mind. My doctor keeps on urging me to talk about it, but I’m scared of reliving it.

.

In my dreams Nadia was Braelyn. I dream about that day in the hospital, and the drowning, but the person in my dreams isn’t Braelyn.

My mind is messed up, but that isn’t the worst thing that happened. Dominic finally called me this morning. He said he and Braelyn are travelling back to their home.

He says Braelyn didn’t mean what she said. She is just a child. Things are a bit complex I might not get the chance to see Braelyn again in the future

Apparently, the drowning incident had traumatised Braelyn. She kept having recurring nightmares where a monster was trying to drown her

In her mind, I was not her mother but a monster and the incident at the hospital triggered her trauma

I am really a bad mother, not only am I broken, but I managed to break my daughter. Dominic says he took her to see a specialist.

The specialist suggested that for Braelyn to have a stable growth, she has to undergo special treatment to trigger her infant amnesia.

They are going to take her through induced trauma amnesia treatment forget everything about me….

Dominic informed me to get my permission. He wanted to agree to me being systematically erased from my daughter’s life

I have been thinking about it. I can barely sleep with everything going on, and although I don’t have a strong tie with Braelyn, no one deserves to have a broken mind like mine.

So I agreed

I agreed to be erased from Braelyn’s mind. We barely know each other. This is for the better

I am doing the right thing. At least I think so. I just hope she will one day find a place to forgive me

But does a monster like me deserve forgiveness?

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