Chapter 304: Just Pop an Egg and Go

Ren stared down at her. She was incredibly small, barely coming up to Ren’s knee, with a dark blue serpent tail that coiled shyly beneath her. Her bright, light blue eyes blinked up at Ren, holding up her tiny, dripping wet hands for inspection.

She was absolutely adorable. She had to be a baby, right?

Ren’s maternal instincts instantly kicked into overdrive. She reached down, securely gripping the little girl under her arms, and hoisted her up so she was sitting comfortably on the edge of the smooth table.

“Well, aren’t you just the cutest little thing,” Ren cooed. “Where is your mother, sweetie? Did you lose her in the crowd?”

The little snake girl only stared blankly at Ren. She tilted her head, a profound speck of confusion swirling in her bright blue eyes.

Ren frowned, her heart breaking a little. Maybe she had no mother?

“What about your father, then?” Ren tried again, her voice incredibly gentle. “Is your papa out there?”

The little girl gave her the exact same, blank, utterly perplexed look. She clearly had no idea what the hell Ren was talking about.

’Oh no,’ Ren thought, a wave of sadness washing over her. ’She’s a tiny little orphan!’

Ding!

[System: Host, please put away your bleeding heart. Snake beastmen do not possess conventional family structures. Snake babies do not know, recognize, or form emotional bonds with their parents.]

Ren paused, her hand hovering over the little girl’s dark blue hair. ’What? Why not?’

[System: Snakes are fundamentally solitary creatures that do not display maternal instincts or care for their young after hatching. Newborn snakes are fully self-sufficient and independent immediately upon entering the world, possessing innate, biological survival skills to hunt, survive, and hide from apex predators alone.]

Ren blinked. Suddenly, it made perfect sense why Syris had been so completely nonchalant when she had asked him about having babies earlier!

Ren found the entire concept crazy. You just pop an egg out and go about your day?! She looked back at the little snake girl, genuine worry gnawing at her. She was so small! She could easily be stepped on by one of the big guards if they weren’t looking carefully!

“Well, you are still too little to be hunting,” Ren declared, putting her hands on her hips. She looked over the sprawling feast. “What can I give you to eat? Do you eat like the grown snakes?”

Ren picked up a beautifully flaked piece of sweet white crab meat dripping in fiery garlic butter and held it out.

The little snake furiously shook her head.

Ren picked up a perfectly salted, crispy golden lotus root chip.

The little snake shook her head again, her blue hair bouncing.

Ding!

[System: Warning. Baby snakes are notoriously picky eaters, Host.]

Ren sighed, following the baby snake’s unblinking gaze. Her bright blue eyes were locked directly onto the wooden board holding Viper’s extra-crispy fried chicken. Because Viper had been diligently busy maintaining order in the queue outside, he hadn’t actually been served his meal yet.

Ren mentally kicked herself. She really should’ve hid the fried chicken in her inventory!

“No, no,” Ren scolded gently, reaching out to softly pinch the little girl’s chubby cheek. “Look at something else, sweetie. That belongs to someone else.”

As if summoned by his favorite food, Viper suddenly stepped forward from the archway. The tall guard looked at the tiny, drooling baby snake, and then at his pristine pile of golden, crunchy waterfowl.

Viper reached out and picked up a drumstick. He carefully handed it to the little snake girl.

“I do not mind sharing,” Viper rumbled to Ren, his voice deep and serious. “There is more than enough.”

Ren frowned, crossing her arms. “Viper, it is bad luck to give away gifts!”

Ren looked back at the little girl, who was currently clutching the large piece of fried chicken between her two tiny hands, staring at it like it was a holy relic.

“Aren’t you going to thank Viper?” Ren prompted softly, wondering if the girl could even speak yet, though she obviously understood what was being said around her.

But the little girl was completely mesmerized, still staring intently at the meat.

“She hatched only a few days ago,” Viper explained calmly, standing beside the table. “She might not be able to speak yet.”

“Oh,” Ren responded, feeling a bit silly for expecting manners from a literal newborn. “Well, go ahead and take a bi—”

Ren’s green eyes widened.

The tiny, adorable little snake girl suddenly unhinged her jaw. Her mouth opened to a wide angle. Without an ounce of hesitation, she tossed her head back and swallowed the entire fried chicken drumstick—bone, crust, and all—completely whole.

A noticeable, drumstick-shaped lump slowly slid down her slender throat.

“What the…!” Ren shrieked, stumbling backward into the prep table.

She frantically whipped her head around, looking out into the scullery where the rest of the snake beastfolk were supposedly enjoying their meals.

Her heart instantly shattered into a million devastated pieces.

No one was chewing.

None of them were chewing!

All across the kitchen, they were casually unhinging their jaws and swallowing large, shell-on crab legs entirely whole! They were tossing handfuls of delicate lotus root chips into the backs of their throats and gulping them down like pelicans! The incredibly intricate layered flavor profiles she had spent hours building were completely bypassing their tastebuds entirely!

“STOP!” Ren bellowed at the top of her lungs.

The entire scullery froze. A dozen snake beastmen paused, some with entire crab claws sticking out of their mouths, looking at her in terror.

“What in the world are you people doing?!” Ren screamed, her face flushed with outrage. “You are swallowing it whole?! You can’t savor the flavors like that! Do you have any idea how much garlic I chopped?! How much butter I rendered?!”

The beastmen exchanged bewildered, panicked glances. Viper slowly raised his hand. “We are snakes. We swallow our prey.”

“Not in my kitchen, you don’t!” Ren snapped. “Spit it out! No, wait, don’t spit it out, that’s gross! Just stop swallowing!”

Ren marched into the center of the room.

“You are going to learn how to chew,” Ren commanded, pointing to her own mouth. “Watch me. Up and down. Grind your teeth together. Let the garlic butter actually coat your tongue! Savor the food!”

She dramatically demonstrated an exaggerated chewing motion, grinding her teeth and making loud “mmm” sounds.

The snake beastmen looked at each other, thoroughly intimidated by the tiny, furious female. Slowly, awkwardly, they began to move their jaws up and down.

A loud, echoing chorus of CRUNCH, CRACK, SNAP filled the kitchen as their jaws broke through the fried crusts and crab shells.

Suddenly, a guard’s vertical pupils dilated massively. He gasped, his jaw grinding sideways as the spicy garlic butter and sweet crab meat finally hit his tastebuds. “This is incredible!”

“The crunchy waterfowl is loud in my mouth!” Viper added in awe, actually chewing a bite of a wing and experiencing the crispy, savory crust for the first time instead of just letting it dissolve in his stomach acid.

“Exactly!” Ren beamed, her anger instantly evaporating into smug satisfaction. “Chew your food! Savor the spice!”

She spent the next few minutes happily walking around the room, correcting jaw movements, ensuring her culinary masterpiece was properly respected.

Just as Ren finally finished sharing the last of her food, washing her greasy hands, a snake guard hurriedly slithered into the scullery. He bowed deeply before her.

“The King wants you to meet him in the garden,” the guard hissed respectfully.

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