Chapter 39: To-Do List of Doom

Ren paced the length of the King’s Nest, her bare feet slapping against the cold stone floor in a rhythm of agitation.

“My soap,” she muttered, kicking a pile of furs so hard a puff of dust rose up. “I gave the only bar of soap in this entire world to a fox who probably licks his own butt to get clean!”

She threw herself onto the bed, staring up at the black stone ceiling. The loss of the soap was a traged, that rose scent was her last tether to civilization—but it was worth it.

Kael was alive.

Relief washed over her, hot and sudden, making her limbs feel weak. But it was immediately followed by a wave of cold, suffocating fury.

’He’s alive,’ she thought, her hands clenching into fists until her nails dug crescents into her palms. ’But he’s drugged. That discount-bin catwoman doll is feeding him poison.’

“I’m going to wok-fry her,” Ren whispered to the empty room. “I’m going to sauté her with extra chili oil until she begs for water.”

She sat up, crossing her legs. She looked ridiculous in the oversized blue silk robe, but she felt like a war general plotting a coup.

“Okay. Situation report,” Ren said aloud. “Hostage location: The Onyx Palace. Jailer: A clingy, cold-blooded King. Objective: Escape the swamp, storm the Tiger Cliffs, punch Vara in the face, and reclaim the cat.”

Simple. Except for the part where she was on an island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles and guarded by snakes who could sense heat.

“I need a plan,” Ren muttered, gnawing on her thumbnail.

Plan A: The Swim. “Rejected. I swim like a brick, and Vex confirmed the crocodiles are active. I am not becoming sushi.”

Plan B: The Boat. “Rejected. The Snake Guards are amphibious. They’d catch me in ten minutes and tip the boat just for fun. Plus, I don’t know how to navigate the fog.”

Plan C: Hostage Negotiation. “I could threaten to stop cooking? No, Syris would just lock me in the kitchen and feed me raw eels until I complied. He’s stubborn, and he can just carry me wherever he wants.”

Ren groaned, burying her face in her hands. Every option ended in death or permanent captivity as a glorified, cooking space heater. She was a chef, not a Navy SEAL. She knew how to emulsify a sauce, not break out of Alcatraz.

Ding.

A familiar blue holographic screen popped up in front of her face.

[System Notification: Host seems distressed. Would you like a hint?]

“I don’t want a hint,” Ren snapped at the air. “I want a helicopter. Or a teleportation scroll.”

[System: Helicopters are not available in the Stone Age. Magic is limited to Beast Abilities. However, a new Quest Line is available.]

The screen flickered and expanded into a long, golden scroll that unrolled virtually to the floor.

[Main Quest: The Great Serpent Escape][Difficulty: S-Rank (Suicidal)][Objective: Escape the Onyx Palace and return to the Tiger Tribe.]

Ren leaned forward, squinting at the text. “Okay, you have my attention.”

[The fortress is impregnable from the outside, but rot starts from within. To escape, you must destabilize the King’s hold and acquire essential items.]

[Task 1: The Belly of the Beast]

Objective: Win over the Snake Harem.

Context: They hate you. But they are also cold and hungry.

Method: Cook a meal so good they forget their loyalty. You need allies who know the secret tunnels.

Reward: Palace Blueprint (Partial) + 10 Influence.

[Task 2: X Marks the Spot]

Objective: Acquire the ’Swamp Navigator Map’.

Location: The Royal Vault.

Obstacle: The Vault Key is located on the King’s person. Usually tied to his waist sash. Or under his pillow while he sleeps.

Reward: Safe passage through the crocodile nests.

[Task 3: The Cold Shoulder]

Objective: Gather supplies for the journey (Dried Rations, Water Skins, Antidotes).

Method: Raid the pantry without getting caught by Viper.

Reward: Survival Kit Upgrade (Includes Mosquito Repellent).

[Task 4: The Breakout]

Objective:

Slip past the Onyx Gates during the New Moon (3 days).

Condition: Syris must be distracted. Or incapacitated.

Reward: Freedom. And 5000 XP.

Ren read the list, her eyes widening at Task 2. A hysterical giggle bubbled up in her throat.

“Steal a key from Syris?” she whispered, horrified. “The man wraps himself around me like a boa constrictor when he sleeps! It’d be impossible to get a key off his waist without waking him up!”

She visualized it. Syris slept naked, or nearly so. The key would be tied to that sheer silk wrap. To get it, she would have to get her hands dangerously close to… the double trouble area.

[System Hint: The King is easily distracted by pleasure. Use your… assets.]

“My assets are cooking and sarcasm!”

[System: You also possess the ’Forked Tongue’ achievement. Use it..]

Ren blushed so hard she felt the heat radiate off her face. “You dirty little algorithm. Are you suggesting I seduce the Snake King to steal his keys?”

[System: I am suggesting you survive. Also, 5000 XP buys a lot of spices.]

“Fine,” Ren hissed.

She looked at the first task. ’Win over the Harem.’

Lyssa was in the dungeon. That left the Coral Snake and the Albino. They were terrified of her, but she had seen them devouring the congee. They were cold-blooded creatures living in a damp, freezing castle. They didn’t need power; they needed comfort.

“I can do this,” Ren said, swinging her legs off the bed. The fear was fading, replaced by the familiar adrenaline rush of a dinner service. This was just prep work. High-stakes, life-or-death prep work.

“First, the Harem,” she plotted, tapping her chin. “I’ll make something fatty. Fried. Something that warms the belly and slows the brain. Then, the key.”

She looked at the empty side of the bed where Syris usually slept.

“I’ll have to… improvise with Syris. Maybe if I feed him enough chocolate, he’ll crash hard enough that I can rob him blind.”

The thought of getting close enough to Syris to pickpocket him—while he was likely naked and amorous—made her stomach do a nervous flip. It was dangerous. It was playing with fire. If he caught her, he wouldn’t just be angry; he might decide to skip the courtship and go straight to the claiming.

But it was for Kael.

Ren stood up, tightening the sash of the King’s robe. She walked to the heavy obsidian doors. They were still locked from the outside, but she knew Syris would return soon.

Ren went back to the bed and sat down, crossing her arms, waiting. She looked at her frying pan resting by the bed, catching the dim light.

“Just hold on, Kael,” she whispered into the darkness, her blue eyes fierce. “I’m coming.”

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