Chapter 139: The Birds and the Bees

Ren woke up feeling like she had been run over by a steamroller, reversed over, and then flattened again for good measure.

She blinked her eyes open, staring up at the rough, wooden ceiling of the hollowed-out tree root. The golden light of late afternoon filtered in through the vines, casting long shadows across the space and reminding her just how long she had been out.

She tried to move, and immediately regretted it.

“Ow,” she whispered, her voice cracking.

Every muscle in her body protested. Her legs felt like jelly, her hips felt disjointed, and the ache between her legs was a throbbing reminder of exactly how “beastly” Kael had been the night before.

The aphrodisiac root’s fog had cleared, leaving her with crystal-clear, high-definition memories of the Tiger King’s stamina.

A flush of heat that had nothing to do with the humidity crept up her neck and settled in her cheeks.

“Unbelievable,” she muttered, covering her face with her hands. “I can’t believe I did that. I can’t believe he did that.”

Her hand brushed against her neck, flinching as she touched the tender, bruising bite mark Kael had left there. It was possessive. It was primal. It was… surprisingly hot, though she would never admit that out loud.

Ren forced herself into a seated position. Her green eyes scanned the cave. The spot next to her on the white furs was cold and empty.

“Kael?” she called out softly.

Silence.

“Great,” Ren sighed, flopping back down. “Love ’em and leave ’em. Typical male behavior.”

She knew Kael wouldn’t just abandon her but anxiety pricked at her chest. She hoped he hadn’t gotten into trouble. This was Vex’s den, after all.

Ren looked around and spotted the leopard print dress Vex had given her.

“Better than being naked,” she grumbled.

She tried to stand up.

Her legs wobbled violently, threatening to give out completely. She looked like a newborn fawn trying to walk on ice.

“Nope,” Ren decided, sinking back onto the furs. “Legs are on strike. Message received.”

She dragged the dress over to her, struggling to pull the fabric over her aching body. Even the friction of the cloth felt sensitive against her skin.

As she lay there, staring at the ceiling, her mind began to wander. She thought about the “cure” for Feral Madness. It was effective, sure, but…

“If Syris goes feral…” Ren whispered to the empty room, her eyes widening. “And then Kael goes feral again… I’ll have to cure both of them?”

She shuddered.

“I won’t survive,” she stated plainly. “It’s physically impossible. I will die. My tombstone will read: Here lies Ren. Death by Snu-Snu.”

There had to be another way. A soup? A pill? A magical dance? Anything was better than being the sacrificial vessel for two apex predators with zero self-control.

Suddenly, a wave of nausea rolled over her.

Ren clamped a hand over her mouth, swallowing back the bile. The cave wasn’t spinning, but her stomach certainly was. Despite the heat of the late afternoon, she felt freezing cold, and a clammy sweat broke out on her forehead.

Ding!

The blue holographic screen of the System popped up directly in her face.

[System Notification: Good Morning, Host! Or should I say… Good Mourning to your pelvis? It’s actually late afternoon]

Ren groaned. “Go away. I’m not in the mood for your sass.”

[System: My, my. Someone is grumpy. Did the big bad tiger bite too hard? Or are you just feeling a little… queasy?]

Ren narrowed her eyes. “I’m just hungry. And thirsty. And tired.”

[System: Are you sure? Nausea, fatigue, mood swings… looks like the classic symptoms of a bun in the oven.]

Ren froze.

Her heart stopped beating for a solid three seconds.

“What?” she whispered.

[System: You know. Preggers. Knocked up. With child. Hosting a parasite.]

“I’m not pregnant!” Ren snapped, sitting up despite the dizziness. “I have an implant! I got it inserted in my arm back on in my world!”

She frantically rubbed her left arm, feeling for the thin plastic rod beneath her skin. It was there.

[System: You’re in a magical Beast World now. Do you really think a tiny piece of plastic from your world is going to stop the super-charged, magical swimmers of a Beast King? Let alone TWO Beast Kings?]

The blood drained from Ren’s face.

She hadn’t thought about that. She assumed her birth control would still work until the very last second. But she was dealing with biology that defied reason. Kael could punch a large tree with his bare hands. Syris could turn into a giant snake. Why would they be stopped by a standard contraceptive?

“No,” Ren breathed, panic setting in. “No, no, no. I can’t be pregnant.”

She was a career woman! She was married to her cast-iron skillet. Back in her world, her relationships had the shelf life of an avocado—great for a moment, then rotten the next. She broke up with guys if they chewed too loudly or didn’t appreciate the complexity of a reduction sauce.

She had never wanted kids. The idea of a tiny human depending on her for survival was terrifying. She could barely keep a basil plant alive in winter!

And now?

“With the stamina of both my husbands…” Ren muttered, her eyes wide with horror. “If I start having babies… I’m never going to stop. I’m going to be the Rihanna of the Beast World. Just back-to-back bumps. Just me and ASAP Rocky—or rather, ASAP Tiger and ASAP Snake—populating the entire forest!”

She grabbed her stomach.

“What would it even be?” she asked the air, her voice rising in pitch. “If it’s Kael’s… is it a cub? Do they have claws inside the womb? Will I be shredded from the inside out like a pinata?”

She gasped, a new horror unlocking.

“And if it’s Syris… oh god. Snakes lay eggs. Do I have to lay an egg? A giant, calcified egg? How does that even work structurally?!”

She curled into a ball, rocking back and forth.

“I can’t lay an egg,” she whimpered. “I don’t have the hips for an egg. I don’t want to sit on a nest!”

And the jealousy! If she gave Kael a cub, Syris would look at her with those amethyst eyes and demand an egg immediately. It would be a biological arms race in her uterus.

“System!” Ren shouted. “Am I pregnant? Tell me right now! Do a scan!”

[System: I am a Gourmet Hunter System, Host. I detect truffles, rare herbs, and optimal cooking temperatures. I am not a glorified breeding system with OBGYN features.]

“You are useless!” Ren cried out. “How can you be so advanced and yet so incompetent? You can sometimes tell me the future but you can’t tell me if there’s a beast growing inside me?”

[System: Hey! I take offense to that. I am extremely useful.]

The screen flickered red.

[System: Speaking of me being the most useful system… you should hurry into the forest. Both of your husbands have declared the ancient and sacred rite: The Rite of the Severed Fang.]

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