Chapter 182: The Prince of Prudes*

Ren’s breath hitched, caught somewhere between her throat and her racing heart.

Before she could ask what he wanted to try, Altair moved. He acted on his curiosity.

He slid one long finger inside her slick opening.

“Oh,” Ren gasped, her hips arching off the moss instinctively to meet him.

He didn’t frantically pump. He didn’t rush. He studied her face with the intensity of a surgeon operating a life-or-death procedure, watching her pupils dilate and her lips part as he thrust his finger in and out. Slowly. Deliberately. Testing the friction. Testing the depth.

“Mmmph,” Ren whimpered, her hands gripping his biceps. Her body was hot, eager, and demanding. She wanted more. She wanted him to move faster. She wanted him to add a second finger. She wanted—

Pop.

Suddenly, the sensation was gone.

Altair removed his finger.

Ren’s eyes snapped open, her body crashing down from the precipice of pleasure like a stone dropped in a well.

Altair was sitting back on his heels. He was holding his hand up to the firelight, caressing the wetness on his index finger with his thumb, his gaze entirely focused on the viscosity and stickiness of it.

Ren sat up on her elbows, her chest heaving, her hair a wild mess around her face. She looked at him with a frown that was 10% confusion and 90% sexual frustration.

“Why…” Ren wheezed. “Why did you stop?”

Altair looked at her. His silver eyes were dark, his pupils blown wide. He took a ragged breath.

“I am aroused,” he stated matter-of-factly.

Then, he stood up and climbed out of the nest.

He looked down at her one last time, his expression unreadable.

“Friends do not mate,” he said simply.

And then—

FLASH.

“OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!” Ren shrieked, throwing her arm over her eyes as the blinding golden light exploded in the hollow for the fourth time that night.

“WARNINGS!” Ren yelled at the afterimage burning into her retinas. “Start giving warnings! Please!”

When she cautiously peeled one eye open, the handsome, naked Adonis was gone.

In his place stood the massive Golden Eagle. He was perched at the entrance of the hollow, his feathered back turned resolutely toward her, staring out into the rain.

Ren stared at his tail feathers.

“Unbelievable,” she whispered. “I just got blue-balled by a bird. Using my own line against me.”

Ren flopped back onto the moss. Her breathing slowly calmed down, and the adrenaline faded, but the aching need between her thighs was still thrumming, a persistent reminder of what almost happened.

She sighed, staring at the ceiling.

“It’s for the best,” Ren muttered, trying to convince her libido. “This entire evening was a big mistake. I shouldn’t have crossed that line. I am a married woman. Twice over. I have enough problems.”

But it was a little late for regrets.

Ren sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees. She looked over at the bark plates they had abandoned in the heat of the moment.

Her plate was licked clean. But Altair’s plate still had a sad, cold mound of white rice and sautéed swamp kale.

Ren clicked her tongue. “Tch. Stubborn bird.”

She went over to the food. It was definitely cold now. The curry sauce had congealed slightly, and the rice was stiff. But Ren hated to waste food.

She picked up the chopsticks.

’Waste not, want not,’ Ren grumbled internally.

She quietly ate the rest of the food, mixing the cold rice with the kale. She chewed mechanically, trying desperately not to think about how good his hand had felt. Or how warm his skin was. Or the fact that he was currently sitting ten feet away, probably looking majestic and brooding.

Ren tried to think about other things. The weather. Her lovely frying pan. The impending war between her husbands.

But all her thoughts led back to the inexperienced, confusing bird beastman.

Chew. Swallow.

’Hey,’ Ren thought, a sudden memory surfacing. ’System.’

[System: Present.]

’You promised,’ Ren reminded it, stabbing a chopstick at the air. ’You said you would tell me more about Altair if I taught him something. Well, I taught him. I taught him a lot. Probably too much.’

[System: You certainly did.]

’Shut up,’ Ren snapped. ’Pay up. Tell me about him.’

[System: The preferred topic was sex, but I will honor the deal. Your lesson has earned you the following unlockable content.]

The blue screen flickered.

[Subject: Altair. Golden Eagle Prince. Status: Very, very, very far from home.]

Ren stopped chewing. A piece of kale hung from her lip.

’He’s like… actual royalty? A crown and everything?’ Ren thought, staring at the back of the bird’s head.

And then the second part hit her. Very, very, very far from home.

’Where is he from?’ Ren screamed internally, her curiosity instantly spiking to dangerous levels. ’Why is he here? Why is he so far away? Is he in trouble? Did he run away? Is he an exile?’

She leaned forward, staring at the bird as if she could X-ray his backstory.

’I need to know,’ Ren hissed in her mind. ’System, tell me more.’

[System: That is all the data available for this transaction.]

’Oh, come on!’ Ren groaned. ’I hate slow burns! I am a spoiler junkie!’

When Ren reads a book, she reads the last page first. She googles the killer before the opening credits roll.

’You can’t just drop ’Prince’ and ’Far From Home’ and leave me hanging!’

Ren continued to eat the cold rice, mixing it aggressively with the congealed gravy. She waited for the System to cave. She waited for a bonus fact.

Silence.

’Is that it?’ Ren thought incredulously. ’I spread my legs for a guy I basically just met, and this is all I get? Two sentences?’

[System: Please. Do not act like you spread your legs for the information. You spread your legs because he is hot and you have zero impulse control.]

Ren gasped aloud at the audacity.

[System: Do not blame me for your desire, Host. I am just a floating blue screen. Or a voice in your head. You could ignore me if you really wanted to. You are the one who grabbed his wrist.]

’You…’ Ren started. ’You are playing the victim? You? The entity that manipulates my entire existence?’

She gestured wildly with her chopsticks.

’You know everything! You see alternate timelines! You see the future! You are omniscient and omnipotent! If you really wanted to, you could have guided me away from almost all the horrible situations I have found myself in! You could have said, “Ren, don’t go left, there is a wild bear there” But no!’

[System: Where is the fun in that?]

’Fun?!’ Ren cried internally. ’My life is not a reality TV show!’

[System: It technically is. For me.]

’I should make my own decisions,’ Ren mocked the System’s previous advice. ’But look where my decisions get me! My decisions are trash! They lead to worse decisions and the worst situations!’

Ren huffed, shoveling the last of the rice into her mouth.

’I should be suspended,’ Ren declared. ’My decision-making privileges should be revoked until I have better self-control. Just pilot me like a Gundam.’

[System: Denied. You are doing just fine, Host. Life is boring without a few bad decisions and risks. Admit it, you enjoy the thrill.]

Ren swallowed the cold rice. She glared at the floating blue box.

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