Chapter 81: Provider of Two

Ren woke up to the sound of crickets and the rustle of leaves.

It was pitch black, save for the bioluminescent mushrooms glowing softly around her. She was lying in a nest of giant, velvet-soft fern leaves, covered from neck to toe in Syris’ heavy robe.

She tried to sit up.

“Ow,” Ren whispered.

She tried to move her legs.

“Mother of Jesus,” she hissed through gritted teeth.

Her body felt less like a human woman and more like a piece of dough that had been kneaded, stretched, and thrown against a wall repeatedly for six hours. Every muscle from her neck to her toes was protesting. Her inner thighs felt like they had run a marathon while doing the splits.

“Stupid snake,” she grumbled, flopping back onto the leaves. “Stupid, sexy, insatiable noodle man.”

She stared up at the cavern ceiling, trying to gauge the time. Was it night? Was it early morning? Had she been asleep for an hour or a week?

“I have lost all concept of time,” Ren realized aloud. “I don’t even know what day of the week it is. Is it Beast Tuesday? Wiggle Wednesday? How long have I even been in this world?”

She forced herself to sit up again, groaning like a rusty hinge. The evidence of their… extensive session was sticky and drying on her skin. She felt gross.

“Bath,” she decided. “If I don’t wash, I will simply pass away from the ick.”

She crawled—literally crawled on her hands and knees—toward the steaming pond. Slipping into the water was an almost religious experience. The heat seeped into her battered muscles, loosening the knots in her back and soothing the soreness between her legs.

Ren floated on her back, staring at the glowing moss.

“Two,” she muttered, holding up two fingers. “I have two of them now. A tiger and a snake. And both of them are apex predators.”

She splashed water on her face. “If Kael and Syris ever decide to team up… I’m going to need a wheelchair. Or a coffin.”

Her hand drifted absently to her upper left arm. Her fingers traced the small, thin bump under the skin.

Her birth control implant.

Ren froze. She did the mental math, counting backward to when she had it inserted on Earth.

“One month,” she whispered, a cold sweat breaking out despite the warm water. “I have exactly one month before this thing expires.”

After that? She would be playing Russian Roulette with Beast genes. And considering how fertile everyone in this world seemed to be, she didn’t like her odds.

Ding!

A bright blue screen popped into existence directly in front of her nose, startling her so badly she splashed water up her nose.

[System Notification: The Host is Finally Awake.] [Status: Drooling while unconscious is not a dignified look for a Queen. Wipe your face.]

“You creep,” Ren coughed, wiping her eyes. “I forgot there were updates.”

[Achievement Unlocked: “The Hips of Steel”] [Description: Survived the Snake King’s Stamina without dying. Barely.] [Reward: Access to Update 4.0. Try not to die of excitement.]

Ren rolled her eyes. “Is there a point to this, or are you just here to roast me?”

A new window expanded, scrolling with text.

[Update 4.0: The Provider of Two]

[New Quest Lines Added:]

Kingdom Building: Earn XP by stopping your husbands from living in squalor. (e.g., Sanitation, Agriculture, Architecture).

The Happy Husbands Initiative: Earn massive XP by maintaining your mates’ stats.

Health: Fix them when they break.

Hunger: Feed them real food.

Lust: …Self-explanatory. Good luck!

[Shop Expansion: The Homemaker’s Arsenal]

Modern Kitchenware: Whisks, Non-stick pans, Blenders (Mana-powered).

Ingredients: Soy Sauce, Oyster Sauce, Sriracha.

Kingdom Tools: Blueprints for Water Wheels, Cement Mixers, and Plows.

Ren’s eyes widened at the mention of sauces, but the System scrolled down to the “Skills” section.

[New Skills Available for Purchase:]

Bed Endurance (Level 1): Reduces recovery time after mating by 5%. Cost: 500 XP.

The Iron Pelvis (Level 1 – Upgradeable): Passive buff. Reduces physical damage taken during… enthusiastic activities. Cost: 800 XP.

Beast Contraceptive (24-Hour Pill): Guarantees 0% chance of pregnancy for 24 hours. Cost: 1,000 XP per pill.

Ren choked. “Five percent? Five percent recovery for five hundred XP? That’s nothing! And a thousand XP for a pill?! That’s robbery! You’re capitalizing on my fear of pregnancy!”

[It’s a seller’s market. And you can upgrade the Pelvis skill if you grind enough. Don’t like it? Keep your legs closed.]

[Recent XP Gains:]

Appeased Syris’ Lust (Round 1): +200 XP

Appeased Syris’ Lust (Round 2): +200 XP

Appeased Syris’ Lust (Round 3 – Survival Bonus): +500 XP

Fed Kael (The Gumbo of Life): +300 XP

[Current Balance: 2,450 XP]

“Okay,” Ren admitted, ignoring the System’s sass. “I’m not broke.”

[Activating Feature: Harem Manager]

Two chibi-style avatars popped up on the screen. One looked like a grumpy tiger with bandages, and the other looked like a smug snake with a crown.

[Subject: Syris (The Snake King)]

Health: 85% (Optimal)

Hunger: 90% (Starving)

Lust: 65% (Ready for Round 4)

[Subject: Kael (The Tiger King)]

Health: 25% (CRITICAL)

Hunger: 99% (Ravenous)

Lust: 80% (Pent-up Aggression)

Ren stared at the bars. “Wait. Why is their Lust so high? Syris just… we just did everything! And Kael is hurt! How is he horny?”

She frowned, concern knotting in her stomach. “That’s not right. I fed him the gumbo. It should have neutralized the feral madness. Why is his health still in the red?”

“Syris didn’t tell me where he put him,” Ren realized, the relaxation of the bath vanishing instantly.

“That petty reptile,” Ren growled, standing up and splashing water everywhere. “He definitely left Kael in the dungeon. Kael is tough, but he’s already weakened. If he’s lying on cold stone with open wounds…”

She scrambled out of the pond. She didn’t bother drying off fully. She snatched up Syris’ robe and threw it on. It was massive, trailing on the ground like a bridal train, the sleeves hanging past her hands.

She shivered. The cave air was cool.

“I need layers,” she muttered.

She grabbed her red puffer coat from where Syris had discarded it and jammed her arms into it over the robe.

The result was a fashion disaster of epic proportions: a puffy red Michelin Man jacket over a flowing, floor-length silver silk robe, barefoot, with wet hair. She looked like a confused empress who had gotten lost on a ski trip.

“Stomach,” her body rumbled loudly.

[Hunger Status: Critical. You burned 4,000 calories. Go eat before you faint.]

“Shut up,” Ren snapped at the screen, though she knew it was right.

She needed to eat. Syris needed to eat (apparently). And she needed to find Kael and figure out why his health bar was tanking before he actually dies on her.

“Kitchen first,” Ren decided, tying the robe sash tightly. “Then I’m going to go feed a tiger and yell at a snake.”

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