Chapter 86: Very Unsolicited Baby Names

“GRANDMA GŪ GŪ?!”

Yòu Lín’s shriek of delight pierced the evening air like a tiny, furry missile.

The fox kit launched himself off Bai Yue’s lap,carefully avoiding the baby bump, because he was a responsible big brother now, and sprinted across the clearing at a speed that defied his short legs.

Grandma Gū Gū dropped her stick just in time to catch him, laughing as the little cannonball slammed into her chest.

“My baby! My precious little tail-wagger!” She covered his face in kisses while Yòu Lín giggled helplessly. “I thought she had eaten you! I thought that cursed female had turned you into a hat!”

“Mama didn’t eat me!” Yòu Lín beamed, wrapping his arms around her neck. “Mama is the best! She’s having a baby! There’s a baby in her tummy! I’m going to be a big brother and Ruì Xuě is going to be a big brother too and Hóng Yè is already a big brother but he’s grumpy about it and—”

“Slow down, slow down.” Gū Gū’s sharp eyes snapped up, locking onto Bai Yue with the intensity of a hawk spotting a very guilty mouse.

Bai Yue waved weakly from her bench. “Hi?”

“YOU.”

Zhāo Yàn materialized between them instantly, his nine tails fluffed to maximum protective dad size. “Mother. Please. Let’s all calm down and—”

“Calm down?! CALM DOWN?! She abandoned my grandson! She broke my son’s heart! She—”

“She is pregnant with your grandchild,” Han Shān interrupted flatly.

Gū Gū’s mouth kept moving for a solid three seconds after her brain stopped. “…What?”

“Pregnant,” Zhāo Yàn confirmed, his voice carefully neutral. “With my child. Well—our child. The family’s child. You know how it works.”

Gū Gū stared at Bai Yue’s midsection like it had personally offended her.

Then she started marching forward, stick raised.

“NOW HOLD ON—” Mo Xiao started.

“I JUST WANT TO—”

“GRANDMA, NO!” Yòu Lín clung to her neck, tiny paws grabbing her ears. “No beating Mama! The baby will feel it!”

Ruì Xuě, who had been watching with wide eyes, suddenly waddled forward and planted himself directly in Gū Gū’s path. His little chest was puffed out, his purple eyes blazing with the kind of fierce protectiveness only a five-year-old could muster.

“You can’t hit her,” he announced. “She’s my mama. She gives me berries and tells me stories and she fought a hydra and if you hit her I’ll—I’ll—I’ll be really disappointed in you.”

Gū Gū stopped.

She looked down at the tiny snow leopard cub, trembling but standing his ground.

She looked at Yòu Lín, still wrapped around her neck, looking at her with big, pleading eyes.

She looked at Hóng Yè, who had silently positioned himself beside Bai Yue’s bench, one hand resting on her shoulder in a gesture that was clearly meant to be casual but was obviously protective.

“…Hmph.”

Gū Gū lowered her stick.

“I’m not saying I forgive you,” she grumbled, pointing the stick at Bai Yue for emphasis. “I’m saying I’m temporarily suspending hostilities due to insufficient evidence of continued villainy and the presence of innocent cubs.”

“That’s… surprisingly reasonable,” Yàn Shū whispered.

“I CAN HEAR YOU, PANDA BOY.”

Yàn Shū squeaked and hid behind Han Shān.

Gū Gū had, apparently, decided that if she couldn’t beat Bai Yue, she would simply…..join the festivities. With commentary.

“The hunting demonstration was adequate,” she announced, seated on the best bench (which she had claimed immediately). “The little panther with the face-plant has excellent recovery instincts. The snow cub’s protective display was impressive for his age. The fox kit—” she kissed the top of Yòu Lín’s head, “—is perfect in every way.”

“Grandma,” Yòu Lín giggled, “you have to judge the riddles too!”

“Riddles? Who’s conducting the riddles?”

Yàn Shū raised a trembling hand.

Gū Gū squinted at him. “You. The heartbreaker’s other victim. Come here.”

Yàn Shū looked like he wanted to flee. He did not flee. He walked over slowly, clutching his scrolls like a shield.

“Your riddles,” Gū Gū said, scanning them with surprising speed. “Not bad. A bit academic. The cubs won’t get half of these.”

“Hóng Yè got the first one,” Bai Yue offered.

Gū Gū’s eyebrows shot up. “The grumpy one? He’s smart?”

“I’m RIGHT HERE,” Hóng Yè snapped from across the clearing.

“Good. Intelligence runs in the family. Probably from my side.” Gū Gū waved a hand dismissively. “Now. I need to speak with the other mothers.”

Han Shān went very still. “What?”

“Your mother. And the panda’s mother. We haven’t spoken in… too long.” Gū Gū’s eyes gleamed with something that might have been nostalgia or might have been a plot. “A child is coming. The grandmothers should be involved.”

“I don’t think that’s—” Han Shān started.

“Excellent. I’ll send word tomorrow.” Gū Gū nodded firmly, closing the discussion. “Now. The real issue.”

She turned to Bai Yue.

“You’re pregnant.”

“…Yes?”

“How far?”

“Eight more weeks. Ish.”

Gū Gū’s eyes narrowed. “Ish.”

“Pregnancy math is imprecise, okay? I’m going by what Yàn Shū’s scrolls say.”

Yàn Shū nodded eagerly. “The ancient texts indicate that pregnancies can vary by up to two weeks depending on dominant lineage and—”

“Shut up, panda boy, I’m assessing.”

Yàn Shū shut up.

Gū Gū circled Bai Yue’s bench slowly, like a shark evaluating a particularly interesting piece of prey. The cubs watched with wide eyes. The husbands hovered nervously.

Finally, Gū Gū stopped.

“Well,” she announced. “You’re definitely pregnant. No question. The hips don’t lie.”

“I…..thank you?”

“It wasn’t a compliment. It was an observation.” Gū Gū sat back down, crossing her arms. “Now. Names.”

“Oh no,” Zhāo Yàn muttered.

“I have a list,” Gū Gū continued, ignoring him completely. “For a girl: Little Plum. Prosperity Blossom. Silent Night. Moon Chaser. Cloud Dancer—”

“Cloud Dancer?!” Bai Yue choked.

“It’s elegant! For a boy: Iron Fist. Thunder Claw. Mountain Breaker. Silent Snow. Big Round One.”

“Big Round One?!”

“As a contrast to Little Round One, which I heard the panther cubs suggesting. Very cute. Very protective. I approve.”

“You approve of Big Round One?!”

“It has presence.” Gū Gū nodded firmly. “A child named Big Round One will never be bullied. The other cubs will be too confused to bully him.”

Bai Yue buried her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook.

From beside her, Hóng Yè muttered: “I kind of like Mountain Breaker.”

“YOU’RE NOT HELPING.”

~

The evening wore on. The cubs played. The adults talked, carefully, around Gū Gū’s sharp tongue and sharper observations.

By the time the moon was high, exhaustion had claimed most of the younger ones. Yòu Lín was asleep in Gū Gū’s lap. Ruì Xuě had curled up at Bai Yue’s feet. The panther triplets were a pile of fur near the fire.

Bai Yue yawned, rubbing her lower back.

“You need rest,” Han Shān said immediately, appearing at her side.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re exhausted.”

“I’m always exhausted. It’s called pregnancy.”

“She needs her hut,” Zhāo Yàn added, appearing on her other side. “I’ll walk her.”

“You walked her yesterday.”

“And? She survived. Clearly I’m effective.”

“I’ll walk her,” Yàn Shū offered hesitantly. “Statistically, calm environments promote better sleep, and I am the calmest—”

“You’re the most anxious person I’ve ever met,” Hóng Yè said flatly.

“I’m anxious CALMLY.”

Bai Yue laughed, shaking her head. “I can walk myself. It’s twenty feet.”

“No.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Unacceptable.”

“Over my dead body.”

She stared at her three husbands, who were all glaring at each other with varying degrees of territorial possessiveness.

Then Gū Gū’s voice cut through the tension.

“Speaking of beds.”

Everyone froze.

“I’ll be staying, of course. Overnight. Perhaps longer.” She patted Yòu Lín’s sleeping head. “My grandson needs his grandmother.”

“Of course,” Zhāo Yàn said carefully. “You can have my hut. I’ll stay with—”

“No, no.” Gū Gū waved a hand. “I wouldn’t dream of displacing you.” Her eyes swept over the three husbands, then landed on Bai Yue with terrifying significance.

“The question is…”

She paused for maximum dramatic effect.

“…whose bed will I be sleeping in tonight?”

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