Chapter 77: My Pheromone Soap Ruined Everything (A Cultivation Memoir)

Her declaration of defeat hung in the quiet camp for exactly three seconds before a glowing blue screen suddenly snapped into existence right in front of her nose, accompanied by a sound that was entirely too cheerful for the situation.

DING!

[System Notification: The Host has issued a verbal plea to the universe. Scanning local flora…]

[Scan Complete! Match Found!]

Bai Yue blinked, dropping her hands from her face. “Wait, really? You actually listen to me when I’m not just complaining about my impending doom?”

[☆ NEW SIDE QUEST UNLOCKED: Procure the Sun-Citrus! ☆]

[Description: Host has accidentally created a Level 4 Aphrodisiac Pheromone Bomb (Soap Form). To neutralize the active bonding agents before the entire forest population descends upon your camp to court you, you require the highly acidic juice of the Sun-Citrus (Local Lemon Equivalent).]

[Objective: Harvest three (3) intact Sun-Citrus fruits.]

[Warning: Sun-Citrus is highly delicate. Brute force will burst the fruit, rendering the juice useless.]

[Reward: Odor Neutralizer, +50 Survival Points, and the preservation of your dignity.]

[Failure Penalty: The scent will permeate the valley, attracting every rogue, feral male within a fifty-mile radius for an endless, 72-hour mating festival. Good luck!]

“Seventy-two hours?!” Bai Yue shrieked, scrambling to her feet. “No! Absolutely not! I barely survived one hour of three of them acting like feral dogs! I am not hosting a forest-wide frat party!”

As if summoned by the very thought of her impending doom, the bushes at the edge of the camp rustled violently.

Out stumbled her three illustrious, husbands.

They looked like they had been dragged backward through a thorny bramble patch by an angry bear. Han Shān had a bird’s nest of twigs tangled in his dark hair and a massive scrape across his sculpted jaw.

Zhāo Yàn was missing a sleeve entirely, his chest heaving as he glared daggers at the other two. And Yàn Shū had a suspicious amount of dirt smudged across his nose.

In Han Shān’s massive, scarred hand was the prize.

Or, rather, what was left of it.

The beautifully crafted, perfectly smooth bar of soap was now a squished, mangled lump of paste, imprinted with what looked suspiciously like teeth marks.

“I secured it,” Han Shān declared. He took a heavy step toward Bai Yue, holding the ruined soap out like a bloody trophy won in war. “For you. For us.”

“You did not secure it! You ambushed me while I was calculating the wind resistance of the toss!” Yàn Shū pushed his glasses up his nose, though they were hopelessly crooked. He was panting, his usually pale cheeks flushed a deep, feverish pink.

“Both of you are barbarians!” Zhāo Yàn snapped, tossing his hair over his shoulder. He took a deep breath, and his knees actually buckled slightly. “Heavens, that scent… my sweet, cruel little mate… why would you create something so intoxicating and then throw it away? Do you enjoy torturing us?”

Bai Yue took a slow step backward.

Worse, the camp now smelled like a concentrated perfume factory explosion. The soap had clearly been crushed and smeared all over the three of them during their woodland brawl. They were absolutely covered in her “mating scent,” and the pheromones were completely overriding their rational Alpha brains.

“Stay back,” Bai Yue ordered, grabbing the heavy wooden stirring spoon from the cauldron and pointing it at them like a sword. “All three of you, freeze right there.”

Han Shān stopped, but he let out a low, needy whine that did not match his terrifying six-foot-four, muscular frame.

It was a sound that made Bai Yue’s heart do a strange, fluttery little flip, a slow-burn of warmth spreading in her chest despite the absolute absurdity of the situation. He looked at her with such devotion that she had to force herself to look away before she did something stupid, like tell him he was a good boy.

“We have a problem,” Bai Yue announced, forcing her voice into the most authoritative, modern-CEO tone she could muster. “I have a quest. That soap? It’s basically a beacon. If we don’t wash it off you three right now, every male beast in the valley is going to come knocking on our door looking for a mate.”

That sobered them up. Slightly.

Han Shān’s lips pulled back in a possessive snarl, his fangs glinting in the dappled sunlight. “Let them come. I will tear their throats out. No one looks at my mate.”

“No throat-tearing! And nobody is looking at me!” Bai Yue rubbed her temples. “The problem is, water won’t wash it off. We need a neutralizing agent. We need…” She pointed at the floating blue screen. “Sun-Citrus. I need three of them. Intact. Which means we are going on a foraging trip. Right now.”

Zhāo Yàn blinked, his long eyelashes fluttering. “Sun-Citrus? Those grow in the Sun-Flare Basin. That is half a day’s journey. And they are guarded by…” He shuddered, a look of genuine disgust crossing his beautiful features. “The foulest creatures in the realm.”

“I don’t care if they’re guarded by a fire-breathing dragon with a tax evasion warrant,” Bai Yue snapped. “We are going. And we are going now. Before you three completely lose your minds.”

“I don’t care if they’re guarded by a fire-breathing dragon with a tax evasion warrant,” Bai Yue snapped. “We are going. And we are going now. Before you three completely lose your minds.”

“Wait,” Bai Yue suddenly froze, the wooden spoon dropping slightly as her eyes darted toward the large, hollowed-out log at the edge of the camp. “What about the cubs?”

As if summoned, three little heads popped up from behind the wood.

Hóng Yè, trying desperately to maintain the aura of a fierce young warrior, was currently failing because little Yóu Lín was aggressively chewing on his fluffy ear. Behind them, Ruì Xuě was peeking over Hóng Yè’s shoulder, staring at the panting, dirt-covered adult Alphas with wide, deeply traumatized eyes.

“We cannot leave them unattended,” Yàn Shū stated, attempting to look like a responsible father figure despite his crooked glasses and feverish flush. “It is statistically unsafe.”

“We also cannot bring them!” Bai Yue gestured wildly at the three men. “Look at you! You are leaking mating pheromones like broken radiators! Do you want to explain to a toddler why their fathers are trying to build a romantic nest in the middle of a warzone?”

Yàn Shū gasped, dramatically covering his bare chest. “Heavens forbid! We would never expose their innocent eyes to our feral desires! Hóng Yè!”

The teenager jumped, nearly dropping Yóu Lín. “Yes, papa?”

“Congratulations. You are now the camp commander,” Yàn Shū declared, tossing the boy a slightly sticky, half-eaten skewer of meat as a token of authority. “Guard your younger brothers. Do not let them near the river. And if any rogue beasts approach……”

“I’ll tear them apart!” Hóng Yè puffed out his chest, his red tail swishing proudly.

“No,” Bai Yue interrupted, marching over and pressing her heaviest iron cooking pot into the boy’s hands. “You take your brothers, you hide in the cave, and you put this over your heads. We will be back before sunset.”

Ruì Xuě sniffled, waddling over to tug softly at the hem of Bai Yue’s skirt. “Mama is leaving?”

Bai Yue’s heart instantly melted into a puddle. She knelt down, completely ignoring the three towering Alphas behind her who immediately let out synchronized, jealous whines at the loss of her attention.

“Just for a little while, sweetie,” Bai Yue cooed, gently wiping a smudge of dirt from Ruì Xuě’s cheek. “Mommy just has to go fetch some magic lemons to fix your fathers before they turn into complete idiots.”

“Too late,” Hóng Yè muttered under his breath, successfully dodging a half-hearted swat from Han Shān.

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by NovelKeep